She didn’t get to finish her diatribe, my fist to her face silencing the cunt.
A dark red haze had descended upon my vision, and I reacted. Had no clue how many times I punched her, just that when she fell back against the opposite wall, her nose was bleeding and upper lip was split.
Blood gushed from her wounds, but I wasn’t moved to help. My hands did not register their own bruising.
Instead, I crouched to her level and divulged my own warning. “You do that, be my guest, but please keep in mind that I’ll repay you with the same kindness. Max might be here today, but tomorrow is not guaranteed…especially if he were to find out you fucked his teammate.”
Cupping her nose, she glared at me. “Bullshit.”
“Try me.” With that, I stood and ruffled her hair. “There’s a video, and I have it in my possession. Might be from a few months after the breakup, but Max wouldn’t know that if I alter the date on the film and edited a few things. Your call, Ruby.”
“How?” Meek now, she tried to give her best contrite expression. Bitch.
“You used my laptop to upload and then burn a copy, babe. But here’s the kicker…did you delete it after?”
“You can’t. It’ll ruin everything!”
“Not my problem, Rubes. But if I were you, I’d never show my face around me again.” With nothing else to say, I turned and walked into my home, slamming the door closed behind me. Her screams of frustration followed, and I crumbled into a heap in the middle of my living room floor.
The pain was too much. All the revelations.
Her betrayal. His treatment.
I cried. Sobs of grief rocked me, shook me so hard I could barely breathe.
Chest aching, I clutched my phone in my hand. Through blurry eyes, I typed one word out to the sole person I trusted.
Help. ~Beau
“This is all my fault,” Zoe said from her place beside me on my bed. We were on day two of my exile from humanity and sharing a carton of Rocky Road. Thank God her boyfriend had gone to Brazil to visit family last week and she’d decided to stay back. “Had I not pushed you to try the sugar lifestyle, we wouldn’t be here gaining pounds and crying over every asshole in a romcom from the 90s.”
“Therapy wasn’t meant to be pretty, dork.” The phone beside me vibrated, and I looked down at the screen. His name flashed across it—attempt number twenty today to get ahold of me, and I let it go to voicemail. A minute later it chimed with a voice message…and then a text.
“Not that I’m trying to rush you or anything…” she trailed off, spoon full of chocolate half way to her mouth.
“But I’m not ready to deal with him or his pompous attitude.” Mimicking her action, I swiped another spoonful of yumminess. Wasn’t going to deny myself of the sole thing making me happy. Ice cream was God at that moment. “He can wait until I feel like it or go and jump off any bridge he’d like.”
“Men suck balls at times.”
“Amen.”
“Idiots.”
“Word to your mother.”
A loud knock on the door startled us both. We jumped, and I being the klutzy individual in the room, fell from the bed. Landed on my ass and hard.
Sheets wrapped around my legs, I was a tangled burrito mess.
“Jesus, are you okay?” Zoe tried to keep her face devoid of humor, bit her lip hard to keep in the laugh. “Need help?”
“Why? So, you can drop me?” I flipped her off with one hand and pushed to a sitting position with the other. “Jerk.”
“Hey! I’ll have you know that…” at my raised brow she snorted, which turned into giggles on their way to becoming a deep full belly cackle “…not my fault this shit happens to you when I am around. It’s priceless. Share it with the world, Beau. Make it a better place, one laugh at a time.”
“Kiss my—” Another knock, harder that time and after fighting with my blanket, I managed to stand and make my way toward the front door. Fist pounded now, and I rose onto the tips of my toes to look through the peephole. “What the?” Pulling it open, I looked at the last person I thought I’d see at my door in the middle of a workday. “Dad? Everything okay?”
Knowing eyes roamed my face, a frown on his. “You don’t look well? Sick?”
“Something like that?” Looking down, I noticed he had a bag of what smelled like Chinese food in his hands. “Dropping off or coming in?”
“Get the plates, and I’ll pull everything out.” Dad walked in then and found Zoe putting on some shoes, handbag in hand. “Sorry, kiddo. Didn’t know you had company, I can come back at dinnertime if you prefer?”
“Nope, you stay, Mr. Carter,” Zoe chimed in before I could answer. “I was just heading out, have a meet-up with a sorority sister at two that I cannot miss.”
More like: I am getting out so you two can talk, and you better fill me in later.
“Are you sure? You could join us…”
“All good, I promise.” Coming over to me, she pulled me in for a hug. “Be back after, and I’ll fill you in on what Bethany had to say. She’s livid, but might have the best solution for all parties involved.”
“Tell her I said to kick butt and take names so I can laugh later.” Added a wink at the end.
“Will do.”
We watched her go in silence. Once the door was closed, I left dad and walked into my kitchen. Grabbed two plates, forks, and three cans of Coke.
He was standing with his back to me, taking out containers and setting them down on the small kitchenette set I owned.
Popped open the cartons and then took his seat. “Come eat before it gets cold. You need it.”
“Stop it with that Spidey sense thing you do,” I grumbled, placing his two cans and plate down. I let him serve himself, before sitting and doing the same. Pilled on some noodles and chicken with broccoli before popping the lid to my own drink.
