“Then we’re over.”
He only nodded in reply and painful anger flared up within me.
That was it? He wasn’t going to fight for what we had?
“I hope you understand that I only kept it from you to keep you safe,” he said quietly. “I love, uh, loved, being with you but this is bigger than us. Even if you’re not with me, I want you alive and well. That’s what is most important and I’ll continue to look after you and the people who live here.”
How fucking noble, was all I could think as I listened to him, trying to be strong and keep the tears from spilling out.
My final words to him weren’t nearly as elegant.
“Go to hell.”
I walked as quickly as I could out the front door and slammed it shut behind me.
Knowing he wouldn’t follow me, I allowed the tears to fall.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
HAZEL
Call it a cliche but life felt empty without him.
It became dull, lifeless and gray.
What we had filled my world with colors, sensations, and feelings that I never knew existed. Now all of that was gone.
Day in and day out as I went through the motions of my new consulting business, I tried to tell myself I made the right decision.
I said it to myself as I rose like a zombie every morning, as I smiled and talked with my clients every day while trying to fake the passion I once had for my work. I reminded myself as I watched Dahlia's belly grow bigger and my brother become an adorable doting, anxious father-to-be.
Despite all my best efforts to move on, the feeling in the pit of my stomach never went away. The feeling, as strong as the instinct to breathe and eat, that I made a huge, terrible mistake.
That Liam was right for me and being without him was wrong.
But the pain of him lying to me, and planning to keep it that way, was too much to bear. Not to mention the sick realization that he just allowed gang activity to flourish like it benefited everyone involved.
Everyone but us.
I woke up slowly one morning not knowing what day it was. They all seemed to blur into each other lately. Sunlight already streamed through the window when I rolled over to find my phone.
It was 11 am and I had no meetings scheduled until two o'clock that afternoon. A slow, easy day. Ordinarily, I'd love having so much free time but after dealing with the Liam-shaped hole in my heart, I'd much rather be busy to keep my mind off him.
Of course, I had no messages or missed calls from him either. Like a fool, I checked and hoped every day. If he just told his superiors what he told me and promised never to deal with lowlife thugs again, I'd run back to him in a heartbeat.
But those messages never came.
It felt like our time together was the most vivid, blissful, toe-curling dream. Like some kind of drug trip that lasted for weeks and had no side effects except for how badly it hurt when it ended.
What a fool I was to think it was real and that it would never end.
I rose from bed and dragged my body to the shower, trying to keep up the charade of feeling like a normal human being.
Nothing worked, as evident by Ash's face when I dragged myself into the kitchen for coffee.
"You look like absolute hell," he stated matter-of-factly.
"Fuck off."
"Sure thing, wicked sister who lives in my house, drinks my coffee and pays a fraction of the market value to rent a spacious, furnished bedroom. I'll fuck right off."
I sighed as I approached the refrigerator. "I'm sorry, okay? I'll be out of your hair by next month. I'm applying for several apartments this week."
"You know I'm fucking with you, Haze," he said more gently. "This break up's been really rough on you, huh?"
"You could say that," I muttered as I searched the chilled box for his stash of cold brew.
"Are you ever going to talk about what happened?" he asked. "You gave me a good heart-to-heart when I thought Dahlia didn't want me anymore. Maybe I could do the same."
I felt my bitter exterior soften as I sat with him at the kitchen table. For being a huge pain in the ass sometimes, my brother was surprisingly emotionally intelligent.
"Let's just say, for a law enforcement officer, he's pretty selective about which laws he enforces."
Ash raised an eyebrow. "Okay. And?"
I blinked, feeling like I was speaking a foreign language.
"He turns a blind eye to criminal activity here, Ash. And claims it's keeping people safe! I can't be with someone who just lets that kind of thing happen."
"I'm gonna tell you almost the exact same thing you told me when I came to you for advice," Ash said. "You're acting like Ma right now."
"What?" I shrieked.
"You're acting all uppity and straight-laced about something you have no idea about," he replied. "It's not as black and white as you think."
"Oh, what do you know?" I hissed angrily. "I can't believe you're taking a crooked cop's side over mine."
"Hey, you know I have no love for cops," he retorted, holding his hands up. "But I respect Liam. And from my stint in the county jail during my bullshit trial, I feel a little more experienced on the subject than you. I mean, you cried for days and felt soul-crushing guilt after getting a speeding ticket if I recall correctly."
"I was seventeen," I replied through gritted teeth.
He had a point, though. My brother was innocent and thankfully never convicted but he was treated like a criminal for nearly a year during that trial.
"It’s true that crime is at all-time low in Cloverville right now," Ash said. "There is no better time to raise a family here. That's why businesses are booming and people are moving in by the hundreds every year. Everyone wants to live here."
"It's low because it's not being reported," I shot back. "Because people like Liam are turning a blind eye to it right under our noses."
"People wouldn't stay quiet if really bad stuff was actually happening," he replied. "You know that. No one can keep their damn mouths shut here. Whatever Liam's homies are doing, it's benign enough to not ruffle any feathers."
