Johnny danced towards her, pushing his way into her space and singing directly into her microphone, drowning out her warbling voice with his shouty style singing.
As Jed started on the last verse, Johnny drew back to shout into her ear as they both stepped back from the mike.
‘What’s going on, Lil? Are you okay?’
She shook her head, tears building up in her eyes.
‘Babe, you need to get offstage, you look like you’re gonna vom any minute. C’mon,’ he shouted, taking her elbow as he looked at Jed and shook his head minutely.
Jed flicked his eyes towards Lillie and nodded once before taking his mike off the stand and starting a manic dance around the stage in an effort to take attention away from her.
Johnny practically carried Lillie offstage, not an easy thing to do when she towered above him in her impractical heels. Lillie fell into Kate’s arms and burst into tears as she hugged her tightly.
‘It’s okay, honey. Just breathe, It’s fine,’ Kate soothed as she stroked Lillie’s hair. ‘Let’s get you out of here.’
Somehow, Kate managed to get Lillie to the dressing room, where she sank onto a sofa, her shoulders heaving as she cried herself into near hyperventilation. Kate murmured soothing words over and over again, rubbing Lillie’s back gently. Lillie could feel Kate’s panic and tried to calm herself down with huge ragged deep breaths. She leant forwards and hugged her knees, her crying gradually subsiding until she stopped altogether. She stayed hunched over until Kate spoke.
‘Lil? You’re scaring me. Are you okay honey?’
Lillie raised her head to look at Kate, her chin trembling as she struggled to hold back more tears.
‘Oh God, I made such an idiot out of myself,’ Lillie’s voice came out in a shudder as she burst into tears again. She lowered her head to her knees again and felt Kate’s hand on her back. ‘It’ll be all over YouTube,’ she stifled a sob. ‘My parents will see it and my mum will be all “I told you so” and smug.’ She raised her head and stared at Kate. ‘I can’t go back out there ever again.’
‘Firstly, it might not be on YouTube and, even if it is, tell Tess not to show your parents. Secondly, you can go back out there. The fans know you can sing and Jed will tell them you’re sick or something.’ She put her arm around Lillie, squeezing her shoulders reassuringly. ‘It’s gonna be fine, Lil. I promise.’
‘I need a drink,’ Lillie said, still trying not to cry.
Kate got up, found a bottle of beer and passed it to her. Lillie took a large mouthful, wincing as the bubbles burnt her throat. Kate sat back down beside her and took the bottle, taking a big swig herself.
‘Do you feel better now?’
‘Not really,’ Lillie said, taking the bottle back. ‘Steve’s going to be mad.’ She took another mouthful, smaller this time.
‘I’m sure he’ll understand.’
Lillie stared at the wall, not responding to her optimism. They sat in silence, sharing the bottle of beer and Lillie kept staring at the wall opposite her whilst Kate stared at her hands.
Kate jumped as the door crashed open and Jed rushed in, kneeling in front of Lillie. He put his hands either side of her face, trying to get her to look at him but she stared over his shoulder.
‘Lil, are you okay? Were you sick?’ He turned to look at Kate. ‘Is she okay?’ His voice shook. He tried to make eye contact with Lillie again but she still wouldn’t look at him.
‘She’s okay. Upset but she’s calmed down now.’
Lillie twisted her face out of Jed’s hands and took another swig. She hardly noticed Johnny hovering near the door.
‘Can you guys leave us alone for a minute please?’ Jed asked, his eyes back on Lillie’s face.
She heard the door close.
‘Lil? Baby, please look at me.’
Lillie let him take the bottle away and he shuffled closer to her, putting his hands on her shoulders. She turned her head slowly to look at him.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered, tears falling down her cheeks.
Jed leant in towards her and kissed her unresponsive lips.
‘Sorry for what? Stage fright?’ He wiped tears away with his thumbs, resting his fingers on her face. ‘I’ve been waiting for it.’ He kissed her again. ‘We’ve all had it. It’s normal, Lil.’
