Sheltering His Desire

by Allyson Lindt

  She struggled to keep up with the conversation, but her mind was stuck on three words, skipping back to them. Replaying them over and over in her mind. “Did you just say…?” She couldn’t force the question out. Already, her thoughts were working to convince her she’d imagined it.

  “I did.” He cupped her cheek, and her pulse threatened to burst through her heart. “I love you, Lys. For as long as I can remember. I’ve just never felt like I could give you what you needed. I still can’t.”

  She pushed him back, anger and confusion mingling with the relief of the revelation. “You fucking asshole. What the hell is wrong with you?

  “I don’t even understand why you think you can’t give me what I’m looking for.”

  He clenched his jaw, then dragged in a shaky breath before replying. “Can you really picture me being tied down?”

  “I can and I do. You’re already anchored here. Maybe it’s easier to think that’s me being delusional, and seeing things that aren’t there. But you just admitted it. You’re as tied to me as I am to you. You don’t get to make a confession like I love you, and wrap it in a bullshit line like ‘I know what’s good for you, and it’s not me.’ You don’t get to dump that on me and in the same breath remove my right to tell you I feel the same.

  “In fact, I’m tired of you making all sorts of these decisions without my input. Faking that first donation on my website? Okay, I convinced myself you hadn’t actually done that. Loaning Jared the money years ago, so he could tell me it came from him, when I bought the shelter? I pretended I didn’t know you’d done that.” Her words spilled out, surprising her. How did she know that? But the look on Tate’s face told her she was right. He’d been there the entire time, making sure she succeeded. Helping. Finding ways to keep her from turning him down.

  He shrugged. “This is your dream, and it’s a good one. You won’t take the money from me.”

  She hadn’t wanted to approach things this way. Especially not with Tate’s confession—wonderful, amazing, infuriating as it may be—hanging between them. But she was laying it all on the line. “I will now.” Wow, that was harder to say than she’d expected.

  “What?”

  She shoved her hands in her pockets to keep them from shaking. “I need a loan, Tate. Enough to move forward and make this shelter grow.” Now that the words were tumbling out, it was easier. “But I need more than that.”

  “Of course.” His shoulders relaxed, and the lines faded from his forehead. “Whatever you need.”

  She shook her head. “It’s not about me. You need to make this idea take off. What you can do for companies like mine? It’s important. These sites of yours can make a big difference and you’re doing it right. So we’re going to make sure your idea takes off. You, me, Mikki, and whomever else we have to pull in. We keep failing miserably when it comes down to what I need, or what you want to do. This is about us.” She hadn’t meant it that way. But she liked the way it sounded.

  “Slow down. I think I missed a few steps.”

  “Right. Sorry.” She paused, dragging her thoughts together. “Everything that you’ve struggled with since you tried to launch these crowd funding sites—or at least a lot of it—goes away if you have your own hardware. You’ve said you don’t have the manpower, but you have technical knowledge, and I found you someone who will work for free. You do that, you keep my donation site online, and I’ll make sure my expansion happens.”

  “You’ve thought this out. Thank you for that.”

  She felt better than she had in weeks, but she wasn’t done yet. “And Tate?”

  He met her gaze, eyes widened in question.

  She stepped in. “I love you, too.”

  He grinned, and rested his hands at the small of her back.

  She pushed him back playfully. “And if you ever pull this ‘I know what’s best for you’ bullshit on me again, we’re going to have problems.”

  He grabbed her wrists, and pulled her in. “Yes ma’am.” He cupped the back of her head, and crushed his lips to hers. Hunger, need, and security surged through her and she pressed back. She wasn’t sure if their new plan was any better than any of the old ones, but this—what she had with Tate—was the one thing she wasn’t worried about.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Tate drew Lys into him, and trailed his fingers through her hair. God, he loved having her in his arms. Her warmth, weight, and lilac scent. And right now, he was almost as grateful she wasn’t as stubborn has he was. Relief still flowed through him at her acceptance of his financial help. She’d just gotten off the phone with her contractor, letting them know she was ready to move forward with the building expansion.

