Breaking Benjamin

by Haylee Thorne

  She nods her head contritely.

  “It’s over.” I move to stand in front of her and speak more quietly. “And I’m fine, okay? Or, I will be, so just drop it.”

  Her eyes shift to the floor, but she nods her head in acceptance. I change the subject quickly, trying to turn the mood in a better direction. “So, where’s my baby brother anyway?”

  “Work. Closing some deal.” She looks at me and lifts her shoulders. “I didn’t ask for details. But, hey, what are you doing this Friday? Want to come to dinner with us? There’s a fabulous new restaurant that we got reservations for. It’s called Indigenous. Have you heard of it?”

  I shake my head. “Nope.”

  “Well, it’s getting amazing reviews, and anyone who is anyone has been going, so I got Drew to snag us a table. What do you say?”

  I shrug. “Sure. I’m always up for a good meal. Sounds good.”

  “Awesome!” She claps her hands in delight at my acceptance and I smile. Sometimes, it’s the simplest things that make women happy. “Now, are you going to make those grilled cheeses? Because I’m sick of cooking them!”

  I spend the next hour cooking, eating, and laughing with Hannah and Grace. She put Brody to bed after his bath, so I missed him but knew I’d see him soon. I leave around eight so Hannah can put Grace to bed, promising I’d see her again on Friday for dinner.

  It has been seven excruciating days since I drove to the Hamptons to see Ben. Seven days since I left the pieces of my broken heart behind. Seven days I’ve been burying myself so deep into work that I have barely seen anyone.

  Even at work, I stay in my office. I get there before we open, and I leave long after we close. After closing, when the cleaning crew comes in, I’ve been sending them home and scrubbing the place from top to bottom myself. Anything to keep myself busy and people out of my hair. I haven’t even done a single treatment this week. I just can’t be around anyone right now.

  Aisha and Anna have been picking up the slack without a single complaint, probably because they still feel bad about what happened the last time Ben was here. I still cringe when I think about it, and when I think about the look on Ben’s face when he opened the door for me in the Hamptons. How gutted he looked. I remember how badly I wanted to give everything just to take that pain away.

  I shake my head. I need to stop thinking about him. I need to stop missing him. I need to accept that it is over. My phone buzzes on my desk and I glance at it. I see it’s Raeva, and I know what she wants. Mikaela and Rae have been worried about me, and they have been relentless with the well-meaning nagging. So, I let it ring. But it doesn’t take long for me to realize how naïve I was for thinking that she would let that slide. Rae is tenacious when she has her mind set on something. Raeva and Mik stalk into my office, armed with boxes of Chinese food and wine. Of course, they don’t even bother knocking. I look up and raise a brow.

  “Come in, please. Make yourselves at home,” I say sarcastically.

  Neither of them seem impressed.

  “I called, but you didn’t bother to answer,” Rae shoots back. “Now eat.”

  She places a couple of take-out boxes and some chop sticks in front of me. I know better than to argue with her when she uses that tone of voice. It’s her stern nurse voice, and let me tell ya, she knows how to use it. I open the first box and shovel some food into my mouth. I’m sure the food is amazing, but I don’t even taste it. Mikaela fishes a corkscrew out of her bag and opens a bottle of wine. My two besties sit on the chairs across from me, and for a while, we just sit and eat in silence.

  “Do you remember my new friend Mackenzie?” Mikaela asks me.

  I nod. “The chef?”

  “That’s the one,” Mik says with a smile.

  “Well,” Rae continues. “We are planning a little dinner tomorrow night for River, to celebrate the new program he designed. And we are having it at Indigenous—Mackenzie’s place.”

  “I really am too busy, but thanks for the invite.”

  Mikaela rolls her eyes. “Oh, please. Too busy doing what? Wallowing in your own sorrow?”

  “I’m not wallowing. I am trying to run a business.”

  “A business that will run just fine without you, while you go out for dinner, particularly because you close around that time anyway.”

  I realize how lame my excuse is the second it rolls out of my mouth. Leave it to my friends to call me out.

  “River really wants you to come. You know he adores you and hates our dinner parties. He says it’ll be bearable with you there.”

