by Mercy Cortez
Barely breathing as they break into dust
Lonely corners me
Sweeps me off my feet
Shows me it was better for me
Fingertips holding close
your grip not as soft
Follows me to an empty bed
I can’t stop the weakening of my soul
my body is dying
your tune is holding my mind
Let me go
see what I do
No control
No you
You whisper your sweet goodbye
If it is small it won’t interrupt my sleep
But my heart you keep
You say it’s for me
But who would be happy?
Alone left out in the cold
Tell me; is this the best for both of us? When my twisted heart will be what’s left of us.
Take my heart and keep it safe
Promise me I never made a mistake.
I felt a tear slide down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away; this was why I loved music; it can make you feel.
I looked through the other artists and no one grabbed me except those two and so I tried to keep busy and invited both of them for a meeting with me and Mr. Conlin, I may have bad times but I felt like I really loved my job; like I belong here, in this industry, doing this.
My work phone buzzed and it was Jared.
“Hi baby girl; it’s your lunch I believe, I miss you, come to my office, I want to see you” he sounded so loving and sweet but there were still things I was yet to know; was it worth bringing them up or just enjoying having him?
“Be right there” I said with a little less love and a little more hurt in my voice.
I got to his office and he embraced me, being close to him, inhaling his scent, it was so perfect, I stayed there for a minute wishing I could leave things be, wishing I wasn’t so scared that he would break me down and damage me, I hated that we argued about things so much but I couldn’t pretend. I pulled away.
“Everything okay, baby girl?” I looked up at him; terrified to ask all the things I needed to.
“Yesterday was - incredible, I was so happy, being in your arms.” I let out an intake of breath and the look of concern on his face worsened.
“but … you left your phone behind, I accidentally answered it…how was Caitlin?” he looked at me in shock, no doubt scrambling for words to stop the tears that pricked my eyes; before I met him I rarely cried or had many emotions at all and now I was a mess.
“She is nothing to do with you or us, Melissa” he said it sternly and my tears dropped over my cheeks.
“Melissa please understand, don’t cry, please. It’s complicated” he exclaimed
“Well uncomplicated it then, I need to know who she is to you” I was practically pleading with him to tell me.
“She is…my ex fiancée” he said through gritted teeth, I looked at him in disbelief, he was engage to her?
“Do or did you love her?” he looked nervous and answered simply
“No. Never” my heart broke a little and he saw it and continued.
“Melissa I never loved anyone before you, I love you, I love you so much it hurts, you are perfection, made for me, I never wanted to cherish someone before, I want to cherish you and hold you and protect you. With her, it was different, I thought it would help to fill a whole I felt to be with her would make me happy, it didn’t, we met when I was younger, I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, in a way she changed me, made me more focused, after it all she had a breakdown and I paid for her rehab stay out of guilt; I tried to help her and she is okay now and we are just friends, you are all I want; I promise you”
“I believe you, I just don’t know as that’s all that she wants” and he pulled me in for a sweet and sensual kiss, he gripped down my body and cupped my breasts and continues kissing me seductively until I pulled away needing distance. He pulled me back into his hardness and I gasped, he whispered to me telling me he needed me. He pushed me onto his desk my mind flashed to the blond woman but I ignored it; I had to let his past go or it would eat me alive and chew up my mind, I had to think about the future. He pushed on top of me and I wrapped my legs around him as he pushed my skirt up and his trousers down as he pushed inside, I stifled a moan and he rocked gently into me, he was so gentle now, so tender and loving, so different from before, he told me how beautiful I was and how he loved having me to himself. He kept pushing into me, kissing me, until I couldn’t control myself anymore and I thrusted with him until he erupted whispering that he loved me.
He pulled out and laid beside me on the desk, we only just fit and he held me for a few minutes before we both got up to get ourselves presentable, he kissed me, a little more eager this time and leaving me wanting and grinned at me.
