by Harlow Brown
"Charlie girl, are you all right?” He came over to check on me, no longer holding the phone.
“Yes. I'm fine. I just can't believe I ever let it get this bad.”
“It isn’t your fault, Charlie,” Briar said, love filling his voice. It was hard to believe this was the same man who was just cursing and threatening someone over the phone.
“Yes, it is. I was too scared to remove myself from the situation. It’s okay. I’ve accepted that and have chosen to get the hell over it. What’s done is done, and that’s all there is to it. I promised the sad, broken girl in the mirror this morning that I was stronger than this. I vowed to her that I would move on and take no shit from a man ever again.”
I stiffened my back and stood straight, then said with all the confidence I could muster, "I’ll be okay. I know it won't be easy, but it’ll damn sure be worth it.”
Jazz joined Briar and they both stood there, shocked at the change in me from the previous night.
“Charlie, I know you’ll be all right. You always are,” Jazz said as she embraced me in a big hug. “You always are.”
I SERVED UP coffee to everyone and we went out onto the porch. It was a lovely summer morning. The birds were chirping, and the sun was shining in on us. The warmth of the sun felt amazing. Now was as good a time as any to bring up Acres to them. “So, my parents' house is enormous, empty, and paid off. What do you think of all of us moving in there?” I asked. “We could split the bills, and it’s big enough that we wouldn’t even have to see each other if we didn’t want too. You two could save money and I’d have you both with me, helping me through this shit storm. I'll even learn to be okay with your buddies and their loud bikes coming over anytime you want. What do you say?”
Briar wasted no time. "Charlie, that sounds great. What do you think, baby?” He turned to Jazz.
“You know she’s OCD with stuff, right?” She shot me a shit-eating grin. I knew she was trying to get a rise out of me.
“I’m not OCD. I’m just not a slob. I like things in order and tidy.”
She countered with a smile and a wink. Jazz was neat and clean, but Briar was a typical male. He was not known for his tidiness or his ability to wash a dish. I was okay with that, though. What he lacked in domestic skills he more than made up for in love for Jazz and me. Cleaning up after him would be a small price to pay for everything he’d done for me.
“Ya’ll talk about it,” I said, and left to go back in for more coffee. Briar walked up to me and grabbed my bicep. Of course, out of habit and instinct, I flinched.
“I’m sorry. Charlie girl, are you okay?” Concern all but dripped from his words.
With no hesitation, I retorted, “No. No, I’m not. But I will be. I refuse to give that asshat another ounce of my happiness. Time heals all wounds, right?”
Briar smiled at me with those green eyes crinkling in the corners. “There’s the Charlie I know.”
“Like I said, I’m done being the blue, broken hull of a person. I’m going to be the real me again. I miss my spunk. I miss my smartass, sarcastic self.” I was forced and manipulated into being stripped of the things that I loved about myself. The reality of that hurt way more than any punch or sting of a belt lashing.
“You know, as dirty and defeated as I feel, I have a strange sense of rebirth. I get a whole new chance to change my destiny, and I’m fucking doing it.” Empowerment seethed out of me. With that statement, I regained a piece of my spirit. I knew with Jazz and Briar by my side that I could do anything, and that I’d be stronger for all the hell I’d endured. I didn’t need anyone else, especially a man.
Holding my head high, I stated, “Now, I hate to run out on a good ol’ porch gathering but I need a shower and some alone time. I’m going to head to Acres.”
Briar barely let me get all the words out before he said, “Not alone you won’t. We won't follow you into the bathroom or anything weird like that, but Hensley is still out there, and he’s pissed. Right now isn’t the time to be alone in an empty house. That just spells disaster. That crazy fucker isn’t going away anytime soon.”
As his words sank into my psyche, I grew livid. I wasn’t mad at them; they were just defending me and trying to protect me. I was pissed at Hensley. “Fuck,” I growled.