‘I totally choked. It was so embarrassing.’ The tears came more quickly now as she relived it in her head.
‘I said you were sick. That you shouldn’t have tried to sing at all but you insisted,’ he said. ‘The fans’ll be totally cool with it.’ He hugged her tightly for a moment, before pulling back to look at her.
‘You did totally choke though.’ He smiled. ‘Spectacularly. Johnny nearly got a hernia getting you offstage.’ He full on laughed at the memory.
Lillie managed to smile at the image before groaning and putting her head in her hands, laughing and crying at the same time. Jed laughed louder, leaning back on his heels.
‘Oh God,’ he gasped out. ‘He looked so funny, trying to hold you up and keep his guitar in check… oh man.’ He wiped tears from his eyes and was silent for a moment.
‘Feel better now?’
‘Yeah, a bit,’ Lillie said, getting up to look in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy and bright red and there were thick black tracks running down her cheeks. She grabbed a tissue and wiped the mascara and eyeliner from her face. She watched in the mirror as Jed came up behind her, putting his arms around her and resting his chin on top of her head. They stared at each other in the mirror until Jed started laughing again. Lillie turned around and pushed him away from her, laughing too.
‘It’s not funny. I bet Johnny will never let me live this down,’ she said.
‘Probably not,’ Jed agreed. ‘But you just need to say Hoboken to him and he’ll shut up.’
‘Really?’
Jed nodded, a big grin on his face.
‘Well, you have to tell me the story behind that now,’ she said.
‘I’ll tell you the moment he teases you,’ he said.
Lillie looked at him sternly.
‘I promise. Now, why don’t we go back to the hotel and watch some expensive hotel rental chick flicks with hot chocolates?’
Lillie smiled and hugged him.
‘I want a big bar of chocolate too,’ she said.
‘Well, that’s a given,’ he said. ‘Let’s go,’ he said as he led her out of the room and towards the back doors. ‘I’ll text Johnny and let him know we’ve left.’
Lillie had an entire family bar of Dairy Milk to herself and a huge hot chocolate with whipped cream, marshmallows and a flake as Jed patiently sat through two chick flicks. She finally fell asleep with her head on Jed’s chest whilst he watched a ‘50s B movie about zombies.
It was the perfect end to a horrific night and she couldn’t have felt more loved, comforted and safe in Jed’s arms. In fact, she didn’t think she had ever felt more secure in her life.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Lillie woke up with Jed curled into her so tightly, she could hardly breathe. She stayed in his arms for a while, thinking about the last two gigs they’d done.
The Winchester gig had been much better than anyone had expected. It hadn’t been her best but she sang all three songs without collapsing like the night before in London, so she thought of it as a victory.
Last night had been their very last UK gig at The Wedgewood Rooms in Portsmouth, which had been weird for Lillie. So far, it had all felt like she could give it up whenever she wanted. At least she would be in the same country. But tonight they were going to France and it would be much less easy to quit when she was no longer in the UK.
She tried to extricate herself from Jed’s death hug but only succeeded in waking him up.
‘What are you doing?’ he murmured into her shoulder, pressing himself agains
t her, his chest hot against her back. ‘Don’t get up yet, Lil.’
His hand wandered down her side, sweeping over her leg and back up her stomach to cup her breast. He skimmed his fingers over her nipple, already hard in anticipation of his touch, and trailed his fingertips across her collar bone and down to her other breast, thumb circling round and round her nipple as he kissed her neck. Lillie let out a soft moan when he bit her shoulder, pushing her arse into his groin. He tweaked her nipple hard before sliding his hand down her stomach to find her ready for him. She parted her legs and he rolled over to get a condom, ripping open the packet and rolling it on. He played with her clitoris again, his fingers applying more pressure as she reached behind her to guide him into her. He moved languorously at first, slowly building up to a more intense rhythm. His hand cupped her breast again, his fingers rolling her nipple and she felt the crescendo of her climax moving through her body.