“Melissa Payne, you are all mine” he said so husky, so sexily and then he opened his office door
“I enjoyed lunch, thank you Melissa” his grin fixed onto his handsome face as I walked out of his door, his hand smacked my arse as I left, making me smile.
Two weeks later…
After a long day at work I was so glad to be home, I told Jared I would get a cab to and from work when I was at mine, I wanted the independence, it took a lot of work but he allowed it, however I spent less time here than ever; I wondered why me and Jared didn’t just live together, I was at his place more than here and he was paying for both, I looked at my reflection; I looked so different, my brown hair so silky and soft not up scrupled in a bun, my make-up was flawless, I was subtle but kept a green dash of eye liner under my eyes to make them spark a little more, my cheeks were a brilliant pink and I looked down at my clothes, my slender figure and my pencil skirt just above my knee, it was all such great quality, I never thought I would wear anything quite so out of my reach, but here I was; in London, in a luxury flat, wearing god know what label that cost the earth and a boyfriend that cared about me. When did I get so lucky? This didn’t happen, not to anyone; especially not me.
I heard the buzz of my intercom that had been fixed by the landlord. I saw Jared smiling into the camera and buzzed him up.
I opened the door to him holding a makeshift picnic basket and some tulips, and I smiled at him wide.
“I figured we should spend time at yours sometimes” He passed me the yellow tulips, he had one of his white shirts on, it was open collar and a few buttons loosened just enough to see his chest, his eyes looked so happy, his hair a little wind swept as he dragged his fingers through it, he had such a delicious smile, and his grey trousers clung to his hips perfectly, and he was all mine. I thanked him with a kiss as he walked into my apartment, I went to find a vase while he sorted the food from the picnic basket, and it reminded me of that first time in his apartment making egg on toast with him, just like a normal couple and I smiled to myself. He had brought some steaks for frying and no surprise that he knew my kitchen better than I did as he prepared them, I’m not sure there is much sexier than a man that can cook. When he was finished he brought it to my dining table and we both ate while talking and laughing about silly things, I loved this, it was so easy and normal. He pulled out a black box and he saw the startled look on my face and chucked
“Calm down, it isn’t a ring” I laughed and he pushed the box across the table to me and I blushed and opened it, a Pandora bracelet stared at me, with a few charms already on it, he walked around and placed it on my wrist and knelt beside me to explain the charms.
“This one..” he pointed at the Green Faceted Murano Charm “reminds me of your eyes and this one, the Big Ben charm reminds me of when I offered you this job and first met you and the key to my heart charm, because that’s what you’ll always have” he kissed my little fingers and then looked into my eyes.
“One is missing...” he fished it out of his grey trouser pocket and pulled out a tulip flower charm and put it on my bracelet, and pulled the black box up and below where the bracelet had been sitting was a key
&nbs
p; “And this tulip will remind you when I gave you a key to my home” I stared in shock and he laughed and held me.
“You will still have this place for now; I know you need the security and it’s a little soon to move in; but you are almost always at my penthouse, why not have the key too?”
“Jared, this is incredible, thank you so much!” and I kissed him over and over, once I stopped he had a serious look on his face.
“Remember the whole collar thing? Well I don’t want to ever collar you, I love you like this, I love seeing you flourish like the rose you are, like I’m watering you and watching your petals open, I could never take that away from you, it is far too striking but maybe to show you’re mine and you to have something to remind you of me, that bracelet is like your collar Melissa, you are officially all mine, and I am all yours” I felt so happy in that moment and knew we would be okay, that he would love me and protect me. I was his, the collar I had agreed to long ago, I didn’t know the full premise of my words when I said I would let it happen and I never really wanted to know, things have a way of eating at you and I would rather have my Jared now, re born and loved like he was always meant to be. I know that it is important that he loves me enough to lose that control of a collar; that he trusts me enough.
Three months later
“Jared, hurry up you will make me late again!” I slammed onto the bathroom door and he opened it and pulled me in, and kissed me hard.