“Sorry I’m not sorry, Charlie girl. If anything else happened to you, I’m not sure I could live with myself. And more importantly, how would you handle it? You have been through so much all by yourself. I promise you won't do it alone anymore. Once things die down, I’ll back off a little,” Briar said matter-of-factly.
“Thank you. I know you’re right, but it doesn't make it suck any less.”
Hensley had managed to take away my independence and my privacy too. Loathing simmered beneath the calm, cool, and mostly collected exterior. Internally, I was sure my blood was liquid fire.
Trying to get back to a happier place, I asked, “So, what do you two think of moving in with me at Winstead Acres?”
“Charlie girl, are you sure? You haven’t spent a lot of time there since the accident. Can you handle being back there and deal with Hensley?” Jazz asked me.
“Yes, I can handle it. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy or that I won't have my moments of crazy meltdowns and crying spells. But what I can tell you is that I’ll have the two best friends anyone could ask for to help me through this hell that is my life at the moment, right?” I said with all the positivity I could gather on a whim.
Jazz and Briar looked at each other and did that weird talking-with-their-eyes thing, and then Briar grinned. "We'd love to move into Acres with you. It’s going to work out to everyone’s advantage. We’ll tell our landlords. When did you want to move?”
“The sooner the better for me. I can have my stuff loaded in a couple hours.”
“Charlie, I understand that you want away from your house, but can you give us a week? You can stay here with Jazz until we move to Acres.”
“Sure, that’s fine. I’m just trying to distance myself from everything.” A wave of panic overtook me and I yelled, “Shit!”
“What’s wrong, Charlie?”
“I’ve got practice today. I need to go. I can’t believe I almost forgot!” I stormed inside to find my clothes from the night before and threw them on in a rush.
Jazz came in and said in a guarded voice, "Well, I have to work, so I can't go with you. Briar will be happy to go.”
Not willing to accept what she was insinuating, I replied, "I understand why you’re suggesting that but, Jazz, I won't be alone. There will be ten other women there, plus the coaches. You have no idea how much I appreciate your concern, but my fear is that this is all going to smother me. And with us moving in together, I just don’t want us to get sick of each other. Does that make sense?”
She didn’t want to let me go without one of them, but she let it slide. "Yes, yes it does.”
“Thank you. Love your face,” was all I said as I changed clothes. "I may need you to meet me at my place so I can get some clothes, though. I’m wearing these for the last time. I’ll set fire to the sons of bitches when I get something else to wear.”
“Briar will have to do it because I’m covering for a girl at work. That cool?”
“Great, I’ll call him when practice is over.” With that, I scrambled to the car and sped to the sports complex.
WHEN I ARRIVED, I felt all my worries and woes dissipate. I know it sounds utterly bizarre, but the truth is my game and my girls are my saving grace. They are my safe place. I got out of my car and made my way to the dugout as if I hadn't been beaten and raped for years prior, and nothing had happened. The girls didn’t need to be worried about my shit. I put on my shin guards and chest protector, grabbed my helmet and facemask, and headed to the plate. Raige, our pitcher, was ready to warm up, so I took my place behind the plate. She wound up and fired rockets into my glove for about ten minutes. After she was warm, we started hitting. The memories of Hensley were temporarily muted in m
y mind.
There wasn’t anything in particular that was different with this practice as opposed to the other ones, but I was elated to be there. It was my element, what I lived for. We had World Series tournaments coming up soon. In about two weeks, we would be traveling to Panama City Beach, Florida. To say that I couldn’t wait would be understating it. I needed some vitamin sea, beach therapy, and some real competition on the field.
Practices always seemed to go by way too quickly, but this one was especially too short. I was not ready to be done and get back to reality. I enjoyed my time in the dirt, and all the sweat and blood spilled on the field in preparation for our biggest games of our life. All of us had played competitive ball most of our lives, but none of us had ever made it to the World Series. I gathered my glove, helmet, catching gear, and my DeMarini bat, and put them in my bat bag. My energy levels were still relatively high, and my adrenaline was still flowing like a river through my veins, but even thinking about the future beach stay and the tournament couldn't stop the sudden surge of eerie awareness that washed over me like a summer storm.