In the distance, my phone rang and I made no move to answer.
“Avoiding someone?” Wise eyes peered at me, dared me to deny it. “Or is there another reason as to why my daughter is home on a workday, looking frumpy and with bloodshot eyes. Why she missed a planned lunch with her mother and sister to discuss wedding details.”
Appetite gone, I pushed my plate away. “So, she sent you to berate me for not doing as I am told?”
“No. This social visit is all my doing.” With that, he moved my food in front of me again. “Eat, pumpkin. You look like you haven’t had a decent meal in days.”
“After you tell me why you’re here.” Dad was taken aback by the hostility in my tone, and for a fraction of a second I felt bad, but it too passed. I was sick and tired of everyone pulling me in whatever direction they liked. My life was not theirs to play with.
“Kiddo, talk to me. This isn’t like you.”
“Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all.” My lip trembled.
“Baby girl?” he asked, the concern in his tone like a blow. Our eyes met then, and it was as if the world had decided to crash into me with the speed of a freight train. Everything I tried for days to suppress spilled out.
“I’m done, Daddy.” Tears spilled down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them off. “Just done giving a shit about everything and everyone…its exhausting knowing that all everyone cares about is what I can do for them.”
“Beau, that’s not true…your mother—”
Holding a hand up, I cut him off. “Let me stop you right there before you defend her.” Standing from my seat, I grabbed my soda and put some distance between us. “I’ve never doubted Mom’s love, just her inability to stop using me for her every whim. Do I look like a lap dog to you? Were the plans when I was born to put me in the position of being dependable and useful? Because that’s what it feels like at times.”
“No. Never, kid.” Dad stood too and walked over, took the Coke from my hand, and placed it on a small shelf on my wall. He pulled me in for a hug and let me break down. Cry out my hurt. “If there’s one thing I’ve done right in this wo
rld, it’s you and your sister, no matter how spoiled she is at times. You two are my greatest joys, Beau. Please don’t ever question that.”
“Then why doesn’t anyone ever care about how I feel or value my worth? It’s not fair and I—I can’t continue being a doormat.”
“Baby, your Mother loves you. Couldn’t be prouder of the woman you’ve become, as am I,” he interjected and I scoffed, pulling back from him. Put distance between us. “Maybe her focus is more on Gloria, but there’s a reason for that. Not the best one, but there is.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Hit me. Amuse me.”
“Because the girl thinks through her ass at times, Beau. She’s not you.” Once more he ignored my need for space and pulled me back to the table, placing a fork in my hand and sitting down to eat. “That girl never focused on school or her future. Heck, sixty percent of what goes through her head is selfish, but it leaves just as quick. All we want to do is help her reach her full potential. Give Aubrey a good life, and that, pumpkin, is something we’ve never had to worry about with you.”
Won’t deny that hearing that soothed a small part of my heart.
“Thank you.”
“But there’s more, and you are hiding it. Talk to me.” Dad bit into his egg roll and then gave me a pointed look. “Spill.”
“I fell in love.” There. Like a Band-Aid.
“And?” Astute old man continued probing. “Because for you to be in this kind of mood, something had to have happened.”
“He doesn’t feel the same. Waste of time. Hendrix—” Shit. Double shit.
“Isn’t that your boss’s name?”
“Yeah, leave it at that.” Could feel the blood pool at my cheeks in embarrassment. “He doesn’t see me as anything more than a little girl who works for him.”
“Then make him see you as the mature young woman that I know.” Not what I expected. A part of me was waiting for a reproach, to be told that I was an idiot for looking at a man so much older than me. And that’s without him knowing the full truth.
That I was in a relationship with a man that paid my schooling in order to have me on his arm. To show me off.
“Not that simple, old man. Loving him and being rejected hurts.”
“Nothing comes without a gamble, Beau. Best things in life hurt, test your resolve, but seeing it through and coming out on top makes it all worthwhile. If you truly love him as you say, then fight.”
THIRTY
Hendrix
“Where are you, Parker?” Jax stormed into the house, took one look at the room I was in, and cursed. “Are you kidding me with this shit? How dare you act out when you made the bed you’re currently lying in.”
“Just go. I want to be alone,” I muttered loud enough that he heard. It was all the energy I had left. “Don’t need you here to remind me that I fucked up with the person that mattered most.”
Bringing the almost empty bottle of scotch to my lips, I took a large gulp. My insides churned, the urge to destroy everything in my path overwhelming me once more.
So far, the kitchen and dining room had taken the brunt of my ire. Shattered, the remains laid in tattered heaps all around me. The perfect simile to my life.
I fucked everything that I touched.
First Ophelia, and now Beau.
Just thinking about them left me a confused and angry mess. I’d let my dick detract my attention from what mattered; the memory of my wife shouldn’t be tainted by my lack of self-control.
I shouldn’t be reminded by a fucking message alert on my phone.
Bringing a hand up to my chest, I rubbed the spot where it felt as though I had a gaping wound.
“You’ve got to stop doing this to yourself, Hendrix. What happened that night wasn’t your fault.” Jax took the other bottle I’d pilfered from my liquor cabinet and placed it out of reach.
