With the way the moonlight is shining on us and the way we are tangled up in each other, it’s almost like a dream or some fairy tale that I get to live in for a few hours. “J, is this real? Us, right here, right now?”
“It’s as real as you want it to be Cass,” he murmurs, his lips grazing mine as he speaks. “But if it is a dream, I’ll be damn if I ever want to wake up from it.” He licks his lips and continues. “I’m in deep, Cass, deeper than the water in this creek, deeper than the water in the river. I’m drowning in you, that is how deep I’m in and I don’t want to ever come back up to the surface.” I don’t know who attacked who first, but since we already were so close, we can call it a draw.
I moan, he growls.
I tug on his hair, he bites my lower lip.
J effortlessly lifts my legs and wraps them around his waist, lowering us into the water. I suck in a breath when his fingers tease my opening. He slides a finger in, then two. I arch into him and throw my head back. I shudder in his embrace when he nibbles on my exposed neck.
“J…” I moan out while his fingers move at a steady rhythm in and out of me.
I never thought something like this would feel this amazing. And I thought Zack was good.
“Let go, Cassie,” he murmurs, his mouth still on my neck. And boy did I let go. J captures my cries with his mouth. I sag against him, my head resting in the crook of his neck. His hands roam the length of my back, up and down. He kisses my hair before laying his head against mine. “That was amazing, darlin’.” Did J really just call me darlin’? I reared back and splashed him in his face with water. “What was that for?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “You know that word creeps me out, J,” I say coolly.
“My bad, let’s try that again.” I lay my head back against him. He kisses my hair again and I almost ruin the moment by laughing. “That was amazing, beautiful.” My breath hitches at the endearment. No one has called me beautiful since Zack. This isn’t the first time J has called me that, but at this moment, it was sweeter, more meaningful to me. “Is that better babe?”
Emotion clogs my throat. I used to be this vibrant girl who life going for her. I had the latest clothes, I was outgoing, and I laughed all the time. It’s amazing how two years can impact you. All I wear now is dark shirts and jeans with my converse sneakers. Hell, I don’t even wear any makeup at all now. I tend to keep to myself now instead of being a people person. When it’s drilled into you, though, you kind of have no other choice but to be this way. Before Bo and J came along I couldn’t tell you the last time I laughed.
It’s like my soul died and was replaced with someone else’s. Part of me wants the old Cassie back, but the question is, is can I be her again? After everything, do I want to be her again or just a version of whom I used to be?
Chapter Twenty
Cassie
A loud bang on my bedroom door startles me. “Cassie! We need you in the kitchen! Now!” My father’s voice booms from the other side of the door. I throw my homework out of my lap and scramble out of my bedroom. When I walk into the kitchen mom and dad are sitting at the kitchen table with irritated expressions.
“Your mother and I wanted to inform you we are having a party on Friday night.”
I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Aren’t they a little old to be throwing parties?
“Why?” I question.
Mom decides to put her two cents in. “It’s none of your business why. We’re the parents and you’re the child, it’s not the other way around.”
“Are you sure about that?” I grumble under my breath.
Dad stands up from his chair. “What did you say?” He leans forward pressing his hands on the table.
“Nothing,” I reply quickly.
“No I want to hear it, say it again,” Dad demands. I swallow the lump in my throat. “Well…out with it.”
I nervously wipe my sweaty hands on my pants.
“Um…I just asked if you, uh, were, uh…sure.”
Dad cocks his head to the side, his lips pursed. His expression clouds with anger. “Your Saturday privileges are gone until I say otherwise. That way you have time to think about who the parent is and who the child is here,” he seethes.
“But…”
Dad slams his hand down on the table causing me to jump. “No buts, Cassie! Go to your room!”
Sighing in defeat I retreat to my room. As soon as the door is closed behind me, the dam breaks. Tears slide freely down my cheeks. I hate my life. More importantly, I can’t stand my parents. What I said wasn’t really a lie. Mom and dad don’t know exactly how to be parents.
