Once we were settled around the table in the same positions we had taken before, Dr. Burns said, "Amanda thought you might like to see a photo album that belonged to Jessica."
PJ immediately replied, "We would very much like to see Jessica's photo album." Amanda's face momentarily lit up and for an instant years fell away from her countenance. PJ looked her in the eyes and said, "It would be much better if you narrated the pictures for us, Amanda. They would mean so much more to us, if you did."
Amanda seemed momentarily confused and then she nodded and said, "Sure. Sure, I'll tell you about them."
Dr. Burns stood and said, "Here Patty, trade places with me, so you can look at the pictures together." He looked across the table at me and I immediately read his expression. He was creating an opportunity for the two women to bond. Just the fact that he was acknowledging my presence was a boost to my ego.
As PJ was settled into the chair, Amanda turned the album to the first page and said, "This album was assembled by Jessica from family pictures when she was a senior in high school. She called it her life story." The first picture was of a baby in a bassinet. The next few pictures were of a toddler playing on the floor or taking unsure steps while holding onto furniture. It was obvious from the background setting that it was not the house we had met Butch Bennett in. It looked like an apartment. And judging from the furnishings a high-end apartment.
Then the pictures transitioned to settings that looked like the house outside Pineywoods. If it was the same house it was in much better condition than it is now. I could tell that even from my vantage point across the table looking at the photos upside down. Amanda's narration seemed to become more thorough with each picture. PJ was asking questions and Amanda was taking more and more interest in explaining the background of each photo. Dr. Burns turned to me and said, "Jack, I'm dying for a cup of coffee, would you care to join me. I'm sure the ladies can get by without us for a few minutes."
I replied, "Never turn down a cup of coffee." I was confident that PJ and Amanda had overheard the exchange but neither of them even looked up as we left the table.
Once we were out in the hall Dr. Burns said, "Amanda seems to really be taking to Patty. I thought it would be a good idea for us to get out of the way for a few minutes."
"I agree. Amanda is certainly more talkative today than the last time."
"Yes. I must say that her behavior the last few minutes is the most animated I've seen her since she arrived here. I could sense her reaching out to Patty. This could be a turning point. We must do everything we can to facilitate it." His voice was tinged with cautious excitement.
Dr. Burns led me to a small room that appeared to be a staff break room. It was equipped with a full-sized refrigerator, stainless steel sink, and two BUNN coffee makers. Two round tables with four chairs each comprised the seating. Two young Hispanic women in pastel pink uniforms were just getting up from one of the tables as we entered. Dr. Burns smiled, nodded and said, "Hello, Sofia. Hello Maria."
In chorus the two responded, "Hello, Doctor."
He poured two cups of coffee into mugs he retrieved from a cabinet and offered me cream and sugar. When I told him I drank my coffee black he smiled and said, "I took you for a black coffee drinker."
We settled in at one of the tables and after his first sip of coffee he asked, "So Jack, how long have you been an investigator?"
I used the sip of coffee I had just taken to stall momentarily. I wasn't certain what prompted the question, idle curiosity, or something else, so I dodged with, "Oh, I just occasionally consult with PJ on cases."
"PJ?"
"Oh, I mean Patty."
Dr. Burns chuckled and said, "Our society is obsessed with acronyms these days, now even people are just initials."
I replied, "PJ said it goes back to one of her first partners, after she joined the police force. He felt that Patty was too cutesy a name for a cop, so he started calling her PJ. It just stuck."
"Were you a cop, too?" asked Dr. Burns.
"No, I'm an attorney. Was a prosecutor years back. That's why she likes my perspective once in a while." It's funny, I seldom think of myself as an attorney since I haven't practiced law in several years now. I just thought telling Dr. Burns that I'm a bar owner would really confuse him.
He replied, "Oh," but his eyes narrowed and I could see that he was analyzing the situation. Probably more than PJ and I needed.
In an effort to change the subject I said, "Amanda seemed to be in good spirits today. At least much better spirits than the first time we met her."
He nodded, "I agree. Yesterday, when I told her that you two were coming today I immediately noticed an improvement in her demeanor. I have seen short periods of improvement in the past, but they never lasted for more than a few minutes. This is very encouraging." He gazed at his coffee for a minute and then continued, "My assistant is always telling me that I am too easily encouraged by patient improvement. That I just set myself up for disappointment, but I think optimism is contagious and I think that patients can sense when their doctor is optimistic and positive. I believe it is a part of creating a healing environment."
I couldn't help but like this guy. He seemed so sincere. I nodded and said, "Makes sense to me, I don't know how a positive environment could hurt."
Dr. Burns took a long sip of his coffee and then said, "So, tell me about Patty, er . . PJ, she's an investigator, and she was a police officer once. Too young to have retired, so there must be a significant reason she left behind what is usually a good pension to become a private investigator."
His directness caught me off guard, but I couldn't help but admire his intuition. Probably a necessary skill for someone in his line of work. I just wasn't comfortable sharing too much of PJ's background with the good doctor. It didn't seem like my prerogative to be sharing her life story with someone else. I sidestepped by saying, "I think she left law enforcement in order to be able to spend more time with her daughter."