She moved with him in perfect rhythm as he kissed her neck, gently biting her shoulder, harder now as his fingers moved back down to her clit, teasing her with light circles until she was begging him to make her come. He slowed the motion of his hips, refusing to fuck her quickly, increasing the pressure and speed of his fingertip on her clitoris. He caressed her to an intense orgasm, her hands grabbing at the sheets as her body stiffened with an intensity of pleasure that she had never experienced with anyone else before.
Her body relaxed and she moaned and pushed herself back towards Jed as he thrust into her, harder and harder, only pausing his rhythm to lift her to her knees. He held her hips as he pounded into her and she looked over her shoulder, the sight of him turning her on even more. His muscled chest was glistening with sweat, his head thrown back in ecstasy as he fucked her harder than he ever had before, pushing her flat onto the bed with the force of his thrusts.
He grabbed her hips and pulled her to him and she pushed herself against him, pleading for more, until he finally came with a load groan.
Lillie’s eyes flew open as the palm of his hand connected with her arse and she gasped and stifled a giggle.
‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘Got carried away.’
Lillie laughed and rolled over to face him, her chest heaving as she tried to get her breath back.
‘I didn’t know you were into spanking,’ she joked.
‘Well, I guess there’s quite a lot you don’t know about me,’ he replied, placing his arms either side of her head and lowering himself down to kiss her. He grinned, his breathing laboured.
‘That’s true,’ Lillie said, growing serious. ‘Sometimes I feel like I don’t really know you at all,’ she continued, her eyes lowering to focus on his chest.
‘Well, it has only been, what? Two weeks? We don’t need to know everything about each other right away. Do we?’
Lillie looked up again and shook her head.
‘I suppose not.’
Jed stared at her for a long minute.
‘What do you want to know, Lil? I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.’
‘Well, I don’t know really. Just stuff,’ she said, feeling defensive.
Jed sighed heavily and moved to lay on his back, hands behind his head.
‘Can’t we just take this as it comes? You know, find out stuff,’ he stressed the last word, ‘as we go along. Like normal people do. I don’t understand this weird need of yours to know every single damn thing straight away.’ He glared up at the ceiling and Lillie stared at him for a minute before getting out of bed and stalking into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
She locked the door, listening to the silence in the bedroom for a minute before turning the taps on to run a bath. Uuugh. He could be so… touchy.
She lowered herself into the hot water slowly. Well, she thought, she knew that much about him at least. She washed her hair and lay in the bath until it was tepid. After she had moisturised her entire body, combed out her hair and put on her make up, Lillie sat wrapped in her towel for a while, delaying facing him again.
When she was thoroughly bored of her own thoughts, she took a deep breath and opened the door. The room was empty. Great. She got dressed and decided to call Kate and Chris’s room, noticing a messily written note by the phone. At least he had the decency to leave a note before skulking off she thought to herself.
He was with Johnny and would be back at ten to go to her parent’s house to see Tess. She wasn’t really in the mood to see Tess now but a promise was a promise.
The phone rang, making her jump. She picked it up.
‘Hey.’ It was Jed. ‘Are you dressed?’
‘Yes.’ She heard Jed sigh softly at her terse response.
‘I thought you might like to join me for breakfast but I can tell you’re still mad at me. I ordered you pancakes - ’
‘I thought you were with Johnny.’
‘Well, it seems he has company this morning so I’m on my own.’
‘Okay, I’m coming down now.’
‘Good. Oh, and Lil? I’m sorry about earlier. Really.’
‘Me too,’ her voice softened slightly although she was still cross with him.
‘Ok, now hurry up or your pancakes will be cold.’ He rang off and Lillie put the phone down before grabbing the key card and going down to the dining room.
She noticed him straight away, tucked away in a quiet corner of the room, looking moodily sexy. His dark hair was sticking up a little where he hadn’t tamed it with a shower and he had two days worth of stubble lining his strong jaw. Even though she was still upset with him, Lillie felt a tug in her groin as she watched him. She wanted to fly across the room and take him where he sat. He was perfect. Apart from his reluctance to talk about his past.