Fear, uncertainty, and confusion fought in my head for the prominent spot, my elation of the past couple hours headed south in a hurry. In a rush of panic, fueled by crazy thoughts of what could be causing the eeriness, I threw my bat bag in the trunk of the car. Once situated in the driver's seat, I retrieved the pistol and my cell phone out of my purse, just to be safe. Charlie, it’s just your imagination. There ain’t a thing in the world going on. You are a paranoid fruitcake. My subconscious tried to reason with my rational side that knew damn well something was going on.
Out of curiosity, I looked out at the parking lot and a lump immediately formed in my throat. My hands grew sweaty, and my heart felt like it would explode from beating so fast. Hensley. He was about six cars down from my Mustang, and he was just staring at me. He wouldn't get the pleasure of seeing me freak the fuck out over seeing him, though. While trying to tame my crazy and irrational thoughts, I started up the car and gave her a good pep talk. “Come on, baby. I know you like to strut your stuff. Momma needs you to sound real good and blow dick out of this parking lot. Got it? Let’s do this.” I patted the dash like a person would pat a dog's head. Man alive, did I love that car. It had it all. I punched it and let the horses run. This car would run like a scalded-ass ape when I needed her to, so I let the gravel fly. As soon as I was out of the parking lot and on pavement again, I called Briar.
“Hello.”
“Briar, Hensley showed up at practice. He didn't do anything except stare at me,” I said as calmly as possible.
“Charlie, where the hell are you now?”
“Going over the bridge, by the Quick Away.”
“Turn around and come over to my place. We’ll figure out our next move when you get here. Hurry up, Charlie.”
“Okay, but I need to go to my place to get a week or so worth of clothes. I’m kind of rank right now,” I tried to joke.
“Not without me you won't. I’d be glad to go with you. Charlie?” He paused and hesitated a second.
“Yeah?”
“Jazz told me what you said.”
“And?”
“I understand where you’re coming from and why you feel that way, but don’t you see that you aren't safe? He showed up at your fucking practice. He hasn't set foot near a ball field in years, and now that you’re gone, he all of the sudden has a love for the game? I think not. He has something planned. He’s trying to get you alone, and then who knows what the hell that sick puppy is going to do.”
The realization that he was right sank in, a little deeper than I’d like to admit. The truth behind his words hit me like a tidal wave, and I sighed loudly. “I know, but damn it, I don’t want to be a burden or pain in the ass. I don't want y'all to feel obligated to take care of me and watch out for me like I'm a child. I feel like I have babysitters.”
“Having babysitters right now is what you need. If I have to, I'll get a brother to go with you if you think you could handle that.”
I quickly cut him off and nipped that idea in the bud. I didn't need some big bad biker to follow me around. I would rather have Briar or Jazz; at least I knew them.
“For the record, you aren't a pain in the ass… as long as you don’t do anything stupid like trying to go somewhere alone.”
“Yeah, yeah, I hear you. I'll put away my pride and let you help me.”
“Damn right, you will. Charlie, don’t think for a minute that I wouldn't involve the club. If I feel like this is getting out of hand and your safety is in jeopardy, all bets are off. I can't stand the thought of something else happening to you. Get here fast. I love ya.”
“Love ya back.” Time wasn't wasted as I hauled ass to his house, making it in record time. When I pulled up, I jumped out in a hurry and looked around to make sure Hensley hadn’t followed me.
I RAN UP TO his door and he opened it before I could even knock. He had to have been watching for me. He pulled me into a hug. Embracing the comfort of real friendship, I looked around the room and noticed that he had already started packing.
“You want help packing? I don't mind.”
