“What makes you so sure that I should remarry?”
“Well, I don’t want to add to your ego, but you are a very attractive man.” To this, Nathan couldn’t help but blush. “And you seem to work hard and have a pretty good business with selling items from your farm. Your family doesn’t seem to go without and you are a pretty delightful companion. And I believe even without the letter that was published in the newspapers, I imagine you have had a few women vying for your affections.”
“Yes, I have had a few inquiries,” he said ruefully.
“Then why the resistance?” Molly looked at him sideways and looked away quickly. “I didn’t mean to overstep. I just feel that something is missing, that I’m not seeing the big picture.”
Nathan sighed. He usually never wanted to talk about his life and love for Margaret, but for some reason, this girl sitting across from him made him want to do things differently. He was tired of hiding his feelings about his wife; now he wanted to share her with someone who could probably understand him.
“Margaret was my first love. She was my only love. I loved her more than I have loved anything or anyone, apart from my children. It was like this strong fire and I just don’t know if I will feel like that for someone else. And to be honest, I don’t know if I want to.”
Molly seemed to take in his words and mull over them silently. “Have you ever thought that maybe you should give love a chance? Opening up your heart to another person doesn’t mean that you would love someone less. You can still love someone deeply and passionately and still love another person equally.”
“You believe that you can?” Nathan questioned her.
“I believe that you can love multiple people and that doesn’t mean you love anyone less. You love all your children, right?”
“Yes.”
“And you love them all equally?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Then see? That is proof that you can love more than one person equally.”
Nathan shook his head. “It’s not the same situation.”
“But I think it can be. I think you are the only one holding yourself back. You shouldn’t punish yourself because you think you are only allowed to have one love of your life. If that were true, then everyone would live very boring lives. But life happens, and unexpected events occur and can leave you devastated. That doesn’t mean you stop living it.”
Nathan had never thought of it that way. He had been in this gray area since Margaret had died, feeling that he was unable to move on from it. He didn’t want to act like he was forgetting her. He wanted her to be etched into his soul, like a scar that he couldn’t be rid of. But it was very lonely for him; he was holding on to the memory of a ghost and he was suffering.
He hadn’t realized how sad and lonely he was until he was sitting across from this beautiful woman. He looked at Molly again, as if seeing her for the first time. He admired her beauty at the train station, but now that he was seeing her in front of him, he could see how glorious she was. She was also someone that had a good head on her shoulders. She was someone who could really be a good companion for him.
He felt sad, knowing that she was only there for a story. He couldn’t allow himself to hope for anything when he knew that in the end, she was going to leave. What could someone who had a lovely life in New York City ever see in his life that she would want to stay? She was a young career woman and he was an older man with four young children. She would never want to stay with him. He needed to push the thoughts to the back of his mind.
“It’s getting late, I think I should turn in,” said Molly, as she pushed back from the table.
Nathan looked out the window, noticing the night sky. It was true, it was late. He had to wake up early in the morning to do chores for the house. He had responsibilities. But it was taking everything inside him to call it a night, because all he wanted to do was sit there and talk with her. Even sitting next to her, basking in her warmth and glow would be enough for him.
Sighing, he forced himself from the table and got up to join her. “I’ll walk you to your room,” he said, as he blew out the last remaining candle.
He led her down the hallway to the girls’ room, standing in front of the closed door. He could feel the soft sounds of his daughters sleeping. In the sharp moonlight trailing from one of the windows, he could make out the soft outline of Molly’s face. Her eyes glowed, filling him with anticipation. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt in such a long time that at first it scared him; but the more he looked at her, the more compelled he felt to kiss her. It would only take a slight movement forward, and then his lips would be on hers.
“Well, good night,” Molly said, grasping the door handle and breaking the connection they had. He couldn’t say a word, only watched as the door silently closed in front of him. He stood there for a few moments, wondering if he could just open the door and take her in his arms, but he decided against that. He also didn’t want the spectacle of his children watching him.
He begrudgingly walked to his bedroom, wondering if he was just a little more reckless, a little bolder, if she would be melting into his arms and their kiss would be as electric as he had imagined it.
Chapter 8
Nathan was exhausted, and it wasn’t even mid-afternoon. Since Molly’s arrival two days prior, they had been reading and sorting the letters that arrived.
The bulk of the work fell to Emma, Molly, and him since they were the only ones that could read. The only positive was they had cleared three bags. Molly thought they were making good progress; however, he wasn’t so sure. There wasn’t one letter in the whole lot that stood out for him. They all seemed generic, with the same narrative: romantic hopeful’s vying for the chance to become Mrs. Nathan Parker.
Unfortunately, there wasn’t any one candidate that would fit everything they were looking for.
A lot of the descriptions didn’t meet the high standards that Emma and Susan had thought of when they initially decided to send a letter to Father Christmas. He couldn’t disappoint his children. Having Molly in the house showed him that the children were missing that important female presence in their lives.