  Tate moved his lips against the top of her head. “When do we start work on this plan?”

  “Tonight, when Mikki’s done with work and before my shift starts.” Her breath was hot against his skin, teasing and comforting at the same time. “Because she’ll do it for the challenge instead of trying to talk me out of it for whatever reason.”

  Tate didn’t have an argument for that. “If I might make a suggestion until then.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You should probably get some sleep.”

  She pulled back enough to look him in the eye, and her gaze traveled over his face. “When was the last time you slept an entire night?”

  God, he wasn’t even sure he remembered. “Not a clue.”

  “In that case, only if you join me.” She pulled him toward the bedroom.

  ****

  Tate shook the sleep off at the sound of his doorbell chiming. After five. He hadn’t meant to sleep that long, but he felt good.

  Lys watched him through lidded eyes as he climbed from bed. “What’s up?” she asked.

  He kissed her on the forehead. “Don’t know. I’ll be back.” He fastened his jeans and pulled on his shirt as he crossed the house to the front door. The remaining haze of sleep evaporated when he saw Jared on his front porch. “Hey, man.”

  Jared was dressed as if he’d just come from the office, which made sense given the time of day. He held out a USB drive. “I wouldn’t bother you at home on a sick day, but you weren’t answering your phone. I need your okay on some documents by tomorrow morning.”

  Sick day? Right. What other reason would he have for vanishing without notice in the middle of the week? Tate grabbed the thumb drive. “No worries. Do you want input, or just an okay?”

  Jared shrugged, his expression neutral. “If anything needs to be corrected, use track changes. Meeting’s at eleven, so as long as I have it first thing, I’ll be set.”

  “No problem. See you tomorrow.”

  Jared didn’t move, and his jaw tightened.

  “Something else I can do for you?” Uneasiness flitted through Tate.

  “I just wanted to say hi to your guest. Where is she?”

  Tate’s gut sank. “Who?”

  “Alyssia. Her car’s in your driveway.”

  It was going to come out eventually, and Tate wanted to shout about their relationship to anyone who would listen, but he’d rather have this conversation with Lys’s consent, and definitely not while she was half-naked in his bedroom. “Oh, she’s…you know.” He waved his hand vaguely toward everything behind him.

  Jared crossed his arms. “I don’t, actually. I can make a lot of assumptions, but my sister accuses me of jumping to conclusions, so I’m hoping I’m wrong. You’re not good for her.”

  Was that what Tate had sounded like? No wonder she’d been pissed. “It’s not your call.”

  Jared made a noise that landed somewhere between a growl and a bark. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

  “It’s okay.” Lys’s voice greeted him from behind. Tate glanced over his shoulder to see her leaning against the far wall, hair mussed. At least she was dressed, though. “I’d rather tell him now than later.”

  “What are you doing, Alyssia?” Jared stepped into the house.

  Tate blocked his path, and prayed he
wasn’t about to get socked. Not that he’d ever seen Jared hit anything, but there was a first time for everything. It’s what he would do if he were in Jared’s shoes. He took a deep breath. “Hear me out.”

  “I’m listening.”

  Great. So what was he supposed to say? ‘But I love her’ was a good start, but it didn’t feel very solid. Not given his history. The words flowed into Tate’s head, and he spoke without filtering them. “I know you and I have had each other’s backs since we were kids,” he said to Jared. “But she’s my best friend. Honestly, that’s the best way to put it. I can’t imagine not having her there to celebrate with when things go well.” He turned to Lys. It was more important she hear this than Jared. That she know how he felt when they weren’t in the middle of a heated argument. “I can’t imagine you not being there when I have news of any kind. It wrecks me to think I might have to share you with another man. Let alone your—”

  “I get it.” Jared interrupted. “Please don’t give me any details.”