  I groan. Of course, she is trying the guilt trip ploy. The last thing I want is to go out in public and entertain people. But, River has always been like a little brother to me; the two of us are thick as thieves. He is brilliant, dresses quirky, and makes me laugh. Maybe, hanging out with River for a night is just what the doctor ordered. Rae and Mik stare at me expectantly.

  “Okay,” I concede. “I’ll go.”

  “Good,” Raeva tells me smugly.

  “I’m picking you up from work at five-o-clock sharp. I have dresses for us, and we need time to get ready,” Mik says enthusiastically.

  She gets really excited about clothing, and she should; her designs are amazing. Mikaela Kingsley is a design queen. Clothing, interior, she does it all. In fact, she did the design for her friend’s restaurant. I’ve not seen it yet, but I am excited to see her work. I know picking me up and dressing me is a guarantee to make sure I don’t cancel last minute, but I appreciate the gesture. I muster up a smile.

  “Okay. I’ll be ready.”

  “Good girl,” Rae says as she refills my cup. “You’ve earned some more wine.”

  Mikaela smirks at Rae’s joke, and I roll my eyes. When I look at my friends and see how much effort they are putting into making sure that I am okay, it fills me with warmth.

  “Hey, guys?”

  “Yes?” they say in unison.

  “Thank you.”

  “What’s family for?” Rae tells me.

  “Cheers to that!” Mik chimes in.

  Chapter 11

  I take the elevator from my loft down to the lobby and walk into the brisk night air to wait for Drew and Hannah. They texted a moment ago and told me they were on their way. I glance at my reflection in the glass window from the lobby and note that what I’ve worn definitely reflects my mood. I’m dressed completely in black. Black Prada suit, black dress shirt, and black shiny shoes. All the better to go with my black heart. I shake my head in defeat over how I feel as of late.

  Before I can mull over it any further, a sleek black—how fitting— Escalade pulls up to the curb, the window lowering to reveal Drew, a smirk on his face. “Looking for a date?”

  I walk to the vehicle, open the door, and step inside to sit across from Drew. “If I was, you certainly wouldn’t be my first choice.”

  “No, I don’t suppose I would,” he drawls back at me, brow raised knowingly.

  I shift my gaze to Hannah, who looks radiant, dressed in a striking blue dress, her long blonde hair falling in waves around her shoulders. “You look stunning.”

  “So do you!” Her eyes sweep over me quickly. “I like you in black, Ben. Very dark and sexy.”

  “Uh-um.” Drew clears his throat and tilts his head in his wife’s direction, brows creased. She turns her attention to him and smooths a hand down his chest, over his waist, and then rests it on his thigh. “Do you really need me to tell you that I think you’re the most gorgeous man to walk this earth, honey?”

  One side of his mouth cocks up before he leans over and presses his lips against hers for several seconds. When he pulls away, she lets out a soft breath. “Nope, but I don’t want you admiring anyone else either, my love.”

  While I’m happy my brother is so completely in love, it’s difficult not to be irritated. It feels like I came so damn close to having this same thing within reach, but instead of holding tight, I foolishly loosened my grip, any chance of love slipping through
my fingers.

  “I’d be happy to get another ride if you two would rather be alone.” My tone is snarky, but hey, so is my mood.

  “Sorry, Ben,” Hannah offers, moving her hand from Drew’s thigh and placing it in his hand instead. “We’ll behave. I promise.” She smiles and gives me a playful wink that makes it difficult for me to stay grouchy.

  We chat about dinner at our parents’ the following week, moving on to what the kids are dressing up as for Halloween, and then we seem to be at the restaurant. We exit the luxury vehicle and move forward to enter the restaurant. When we walk through the doors, I stop in my tracks and practically get hard. The front of the restaurant boasts a whiskey bar unlike any I’ve seen before, and I know instantly Indigenous may have just become my favorite restaurant.

  I tap Drew on the shoulder and then point to the bar. “I’ll meet you at the table. I want to see what they have to offer.”

  “Ten minutes, Ben.” He looks in the direction our table seems to be in. “Don’t make me come looking for you.”