Nathan looked at Molly opening and sorting the letters. She had only been at the house a short time, but it seemed like she had been there forever. The children adored her. They took her to the barn and showed her all the animals. Emma even had her try to milk the cow. Nathan laughed when he saw her on the stool with her head pressed against Betsy’s side. She was humming to the cow as she milked it. Honestly, Nathan had never seen a more beautiful sight in his life – Molly humming and the children laughing around her. It had been too long since they were happy like that.
“I think there are a few here that might be worth looking at.” Molly’s voice pulled Nathan out of his reverie. She handed the letters to Nathan and then returned to the stack in front of her.
“What do the letters say?” Susan asked. “Do they want to come and be our mother?”
“I think most of these women would like to come and be your mother,” Molly said.
Nathan scanned the letter. Every letter that Molly had given him was nothing that he was looking for. He knew he needed to try harder, but every woman that wrote he found himself comparing to Molly. None of the letters measured up.
“I’m tired,” Emma said. “We’ve been at this for hours.”
“I know, sweetheart,” Molly told the young child. “Why don’t we take a break and we can come back to this tomorrow.”
“Sounds good,” Nathan said. “I have to go get the chores done.”
“Why don’t you help, Molly?” Susan volunteered. “That way you can spend more time with Father.”
Nathan watched as a slight blush developed on Molly’s cheeks. She was very attractive when the color tinted her cheeks. He wondered if she had someone waiting for her in New York. He would be surprised if she didn’t. She was kind, caring, laughed quite a bit, and she was more intelligent than any woman he had met
in his life. He noticed how the children adored her. She helped Emma with her knitting, although Nathan wasn’t sure why. Knitting was one of the first skills Emma learned when she was six. Molly helped Susan and Forrest with their alphabet and even played blocks on the floor with Harry.
Molly disappeared into the bedroom she was sharing with the girls. As Nathan put on his coat and hat, Susan tugged on his sleeve. “What is it, sweetheart?”
“I really like Molly,” she said.
“I like her too.”
Susan tugged his sleeve again. “I think you should kiss her.”
“What?” Nathan stood there pretending he wasn’t hearing those words come out of his youngest daughter’s mouth.
“I think so too,” Emma chimed in. “You only have a short period of time.”
He dreaded to ask, but the words escaped his mouth before he could call them back. “Until what?”
“Until she leaves. Once she gets to New York there is no chance.”
“Chance of what?”
“Her being our mother.”
Nathan swallowed. “We can talk about this later. I don’t want you mentioning anything to Molly.”
“Mention what to Molly?” Molly asked, walking into the room.
“The girls were just sad about the prospect of you leaving to go back to New York.”
“Well, I have two more days. And Christmas is in one week!”
Nathan opened the door and herded Molly outside. He turned around and peeked back at his children. “Behave,” he said before closing the door. He could hear the children scurrying around behind the door. They had something up their sleeves, but he wasn’t sure what.
Molly walked towards the barn, her breath coming out in white puffs against the cold air. “I didn’t think it was going to be this frigid.” She crossed her hands over her chest and rubbed her arms to keep them warm.
“It will be fine once you get into the warm barn.” Nathan took her hand and started leading her towards the barn. Molly felt like a million sparks were travelling up her arm. She wanted to pull her hand back, but the comforting warmth of Nathan’s touch was too lovely to let go.
However, Nathan did let go as soon as they reached the barn door. He slid the door aside and she scooted in before he shut it again. The barn was warm from the animals and hay inside. Molly walked over and rubbed Betsy on the head. The cow gave out a low moo and started chewing hay that Nathan tossed in the stall.
“I’ll milk her in a minute. Let me quickly muck out the stalls and then we can feed the animals.”
Nathan started cleaning out the stall and placing the waste into a wheelbarrow. Molly moved the wagon down to each stall as he cleaned it out. “Boy that is fresh,” Molly said pinching her nose. Nathan just laughed. When the cart was full, he moved it outside the far door and dumped the contents into a pile. “We will use that in the garden in the spring.”
“What can I do to help?” Molly grabbed a bucket of corn next to the door. “How about I feed the chickens?” Nathan nodded as he watered the cow, pig and horses. Molly went to the far side of the barn to scatter feed for the birds. They flocked around her feet and one let out a squawk as Molly stepped on its foot. The bird strutted around voicing its displeasure of being caught underfoot as Nathan laughed.
“You’ll learn to lift your feet up. You don’t want to get caught stepping on them, or on something undesirable.”
Molly placed the bucket back at the door. “What can I do next?”
“I need to bring down a bale of hay. I normally just go up into the hay loft and slide it down.”
Molly moved to the side and watched as Nathan climbed the ladder. Her eyes diverted away as she realized she was having very impure thoughts watching his muscles shift beneath his pants as he moved up the rungs. She never had any thoughts of a man before. Why now? And why just before she would have to leave?
She took a deep swallow and wiped her hands on her skirt. When she looked back up Nathan was scrambling over the side of the ladder and he disappeared onto the platform above. She heard him moving around and then suddenly a chicken took flight from the loft to the ground. Molly shrieked and ducked her head. Nathan popped his head over the side. “Sorry about that. She likes to nest up here.” He pointed to the ramp going from the loft to the ground. “Move away from that door, I’m sending the hay down.”
