Ava shrugged. “It’s not your responsibility. I was just gonna call roadside service later. You didn’t have to—”
Elias shook his head slightly, eyeing her before pouring coffee into his mug. “I don’t get down like that.”
“Yeah but…”
“Ava,” Elias interrupted quietly, fixing his coffee with a bit of cream. “I got you, okay? Let me do that.”
She blinked, biting on the inside of her lip as she studied him.
“I didn’t mean to bounce on you like that this morning,” he told her, looking up from his mug. His deep voice was barely a rumble. “You were knocked out though, drooling on the pillow and whatnot. Thought I better let you get your rest.”
“I was not drooling on the pillow; stop lying.”
Elias chuckled quietly. Ava felt it down to her toes.
“You put some bourbon in that coffee, young lady?” Joe asked from across the room, causing her to finally tear her gaze from Elias and turn to face him. He smiled widely when she did and Ava shook her head.
“No, sir. No bourbon before noon for me.”
“Ah, it’s Christmas. We’re on New Orleans time in this house,” Joe countered, giving his wife another kiss on the cheek, squeezing her butt when she twisted her lips at him.
“Your lips are cold.”
“Then warm ‘em up,” he said this time pecking her lips.
Ava smiled at their adorable banter, glancing at Elias, who returned her grin.
“How were the roads?” Matthew asked as he moved to stand next to the kitchen island.
“Icy,” Daniel answered, through a mouth full of cake.
“Not quite as bad as it was last night but it still cold out and not much has melted,” Elias tacked on.
Matthew frowned, pulling his phone out of his sweat pockets.
“Zoe doesn’t need to drive,” he said, his attention momentarily distracted by the chime of the doorbell.
He went to answer it, disappearing around the corner. Women’s voices filled the foyer, along with the sound of children’s giggling and feet stomping.
Seconds later, Matthew re-entered the living room, all smiles with two little girls who looked just like him in his arms, both clad in fat winter coats, one pink, the other teal. Shortly after, a woman, who she assumed was Zoe, emerged, wearing a puffy pink snow jacket, her nose red from the cold, despite her dark caramel complexion.
“You’re so stubborn. I told you I was about to come get you,” Matthew told her, the annoyance in his voice tempered by concern.
“I told you I was fine, scary,” she returned dismissively, waving him off.
Even from across the room, Ava could see that she was gorgeous, as was the woman’s behind her. Zoe smiled, revealing dimples and hair that was swept into a full, curly ponytail, making it almost appear as if she were in high school, while the other woman, whose auburn hair was braided and hanging over one shoulder, drawing out her hazelnut complexion, laughed at something Matthew said.
Hope was already off the barstool, laughing in delight as she swept her littlest granddaughter, Brielle, onto her hip, before leaning over and kissing Noelle, who was still in Matthew’s arms. Just that fast, the noise level in the house doubled. Ava smiled at the bustling, as everyone greeted each other, glancing up at Elias.
But his eyes weren’t on his nieces at all or Zoe. They were on the woman with the brownish hair, and she was staring at him too. The woman looked at Ava, then back to Elias, her gaze questioning. She broke eye contact, however, when Hope greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and a long hug, even though she was still holding her youngest granddaughter. Hope asked how she’d been doing, gushing about how she hadn’t seen her in too long.
Ava looked up at Elias again, shifting her weight. He met her eyes for a split second before leaning down and scooping Brielle into his arms, who’d made a mad dash over to him after her Grandma finally sat her down, squealing “Unc,” in her little toddler voice.
“What’s up, Bri-Bri,” he said, kissing her round cheek as she wiggled around in his arms, holding out a bright green pony with orange hair for him to examine. Just then the woman made their way over to Elias.
“Hi, Elias. Merry Christmas,” the woman said, her voice quiet.
“Merry Christmas,” he returned.
She looked over at Ava, a small, curious smile on her pretty face.