“No, now I will make you late” he chuckled and turned the shower on. His sculpted body before me was making my mouth water.
“I suggest you get naked Ms. Payne, or your expensive clothes will be ruined in five seconds” he smirked and waited while I undressed and pulled me into the shower, he pushed me against the tiles, he took my nipple into his mouth as the water washed down and I moaned
“I’m so going to be late” I grumbled
“I’m sure your boss will forgive you, after all you’re in the shower with him” and he kissed down my body and pushed my leg up while he tasted me and made me ache to release, he was so good at making me lose control, he moved back up and pinned my arms to the tiles and grunted as he pushed inside me, we finished our shower and spent a long time cleaning one another, I was a full five minutes late for work and had an email waiting at my desk
To: Melissa Payne
If you know what’s good for you, then leave him alone. This isn’t a threat. It’s a promise.
I felt as my hope and happiness dropped. Who was this and what did they want? Before I had to worry about it I had work to do, before long it was lunch and I decided to walk to the local Starbucks and get me and Jared a coffee, I walked out to the cold London air and took a shortcut through a well-lit alley, an alley I had passed through many times in my time at GME Records. I noticed a lot of cigarette ends on the floor; I wondered why someone would be standing pecifically here smoking for what would appear to be for hours; my phone started ringing, it was Carl, he had been doing so well as Jared’s assistant and I liked that Carl was in no way attracted to Jared in the slightest.
“Hi Carl, are you okay?”
“I’m good want to meet for lunch?” before I could answer a woman whose blue eyes were bloodshot looked into me, she was petit, late twenties, hair was a mess, it looked almost black with dirt and grease, she looked high on something; it was interesting juxtaposition, her clothes were expensive; my tastes for fashion in the three months I had been officially with Jared had given me an eye for seeking labels and I knew this lady had money at her disposal. I went to walk around her when she grabbed my arm making me drop my phone.
“Melissa, I warned you, I warned you on the phone, I have emailed you over and over but you just won’t leave him alone will you? He is mine, he wants to marry me, you’re just in the way!” she sounded crazy probably because she was and I knew now, it was Caitlin, I kept getting calls and the person would hang up but only today had I gotten any other emails and I told her so, she called me a liar and moved closer to me, pulling out a knife, I went to scream but she pushed me into a wall and covered my mouth with her hand, she took the blade and made small cuts up my thigh, ripping through my skirt.
“Jared doesn’t like damaged girls, he won’t want you with all these scars Melissa, he certainly won’t want you when I kill you” I was terrified and I heard Carl on my phone calling for me, but I couldn’t answer, before I knew it she took the knife and pushed it inside my stomach; I thought of Jared’s mother and his six year old little boy stare and I prayed he wouldn’t find me like this. I tried to cry out through her hand and she smiled, she stabbed me again and my whole body felt empty and I knew I was going to die, right here, alone. She touched my face and asked why I was with him, mumbling about it not being fair, that she saved him and then she used the same knife to slit her wrists in front of me, she lay there bleeding out with me; the two women who were in love with the same man bleeding in an ally in London, I watched as our crimson blood seeped into the cracks in the cement and I looked at my bracelet that was now full of charms and saw blood splashed over it as my eyes gently closed.
I opened my eyes and saw white, I thought I was dead, then I saw him, my Jared asleep by my bedside, I heard the beeping of machines and knew I was okay, I had survived somehow. I tried to move but I couldn’t, I watched him sleeping, his eyes looked heavy, his shirt was dirty, so unlike him, like he hadn’t moved in day, his hair was dull and lifeless and his skin deathly pale. Suddenly he woke like he knew I was awake, he told me not to move and I listened, he told me he loved me and he was sorry.
“I hid the emails from you, I shouldn’t have but I didn’t want her to scare you, it’s my entire fault, All of this is my fault” he rambled and I finally was able to speak as a nurse removed a pipe down my throat.