Molly watched as a bale of hay came down two wooden planks and rested right where she was standing before. A second one followed suit and then Nathan began his descent back down to the ground.
“Let’s get the horses fed,” Nathan said, removing one of the strings tied around the hay bale.
Molly grabbed handfuls of the hay and placed it where Nathan pointed.
Once they were done Nathan pulled over a chair. “You can sit there and keep me company while I milk Betsy.”
Molly sat on the chair as Nathan took the stool on the side of the animal. Molly watched him working in silence for a few minutes before he spoke.
“I was thinking we could go get a Christmas tree tomorrow. I know the children would love to have you help decorate it before you leave.”
A sadness filled up inside Molly. She hadn’t decorated a tree in years. “The last time I did that was before my parents died. When I was bounced around from home to home they didn’t decorate for Christmas.”
“Well, it is settled then,” he said, giving her a quick wink. “We will go out and find the best Christmas tree ever and give you memories to go home with.”
Molly held her hands in her lap. “That would be lovely. There is so much from here I want to remember.” Nathan looked at her. “Not just for the article, I mean.”
“I hope so, Molly Griffith. You are leaving us with a lot of memories.” He patted Betsy on the hide. “All done until tomorrow, girl.” He stood, offering his hand to Molly. She slipped her hand inside his and he gave her a slight pull to a standing position. Molly’s foot caught in the hem of her dress and she fell forward into Nathan’s arms.
His arms reached around her, steadying her in his grasp. The smell of bay rum, leather and something else she couldn’t put her finger on, enveloped her senses. She gave a little squeak as he held onto her shoulders.
She heard his sudden intake of breath and her eyes flew up to meet his. His eyes were liquid pools that turned deeper as he looked at her. She couldn’t think, and her lips were dry. She opened her mouth slightly and peeked her tongue out to wet them. That was all the invitation Nathan needed.
“Molly.” His voice came out as a whisper a moment before his lips claimed hers.
Chapter 9
Snow.
It was the smell of snow. She recognized the smell before all the snowfalls in New York.
That is what Molly couldn’t put her finger on when she was standing so close to Nathan. What ever came over her? Kissing him.
Her hands flew to her lips and she could almost imagine his lips still touching hers.
“Are you ready?” Emma asked, holding a scarf out to Molly. “You might need this because it is cold out today.” Molly took the scarf and wrapped it around her neck, willing the thoughts of Nathan to dissipate. It snowed during the night and when Molly went out to the privy it looked like a winter wonderland.
Nathan was already out on the porch with Susan and Forrest. They were so excited about getting a tree. It was all they could talk about. Molly was glad that the children were chatty because then she didn’t have to engage in conversation with Nathan.
Her feelings were all over the place. Nathan ended the kiss, picked up the bucket and headed back to the house with Molly on her heels. He didn’t address the kiss at all and Molly didn’t know what to think.
Emma put her arms around Molly and squeezed her tight. “I’m so happy you are here.”
Molly wiped the tears that slipped out on her cheeks. “I am too, Emma. I am too.”
Nathan poked his head in the door. “Ready?” Molly nodded and pa
tted Emma on the back. She picked up Harry and hiked him up on her hip. Harry patted her cheek and it was all that she could do to keep the tears from falling again.
When she got on the porch Nathan held out his arms for Harry. Molly gave him a quick peck on the cheek and handed him to Nathan. She then noticed the travois sled hooked behind the horse at the bottom of the steps. Two large poles with netting between them rested against the horse’s flank. Nathan placed Harry in the center and wrapped blankets around him.
Molly and the other children walked behind the horse, keeping an eye on Harry. Nathan took the horse’s lead and walked towards a clump of pine trees in the distance. When they arrived, the children ran from tree to tree chattering happily about which one would make the best holiday decoration.
Finally, they found what they called the perfect tree. Full and lush with a thick trunk. Nathan took a saw and made quick work of cutting it down.
“It smells wonderful. So crisp and clean.” Molly grabbed Harry’s hand and they walked around the tree. She showed him where pinecones were starting to grow. There was the remains of a bird’s nest on one of the branches and Molly showed it to the children who oooh and ahhhed over it.
“Let’s get this on the sled and we can get back home. It feels like a good night for some drinking chocolate and popcorn,” Nathan told the children. “Do you like drinking chocolate, Molly?”
It was the first time he had talked directly to her this day. It took her a moment to form her answer. “I used to have it with Mr. Hershel and his sister Miss Mitzie.”
“Who are they?” Susan asked.
“They took care of me when I moved to New York. They own a small corner grocery store and bakery. Mitzie makes the most wonderful cookies I’ve ever had. They taste like a cloud made of butter.”
Forrest laughed. “Clouds aren’t made of butter.”
Molly tapped his nose. “You are correct, but these could have been.”
“I like cookies,” Susan piped up.
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