“Sure, I'm just getting things off the wall right now.” Reminiscence consumed me. Memories of our last few years were being taken down and put away. Looking around at the pictures of Briar and his brothers, Jazz and me, just Jazz, and only me on the field, I felt a wealth of emotions, ranging from love and happiness to sadness and regret. But the hardest was knowing change was just around the corner for all of us. Our lives were never going to be the same, and it was all because of me.
The emotion was written on my face, and Briar came to me and patted me on the shoulders. "You okay, Charlie girl?”
“Yeah, I just never thought I’d see the day you moved out of the first house you had on your own. Remember all the parties and crazy nights with your club members, and how many times Jazz and I had to stay here because we were too screwed up to leave? Good times.” I began to wonder how life would be now that so much shit had changed.
“Charlie girl, we’ll make new memories at Acres. There is so much we have yet to do. It's going to be better than this old place ever was.” I cocked my head to the side and he blurted, “I plan on making a significant memory there. Can I trust you not to tell her?”
“Oh my gosh!” I screeched. “Of course I won't tell her. She is going to be so excited and so happy. You deserve each other. Briar, I couldn't ask for a better person for my best friend. I love her like a sister and can't wait to help her plan her wedding to her one true love. I'm so fucking happy for you two!"
As happy as I was for them, he simply didn’t understand the level of filth I had at that point. "Hey, could we put this off for a little bit? I'm nasty and need some different clothes, and I would love nothing more than a shower in my house with my things.”
“Sure, Charlie. Let me grab my keys, and we can take mine just in case the silly fucker is lurking around your place looking for your car.”
“He knows what you drive too.”
“Yes, but he’ll probably expect you to be with Jazz, not me. So if he is there and sees me, he’ll leave. If he’s smart, he won't let me see him.”
“Okay, if you say so.”
“Come on, you kind of stink.” He pushed playfully on my shoulder.
We arrived at my house, both looking around, but we didn't see him. Briar was coming in with me. I knew he wouldn't let me go in alone; he was doing well even to let me be there at all. As we reached my front door, we spotted a rose, a letter, and a Hershey's bar. All my forward momentum came to an abrupt halt. So many emotions came over me. The rose was my favorite, a yellow one that faded to orange and then finally to blood red on the tips.
Tears began to form, and Briar gently grabbed my hand and said the nicest words he could have at that moment. “No, ma’am. These gorgeous eyes of yours have shed enough tears over this guy. He doesn't deserve them. You are better than him and deserv
e a hell of a lot more. With every tear you shed for the bastard, you let him win a little more. Cut those ties, Charlie. He’s dead weight.”
He snatched up the letter and the other stuff Hensley had left on the porch.
“Give me the letter please,” I whispered.
“Are you sure, Charlie?”
“No, but I won’t rest till I read it. Curiosity killed the cat, right?”
With hesitant hands he handed it to me, and I opened it and absorbed the words.
Charlene,
I know you think you hate me right now, but I know better. Who else would remember your favorite rose and candy? Char, I'm so sorry for the things I did to you. You are a beautiful, smart, perfect woman, and I'm a dumbass for breaking you down. Give me another chance. Give us another chance. We are great together. I love you, and I'm going to show you that you belong to me. No one else will love you the way I do. No one else will know how to please you. You complete me. Please don't give up on us. Not yet. I'm not. You are mine and always will be. I will do whatever it takes to prove that to you, even if it kills me. YOU. WILL. BE. WITH. ME.
Love you, baby.
Hensley
Even with the sweet words Briar had said moments earlier, all I could do was cry. No words would form, no muscles would move. Only tears flowed down my face because no matter how hurt I was, I still loved him. Part of me wanted to believe him, but the other, more intelligent part knew better.
Briar took the letter from me and put it in his pocket. Then he gave me the biggest hug and told me that time heals all wounds, that Hensley was a douche and would never change, and to not ever give him another chance. He said Hensley just didn’t want anyone else to have me.