  “Ten minutes.” I nod my understanding. I make my way to the bar, pick up the whiskey menu sitting on its surface, and begin browsing. The choices are magnificent, making it difficult for me to decide what to choose, but it also gives me even more reason to come back again. I finally decide on a glass of Highland Park, the Ice edition, and my mouth waters to taste one of the rarer single-malts to be had.

  The bartender places the glass in front of me, and I lift it to my lips, pausing when I notice some familiar faces breeze through the door. Mika and Raeva, along with Mikaela stop at the hostess station for only a moment and then carry forward into the restaurant, not noticing my presence. I make a note to stop and say hi to them when I find my table. I bring the glass to my nose, inhale deeply, and my mouth waters as I take a slow sip, drawing just a taste into my mouth. I close my eyes to savor the taste but blink my eyes open when I think I hear a familiar voice.

  I turn in the direction of the doorway and freeze when I see who it is. Of course, where Raeva and Mik go, Jill is sure to follow. My heart starts to gallop in my chest as I question whether I should go over and say hello or leave her alone, which is very much what I told her I would do. I stare at her, my eyes raking down her body to admire the very short dress that displays every curve on her perfect body, down her bare thighs and to the black suede knee-high boots she’s standing in, making her legs impossibly longer than the already are. Fuck it. There’s no way I’m not saying hello.

  I take my drink in hand and begin to stroll in her direction but pause again when I see the expression on her face change to relief and then joy as a strangely dressed man bursts through the door and waves her purse in the air. “Found it!”

  She meets him halfway and throws her arms around him, depositing a kiss to his cheek as she does. “Oh, River, you’re my hero! Thank you!”

  I’m once again frozen in my tracks, my eyes glued to the scene unfolding before me. I can feel my pulse throbbing in my neck and the flow of my blood roaring in my ears. Who the fuck is this asshole? And what in the goddamn hell is he wearing? A fucking Hawaiian shirt? Under a suit that I know cost easily over a thousand dollars? This is what Jill is trying to replace me with? And what is he, twenty? He looks like a baby compared to her.

  Before I have a chance to respond or move forward, he sweeps his arm around her shoulders and ushers her into the restaurant. I know my ten minutes is up, and if I don’t get my ass to our table, Drew will be on the war path. Wasting what should have been a savored drink, I raise the glass of Highland Park to my mouth and down it like a shot. I walk forward, setting the glass on a table as I pass, and enter the dining room to look for Drew and Hannah.

  I don’t have to go far. And, Jesus fucking Christ, can this night get any goddamn worse? As I move closer, I see Hannah instructing a busboy to merge some tables so that we can all eat together as one large party. I scrape my hand down my face, trying to gather some sense of calm, and approach tentatively. When I’m standing beside Drew, who happens to be looking at me with a ‘don’t fucking ask me’ expression on his face, Jill finally notices my presence, which is made obvious when her mouth falls open wide, and the grip on her date turns white.

  “What the fuck, Drew?” I growl under my breath.

  He shrugs. “The Kingsleys walked in, we started talking, Hannah invited them to join us, and here we are.” He throws a quick glance in Jill’s direction and then back at me. “This was obviously before Hannah realized Jill was with them.”

  “I thought this was just going to be a quiet dinner,” I growl again.

  “Then leave, Ben. No one is forcing you to stay,” he snarls right back.

  I turn toward him, fire blazing in my eyes. “You think I’m going to leave her here alone with that little fucking prick over there?” I cock my head in Mr. Aloha’s direction. “No fucking way.”

  “Then sit the fuck down and shut up.” He walks away to rejoin Hannah, effectively ending our conversation.

  “Ben,” Hannah calls to me. “Come sit here next to me.” She pats the chair next to her, a look of apology in her eyes. I nod and move behind her and then slide into the seat she’s offered. I lift my head, and my heart stutters when I find a pair of stormy gray eyes staring back at me, as wide with disbelief as mine.

  I purse my lips but know I have to be a gentleman, even though my inner caveman is bursting to come out, and force a small smile. “Jill.” I nod curtly in greeting.

  She offers me a small smile in return and replies, “Ben.”

  My eyes shift to her right as the man-child she arrived with sits down next to her and drapes an arm across her shoulder. “This okay, Jillybean?”