“Jared what happened?” he looked at me with concern
“Please forgive me, I had no choice… Carl called me asking if I knew where you were and I didn’t so I he told me what he heard and I went looking for you, I found you both in the ally, I was lucky I found you, you had blood all over you, I was terrified, she stabbed you four times, mainly in one area and she was on the floor, she bled out quicker than you and was close to death, I tried to help her too but.. It was too late, she woke up enough to tell me that she loved me and I knew she was going to die so... I told her a lie, I said I loved her too and she died in my arms. We got you to the hospital and she had damaged both of your kidneys, normally people can function with one but she damaged both of yours and your body was going into system failure, your organs were shutting down... I had no choice… I called your mother, got the number from your phone and sent a car to pick her up, she was so scared for you, she got tested, we needed a transplant and I wasn’t a match, your mother wasn’t either, she had to go back home, she didn’t want to stay when I, …I’m so sorry.. I asked your mother if she knew where your father was, your real father… he gave you his kidney, I paid him to give it to you so that you would live, I needed you to live, I was selfish but I love you, I can’t live without you, I’m sorry”
I sobbed knowing my father, my uncle, whatever he was had saved me, I didn’t want him anywhere near me, let alone giving me his organs, I wanted to rip the kidney out of me, I’d rather die, I didn’t want this, Jared kept apologising while I sobbed and told me it would take weeks or months to heal, he said he warned my uncle to stay away from me, but it crushed me, he had a hold on me.
I thought of Jared, would I have done any different? I doubt it, he didn’t have a choice, I would have died otherwise, in his mind this was better, I wasn’t so sure, maybe in time I would be okay but I wanted to throw up and run away from it all, Caitlin died, and he showed her mercy before she did, she didn’t deserve it, she tried to kill me and would have succeeded.
Just as I was collecting my thoughts, trying to understand everything I saw Jared bent down on one knee, please don’t. God please don’t, just get up.
“Melissa will you marry me?” I shook my head
and mumbled nothingness, I couldn’t, not yet, how could even ask me that now. I felt like my head was going to explode.
“Melissa, I’m sorry, I nearly lost you, you were unconscious for three weeks and I love you, please don’t shut me out, please!” he cried, I hated when he cried, it made it so hard to say or do anything, made me just want to hold him and love him.
“I’m not saying no, I’m saying just not right now Jared, I’ve been through a lot and I am barely thinking straight; just give me time, I love you, too”
I spent the next three weeks trying to get better, trying to forget that my kidney wasn’t mind, the doctors decided therapy was for the best, and it had helped although I hated talking about my past, I came to realise it wasn’t my fault and I couldn’t protect myself, I always wondered if I did something wrong, I was brought into this world unwanted and I guess that’s enough to make anyone feel badly about themselves. My father didn’t try to contact me, I never asked how much Jared paid him but I didn’t care, I was just glad he was gone from my life forever and as much as Caitlin’s death was a shame now I saw her as just a troubled woman, almost like me, but at least she couldn’t hurt us or herself anymore. I was finally able to get up and walk around sort of normally and Jared drove me to the little house I had seen so long ago, the one outside the city, so quaint and sweet, inside it was like a cottage; wooden beams to the ceiling and floral wallpaper, it was old but perfect, old dark wood furniture and a butlers sink, it had a charm to it, it felt like a home I could raise children in some day. He looked after me, fed me, and bathed me, everything, even though I did keep telling him I could do it myself.
We were sitting on the couch and he looked at my wrist and noticed my bracelet was missing, I was lucky he hadn’t noticed before I guess, with all the happenings at the hospital I had lost it and I felt terrible about it, he pulled out a box and opened it to reveal my bracelet and I was so happy, he held me lightly, in all this time he could barely touch me because I was too sensitive but lately he could hold me a little. He pulled out a new charm; it was a ring, hanging down with a real diamond in the centre.
