by Kay Blake
I didn’t respond. All the time in the library had let my anger and insecurities fester and I was angry at him though did I really have a good reason.
“Are you okay?” he whispered.
“Yep.” It was one word, but filled with so much meaning.
I saved my document, sending it via email to the editor of the paper. I shut the computer down before getting up and walking out of the library, still tight-lipped with Adrian. He followed behind me, his expression one I couldn’t read.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked as soon as I made it outside.
I stopped walking and turned towards him.
“How many girls did you sleep with at this college?” I asked.
His expression changed to surprise, he licked his lips a few times.
“Does that matter?”
“When I have your old conquests coming up to me telling me to watch out for you, then yes does matter.”
“Who came up to you?”
“That girl from the bar. The one you where your hands were on her breasts.” I could see the memory cross his face before he shook his head. His mouth now set in a thin line. He was angry. But then again so was I.
“Really? I didn’t sleep with her. Sure, I thought about it, but I didn’t sleep with her. I was with you, remember?”
“Yeah, I do. You probably were trying to get into my pants back then.”
“But I did get into your pants,” he said with a slight shrug.
I narrowed my eyes at him. This wasn’t the time for his stupid jokes.
“How many girls did you sleep with here?” I repeated.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“You probably don’t even remember.”
“No. I don’t. Nor do I care. I’m with you now. I don’t give a damn about who I slept with or didn’t sleep with. I’m with you now. And only you,” he said quietly, but I could hear the anger in his voice.
“So you say!”
“What the hell does that mean?” he shouted.
“I don’t know that.” And even as I said it, I knew it may have been a stretch, that I had let that girl get in my head.
“I’m going back to my apartment alone. I want to be by myself. Okay?”
Turning away from him and his angry stare, I walked to my building. Maybe I overreacted, but he was one of the most sought-after guys from this school. I knew that before. Could I really compete with other girls when he was a guy who had that kind of attention? I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to deal with that kind of thing. I needed some time to myself.
I spent the other portion of the night eating ice cream and watching tv. Adrian had called me several times, but I didn’t answer him. Hours later, I woke up to someone getting into my bed.
“Marcy, I’m fine,” I whispered, not opening my eyes.
“It’s me,” Adrian said, wrapping his arms around me.
I shifted in the bed so I could face him.
“What are you doing here?”
Marcy let me in. I know you told me to stay away from you, but I can’t. I had to see if you were okay.”
“I’m fine. I was sleeping.”
“I called you all day. Why didn’t you answer?”
“Because I didn’t want to talk to you. I wanted to be left alone.”
I could see that he grimaced, but I didn’t care.
“Can I stay and sleep with you?”
“I guess.”
“No. Give me an answer. Yes or no.”
“Yes,” I said not wanting to argue. I closed my eyes again and I could hear nothing but his heartbeat. It was steady, almost comforting.
“I know you were upset with me earlier. That you wanted to know. The reason why I didn’t say how many there were because I honestly don’t remember. I told you that I was a jerk and I knew what playing football allowed me to do. I had girls after me all the time. But you are different. I want this more than I wanted anything. And I don’t want that part of me to affect what we have now.”
“Do we really have something now?”
“I would like to say we do. Of course, I don’t have all the right answers, but we’re together now.”
“I’m sorry. All I could think about is what if she was right? What if you did get tired of me and throw me away like I’m nothing to you,” I whispered.
He squeezed my body with his arms.
“I will never get tired of you. There is no one else but you,” he said.
There was nothing else for me to say at that point. I closed my eyes falling asleep in Adrian’s arms, trying my best not to worry that what we had was nothing more than great sex.
Chapter Eleven
Adrian
“Damn it, Robinson! What the fuck is going on with you? You’re not focused,” my coach yelled out.
And he wasn’t wrong. I was still worried about Leah. Even though we spent the night together, she still seemed standoffish and unhappy this morning. I had to get to practice so I didn’t get a chance to talk to her the way I wanted to.
“Sorry, coach,” I said.
“No sorries here. Whatever is going on you need to let it go, and get your head back into practice If you don’t get it together, I will have your ass running laps like no one’s business,” he said.
I nodded. I spent the next hour doing what he asked. Attacking everything like an animal. I was angry and frustrated and I took it out on my teammates. After practice, coach called me over.
“What’s going on with you?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I lied.
“I get it. Sometimes you guys get too worried about the girl you’re messing with. But this is a big year for you. A big one for Tommy too. You need to stay away from any distractions and keep your head focused on the game. Nothing else.”
“Alright coach! I got it,” I exclaimed.
“You better, or there will be consequences for your lack of motivation.”
As I turned to walk away, coach called me again.
“Adrian, I want you to do 20 laps around the field. It’s a reminder on what not to do for our next practice,” he said.
I nodded. I knew this was my fault, I wasn’t focused enough. And so, I started my laps.
When I finally reached Leah’s apartment, I was tired, but eager to see her. I rang the doorbell, realizing the door was open.