  Tate turned back to him with a shrug. “I know she’s your sister. I get that you’re looking out for her. Thing is, I’ve thought for a long time about this. Probably longer than I should’ve. I know what I’m doing, and what I’m saying when I tell you I love her.”

  Jared’s expression was cold, and unyielding. “Can we do this outside?”

  “Go,” Lys said, before Tate could answer. “Get this out of your system, Jared.”

  Tate stepped onto the porch. The moment he shut the door, Jared’s mask shifted, lines marring his face, brows knitted together.

  The almost-calm disappeared from Jared’s voice. “You’ve got a really pretty speech rehearsed. It’s almost believable. But out of all that, you only said one thing I agree with. We have known each other since we were kids. You’ve never been with a woman longer than twenty-four hours. And now what? I’m supposed to just step back and tell you, knowing what I do about you, that I’m fine with you hooking up with my sister?”

  A part of Tate expected this conversation to be difficult, but he hadn’t lingered on the details or logistics of it. Maybe he should have thought about the repercussions a little longer. Not that it would have changed how he felt about Lys, but it may have changed his approach to the rest of it. “I’m being sincere. I don’t know what else to say.”

  Jared clenched his jaw. “Honestly, I shouldn’t make you convince me. God, it hurts to admit that. But I know you’re right. You and she… I know you’re close. I’m not blind. I was just hoping you wouldn’t ever figure it out.”

  Tate ground his teeth together, measuring his response. “Because I’m not good enough for your baby sister?”

  “Because she is my baby sister, and this means admitting she’s grown up.”

  Tate almost smiled at that. He swallowed back a jab about her having grown up a long time ago. “You have to let her make her own decisions sometime.”

  “That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

  This could have gone better, but it also could have gone a lot worse. He looked at Jared. “It’s not like I have a choice but to show you I mean it. I’m not going anywhere without her.”

  Jared stared back, jaw set. “If this goes bad, that’s the point where you’d better lose my number. But I have a feeling I don’t need to worry.”

  “Not that she needs your blessing, but I’d kind of hate to lose your friendship. So, thanks.”

  They exchanged a few more jabs, the tension lessening between them, and Jared left. Tate headed back inside.

  Lys sat on the couch, fingers intertwined, elbows resting on her legs. “You look like that maybe went well?”

  “He didn’t even hit me.” Tate pulled her to her feet. “Really, though, I’m glad he’s not too pissed, because I’d hate to choose sides, but I wouldn’t have chosen his.”

  She wrapped her arms around his waist, and rested her cheek on his chest. Her voice was soft. “I’m glad you don’t have to. I’d hate to make you regret us.”

  “I don’t, and I wouldn’t. Not ever.” He hugged her back, holding on tight. “I still meant everything I said. This doesn’t change how I feel.” He kissed her. “As long as you know I mean it, when I say I love you, that’s what matters.”

  “I do.” She squeezed his hand. “And I’d stay here all night and let you show me, but we have an appointment.”

  Right. Time to put their plan into action. “I’ll meet you at the shelter?”

  She nodded, and stepped away. He grasped her fingers, pulled her to him, and rested a hand on the small of her back. He kissed her, pouring everything he felt into the gesture. Memorizing each curve of her body, and the way her frame molded to his. This was what mattered. Making sure Lys had whatever it took to make her happy. He finally let her go, and the absence of her touch lingered on his skin. “See you soon.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Mikki sat on the couch in Alyssia’s office, legs crossed, and laptop balanced on her knees. Alyssia scrolled through lists of supplies—purchases she needed to grow the shelter. Tate was working his contacts to find a storage facility for his hardware. So many servers had to be on and online all the time, and they needed a secure location to live in.

  It was the same scene as it had been for almost two weeks, and Alyssia found it comforting. That, and—now that she was back on daytime shifts—she loved waking up next to Tate, regardless of whose place they stayed at.

  Tate reached around Alyssia for a pen. He brushed his lips over her cheek before scooting away again, and going back to his pacing and whatever he was looking up on the tablet he held. Heat flooded Alyssia’s face when she realized Mikki was watching, mouth twisted in amusement.

