The One That I Want

by Lynne Shelby

  Cassie giggled. ‘Have you seen those abs?’

  I thought, I will not think about Owen’s abs. ‘Yes, I have. And that cute butt.’

  We were both giggling now like a couple of schoolgirls.

  ‘This conversation is so wrong on so many levels,’ Cassie said.

  ‘It is,’ I agreed. ‘Particularly as our boyfriends might hear us.’

  ‘On the other hand, men have conversations like this about women all the time.’

  ‘But women are so much more evolved than men. We should know better.’

  Cassie lay back and shut her eyes. ‘I love summer days like this. Just lazing around in the garden with friends.’

  ‘There’s no better way to spend a Saturday.’

  ‘Ryan might not agree though,’ Cassie said. ‘He can’t wait for the new football season to start.’

  Owen called out,’ Thirty-forty!’

  He’d certainly fitted seamlessly into Cassie’s household. Already, I’d grown used to meeting him in the kitchen each morning as we both downed a quick cup of coffee before leaving for work. And it’d been good to have his company in the evenings when I wasn’t going out with Daniel. Who, despite having given me a spare key to the house in Primrose Hill, still hadn’t invited me to move in with him. He hadn’t asked for it, but after checking that Cassie didn’t mind, I’d given him a key to her house as well.

  Owen shouted, ‘Game and set to me’ and punched the air.

  ‘That’s one set each.’ Daniel said. ‘Best of three?’

  ‘If you like,’ Owen said. ‘But only after I’ve had a beer.’

  ‘Now that’s a plan.’

  They both headed off into the house, reappearing a few minutes later armed with ice-cold beers from the fridge. Daniel came and sat on the end of my sun lounger, while Owen took a can to Ryan, before stretching out on the grass.

  ‘I think I’m going to like my new theatrical digs,’ he said to Cassie.

  Cassie smiled. ‘Well, I want to be a good theatrical landlady, so if there’s anything you need, just let me know.’

  ‘Actually, I was going to ask you a favour. Lucy, my amazingly gifted and hard-working agent, has got me an audition for a role in a new TV series about a family of werewolves, working title Alpha Male. I’ve learnt the script, but it’s a scene for two people, a man and a woman, and I was wondering if you’d read in the other part while I rehearsed.’

  ‘I’d be delighted,’ Cassie said. ‘When’s your audition?’

  ‘It’s on Monday.’

  ‘Then we’ll run through the scene straight after lunch,’ Cassie said. ‘And if you feel you need more practice, we’ll rehearse it again tomorrow.’

  ‘Thanks, Cassie, I’d really appreciate it.’

  ‘Is it a lead role you’re going for?’ Daniel said to Owen.

  ‘No,’ Owen said. ‘I’m being seen for the part of the main character’s werewolf brother, who gets killed by a silver bullet in the first episode. But I do get to howl at the moon.’

  I smiled. ‘Is howling something you studied at drama school?’

  ‘Indeed it is,’ Owen said. ‘I got an ‘A’ in that class.’

  ‘I think you should give us a demonstration,’ Cassie said.

  ‘I would,’ Owen said, ‘but I don’t want to upset your neighbour’s very large dog.’

  Daniel said, ‘Was that the front doorbell?’ We all turned our heads towards the house.

  ‘I’ll go and check.’ Owen rose to his feet.

  ‘Oh, don’t worry, Nadia’ll get it,’ Cassie said.

  A few moments later, Cassie’s PA stepped out into the garden through the open French windows. To my surprise, because my employer was not in the habit of calling on her clients uninvited, she was followed by Eleanor Haye, looking enviably cool in white linen trousers and a pale blue, sleeveless, cotton shirt.

  ‘Hello, Cassie,’ Eleanor said, as she and Nadia reached us.

  ‘Eleanor!’ Cassie sprang to her feet, and she and Eleanor exchanged air-kisses. Daniel and Ryan greeted her in the same fashion, while Owen fetched her a deckchair. I contented myself with saying ‘Hi’ from my sun-lounger because (1) it would have been weird to air-kiss my boss and (2) I was having trouble doing up my bikini top and risked a costume malfunction if I stood up.

  ‘I’m sorry to burst in on you all like this,’ Eleanor said. ‘I can see I’m interrupting your weekend.’

  ‘Not at all,’ Cassie said. ‘Can I interest you in a glass of wine?’