Not much longer and you will be free. I keep telling myself that, but where will I go? I have no money, no car, no job, and no place of my own.
The only option I have right now is to keep my 4.0 GPA up so I can hopefully get a full scholarship somewhere that also pays for me to live in a dorm. I could get a part-time job to help take care of other expenses. But graduation is not for another eight months…who knows where we will be by then?
I know we won’t be here until I’m eighteen. We never stay in the same town for longer than four months and I don’t turn eighteen until December the twentieth which is four months away still.
The more I dwell on it the more tears I shed. I’ve finally found a place I love and I could see myself living here, even though it is way out in BFE. Bo, J, and his family have made this place feel like home to me. What will I tell them if I get to see them before I’m forced to leave? Will I get to hug and kiss J one last time? Will I get to thank them for letting me visit every Saturday?
****
Monday morning arrives and all I wanted to do was run and jump into J’s arms and never leave. Maybe I’d convince him to hide me in his closet every night or something so I wouldn’t have to come home because I never know when my parents are going to spontaneously decide to move again. For all I know tonight could be my last night in this town. My heart aches thinking about that.
“Are you okay, Cass?” J asks, tucking my hair behind my ear. We are sitting at the lunch table and I’m picking at my food. I royally screwed up and J has no clue. I thought I was living in hell already. Not getting to spend time with J on the only day a week I was allowed is going to be pure torture.
I turn my head towards him and give him my best ‘I’m okay’ smile. “I’m fine, J, I’m just tired.” I’m tired of thinking about my life and how it would destroy me to leave J and his family behind.
J must’ve been worried about something because I saw his shoulders sag in relief. “Okay, for a minute there I thought I might’ve done something wrong or you might be regretting…” his voice lowered and trailed off. I knew where he was going with that sentence.
I twist in my seat so I am facing him. I grab his hand and look straight in his eyes. “I would never regret that J, so please erase that from your mind.”
His free hand caresses my face. I lean into his comforting touch. J drops his hand and leans in to whisper in my ear. “Good, because I can’t wait to do it again…and again.”
I wanted to hide my face in his shirt because I know it is beet red. I feel J’s body rumble with laughter, at my expense, no doubt. “There’s that beautiful smile,” J announces triumphantly. “I can’t wait until Saturday, Cass. I have somewhere special I want to take you,” J kisses my nose and I want to die. I should have told him, but I couldn’t handle breaking his spirit. He is so happy his eyes light up. I don’t want to ruin that.
Tears burn my eyes as he walks away to dump our trays. Why does this have to be so hard?
Chapter Twenty- One
Cassie
Friday has arrived and I’m not ready for the party tonight. I can only imagine the kinds of people that will be over tonight. I don’t even want to be around my parents much less anyone else who shares the same addictions they do.
“Cass, you alright?” J asks from the driver’s seat. I still haven’t told J yet about my Saturdays being rev
oked. I imagine that’s about to change.
I sigh and shift in my seat so I’m facing him. “No. Um, I actually need to tell you something.”
We drive in silence a moment until J surprises me by pulling over to the side of the road. He puts the truck in park and cuts the engine.
I will not cry. I will not cry.
That mantra keeps replaying in my head over and over yet my vision becomes clouded by the unshed tears. “Come here, Cass,” J says softly. I crawl across the seat to his lap. As soon as his arms embrace me the tears fall. “Tell me what’s goin’ on sweetheart.”
I take a deep breath and force the words out. “I’m not allowed to see you on Saturdays anymore.”
His body stills. “What? Why?”
I need to vaguely tell him why without giving out too much information. I don’t need for him to be asking questions that I can’t answer. “I just said something I shouldn’t have and dad didn’t like it.”
After a few calming breaths he asks, “What did you say?”
“Sometimes my parents don’t act like adults so I made a comment about them acting like children.” I shrug like it’s no big deal.
