by Eric Vall
“Tell us,” Jessamine encouraged. “You’ll feel better if you talk about it.”
“So… I wasn’t born a princess, and things started to go wrong for me from the very beginning of my life,” Cienna began, and she placed her head in her hands. “My mother died when I was young, and it broke my father’s heart. He was never the same after he lost her. He tried, but you could always see the sadness haunting him.”
“Ohhh, how sad,” Jessamine murmured, and I saw her deep brown eyes were shining with tears.
“He was a wonderful father to me when I was a little girl, and there are a few happy years I can remember,” the blonde went on. “But I suppose he got lonely, as people do, and that’s when things started to go downhill again.”
“What happened?” I asked. “I assume that’s when your stepmother came into the picture.”
“That’s right,” Cienna said as she nodded. “When I was about fifteen, he went away on a trip for several weeks, leaving me alone with the servants. And that’s when he brought… them… back.”
“Them?” Jessamine questioned her. “How big is your family?”
“I also have two stepsisters, and they are just… ugh.” My blonde wife shuddered. “Truly unbelievable. Anyway, soon after he remarried, my father passed away, which left me alone in the house with those… bitches.”
“Damn,” I said. “That’s a strong word.”
“No, you don’t get it, Joe,” she groaned and shook her head. “I have to admit I had led a fairly pampered life up until that point, but things quickly went from bad to worse. My stepmother stripped me of all my possessions and sent me down to work in our kitchen like a common maid. I scrubbed the house all day and waited on them hand and foot.”
“That is really fucked up,” I said as I thought about the popular fairytale from my world. I knew there was a fable about Cinderella that Disney made popular, but I could have sworn hearing it was a French story before that. I guessed the idea was pretty common, and I wasn’t about to spend the next few weeks trying to figure out how my world magically knew about these stories.
“What happened?” Jessamine breathed as she leaned forward. “That’s so terrible. Obviously, you’re a princess now, so things got a little bit better for you.”
“That’s debatable, although the past few days have been really nice,” the blonde sniffled. “Things didn’t really start to change until I met Fiona. She lent me a dress one night and gave me the confidence to go out to a ball, and that’s when I met the prince.”
“Did you lose your shoe?” I guessed as I fought against a grin.
“Well, yes, and then my mom and sisters got really pissed off at me because my feet are so small--wait, how the hell did you know that?” Cienna stared at me.
“It’s nothing,” I snickered. “Anyway, I guess we all know how it turned out for you after you met the prince.”
“It’s true,” Jessamine agreed. “I have to confess I’ve heard of the prince’s… untimely end.”
Cienna had confessed to me that her former husband, the prince, had died in a house fire while cheating on her with another woman.
“He was terrible, but at first it was just a really good way for me to escape my house,” Cienna countered. “And I got to live in a castle, and so on. And you both know I enjoyed having time to myself after so many years, so ruling the kingdom alone hasn’t been all bad.”
“So, how do they act when they see you now?” I asked.
“They kiss my ass, kind of,” the blonde replied, and she rolled her gorgeous blue eyes deeply back into her head. “They have to, though, since I am their ruler. But they’re still total bitches. You’ll see.”
“I’m not going to let anyone fuck with you, Cienna,” I promised her. “You’re my wife now, and no one fucks with my wives. Just ask Jamar.”
Jessamine giggled and shot me a brilliant smile.
“That’s kind of you, Joe,” the blonde sighed. “I do appreciate that, but I can handle myself around them. Well, I suppose we should get this over with.”
“Come on, Cienna, we can do it,” Jessamine encouraged, and she stood up and pulled the blonde princess off the couch with her. She held her friend’s hand tightly, and I was impressed once again by the strong bond between the princesses. It didn’t seem like women were this laid back about sharing dudes back home, but it was working out well for me here.
We exited the chamber and quickly made our way through passages and down the grand staircase to the main part of the courtyard where a carriage was waiting for us, and I was impressed to see that one giant, familiar white horse would be able to pull it all by herself.