  Mikki shook her head and turned back to her work. “You two are cute.” She glanced at Alyssia again. “I don’t know why Jared’s still grumpy about it.”

  Alyssia tucked away the sliver of hurt at the reminder. He’d told Tate he was okay, but he still snarled when he saw the two of them together. She knew it would take time, but Jared still meant the world to her. She couldn’t ask for a better older brother. “It’s probably hard to get if you don’t have siblings.”

  Mikki shrugged. “I guess. Personally, I think he’s just jealous. When Holly and Robert find out, he’s going to have to share the ‘when are we getting grandkids’ conversations with you.”

  A nervous pit sank into Alyssia’s gut. It had been there a lot lately. A hint of nausea that surged at certain times of the day, then ebbed again as she lost herself in work.

  Sweet, heartfelt confessions of love were one thing, but it wasn’t like they were even living together yet, let alone having a children conversation. It was true; Tate said he wanted to be her future, but they hadn’t talked about things like that. And as much as she wanted kids, she wasn’t sure that fell in line with his vision. She risked a glance at Tate. He stared at his tablet, his face a flat mask, and his finger tapping on the screen.

  “I’m pretty sure he’s not jealous.” Tate finally looked up. “Really? You get the grandkids question already? You’re not even married yet.”

  Mikki held up her left hand and wiggled her fingers. The overhead lights sparkled off diamonds. “I’m just saying, join us for Sunday dinner holding hands, instead of sitting at opposite ends of the room pretending you don’t see each other, and things will change. It’s not like it’s a big deal, we’re just running out of polite excuses.”

  “Kids aren’t in your future?”

  Alyssia tried not to pick apart Tate’s question. There was no reason to analyze the words, examine them for inflection. That wasn’t uncertainty or disgust she heard in her voice.

  “I don’t know.” Mikki turned her attention back to her work, typing as she talked. “Maybe. I know, he’s ten years older, they’ve been waiting for a long time, but we’re not sure if we want to do that.”

  Alyssia hadn’t ever heard that from Jared before. Not that they spent a lot of time talking about his baby plans. Still, she’d
always just assumed it was something she’d do, it was something Jared would do. “So are you saying you’ll never…?”

  “Maybe. Maybe not. I’ve still got time, and we’re still having fun, you know?”

  “I completely understand.” Tate was making scrolling motions on the screen now, instead of random taps.

  Currents of uneasiness rocked through Alyssia. “Which bit?” She tried to keep her tone casual. “The not knowing for sure, or the ‘it’s probably never going to happen?’”

  He looked up, and his gaze met hers. “I have a press release explaining your situation with Thompson’s dog. Something to help you change the perception of the shelter back to positive. Do you want to hit up the online news outlets with the information, or stick to local television stations?”

  “Online too. Everyone who’ll listen.” She squashed her rising disappointment. She shouldn’t jump to conclusions. It wasn’t as if he’d said it was never going to happen. And again, it wasn’t even like they had moved that far in their relationship. But she’d struggle to make things work, even with him, if kids weren’t an option. Had he really thought this confession of love thing through? Had she?

  She’d never kept what she wanted from her future a secret. Was she overreacting, or was this just one of many things they were about to clash over?

  “So.” Mikki looked back and forth between the two. “Speaking of media outlets, any news on Thompson?”

  Tate shook his head. “Certified mail says he received the letter.” They’d decided to give him one more chance to rescind the stories about the shelter, and to drop the lawsuit. To issue a public apology, and then just let the issue die. The alternative wouldn’t quite be as brutal as what he’d done to the shelter, but it certainly wouldn’t paint Thompson or his local TV station a good light, and Alyssia’s attorney already had a counter-suit drawn up if needed. “No response. He won’t take my calls, and has refused any in-person meetings.”

  “Bryce Thompson was not available for response,” Mikki said in chirpy voice.