I didn't want to believe him but he had a point. Cloverville's citizens had so little going on in their lives, they would raise hell about a dented bumper just to stir up some juicy drama.
"I mean think about it," Ash continued. "Laws are made by the people in power. They change often and sometimes they're arbitrary. Like women weren't allowed to apply for credit cards without their husband's permission until 1974."
My eyebrows raised suspiciously. "How do you even know that?"
"Dahlia drops lots of feminist tidbits on me," he admitted. "If we have a girl, she is gonna give Beyonce a run for her money." His face lit up with a goofy smirk. “Did you also know it’s illegal to shoot game from a moving vehicle unless the target is a whale?”
“Okay,” I said, raising my hand in protest. “I get your point but I also had to coax this information out of him. He was never going to tell me. Keeping a secret like this is almost as bad as cheating.”
Ash shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. But he’s also human, which means he’s imperfect.”
“Could’ve fooled me until I found this out,” I muttered. It bewildered me how perfect Liam seemed, like he was custom-created just for me. Everything from his cock and his kinks to the way he made me laugh.
Fuck, what have I done?
“You know.” Ash stroked the stubble on his jaw thoughtfully. “The more I think about it, I probably would have done the same thing if it were me and Dahlia.”
“Are you serious?” I groaned.
“If I look at the big picture and my number one priority is to keep my town and my family safe, hell yeah. I would snort coke with the devil and let him tie my balls in knots if that’s what it took.”
My brother, ever the eloquent poet.
“If turning a blind eye to some petty criminal dealings is all it takes, then it’s a no fucking brainer,” he concluded.
&nb
sp; I sighed heavily and hung my head in my hands.
“So what you’re saying is I fucked up.”
“Yes, pretty much,” he replied cheerily. “But assuming he’s as gaga for you as you are for him, getting back together should be easy enough.” His goofy smile evaporated and he looked at me more seriously. “But can you really be with him and deal with this knowledge now that you have it?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. “I love him. As long as people aren’t getting hurt and his heart is in the right place. I can live with this.”
“Atta girl.” Ash slapped my shoulder as he stood from the table. “Now go get your man back and live happily ever after.”
“As much as I’d like to right now, I have an important meeting with a client,” I sighed.
In my chest, the spark that had died down to ashes glowed again with light, with hope.
All relationships took work and compromise. I wouldn’t let this crumble over a small bump in the road or even a big one.
Even if I didn’t like how Liam went about it, how could I fault him for trying to protect me?
I went about my day and got ready for my meeting with renewed passion. I felt like a wilted flower that suddenly got a fresh drink of water. After finishing my work for the day, I would go to his house.
We’d talk. We’d work it out, get past this and continue falling in hard, rough love with each other.
At 1:45 I settled into a seat at the bar at Vino Veritas, ready to ease my nerves with a tall glass of wine.
My potential client today was the president of the local credit union. If he signed up for a marketing contract with me, his business alone would be able to support my income. Combined with my other clients, I’d be able to get a corner downtown office and finally hire my own staff. Liam and I could buy our own place together. A bigger house with enough room for a family and maybe a dog.
One thing at a time, Haze, I told myself.
My daydream was rudely interrupted by the jarring sound of my phone ringing. A local number I didn’t recognize displayed across the screen.
A thrill ran through me at the thought of even more clients knocking at my door and I hurried outside the bar to answer.
“Hello?”
No sooner had I stepped outside and answered the phone, someone’s hands grabbed me roughly and my feet were no longer on the ground.
“Hey! Wha-”
I didn’t even have time to yell or even feel fear when a black-gloved hand closed over my mouth. A sharp smell invaded my nostrils and that’s when the fear kicked in.
I tried to hold my breath as I kicked and pulled desperately at the hands holding me. I fought for my life but it was too late.
My limbs were heavy and the world went black.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
LIAM
I checked for my pistol again, the fifth time since we settled in and waited. Yep, still there.
The sting was under way. My partner Felix and I were here undercover and in separate cars to maintain our low profile. I parked down the road behind the convenience store, out of sight to most of the travelers stopping by. He was in the main parking lot, pretending to nap under some shade.
Solomon left an anonymous tip at the police station just like I told him to. All he said was that a robbery was being planned at this convenience store just outside of Cloverville city limits.
It was also a truck stop and gas station along a major freeway. This place saw lots of traffic day in and day out. Privately, Sol filled me in on more details. The family trying to shove their way into his territory was called La Familia Noriega. This truck stop was also where Sol signed off on his shipments to continue on to their customers in the Bay Area. Noriega had been hanging around here regularly in the past week trying to ruffle Sol's feathers.
My partner wasn't sure who to look for but I did. I’d make the first move and all he had to do was follow my lead. I kept my eyes peeled on the cars coming in and the parking lot for two straight hours looking for a suspect.
And still Hazel remained at the back of my mind. I shouldn't have let her invade my thoughts, not when I had important work to do.