“Oh, Starlight, it’s so nice to see you today,” Cienna cried out as she gave her beloved horse a huge hug. “You know what witches they are, don’t you?”
The huge mare whinnied and nuzzled her owner as if she agreed.
“Well, I guess that settles that,” I said. “Shall we go?”
Given all the trouble in the kingdom as of late, we’d decided it would be best to bring guards with us on our visit, along with our weapons. So, I helped the princesses up into the carriage, and then the two large, silent men climbed in after us.
The coachman got us moving, and we proceeded around the huge fountain that sat in the center of the castle’s courtyard and out across over the drawbridge. It was another beautiful day as we traveled out into the countryside past picturesque farmhouses and fields. The trees were lush and leafy green, the sky was a cloudless blue, and it was hard to believe we’d been involved in brutal warfare just a couple days before.
“This is lovely,” Jessamine sighed, as if she’d been thinking the same thing as me.
A warm, floral-scented breeze blew through the carriage’s open windows, and birds sang in the trees, but Cienna still looked sad, and I even saw her blink a tear back from her eye.
“Hey, it’s going to be alright,” I murmured as I rubbed her hand. “Like I said, I got you. We’ve been through so much already, I think we can handle a bitch or three.”
I was happy to see the blonde finally laugh as she wiped her face off with the back of her hand.
“Yes, I can do this,” she said and nodded resolutely. “It’s fine, it just brings back bad memories for me, but they can’t hurt me now. You’ll see, they’re even kind of funny if you want to look at it that way.”
“You’re awesome,” I told her, and I meant it. I squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back.
“You two are both the best,” Jessamine giggled. “I hope all the princesses are as great as you, Cienna.”
“Same here,” the blonde said.
“Have… have you ever met the other princesses before?” I asked and rubbed at the back of my neck sheepishly. “Since, uh, you know, I have to do the ritual with them? And marry them? I was just curious if they’re all as, uh, beautiful as the two of you.”
The two sister-wives looked at each other and shrugged.
“I’ve heard a lot of their names, and the names of their kingdoms, but I haven’t met them and I don’t really know what they look like, either,” Cienna replied. “Fairyland is pretty big.”
“I haven’t gotten to travel much for pleasure since things got so bad in my kingdom, unfortunately,” Jessamine said as she shook her head with shining eyes. “Cienna and I were in communication because our kingdoms share a border, and I’m so glad we’ve met and ended up in this situation. But I don’t really know any of the other princesses, either.”
“Yeah, that’s cool,” I said, and I could feel my ears burning. “I was just wondering…”
“Well, thanks for taking my mind off my family,” Cienna responded, and she grinned at us now. “We’re almost there. Get ready to have fun!”
“Sounds like it,” I replied.
The carriage pulled to a stop in front of a stately home that looked something like a smaller version of the castle in Downton Abbey, except way creepier. Large stone towers with ornately carved gargoyles capped
the corners of expansive walls with seemingly dozens of blank-looking windows, and overgrown gardens full of dead rose bushes and topiaries surrounded the sides of the home.
I was surprised there weren’t bats flying around in the trees.
The guards had moved out of the way, and Cienna was suddenly in a huge hurry to get out of the carriage.
“I-I’m going to go ahead,” she announced as she jumped out and practically began to run down the path toward the estate with her skirt held up in both hands.
“Hey, Cienna!” Jessamine called out after her. “Wait! What’s going on?”
Cienna stopped jogging toward the house and turned back toward us. I climbed out of the carriage and gave Jessamine an assist, and we hurried to catch up to the blonde.
“I’m so sorry,” the beautiful blonde said, and she gestured to me and Jessamine. “I just don’t know how to explain… this… situation to them. I’m not trying to be rude, I swear. I don’t know how to tell them I got married again, but I don’t want to lie, either, because that’s not kind to the two of you. I just know they’re going to say something weird about it.”