“Leah?” I said, walking into the room. “You left the door open.” I locked the door and turned around, surprised that her things were thrown on the couch.
Once I reached, her room, I saw Leah sitting on her bed, hunched over. Her eyes were closed, her hands over her face. She seemed in her own world.
“Are you okay, Leah?” I asked, but she said nothing.
“Kuuipo? Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
She still didn’t answer, so I gently tapped her.
“I feel like I’m dying. I just need a moment,” she said, her voice strangled.
“You’re worrying me. What the hell is wrong?”
“Panic…attack. It happens sometimes. It’ll pass.”
I pulled her to me then cradling her on my lap, kissing her face. Her cheeks were flushed, and they felt warm. She didn’t look well.
“I think I need to take you to a doctor.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re shaking, baby. This isn’t fine. You aren’t fine.”
Her head turned towards me to look up at me, and she gave me a weak smile.
“Just hold me.”
And so I did. Held her in my arms, on her bed that was much too small, rocking her back and forth. She buried her head into my chest breathing heavily. The fear that shot through me was something I had never experienced before. But I didn’t let her go. We sat there like that for almost an hour.
“Thank you,” she said.
“What was that?”
“A panic attack. Sometimes I have them. And sometimes I don’t. Though it seems talking to my mom sometimes trigger them. She just doesn’t make sens
e to me. Like she hates that I’m in college to write. She thinks I need to be doing something else, but I love writing. Is it really that bad that I want a career that I truly love? It seems that most of my conversations with her are about my choices recently, so it’s not too much of a surprise that this happened.
“I’m sorry. You should do whatever your heart tells you. You had me scared there for a moment.”
“Thank you. I appreciate the sentiment. I’m fine. You don’t need to say sorry.”
“I know, but I don’t like that you’re unhappy. You seem so strong normally, so to see you like that almost helpless, made me feel worse because I couldn’t help you at that moment. I want you to feel better.
She gave me a half smile then. “Thank you. I’m fine. And thanks for holding me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’ll be fine. I promise. I know you need to get ready for your game. I will be there cheering you on. You’re going to kill it out there like you always do.”
“Maybe you should skip this game.”
“No. I’ll be there. You won’t convince me otherwise.”
“Are you always so stubborn?”
“Yes. But so are you.”
“We are quite the pair, aren’t we?” I said laughing.
“Yep. Go get ready. I’ll see you at the game.”
Standing up, I placed her on the bed and kissed her. I could do that all day and not get enough of the way her skin felt against mine.
“I don’t support that decision at all, but I won’t argue with you. I will see you then.”
The game was starting and I found myself glancing over to where Leah normally sat with Marcy. I could see her there and she waved at me. My heart swooned. Was that even possible for my heart to swoon? But it did. And here she was at the game. All for me.
When it was my turn to be on the field, I watched as the ball came to me, and as it came. I pass rushed. I was damn good at it. Sacking the other team’s quarterback twice. Every time the offense scored, the crowd went crazy, and in turn, I was caught up in the moment. Caught up in the adrenaline from me, my teammates and the school supporting us.
We won the game 28 to 23 and I was so pumped. Tommy and I chanted on the field, the school following suit. I could see Leah from the crowd of faces, and she blew me a kiss I winked and blew one back at her, though I was sure she didn’t see it.
Making it to the locker room, the energy was off the chain, and I smiled taking off my jersey. Showering quickly so I can get to Leah.
Grabbing my things, I walked out of the door, I saw my mother standing there with a smile on her face.
“You did good baby boy. I’m proud of you,” she said.
I grinned, grabbing her and pulling her tiny body into a hug.
“Thanks, mom. Why didn’t you tell me that you were coming today?” I said after I placed her down.
“I wanted to surprise you. And I must say you didn’t disappoint. You know there are people watching you right?”
“I know mom. I know.”
“Pehea ‘oe?”
“I’m good mom. I’m great actually.”
“I’m glad to hear it. I want all the things you want baby boy. This is what we have been working for,” she said.
And it brought me back to how she was always my biggest supporter when it came to me playing football. My father not so much.
“Where’s dad?” I asked anyway.
“You know he is always busy with his hotel. But it doesn’t matter. He does it all for us. And you have me. We have each other. The most important thing is ohana. We have each other.”
I nodded, saying nothing else on the subject. She always defended him, especially when it came to his preference of ignoring that I loved football. Lived and breathed it. But instead of getting upset, I changed the subject.
“Mom now that you’re here, I want you to meet someone who is really special to me.”
My mother looked at me really confused as I grabbed her hand and brought her out of the locker room. We walked to the side entrance of the stadium where Tommy, Marcy, and Leah stood waiting for me. I smiled as soon as I saw Leah. It took everything in me not to run over to her and pull her into a hug. Once we reached them. I held my hand out for Leah, which she took.
“Mom, this is my girlfriend Leah. Leah, my mom,” I said, smiling at the two ladies in my life.