“Ava, this is Janay—Janay, Ava,” Elias said, looking at her. She couldn’t read his expression because he kept it neutral but her heart was now racing double-time. She knew without asking this woman was Elias’ ex. The one he shared a deep history and connection with. A bond that despite the tragedy, would always exist. She was still part of his life, part of his family’s life, in a significant way, obviously.
And just like that, it felt as if all her energy had been drained, replaced by something resembled disappointment but was less prodding. Disappointment implied expectation. And after everything she’d been through in the past few months and witnessed in her life, Ava knew better than that. She had to.
Ava gathered herself quickly, putting on the same smile she used when she was at work. She had to hold it together.
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” she said, extending her hand. Janay took it, glancing at Elias again before looking her directly in the eyes.
“Nice to meet you as well, Ava.”
Janay looked up at Elias again.
“You’re a friend of Daniel’s or Jeremiah’s?” she asked, tilting her head a little. She smiled when Brielle tapped her on the shoulder, asking for “Auntie” to look at her toy, obliging the little girl’s request with an exaggerated “Ooo.” Ava’s stomach dipped again.
“She’s a friend of mine,” Elias corrected, sitting the toddler, who was wiggling to get down, back on the floor.
“Oh.” Janay was terrible at hiding her expressions. Hurt was palpable in her tone, in her light brown eyes, which were wide and unnaturally bright.
“So, you two traveled together for the holiday?”
“Nah,” Elias answered.
“It’s a long story,” Ava tacked on. Janay’s smile was forced and she nodded, eyes still bright.
Elias pushed out a breath, staring in his cup before looking at Janay.
Ava’s gaze bounced between her and Elias, and for the first time this morning, she felt like an intruder. Her stomach twisted and she inhaled, forcing herself to take a sip of her coffee.
“Excuse me,” Ava announced after another awkward second passed, tilting her head toward the back bedrooms. “I’m gonna go make some more Christmas calls.”
Elias looked at her for a beat as if he wanted to same something. But no words left his lips, and Ava realized there wasn’t much to be said anyway. She turned and left the kitchen.
11
“You knew Janay was comin?” Elias didn’t look up at Matthew, as he carved the fried turkey.
Matthew gave him a “come on, man” look, replacing the lid on the gumbo.
“You know Zoe don’t ever tell me shit. I thought maybe you talked to her or somethin’.”
“Nah.”
“It’s kinda wild she just popped up. But then she’s had it like that for a minute,” Matthew rationalized, not looking at him as he stirred the rice cooking on the stove.
Elias glanced at Matthew but said nothing. About a month ago, Janay started calling a little more frequently. And they’d talked a little. Mostly about work, or Janay offering her opinion about Matthew and Zoe’s back-and-forth, nothing major. Nothing about them. To Elias, it felt like maybe they were getting back to being cool again after the way they fell apart, which felt good. He loved Janay, even though it didn’t work out, and he didn’t want shit messy between them. They had too much history for that. And she was Zoe’s best friend. Their parents were cool. It didn’t make sense for them to be at each other’s throats.
But then, things turned. She started calling a little more often, later at night. Reminiscing about t
he past. Suggesting they maybe hang out when he had a minute. And so, they did. Because that’s what was natural for them. Falling backward. But not anymore.
That last time, Elias felt something shift in his gut. He knew that their shared history didn’t have the power to outweigh the space they’d landed in now. He thought Janay was on the same page. But then last night, while he was wrapping gifts with Ava, she’d texted him, “I miss you.” He hadn’t responded.
Maybe it was bullshit, but he just didn’t want the drama of explaining why it wouldn’t ever work between them. He figured the holidays likely made her more emotional, but if he just stalled her out a little bit, she’d probably come to her own realization about them. But now, with her popping up over his folks’ on Christmas Day, as if it was still like that with them—he was gonna have to have the conversation again. He’d muddled their relationship, allowing things to go there again with her.