  ‘No.’ Eleanor perched on the edge of her chair. ‘No, thank you.’ She looked pointedly at Owen, Daniel and Nadia. ‘Guys, I don’t mean to be rude, but I really need to have a private word with Cassie and Ryan. If you’d give us a minute.’

  ‘Ready for another game, Daniel?’ Owen said. Without waiting for an answer, he strode off down the garden.

  Daniel picked up his tennis racket and followed after Owen. Cassie and Ryan sat next to each other on a sun-lounger.

  ‘Perhaps I could fetch you a non-alcoholic drink?’ Nadia said to Eleanor.

  ‘No, I’m fine,’ Eleanor said.

  ‘Well, I’ll be in my office if you need me.’ Nadia smiled graciously at Eleanor and went back inside the house.

  By now I’d managed to fasten my bikini. I half-rose from my sun longer, but a frown from Eleanor made me sit back down. I felt a sudden chill, as though the sun had gone behind a cloud.

  ‘You’re looking very grim, Eleanor,’ Ryan said. ‘What is it you need to tell us?’

  ‘Nothing bad, I hope.’ Cassie sounded scared.

  Eleanor sighed. ‘There’s no easy way to break this to you, so I’ll just come straight out with it.’

  Please don’t say that Ryan’s cheated on Cassie, I thought. Please don’t say that Ryan’s cheated on Cassie.

  ‘This morning,’ Eleanor said, ‘I had coffee with a friend of mine who happens to be one of the producers on Princess Snowdrop. She told me, in strictest confidence, that the show has been cancelled. The current series is the last.’

  Cassie stared at her. ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘You film the final episode of Snowdrop next week. Your contract isn’t going to be renewed.’

  ‘No…’ Cassie’s voice was scarcely above a whisper.

  ‘I’m sorry, Cassie,’ Eleanor said.

  Cassie shook her head. ‘They can’t cancel the show.’

  ‘There’s going to be an official announcement to the cast and crew, and a press release, on Monday, but I thought it best to come here and tell you myself. To warn you.’

  ‘Thank you, Eleanor,’ Ryan said. ‘That was kind of you.’ He turned to Cassie, and took hold of her hand. ‘I’m so sorry, my darling. I know how much Snowdrop means to you.’

  ‘I’m sorry, too,’ I said, but Cassie didn’t appear to hear me. I did feel incredibly sorry for her, but at the same time I was relieved that Eleanor hadn’t discovered some awful story about Ryan on the internet. Which probably said more about me than Cassie and Ryan’s relationship.

  ‘Why?’ Cassie said. ‘Why have they cancelled the show?’

  For the first time since I’d started working for her, Eleanor Haye looked distinctly uncomfortable.

  ‘According to my producer friend,’ she said, ‘Princess Snowdrop just isn’t as popular as she used to be. Viewing figures for the current series are way down. The merchandise isn’t selling. The production company feels that children want TV characters they can identify with more closely. Characters who are nearer their own age.’

  ‘Princess Snowdrop is too old?’ Cassie said.

  ‘No TV show lasts forever,’ Eleanor continued. ‘Tastes change. You must have noticed that you’ve been getting far fewer bookings for public appearances.’

  ‘No, I hadn’t noticed.’ Cassie had gone very pale. Ryan put his arm around her. Seeing the look of concern in his eyes, I felt guilty that I’d imagined for one second that he could ever have cheated on her.

  ‘I know this
has come as a great shock to you,’ Eleanor said, ‘and you’re bound to be upset, but very few actors spend years playing the same character. Very few would want to.’ Eleanor paused, but Cassie didn’t say anything. ‘You’ve one more week of filming on Snowdrop,’ Eleanor went on. ‘After that, I suggest you take a break, give yourself time to think about what you want to do next.’

  ‘I agree,’ Ryan said. To Cassie, he added, ‘Apart from anything else, we have to start planning our wedding. The media are calling it the ‘Wedding of the Year,’ and we haven’t even set a date yet.’

  ‘That’s an excellent idea,’ Eleanor said. ‘Finish Snowdrop, take some time to focus on your wedding arrangements, and when you’re ready, you can come into the agency and we’ll have a talk about your future career.’

  Cassie nodded distractedly.

  ‘I’m going to go now, Cassie,’ Eleanor said. ‘I’ll speak to you on Monday once Snowdrop’s production team have made their official announcement. No, don’t get up, Ryan, Lucy can see me out.’