But those green eyes filled with tears and the hurt twisting across her face haunted me.
From the moment she left, I was tempted to turn myself in as she asked. But I knew that couldn't happen. That would only achieve what I was trying to prevent.
The calm, criminal world would have unrest. Sol could find himself in the middle of a war and Cloverville would be the battlefield.
No, I couldn't let that happen.
The delicate balance had to be maintained even if I lost what I cared about most once again. At least this time she wouldn't leave me in a body bag.
But goddamn did I miss her. I missed looking at her beautiful sleeping form in the early morning light. I missed the beautiful sounds she made and how hard she bit my shoulder when she came. The mark was still there and I wished it would never disappear. I missed her quick wit and her intellect. I missed having someone to love me again.
She's alive. She's safe. I kept repeating it to myself like a mantra. That's all that matters. And eventually, you will heal from this too and move on.
A beat-up car pulling in from the freeway caught my eye. Fuck, I should have been paying more attention.
The car pulled up next to a gas pump and I squinted to get a look at the driver but it was hard to see through his dusty back windshield.
The moment he stepped out, I knew we had our guy. He was a tall, lanky Hispanic man and the spitting image of a gangbanger. A black fitted baseball cap sat atop a red bandanna wrapped around his head. His matching red flannel shirt and loose, sagging jeans completed the gangster look as he swaggered up to the store. Even from 200 feet away, I could see that he had a gun tucked into his waistband under his shirt.
Seeing his glaringly obvious gang attire made my respect go up a notch for Sol. At least he put some effort into dressing classy and not like a typical gangbanger.
"The dog's loose and he's on the run," I said quickly into my radio before exiting my car and walking as casually as I could up to the convenience store.
I was dressed in plain clothes and drove a decoy car. Felix had the signal and the second stage of our plan was in motion.
Upon entering the convenience store I gave a curt nod to the clerk, an older Indian man, and headed straight for the far corner of the store. I was at least thirty seconds ahead of the Noriega as planned and would pretend to inspect the selection of pretzels until he made his move.
Beep beep beep!
The door chimed as he entered and I made sure not to look up and blow my cover. Rather, I looked in the reflection of the refrigerator doors to confirm it was him.
His large, dark eyes swept across the store to survey for any threats. He looked young, jumpy and eager. This guy was eager to prove himself to his familia and earn his place. I kept my eyes down on the snacks in front of me in order to not alert him of the random white guy in the corner.
With a flurry of movement, the young man sealed his fate.
"Put your hands in the air, old man!"
His gun barrel hovered inches away from the clerk's face as he hurriedly looked around the store for customers to subdue. I already crouched low out of sight and drew my own weapon.
"Open up the drawer slow and put everything in a paper bag," he instructed the clerk as I slowly made my way closer. "Keep your hands where I can see 'em."
"We don't keep any large bills up front," the clerk said with a surprising amount of calm.
"Well, then you're gonna show me where you keep the big bills, my man."
Silently as a cat, I pivoted and stood, raising my gun to point at the young thug's back.
"Cloverville Police. Put your weapon down and back away," I commanded.
I saw his eyes widen with fear and surprise in the mirror behind the counter. He stood frozen, stunned.
"I said back away!" I barked. "Raise your
hands and back up toward me."
Finally, he did as I instructed, setting the gun down on the counter and walking backward toward me.
The moment I touched his wrist to bring his arm back behind him, he bolted for the door.
Right into the arms of my partner and all our backup officers waiting with squad cars boxing him in and guns drawn.
"Where you going in such a hurry, man?" Felix asked cheerily.
The fledgling Noriega hung his head and fell to his knees in defeat, allowing himself to be taken into custody.
As his rights were read to him and he was escorted to the jail for booking, everyone came around and gave me good-natured slaps on the back and congratulations.
"Great plan, Barnes! Another one in the bag!"
"Thank God you were there!" exclaimed the store clerk with tears in his eyes. "I could have lost everything!"
It was a victory all around. No one got hurt or robbed, Solomon's business was no longer threatened and peace would return to Cloverville soon after the media reported the story.
Years ago I would have been riding the justice high like all the other young officers celebrating at the station.
But I couldn't bring myself to feel joy that day. Not after knowing I would be going home to an empty house. I wouldn't see Hazel's green eyes flash with excitement after I told her all about it. No, she'd be in her own bed far away from me.
Or in bed with someone else already.
The thought created a painful squeezing around my heart and I tried to push it away as I pulled up to my house.
I turned the TV on and punched the volume up. Normally I enjoyed silence but lately, my house felt too quiet.
I almost didn't hear my phone ring, with BLOCKED NUMBER reading across the screen. I figured it was Solomon calling from one of his many burner phones to kiss my ass and gloat about our victory.
"Hey Sol," I said distractedly.
"Good evening, Officer Barnes."
My blood ran cold as I heard the garbled, distorted voice that definitely wasn't Sol’s.
I jumped to my feet, heart racing.
Love and War: A Bad Boy Romance (Small Town Bad Boys Book 2) Page 12