The doctor gave me a thoughtful nod and said, "I would bet that there is more to the story than that. Many people say they're leaving a job to spend more time with family, and some truly believe that to be true, but in my experience that reason is usually just a facade. Often, the real reason is something much deeper in their psyche. Something that they subconsciously believe would not be an acceptable reason in the eyes of their peers, or family and friends."
What he said could easily apply to PJ. She had experienced a horrific event that led to the death of her partner, to say nothing of the fact it had required her to take two lives herself. That had to make a tremendous impact on her. She told me that Angela was very upset and consequently PJ felt she needed to make a change. How could one blame Angela? Her father was killed in the line of duty as a law enforcement officer and now her mother had almost been killed. Who wouldn't plead to have their mother find another line of work. So, what difference does it make if PJ's reasons for leaving the department were in response to Angela or a reaction to her own trauma?
It was as if Dr. Burns was reading my mind as he said, "The only harm in not being outwardly honest about why you make a significant life change is that deep down inside you always know the truth and you always think less of yourself for not facing the issue. You feel that you ran away rather than stand and fight, or that you weren't being honest in admitting that you no longer desired to fight. There is no reason to think less of yourself, but you carry that burden and the burden itself can have a significant impact on your life, manifesting itself in many negative ways."
I asked, "You mean as a form of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome?"
He gazed at me warmly as he nodded and said, "Exactly. You are exactly correct." He continued, "It is always best to honestly face what happened to us today in order to prevent it from impacting our tomorrows."
I must have looked confused because he went on, "Take the man who discovers he has been cheated on by his spouse. Outwardly he tells everyone it was her fault, but inwar
dly he believes it was his fault. If he had been a better husband she would not have cheated. He moves on in his life, but never allows himself to get close to other people because he is afraid he will again fail and end up hurt. The truth of the matter is that the fault lies with his wife. She was the cheater. If he was not meeting her needs as a husband it was her duty to tell him that, so that he had the opportunity to make changes. She failed in her duty, he didn't, but he will carry the burden of believing he failed and it will color his relationships the rest of his life."
I stared at him in disbelief. How could he know about Katherine? Then it hit me, he wasn't really talking about my situation. I knew she was the one responsible for the failure of our marriage. She was the one who had cheated. I wasn't carrying any life altering burden. I just hadn't met anyone with whom I wanted to get that close to again. I'm sure that when the right person comes along I'll let myself be vulnerable again.
He smiled that warm knowing smile again and said, "These burdens have many layers. One analogy I use is falling off a horse."
I interrupted, "You mean getting right back on. I thought rebound relationships were a bad idea?"
Dr. Burns shook his head. "Goodness no, I'm not talking about getting right back on the horse because I'm talking about a fall that produces injury, maybe serious injury." He paused to finish his coffee and then continued, "Once the outward signs of the injury are healed, it is time to extinguish the burden of the experience of the fall. First we must go back to the riding stable, next we need to pet and saddle the horse, and finally we need to climb aboard and ride again. The problem arises if we make excuses to never return to the stable, or returning to the stable occasionally we always have an excuse why we don't saddle a horse. You know, the one I like isn't available, excuses like that. If we can't get through those outer layers we will never have the opportunity to succeed in riding again. All because we are afraid of failing again."
I was at a loss for words. In some ways I found this guy to be just plain spooky, but I also thought that I would like to spend hours talking with him. He gave me that warm smile again and said, "Well, we should probably go back and see how the ladies are doing."
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
We paused at the door leading into the day room. We couldn't hear what PJ and Amanda were saying, but looking through the window we could see both of them waving their hands in animated conversation. Muffled laughter filtered through the door. Dr. Burns said, "Looks like they're getting alone quite well. Almost hate to interrupt them."
As we walked into the room the two women ceased talking and were obviously composing themselves from what must have been a lively conversation. PJ looked up and said, "Hello, you two back already?"
Dr. Burns replied, "We heard there was a party going on in here and didn't want to miss out on the fun."
Amanda looked up, some of the smile radiating from her face faded, but much of it remained. She said, "Patty has a daughter much like Jessica. We were sharing motherhood stories. You two probably wouldn't understand."
After we were seated at the table Dr. Burns said, "I'm really glad you and Patty have so much in common, Amanda. I was hoping you could help her and Jack with their investigation." He paused as Amanda looked first to PJ then back to him, finally settling back on PJ. Her face was impassive. I felt as if the light was slipping from her.
Dr. Burns continued, "It seems that some of Jessica's friends were under the impression that Butch was sometimes physically abusive of you. You know, struck you. Is that true? Did Butch ever strike you?" I was very surprised that he jumped directly into the issue.
Amanda recoiled as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown on her. She seemed to shrink into herself right before our eyes. PJ was looking first at Amanda and then back to Dr. Burns. He gave PJ a subtle nod that seemed to say, you're her friend, support her. PJ patted Amanda on the arm and whispered, "I know it's hard to talk about these things, Amanda, but it's important."