  ‘Goodbye, Eleanor,’ Ryan said. ‘It was good of you to take the trouble to come here this afternoon. Thank you.’

  Cassie didn’t say a word. To my amazement, because she was not a demonstrative person, Eleanor patted Cassie on the shoulder, before marching off towards the house. I hurried after her.

  ‘I knew she’d take it badly,’ Eleanor said to me once we reached the hallway. ‘It’s always hard for an actor when a long-running show comes to an end, and Cassie’s been in The Adventures of Princess Snowdrop since she was seventeen.’

  ‘She’ll bounce back,’ I said. ‘She’s a strong, capable woman – even if she does look like a fairytale princess.’

  ‘You think so?’ Eleanor said. ‘To me she’s always seemed rather vulnerable. I’m just glad I was able to break the news to her myself while Ryan was with her, and she didn’t have to hear it at the studios on Monday when she was on her own.’

  The door of the office opened and Nadia came out into the hall.

  ‘Oh, are you leaving, Eleanor?’ she said.

  ‘Yes, Nadia, I’m just going.’

  Nadia smiled her sickly-sweet smile, turned on her heel, and made for the garden.

  ‘I don’t know why Cassie employs that woman,’ Eleanor said. ‘I apologise if Nadia’s a friend of yours, but I can’t stand her. Her smile never reaches her eyes.’

  I thought, I can’t slag off Cassie’s PA to my boss. I said instead, ‘She’s not my friend.’

  ‘Did you know she used to be an actress?’ Eleanor said.

  ‘So I’ve heard.’

  ‘She only ever did walk-on roles, but on set she used to behave like a diva. She upset so many directors that no-one would cast her. In the end, her agent dropped her.’

  ‘That, I didn’t know.’

  ‘Don’t look so surprised, Lucy. Listening to showbiz gossip is a vital part of our job. And now I really am leaving. I have to pick up my daughter from a birthday party – six years old and she has a better social life than I do. I’ll see you on Monday.’

  I stayed by the open front door long enough to satisfy my curiosity about which type of car Eleanor drove (a Volvo), and then I took a deep breath and went back out into the garden. Daniel and Owen, game of tennis abandoned, were sitting on the grass, talking with Cassie and Ryan. Nadia had appropriated Eleanor’s deck chair.

  As I joined them, I heard Ryan say, ‘So that’s the situation. At least we have the rest of the weekend before the newshounds descend on us.’

  ‘Why would the press turn up here?’ Owen said. ‘Won’t they get all they need from Snowdrop’s production office?’

  ‘You obviously have a lot to learn about showbusiness, Owen,’ Nadia said. ‘If you ever have any real success as an actor, you should take a media training course.’

  ‘Or you could do what I do,’ Daniel said, ‘and rely on your natural charm.’

  I sat down next to him on the grass.

  Cassie had been staring at the ground, but now she lifted her head and said, ‘How can I be too old to play Princess Snowdrop?’

  ‘Oh, I’m sure it isn’t just you that’s too old,’ Nadia said. ‘Princess Daffodil turned thirty last year. Princess Rose has two school-age children. Prince Ash has a receding hairline.’

  I glared at her.

  Ryan said, ‘That’s really not very helpful, Nadia.’

  ‘I am Princess Snowdrop,’ Cassie said.

  ‘No, you’re not,’ Ryan said. ‘You’re Cassie Clarke.’

  ‘If I’m not Snowdrop, I’m nothing.’ Cassie was still unnaturally pale, and I could see a film of sweat on her brow.

  ‘You’re an actress,’ I said. ‘I know you’re upset, but –’

  ‘You must be devastated,’ Nadia said.

  Ignoring her, I went on. ‘You will get other roles, Cassie.’

  ‘How? How exactly am I going to get cast in another show?’

  ‘The same as every other actor on Reardon Haye’s books,’ I said. ‘You audition.’

  ‘I can’t,’ Cassie said. ‘I never went to drama school like Daniel and Owen. I can’t compete with all those actresses who know about Shakespeare and the Method.’

  ‘You’ve years of experience in front of the camera,’ Owen said. ‘I’d say that gives you the edge over someone who’s only performed in their graduation showcase.’

  ‘In my opinion,’ Nadia said, ‘the whole audition process is a nightmare.’

  ‘Not if you get the part,’ Owen said.

  ‘You should try and think of an audition as an opportunity to show a casting team what you can do,’ I said.