He glanced up from the turkey meat, his eyes finding and landing on Ava, who was sitting on the couch in the living room. He could just make out the back of her head from over the couch. Jeremiah was running a little interference for him, keeping things cool, engaging with Ava ever since Janay arrived and Zoe started with the crazy looks. He loved Zoe like a sister but he told Matthew to check her on that shit, or he would.
“I’ll get her straight, man,” Matthew said, shaking his head.
It was awkward for him so he could only imagine how Ava was feeling. They’d barely said two words to each other over the past two hours because she was actively avoiding him. They were on some high school mess for real, right now. When he tried to pull her to the back bedroom to talk, she went, reluctantly, and listened to him tell her he didn’t know Janay was coming, and wasn’t trying to put her in a weird position. She didn’t have much to say, other than “it’s fine” and “okay.”
“You didn’t know I was coming, Elias,” she said. “This your life—I’m the one interrupting, you know?”
“This ain’t my life, though. Janay being here like this ain’t my life.”
“Okay.”
She’d met his eyes directly, but the wariness was back, or maybe not that. More like her expectation that he’d mess up was fulfilled. That he even cared about her expectations after only one night, let him know he didn’t want her slipping completely out of his life. He wanted to know her.
He shook his head. They needed to have a real conversation. He did want to get to know her. Not scare her off with extra shit before he got a chance to do that for real. And after last night… He sliced the meat, his groin tightening just thinking about how Ava felt wrapped around him, how he just wanted to bury himself in her. She messed his head all the way up.
“Are we about ready?” Hope came into the kitchen, peering onto the stove.
“Yep, you can call everyone,” Elias said.
“Okay,” his mom nodded, peering at him before glancing toward the patio, where Janay was outside with Noelle and Zoe, who were writing their names in the light dusting of snow that covered the wood.
Hope’s gaze skated to Ava, who was now laughing at something Jeremiah said. Brielle bounced up to Ava, holding out her arms, and Ava smiled widely, pulling the wiggly little girl onto her lap.
“Oooo, no she didn’t,” Hope said, grinning, eyes wide, making her look at least ten years younger than sixty-two. Brielle was notoriously shady, only going to people she knew, and sometimes ignoring even them.
Ava pressed her cheek to Brielle’s, widening her eyes and clapping when she pulled back, responding to whatever his toddler niece was chattering about. Jeremiah held out his arms for her and Brielle shook her head, as Ava laughed. Elias felt himself automatically smiling at the sight of it. Hope glanced up at Elias, her eyes knowing.
“Come on everyone,” she called. “We need to pray.”
“Can we talk?”
Janay’s voice was quiet when she approached, seating herself on the couch next to him. They’d just finished eating and Jeremiah, his dad and Daniel had all retreated to the den for a drink, while Zoe and Matthew disappeared somewhere, as they frequently did at family functions. Elias was fairly certain that’s how Brielle was conceived, at Thanksgiving a few years ago.
Dinner was good, the awkwardness mostly overpowered by everyone being together, genuinely enjoying one another’s company. Last year, the first year after Kayla’s death, he and Janay had been on the verge of ending things, and the grief had been overwhelming, as he watched Noelle and especially Brielle, bouncing around the house. Kayla was just three months younger than Brielle, and Zoe and Janay had been pregnant together. That first holiday season after her death was brutal, for the entire family. The shift this year was noticeable, though unspoken. Lighter. Easier. Even Daniel seemed to be brooding less.
Now, Elias was chilling in the living room, half watching the Lakers, but mostly watching Ava as she helped Noelle load the dishwasher, chattering with her about that show, Angel Hunter, which Noelle had no business watching. Elias looked at Janay, who was waiting for him to respond to her soft request. He bit the inside of his lip and released it, finally pushing up from the couch.
“Out there?” Janay bobbed her head toward the patio door and he nodded again, knowing he needed to get the conversation over with. He glanced in Ava’s direction once more. Her eyes were on him now, where they stayed until he finally slipped out the door into the cold, Janay on his heels.