J takes my face in his hands. “We’ll make this work, Cass. I don’t care how many rules I have to break or how many times I have to put myself at the risk of being grounded. We. Will. Make. This. Work.” He leans in covering his mouth with mine reassuringly. I twist in his lap so my legs are on either side of him. Each kiss sent my stomach into a wild swirl.
We broke apart panting like we just ran a marathon. Doubt creeps in, creating negative thoughts. “How will we make this work? What happens if we get caught?”
He presses his lips to mine once more. “Don’t worry about it. Just leave it to me, alright?” My hand covers his as he caresses my cheek. “Do you trust me?”
Shakily, I nod. There is no doubt that I trusted J. “Then, leave everything me to. I’ll find a way for us to be together, I promise.”
“How, though, J?” I hate that I doubt him.
“You still run after school right?” I nod. “I will meet you at a certain spot on your run.”
“Okay. What else do you have up that sleeve of yours?”
“I’ll let you know when I get it all worked out.” He winks and my heart melts. God, I hope this works.
Later that night I’m holed up in my room trying to concentrate on what little homework I have left. The music is so loud it makes it hard to drown out the noise. I wish there was a way for me to sneak out and get to J’s without mom or dad noticing. There is no doubt in my mind what is going on outside my bedroom door. I can’t stand it. I hate that I’m pretty much drug into this mess.
Grabbing my measly old mp3 player I head to my closet and put my headphones in to try and drown out the noise going on.
Every single person that is here is no doubt high or drunk or both. What makes people turn to that stuff? Thank God I didn’t follow in mom and dad’s footsteps. I don’t understand my parents. How is a party laying low? I mean seriously? And they say I’m the one who needs to learn the rules!
I made a makeshift bed on the floor in my closet using my comforter and pillow off my bed. I closed my eyes relishing the music coming from my mp3 player.
I awake sometime later to the same noise I had silenced for a little bit. I glance down at my dead mp3 player and frown. How long was I out? Not long enough apparently.
Growling in frustration at my bladder for all of a sudden deciding to be full I peek out my bedroom door before tiptoeing across the hall to the bathroom.
I suddenly realize that I hadn’t taken the time to get a shower earlier. I might as well get one while I’m in here. I tiptoe back across the hall, grab some clothes, and then sneak quietly back.
I stand in the shower letting the water cascade over my body. For a moment, my worries and fears are relinquished.
When I’m done I dry off, throw on my clothes, and brush out my hair. A loud bang and the frantic turning of the knob of the bathroom door startles me.
I swallow against the lump in my throat and slowly open the door. The man on the other side is the epitome of a drug addict. His face is sunken and his eyes are hollow. My stomach churns at the sight of him. Not to mention the strong stint of whatever he is high on is coming from him.
“Well, well. Who do we have here?” A creepy smile adorns his ugly face. “Where have you been hiding?” His voice sends fearful shivers up my spine.
I want to step around him, but I fear he won’t let that happen. As I feared, the guy steps forward blocking my only way out. “Do you talk?” I don’t respond. “Well, that’s okay you don’t have to.” The lump in my throat grows larger as he moves closer to me. “You don’t have to be afraid, sugar. I’ll take good care of you, I promise.” He winks suggestively and it’s a wonder I didn’t throw up on the spot.
I flinch when he runs his finger along my collarbone. As soon as he turns to shut the bathroom door, I make my move. Raising my knee up, I connect it with his balls. He drops to the floor in pain. I was almost out the door when his hand gripped my ankle causing me to fall to the floor. Using all my strength, my foot connects with his face a couple times before his grip on my ankle fell away. I get up quickly and run to my window so I could get far away from here.
Once my feet hit the grass I sprinted away from the house. I pray no one is following me and I pray my parents don’t notice I left.
I did not stop until I reached J’s front porch. Struggling to keep the tears at bay, I knocked on the door. Sweat poured down my face, my bare feet throbbed, and my soaked shirt clung to my skin.