  ‘What would you know about it, Lucy?’ Cassie snapped.

  I opened my mouth to remind her that I’d been a theatrical agent for nearly a year now, and did actually know rather a lot about what actors went through at auditions, but thought better of it.

  ‘I’ve always rather enjoyed auditions,’ Daniel said. ‘Not that I have to do them anymore. Since Fallen Angel, casting directors know exactly what I can do.’

  I shot him a disapproving glance, but he didn’t notice.

  ‘You don’t need to think about any of this right now, Cassie,’ Ryan said. ‘Get through next week’s filming and then –’

  ‘Just one more week of Snowdrop.’ Cassie shrugged Ryan’s arm off her shoulder. ‘You must be delighted, Ryan. At least we won’t have to get married.’

  Ryan gaped at her.

  ‘I know you only asked me to marry you because of Princess Snowdrop’s reputation,’ Cassie said. ‘But I’m not Snowdrop any more – as you keep telling me. There’s no need for us to get married.’

  ‘Our marriage has nothing to do with a TV programme,’ Ryan said. ‘I want to marry you because I love you and because I want to spend my life with you.’

  ‘But I don’t want to marry you,’ Cassie said.

  ‘You’re going to be my wife.’

  ‘No.’ With a terrible finality, Cassie slid her engagement ring off her finger and pressed it into Ryan’s hand.

  ‘Cassie, don’t do this,’ Ryan said.

  ‘How can anyone know that they’re going to want to spend their whole life with just one person?’ Cassie said.

  ‘Do you love me?’ Ryan said.

  Cassie didn’t answer.

  ‘I see.’ Ryan stood up slowly. ‘In that case, I’m out of here. There’s no reason for me to stay.’ Without another word, he stalked off into the house.

  Daniel said, ‘What the f–?’

  There was a long, agonising silence. I stared at Cassie in disbelief. I thought, does she know what she’s just done?

  ‘Go after him, Cassie,’ I said.

  ‘Don’t tell me what to do.’

  ‘If Cassie has ended her engagement,’ Nadia said, ‘I think we should all respect her decision.’

  ‘For goodness’ sake!’ I scrambled up off the grass and ran after Ryan.

  I found him in Cassie’s bedroom throwing clothes into a holdal
l. I thought, this is absurd.

  ‘Ryan, don’t go,’ I said. ‘Talk to Cassie.’

  ‘What’s the point? She’s made it perfectly clear how she feels about me.’ He walked into the en-suite bathroom and came back with his razor and toothbrush, which he also shoved into his bag.

  ‘You say you love her, and yet you’re going to give her up that easily? You’re just going to walk away?’

  ‘I do love her. I’ll always love her. But she doesn’t love me.’ The pain in Ryan’s face was unbearable to see.

  ‘She does love you,’ I said. ‘She’s upset and angry, and she’s lashing out. I think she may be in shock.’

  ‘Lucy, I’m sure you mean well, but please stop. You wouldn’t know, but things haven’t been the same between me and Cassie since we got engaged – she’s not been happy. I thought it was just pre-wedding nerves, and once we were married we’d be fine, but obviously I was wrong.’ Ryan picked up the holdall, and walked out of the bedroom. I followed him down the stairs. He opened the front door.

  Looking back at me, he said, ‘Take care of her, Lucy.’ Then he went out, closing the door quietly behind him.

  Well, I’d tried. My temples throbbed with the beginnings of a headache. I rested my forehead against the door and shut my eyes.

  A male voice said, ‘Has Ryan gone?’

  I swung round to see Owen watching me anxiously from the other end of the hall. I nodded.

  ‘He looked so hurt,’ I said. ‘He’s convinced Cassie doesn’t love him.’

  ‘She did just give him back her ring.’

  ‘She’s not herself,’ I said. She’d certainly given me no indication she was having doubts about her and Ryan.

  Daniel came into the hall. ‘Cassie’s most insistent that we all have lunch together. She’s sent me to find out what’s happened to the lettuce and tomatoes.’

  ‘Oh, yeah,’ Owen said, ‘I’m supposed to be fetching the salad.’

  ‘I’m told there’s garlic bread in the oven,’ Daniel said.

  ‘Would you two stop talking about frickin’ food,’ I said. ‘I’m worried about Cassie.’

  ‘I know you are, babe,’ Daniel said.

  ‘She’s in a bad place.’