“I know this is weird,” Janay started, her nose already turning red in the cold. She was fair skinned, with a complexion the color of butterscotch, and eyes that weren’t much darker than her skin, holding hints of green as well.
“I shouldn’t have just come here without calling.”
She stuffed her hands into her sweater pockets, looking up at him, almost as if she wanted him to dispute her assertion. She was short, no more than 5’2, and first, that’d been a turn on. He liked feeling as if Janay needed his protection. Later, he wondered if maybe she didn’t need it too much. And if maybe he didn’t like that because he had some things he needed to work out too. Janay looked out over the perfectly manicured back yard when he didn’t respond, shaking her head.
“I just wanted to see you,” she said softly. “Talking to you again lately, has been… refreshing. And this is my parent’s cruise year and I wasn’t feeling it at all, so I thought I’d come by.”
She stopped and blew out a breath. “I meant what I said last night, Elias. I’ve been thinking about you— about us a lot lately. Have you? Been thinking about us?”
He sighed, watching his breath fog in the cold.
“Of course, I think about you, Janay.” He met her eyes. “I hope you’re good. I pray things are working out for you. That you’re getting what you want.”
“Yeah, but do you think about me, still?”
Her gaze was unwavering. So much history. So many moments, ups and downs, all gathered in her hazel eyes.
“I think about you.”
She smiled a little and he shook his head.
“But we moved on, Janay. We both moved on because that other shit we were on? It was toxic for us both.”
“Did we move on though? We were just together two weeks ago, Elias.”
Elias looked out over the yard.
“That felt real. That didn’t feel like that past.”
“Didn’t it though?” he countered, his gaze back on her. “What happened afterward didn’t feel like that past to you, Janay?”
Janay shook her head. “It doesn’t have to be that way now.”
“It is that way. That last time—it was like, a wake-up call. We don’t work like that any more.”
“We were both in so much pain after Kayla…”
“It was never just about Kayla. The way things went so far left with us was never only about Kayla.”
He stared at her, and she blinked looking down at the ground.
“Do you still think about her?”
His brow furrowed immediately. What
kind of shit—
“Every day. She was my daughter, Janay.”
He felt old pricks of the anger and resentment in his chest. That was Janay’s go-to in the end. His silence meant he didn’t really care. About her. About their loss. About anything.
“I still love you,” Janay said now.
She looked up at him.
He sighed. “I love you too.”
“I’m in love with you, Elias.”
Last year, even six months ago, Janay’s admission would’ve been enough for him to try again. But after that slip-up a couple weeks ago, it was clear to him the space between them, the emotional distance, was oceans wide now. Having the space to breathe, without the emotional baggage they’d carried between them for so long, was freeing.
“We can’t keep doing this. It’s not good for us. We’ve done this so many times.”
Back and forth. Make up to break up. Both of them separating for a time only to come back together because it was easier than being alone and dealing, easy to fall back into a cycle of familiarity, even after the desire to be there had left, replaced with obligation.
“Are you dating her?”
Her cheeks were pink and she wet her lips, her gaze questioning, nearly accusatory.
“We’re getting to know each other.”
“Zoe said you just met last night.”
Elias rolled his eyes. “Zoe needs to mind her business.”
“She’s just looking out for me.”
If she was looking out for you, you wouldn’t be here. But he didn’t say it aloud. Janay pressed her lips together, as if she wanted to say more but was suppressing it.
“Did you sleep with her?”
He stared at her, cocking his head, brows raised. She huffed out a breath and looked away.
“That’s irrelevant anyway,” she said, finally. “This is about me and you. I know we’ve been doing our own thing but… we have a lot of history. That doesn’t just disappear. It means something. And after what happened the other week…”
He stuffed his hands into his pockets, shaking his head. “That wasn’t… We gotta leave it there, Janay. You know we do.”
The Night Before Page 10