Lillie walked towards him as he turned his head to look for her, his eyes lighting up when he realised she was there.
‘Hey,’ he said. ‘They just arrived.’ He gestured towards a massive stack of pancakes and two jugs of maple syrup. ‘I got extra syrup.’
‘Thanks.’ Lillie sat down and poured the first jug over the steaming pancakes. She didn’t know what to say so she remained silent, eating her pancakes whilst Jed watched and sipped from a mug of coffee. She was halfway through and pouring over the second jug of syrup when he finally caved and spoke.
‘Lil. Are you going to talk to me at all?
‘I’m not not talking to you,’ she said.
‘Right. Sure.’ He fiddled with his glass, moving it around so that sunlight sparked off the glass. Lillie had never seen him so anxious.
‘I really am sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to upset you.’ He put the glass down and looked at her.
She carried on eating, avoiding his eyes and he carried on waiting for her to say something.
‘S’okay,’ she muttered, shoving another massive forkful of maple syrup sodden pancakes into her mouth. She was completely full but if she stopped eating she would have to look at him.
Jed reached across the table and put his hand on hers, preventing another heaped forkful from reaching her mouth. Inwardly, Lillie thanked him for it, her stomach was in agony. She dragged her eyes up to make contact with his and flinched at the look in his eyes, her gaze instinctively skittering away from his. He squeezed her fingers gently, pulling her eyes back to his.
‘I don’t want to fight with you, Lillie, I just don’t understand why you need to know everything straight away. I can’t cram my whole life story into two weeks.’
‘I know that but I’m fed up with finding out things from Kate. She and Chris talk all the time - ’ she trailed off, embarrassed to reveal her jealousy of Kate and Chris’s close relationship.
‘Lil.’ Jed got up and came to kneel beside her. ‘Are you serious?’
She nodded.
‘I don’t know what to say to that. Maybe they’re not as good in bed as we are.’
She rolled her eyes a
s Jed grinned.
‘Ok, ok. Look, they have more time to talk than we do. You’re busy learning songs, I’m busy writing them, we’re both up on that stage every night – it’s tiring being the entertaining front man and lady. Besides, has Chris written a song for Kate? Has he made sure that she can be with him for the whole tour and beyond?’
He searched Lillie’s eyes intently as she shook her head.
‘Because I made sure that you would be in my life by making you a part of the band and insisting that you tour with us. I write songs about you, about us. I’m doing everything I can to make you happy and that includes trying to get Steve to let Kate tour with us, which is something that Chris doesn’t seem that bothered about.’
‘Really?’ Lillie said, worried for Kate. She hadn’t even considered the idea that Chris might not feel the same way for Kate as she did for him.
‘Well, I’m sure he is,’ Jed backtracked, ‘but he hasn’t been very proactive about getting anything done about it.’ He lifted her hands to his mouth and kissed her fingers.
‘Lil, we don’t need to know everything about each other straight away. Besides, what will we have to talk about when the sex goes?’ he laughed and she smiled.
‘That’s better,’ he said, leaning forwards to kiss her. ‘Are we okay now?’
She nodded, whispering she was sorry too and kissed him properly, her arms sliding around his neck, pulling him to her. He broke it off before it became indecent and grinned lopsidedly at her, winking.
‘Now then,’ he admonished, ‘wouldn’t you rather have a nice long chat about how I hated school and used to skip it to read comics in the park?’
Lillie told him to shut up before grabbing his t-shirt and pulling him in for another long kiss.
‘Okay, let’s get upstairs. Now,’ Jed said, pulling her up and leading her to the lifts. He jabbed the up button impatiently, tapping his foot loudly. When the doors opened, he pulled her inside, pushing her against the wall and kissing her, his hands all over her body. They made it back to the room just about fully clothed and fell onto the bed, desperate to make skin-to-skin contact.
How to Catch a (Rock) Star: A Story of Sex, Love and Rock 'n' Roll Page 12