The porch light flips on above me and I hear the click of a lock. The door opens revealing Dan. My eyes widen when I notice the gun in his hand.
When he realizes it is me, he tucks it behind him. “Cassie? Is everything alright?” I shake my head vigorously on the verge of tears. “Come in darlin’ and tell me what’s wrong.” He opens the door wider motioning me to come in. “Let me go wake J. I’ll be right back. Make yourself at home.”
When he is out of sight, I sit down on the couch and bury my head in my hands.
I feel the couch dip beside me, but I know it isn’t J. A small hand touches my back. “Whatever is goin’ on sweetie know that we are here for you.”
I lift my head from my hands and glance at Jane noticing the worry in her voice. Not trusting my voice to speak, I just mouthed ‘thank you’. She just nods in understanding.
The sound of quick, heavy footsteps filled the silence. J comes barreling around the corner his face etched with concern. He crouches down is front of me. “Cassie.” He reaches up and cups my face. J’s voice triggered the tears. He scoops me up in his arms, taking my spot on the couch. I bury my face in the crook of his neck. “Baby, what happened?” he asks frantically.
“What’s goin’ on?” A sleepy Bo asks as he came into the living room. “Cassie?” He asks more awake.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake all of you I just didn’t have anywhere else to go.”
“Darlin’ you’re always welcome here. You know that” Bo replies reassuringly. Dan and Jane nodded in agreement.
“Cass, I don’t care what time it is. If you need me I’m here,” J murmurs into my hair. “Now, can you please tell me what happened?”
I let out a shaky breath. “Okay, um, well my parents had some people over so I stayed in my room. I ended up falling asleep listening to my mp3 player. When I woke up, I had to use the bathroom. Since my bathroom is directly across the hall I thought it was okay. I wound up taking a shower since I was in there.
“I was brushing my hair when someone knocked on the door. When I opened it to go out a guy was standing there. He, uh, started talking to me and he would get closer to me while he did it. Then he touched me.” I feel J stiffen beneath me. I retrace the pattern the guy made with his hand. “When he turned to close the door, I kneed him. He grabbed my ankle when I tried to go around him to get out so I kicked h
im in his face and as soon as he let go I ran to my window and left.” When I am done, Jane’s eyes are wide, her hand on her chest. Bo and J have murderous looks on their faces.
Dan’s look is stern, but the police officer in him is stirring up questions. “What did this guy look like?”
I describe him exactly how I remember him though I didn’t mention he smelled like drugs. If I did I would’ve had to answer why my parents allowed him over which would require me to tell why we are here and I can’t do that.
“You didn’t go to your parents?” I shake my head, afraid of where this question might go. “Why not?” he probes.
“Because I just wanted out of there.”
“I understand that, but don’t you think that they would want to know? If you were my daughter I’d want you to come directly to me before anyone else.” If my parents were like J’s I would’ve gone straight to them, no questions asked. Then again, Dan and Jane would be smart enough not to hang around people who are hooked on drugs. Mine aren’t.
“My parents weren’t exactly coherent so it wouldn’t have done any good.” Honestly, they probably wouldn’t care. That’s how low they are. If I had of went in the amidst the party it would be like a worm in a sea of fish. I’d be the bait they all wanted.
“What!” J roars.
“J, calm down son, you’re scaring her more than she already is,” Dan speaks calmly.
Bo speaks up next. “What do we need to do now dad?”
“There is nothing I really can do unless she considers filing a sexual harassment charge against him, but even then we’d need a name to go with his description. If she really wanted to I could do some investigating, see what I can find.”
That is definitely not an option. My parents would pack us up so fast I’d be out of here as soon as it was filed. “I don’t want to do that, I just want to forget about it.”
“Cassie, you were almost taken advantage of tonight! That’s not something that’s easy to forget!” J growls as he tightens his arms around my waist.
Safe with You Page 12