Amanda looked PJ directly in the eyes and exhaled deeply. As she spoke, her voice was low but strong. "Butch wasn't always like that. When I first married him he was really kind to me. He adored Jessica. Somewhere along the line he started to resent me." She hesitated and then continued, "Well, resent us. I think he started to resent Jessica because she and I were so close. He started drinking and sometimes when he had too much to drink he pushed me or hit me." A tear trickled down her cheek and she looked down at the table.
PJ put her arm around Amanda's shoulder and pulled her closer asking, "Did Butch ever hit Jessica?"
Amanda raised her head, tears were cascading down both cheeks. "Not that I ever saw . . . but I can't say for certain that he never did. I worked, and on days when he was home and drinking . . ." Her voice trailed off.
Dr. Burns retrieved a white handkerchief from his pocket and gently thrust it toward Amanda. "Here Amanda, it's clean, I promise."
She took the handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. "I'm sorry to carry on like this. It's just . . . it's just . . . I've tried to push this all out of my head for so long." As she regained her composure her stature seemed to reinflate. She sat upright and continuing to wipe her eyes said, "I will talk to you about this, but I just need a break right now. I need to compose myself. I promise I will talk to you about everything, just no more today." Looking directly at PJ she added, "Can you come back tomorrow, so we can talk more?"
PJ replied, "Of course I can, Amanda. I know how difficult this is and I really appreciate your willingness to talk about these things." She patted her on the arm again and Amanda smiled faintly and nodded her head.
Dr. Burns said, "Amanda, I can't tell you how proud I am of you. You are a strong woman and we are all here to support you. Now why don't you go back to your room and freshen up before lunch. I will walk Patty and Jack out and make plans for their return tomorrow."
Even after the emotional release she had just experienced, Amanda seemed stronger as we left the room than she did at the end of our first visit.
Walking to the front door, Dr. Burns seemed almost excited. He kept saying, "I think that the dam has broken. I really believe we can guide her back to her former self now. You must return tomorrow. You must." Of course the last comments were directed at PJ, but I didn't even mind. It was obvious that she and Amanda had bonded and even if we were unsuccessful in saving Freeman Robinson's life we may well be able to give Amanda back hers. We agreed to return at the same time tomorrow.
As we were driving out I said, "I must admit, that surprised me."
PJ said, "Yes and no. I sensed that she was moving toward talking with me about something, I just didn't know that we would get there that quickly. Dr. Burns seemed to know just how to push the right button at the right time."
"Yeah, he is an interesting guy, I must admit."
"So, what did you two find to talk about while you had your little coffee break?"
"Oh, you know just shrink talk." Changing the subject, "You think there is more detail to learn from Amanda? Detail that will help us?"
She turned and looked directly at me saying, "No doubt in my mind. That whole picture album, the story of Jessica's life as compiled by Jessica, and there was not one picture of Butch. For some reason she had attempted to erase him from her life. Amanda couldn't have been living under the same roof with the two of them without knowing what was going on. At least a lot more than she's been willing to disclose."
I said, "Once we get her talking more freely we need to ask why she testified that Jessica and Freeman had not dated. I can't believe that she was as close to Jessica as everyone says and she didn't know. If she committed perjury out of fear of Butch it would be a significant indication of her perception of his potential to harm her."
PJ added, "And his potential to harm Jessica."
I thought for a minute and then added, "It's a real shame that we have to wait until tomorrow to learn more."
"I agree, but I also know that if we push too hard it might shut Amanda down
completely. Just the opposite of a typical interview where I would have kept pushing to get the entire story out of the person once their resistance started to crack. Of course, I don't think there was much chance of Dr. Burns letting us push her too hard anyway."
We were both lost in our thoughts for a period, but the buzzing of PJ's cell phone interrupted us. She answered and fell silent for a few seconds before replying. "That would work well for me. I will be there at 1:00 p.m." Another period of silence and then, "No, 1:00 p.m. is fine. I will be prompt. I know the Senator has a very tight schedule. Please text me the address of the district office at this number." Another short pause, "Yes. That will be fine. I'll look forward to meeting with the Senator at 1:00 p.m." She ended the call.
I looked at PJ with obvious confusion on my face. She smiled, "We've got an appointment with Senator Bradford Palmer, former Prosecuting Attorney Palmer."
"1:00 p.m. today?"
She smiled, "Yup. He's going to be at his district office in Lake Placid. I've been trying to get an appointment for days and they've been giving me the runaround. Kept saying he was too busy in Tallahassee. That call was to tell me he had a few minutes available today. I'm sure they thought we were in Hollywood and couldn't possibly make it there at 1:00 p.m."
"Can we? Where is Lake Placid anyway?"
"It's east of us on U.S. 27. No more than forty-five minutes if we hustle. Not even noon yet, we'll make it with time to spare."
Driven Be Jack_A Jack Nolan Novel Page 19