“Put it back.” Ignoring me, he reached for the one in my hands, but I pushed his away. “Why the fuck are you even here? To ruin my night?”
“Think you’re doing a fine job of that yourself, dick,” he huffed and let up on trying to take my sole vice. Instead, he pulled up a chair, and sat down facing me. “But don’t let me stop you…this show must crash and burn before you get it together.”
“You didn’t answer me. What’re you doing here?”
“Well, I was invited to this glorious dinner by the beautiful Beau. Poor girl sent me a text—”
“How is she?” I asked before I could stop myself. Fuck, why couldn’t I stop thinking about her? The look in her eyes—the quiver of her bottom lip haunted me more than when…
“You don’t get to ask that.” There was more than anger in his tone. Jax was disappointed. Join the club, asshole.
“Just wanted to know if she’s safe.” Moreover, where was she? How did she get there?
“Nice try, Parker, but as of three hours ago, Miss Carter is off limits to you.”
“You got me into this fucking mess, Jax.” Standing up, my chair tipped back, and a leg broke. Cracked at the joint. “Remember how hard you pushed for something I wasn’t ready for? How you forced my hand?”
“And I regret pushing you more than you know. Beau deserves better than what she got in this deal.”
“She’s nothing more than a girl I paid to—”
“Be very careful how you finish that sentence,” Jax seethed, his own chair falling back from the abrupt move. One second he was sitting, and the next in my face. Livid—if he could the man would deck me. “If Ophelia were here, she’d want you to move on, man. Living life. Not like this.”
“But she isn’t…is she?” The bottle in my hand smashed against the nearest wall, the shards flying everywhere. “She’s dead because of me, Jax. Because I couldn’t do what was right.”
“You need to let that guilt go, Hendrix.”
“My wife doesn’t deserve to be forgotten.”
“You didn't love her!” His blue eyes met my hazel ones and narrowed while pointing a self-righteous finger at me. “Did you conveniently forget asking me for my divorce attorney’s number? How miserable you both were?”
And deep down I knew that we were just that: miserable.
But it’d never negate that my wife’s death broke a piece of me. That it hurt to lose her before I could let her go. Before I could make her happy by gifting her the freedom she so desired.
Her accident—the mangled car pieces that pierced her body—would never compare to the insults we’d flung at each other earlier that same night of the accident. The last time I saw her alive.
You're an asshole, Drix. It's always your way or nothing.” Any other day her tears would’ve been my undoing, but finding her bags by the door ignited my ire. “He loves me, you know...loves me in a way that you never could. I’m done being your arm candy. Let me go.
I could almost hear the vindictiveness in my own laugh that day. “That's rich coming from the slut who cheats on her spouse. Who falls in love with someone else without caring about the man who takes care of her every whim. You embarrassed me, love.”
We’d been each other’s everything. Even through every bitter fight, she was still my friend first. Unfortunately, we were just wrong together, and it was too late in the end to remedy that.
“Letting her go seems like a slap in the face to her memory. Even at our worst, I loved her.” The fight left me and I dropped to the ground, just sat there while staring off into space. Had nothing left in me to give. “Had I not been a dick, she would’ve been alive and happy. Probably married and a mother. How fair is it that I can still have that, but she can’t?”
“You always made excuses for her.” Jax sat next to me, in his hand the bottle he’d taken away. He took a long pull and passed it over. I grabbed it and did the same.
“And you disliked her.”
“Ophelia could do no wrong in your eyes, even when being a bitch. Spoiled and snobby, she lived a good life riding your coattails.” At my glare, he held a hand up. “Sorry, man
, but you need a reality check. Seems to me that in your grief you forgot quite a few things that matter.” If he was waiting for me to ask, I didn’t. Just took another drink straight from the bottle and waved him on. “Hendrix, she chose to leave that night. She chose to cheat and then abandon you as if you were the bad guy in the story. She chose to do as she pleased. The only one blind to her selfishness was you.”
Jax left after a while, but his words still haunted me.
She chose…
And as much as it pained me to admit, she had. Her bags had been packed that night after I came home, accusing her of blatantly showing off her lover. Of forcing my hand when it came to our divorce. Ophelia had embarrassed me, and I’d been rightfully angry.
Instead of apologizing, she accused me of using her. Of being neglectful when just a week prior, I’d taken her on vacation to Paris for fashion week. She asked, and I gave in time and time again.
But I was the bad guy?
“Fucking asshole,” I hissed out, my head pounding—too much going through my mind and nothing was making sense. One moment I was furious, and the next, full of regret.
Had I let her go instead of asking for time?
Had I not questioned and just listened?
You can’t shoulder this blame alone anymore.
Somewhere in the house, a buzz sound came on. It was loud. An alarm.
My eyes shifted toward the windows and realized that dawn had arrived, and I’d yet to close my eyes for more than three hours. Each time I tried, I saw their faces.
Ophelia. Beau.
Beau…
The opening notes to a jazz song followed the buzz, and it hit me right in the chest. I remembered that song, same one we’d danced to on the boat at the end of our date. How beautiful she looked, head tipped back with laughter at something I’d said.
Craving Sugar Page 21