Leah smiled brightly and reached out her hand to shake my mother’s hand. My mother looked at her hand, but didn’t take it. Instead, she looked at me.
“What is this?” she asked. I could see Tommy look at me with a knowing look. He knew how my mother could be. I could see the hurt on Leah’s face. But she said nothing, as she placed her hand down, looking at me questioningly now seeming uncomfortable.
It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Robinson,” Leah said with a small smile, and I appreciated it that she still tried.
“I wish I could say the same, but then again, I would be lying,” she said.
Leah faltered and stepped back.
“Adrian, why did you bring me to this girl? This whore will not mess up what we have worked for,” she said completely ignoring Leah again as if she was an annoying insect that needed to be squashed and quickly.
Part of me knew where my mother was going with this, but the other half of me knew Leah was like that. I knew my mother wouldn’t let me hear the end of it if I said something, besides she was only concerned. And I appreciated that no matter how extreme it was.
I could see Leah’s nostrils flare at that, and she looked at me wanting me to say something. Anything. But I didn’t.
“Uh, Leah, come on. We’ll catch you later,” Marcy said pulling Leah. Tommy followed behind them, and I knew that this would be bad. I watched them walk away, before turning back to my mother.
“Ma, why did you have to be so mean? Leah isn’t like other girls.”
“How do you know that? All college girls are the same. Loose women giving it up to anyone they can. I bet she is only after you because you play football,” she retorted with a snort.
“She doesn’t even care that I play mom.”
“Oh, so she isn’t supportive of your dreams?”
“No. That’s not what I mean. I meant that her interest has nothing to do with me playing mom.”
“I don’t trust her. Or women like her,” she said, her voice like ice.
“I’m not dad, mom. She isn’t like other girls. It’s why I like being around her,” I said, exasperated.
I was getting aggravated and decided I wanted my mom to leave so I could find Leah.
“Mom, I have to go. The team is going to celebrate the win.”
She sighed.
“Fine. But call me tomorrow, we have a lot to discuss.”
“Okay, mom.” I walked her back to her car and once she drove off, I went to find Leah. I knew everyone was going to the usual hangout so I hoped that she was there.
Once I made my way inside I saw Tommy sitting with Marcy and I saw Leah sitting with them but seeming completely in her own world. Walking up to her, I tapped her shoulder.
“You wanna ditch this and head back?”
“I guess,” she said, standing up.
“Marcy are you coming back tonight, or are you staying with Tommy?”
Marcy smiled knowingly and Leah nodded.
“Okay, see you tomorrow. Later Tommy,” she said before turning around and walking out of the bar. We made our way to the car, and it was quiet. I knew Leah was upset about what happened with my mother. I was upset as well, but I also knew my mother meant well. I was her only child after all. She had always been super protective of me.
I opened the door to my car so Leah could get in. She did get in without a word and I sighed. This was going to be a long night. I got into the car and pulled off making my way back to her apartment.
“I’m glad that you won your game though. Congrats,” she said with a sigh. I knew she was upset. She didn’t even look at me when s
he said it.
“It means a lot to me that you came, Leah.”
“Why wouldn’t I come? I know how much this all means to you.”
“You mean a lot to me as well.”
“Okay.”
“Just okay?” I said my brow raised.
“I guess.”
I groaned. I already knew that from the time I have spent with her, I didn’t like it when she said she guessed. It made me feel that she was brushing off whatever was bothering her.
“Baby, I know you’re upset. You were upset since after the game. I know my mother can be a handful sometimes and I apologize that she took it out on you. She means well, but she can be abrasive. But I don’t want to talk about her. I want to talk about you.” I grabbed her hand squeezing it and she shook her head as if she was trying to forget what she wanted to say. But she moved her hand away from me keeping her gaze out the window.
When we reached her apartment, I parked in my usual spot, and then we got out. The quietness was too much and I wanted to say something, anything to lighten the mood, but I also knew that from what I knew about Leah, she would get more annoyed if I said something stupid and so I didn’t.
But she didn’t walk. Instead, she turned towards me.
“Are you ashamed of me or something?” she asked quietly.
“Wait? What? No. Of course not.”
“So, what was that with your mother? She looked at me like I was the worst kind of person. Did I do something wrong?”
“No, baby. You didn’t. You didn’t. She is just protective over me.”
“I get that, but I did nothing for her to act that way.”
“She’s my mom. What do you want me to say?”
Leah rolled her eyes. “Nothing, obviously,” she said angrily.
“Believe me she isn’t as bad as it seems. She’s just overprotective of me. My dad...it’s complicated.”
“That seems code for excuses.”
“I swear it isn’t. My dad did some horrible shit when they were married, so she always thinks other women do those kinds of things.”
Leah crossed her arms. “And what does that have to do with me?”
“Nothing. I’m trying to explain my mother. She wants me to play football and want nothing standing in the way of getting to the NFL.”