“Fuck ‘em,” I growled. “Cienna, you don’t need to say shit to them. We’re the badasses who just slaughtered Jamar. Don’t even worry about it, it’s none of their business.”
“I know you’re right,” the blonde princess sighed. “Family stuff can just be… stupid. Sorry to bring you into it.”
“No worries,” I said, and I reached out to grab her hand again.
“Thank you for being with me,” the blonde said as she reached out for Jessamine’s other arm, and then we approached the door together.
I reached out to knock and shuffled my feet as we waited. After a long minute, one of the huge, black doors creaked open, and a tall, skinny woman with a long, pinched face emerged. Thick, steel-gray hair was pulled up into a poufy bun, and she wore a floor-length black dress that buttoned all the way up her neck.
“Cienna!” she cried out and looked the princess up and down. “How lovely to see you! I see you’re still wearing blue…”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” the blonde growled.
“Oh, nothing at all, dear,” her stepmother replied. “It’s a beautiful color… on some people. And how nice, I see you’ve brought some friends to dine with us. Please, come right in.”
The woman walked in front of us into the house, and Cienna turned around to stare at me and Jessamine.
“See what I mean?” she mouthed, and I nodded in response.
We walked into a dusty entryway with an ancient-looking chandelier that had half its candles missing.
“Spooky,” I muttered.
“And you are?” the old woman asked as she turned to me with a gleaming white smile.
“Please, meet my… advisors,” Cienna began. “Joe is a great warrior, and Princess Jessamine is here from across the desert, and they are here to help me figure out how to fortify our kingdom. Joe, and Princess Jessamine, please meet my stepmother, the Lady Fontaine.”
Lady Fontaine dropped into a slight curtsy at her introduction to Jessamine, but her piercing, dark gray eyes looked the dark-haired beauty up and down.
“How wonderful to meet you, Joe and… Princess Jessamine,” the older woman drawled. “I’m sure you will be of great help to our Cienna, here. If I know her, she could always use it.”
“Excuse me, stepmother?” Cienna said as her eyes flashed.
“Oh, darling, you know what I meant,” Lady Fontaine responded, and she waved her hand dismissively. “Great rulers always have great advisors. You’ve always been so sensitive.”
“Mhm,” Cienna muttered. “I have always had great advisors, indeed.”
“Excuse me, where are my manners?” the older woman said, and she flashed another toothy grin at me. She had started to remind me of a crocodile. “Please, come into the drawing room, and meet my other daughters.”
I could now hear the sound of giggling from the other room, and we followed the gray-haired woman toward the commotion.
Suddenly, two other women were upon us in a swirl of huge, ugly dresses. I felt a hand on both arms, and I immediately recoiled.
“Ohhh, is this the hero we’ve heard so much about?” one of the women exclaimed in a nasally, high-pitched voice.
“It’s so wonderful to meet you, great hero,” the other woman gushed as she ran a hand down my chest.
“Um, yeah, you can call me Joe, that would be fine, thanks,” I muttered, and I instinctively pulled away.
“Joe, these are my other two daughters, Agatha,” Lady Fontaine said as she gestured toward a short, lumpy, dishwater blonde dressed in unflattering green, “and Priscilla.”
Priscilla, who was tall and pasty with greasy, reddish hair, didn’t look much better than her sister. She had tried to tease her hair up into a similar style as her mother’s, but her stringy locks weren’t quite up for the challenge.
The sisters shared weak chins and crooked faces that, frankly, looked like they hadn’t been washed in a while, and they clearly didn’t share their stepsister’s propensity for good hygiene or good genetics on the whole. They pulled me down onto an ancient-looking sofa before I could protest and sat way too closely to me on both sides, and I was immediately overcome by the smell of sour pickles.
Gag.
The bright morning sun that had seemed so cheerful just a few minutes earlier only seemed to highlight the creepiness of the old house. The beams of light that streamed in through the windows of the large room showcased the dust that covered all of its surfaces and floated through the air. Old faded portraits lined the walls, and I hoped their eyes wouldn’t follow me the next time I got up.