  She nods her head, her eyes darting from him to me, and then back to him again. He’s not a complete moron because he obviously notices the tension between us and raises slightly out of his seat to extend his hand to me. “I don’t think we’ve met. River Ray.”

  I stare at his hand, one I could easily crush in mine, and then raise mine off the table and grasp his. I give it a quick shake and then release it quickly so I don’t unintentionally follow through with the dark thoughts running through my mind. “Benjamin Sapphire.”

  I think I see him falter for a moment as he glances at Jill, but can’t be sure, because his movements are as smooth as glass. “I’ve heard a lot about you, of course. It’s nice to finally meet the man in the flesh.”

  I quirk my eyebrow up, shifting my gaze back and forth between him and Jill and then finally respond. “Unfortunately, I can’t claim the same about you. River, you said?” There is no way I’m letting this guy think he’s anything but a passing fucking thought in my brain. “What do you do for a living?”

  He reaches out, grabs a piece of the fresh bread that was just delivered, butters a slice, and then takes a bite. He shrugs, a smug look on his face as he responds. “A little of this and a little of that.”

  Without a care in the world over whoever this fucking man-child is, I turn my attention back to Jill and cock my head in a show of disbelief. “Perhaps you should teach him to not talk when his mouth his full. I mean, really, Jill, are you sure he’s even old enough to drink?”

  Her eyes squint dangerously, and then her red painted lips move to form a sinister smile. “Oh, don’t you worry, Benny, he more than old enough to drink. In fact, he could probably teach an old dog like you a few new tricks.”

  “I highly doubt that boy could teach me anything.” I snort, looking over at her date again, scanning my eyes over his lean frame, and then bring my gaze back to hers. “But if you need a reminder of what I do and don’t know, Jill, I’d be more than happy to show you.” I run my thumb over my lip, darting my tongue along its tip as I do, a subtle reminder of just what I can do, and chuckle when I see her cheeks flush pink.

  She rises abruptly from her chair, tossing her napkin to the table, and excuses herself before stalking in the direction of the bathroom. Her man-child rises to follow, but I reac
h across the table and grip his arm in warning. “Stay. I’ll go after her. I’m sure I owe her some kind of apology now.”

  He nods curtly and slides back down into his seat. “Just stop being a dick, man. She deserves better.”

  I meet his eyes for a moment and nod, knowing he’s right, and then stride after Jill. Instead of going to the restroom, though, she walks to the entrance of the restaurant and steps outside. By the time I follow after her, she’s walking in long strides back and forth in front of the building.

  When I exit, she stops, spins on her heel, and marches up to me, her finger spearing me in the chest as she begins yelling. “Just who the hell do you think you are, Benjamin Sapphire? You have no right. None! How dare you insult my friend like that, and then blatantly come on to me in front of the entire table!”

  I open my mouth to speak, but she stabs her finger into my chest again. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but seeing her angry like this only makes me realize how much I want her. She’s so goddamn sexy when she’s trying to be tough with me. “No! I don’t want to hear one word you have to say! I’ve heard enough out of you!”

  “You know what, Jill?” I pluck her tiny hand from my chest, wrap it in mine, then push my body against hers, backing her up until she’s pressed up against the brick wall of the building. I take her other hand and press it above her head on the wall, stepping forward into her body so mine is completely flush with hers, making sure there’s no question about how I feel. “There’s not a goddamn thing I want to say to you anyway. But I sure as fuck know what I want to do to you.” Before she can say another word, I slam my mouth against hers in a kiss. I kiss her until I feel her knees weaken underneath her, and her chest is rising in short pants against mine. I kiss her until I feel her hand grip onto the back of my neck and her fingernails dig into my skin. I kiss her until I finally feel her soften under me, and only then do I let her go.

  We both are breathing hard and staring at each other in confusion. “Jesus Christ, Jill. What the fuck are you doing to me?” I rake my hand through my hair and then shake my head to try to clear it. I take a step closer and cup her face in my hand, a feeling of regret washing over me. “I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.” And then I turn and walk away from her, fleeing the restaurant and her as quickly as I can.