Agatha had a hand on my knee, and Priscilla’s was even a little further up my thigh. I kept trying to shrug them off, and at first I was trying to be subtle, and then less so, but the women were relentless.
Lady Fontaine seated herself in a hard-backed chair opposite us and left Cienna and Jessamine standing.
“Well, I suppose we princesses will just seat ourselves,” Cienna muttered, and Jessamine’s mouth was practically hanging open in horror at the women’s rudeness. The two princesses perched themselves gingerly on the edge of a faded lounge chair, and I couldn’t blame them for not wanting to sit back.
“So, Joe, tell me more about yourself,” Agatha purred as she completely ignored her stepsister and squeezed my knee.
“Yeah… I’ve just been hanging out here in Fairyland with Cienna,” I said as I removed her hand from my leg. “No big deal.”
“Hanging out? What a strange thing to say!” Priscilla laughed and tickled the inside of my thigh with a bony finger, and I flinched.
“Sooo, Cienna, do tell us about your adventures,” Lady Fontaine purred as she turned to her stepdaughter. “I hear there was a great battle a week or so ago, and Joe here was quite involved in the big win.”
“Yes, it’s true,” my blonde wife replied in a wary tone. “General Jamar was defeated, and peace seems to have been restored for the time being.”
“Oh, well, I try not to concern myself with politics,” the old woman said, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes. “I certainly hope things are peaceful. We wouldn’t want to have our lifestyle disrupted, now would we? We have been fortunate Cienna has continued to be so kind to us over the years, haven’t we, girls?”
From the state of the house, I wasn’t sure that had actually been the case, but I certainly couldn’t blame Cienna after the abuse she’d suffered at these women’s hands.
A hunched-over old woman brought a tray of tea and stale-looking cookies into the room, and she walked around and handed us each a chipped porcelain mug. I glanced doubtfully at the liquid in the cup, which looked suspiciously green and had strange particles floating in it, and I swirled the strange tea around for a second before placing it down on a small table next to the couch.
As much as I tried, I couldn’t quite seem to extricate myself from the sisters
’ hands. They seemed to be everywhere, like an octopus. I glanced over at the princesses, but they both stared into their own tea cups with miserable expressions on their faces.
“I hear you have quite the sword, Joe.” Priscilla seemed to be trying to flirt in her whiny tone.
“Yep, Joe’s sword is pretty great,” Cienna replied, and she looked up to glare at her stepsister. “It’s true.”
“Oh, yes, Cienna has always had a strong interest in… weapons,” Lady Fontaine said to me. “Swords in particular. She’s handled many, many a sword in her day. Why, in fact--”
“Stepmother, that is enough!” the blonde princess finally shouted. “I really don’t like what you’re implying, so why don’t you tell us why you really invited us here? Is it so Agatha and Priscilla could molest Joe? Is it so you could complain I’m not giving you enough money? You said you had some information that might help me. Well, what is it?”
“Why, Cienna, I have no idea why you’re so upset,” the gray-haired woman exclaimed with a faux-hurt expression. “I know I said I had information for you, but I have to confess I merely wanted to see you. Your sisters and I do miss you so very much, especially after the tough time you’ve been having ruling the kingdom.”
Suddenly, a bell rang from the other room.
“I suppose that’s lunch,” Cienna said in a grim tone.
“Yes, indeed!” Her stepmother flashed that crocodile grin at me again. “Please, everyone, into the dining room. We have had quite the meal prepared for you today.”
“So, Lady Fontaine, these are such lovely… pictures,” Jessamine spoke up, and she’d clearly picked the closest thing in the room to compliment to take some pressure off Cienna. Then the dark-haired princess jumped to her feet, and I suspected she couldn’t get off the decrepit, old lounge fast enough. It was one thing to get dirty out in the woods, and a whole other thing to have to sit on someone else’s dirty furniture.
The sisters had me so intertwined, I couldn’t even remove myself to get up from the couch to eat. I tried to shove their hands away, but they were relentless.
