by Linzi Glass
During recess, Ashton and I met in the drama lab. We had decided to get very professional and block the scene on the stage before we performed on Friday. We didn’t have props yet—the art students were still working on them—and since we were supposed to be in the middle of a forest, Ashton insisted on using Mr. Matheson’s small desk cactus to represent the whole woods. I had to laugh.
Ashton/King Oberon: “Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania.”
Ashton came toward me and bowed deeply.
Me/QueenTitania: “What, jealous Oberon?—Fairies, skip hence. I have forsworn his bed and company.”
I spun on my heel and moved down stage left.
Ashton/King Oberon: “Tarry, rash wanton. Am not I thy lord?”
Ashton strode over to me and grabbed my hand and turned me to face him. I could feel his fingers smooth and soft against mine. This was the first time in rehearsal he had done this. Usually he tapped my shoulder and I turned around. I fumbled to find my next line as he kept my hand in his.
Me/Queen Titania: “Then I must be thy lady; but I know…”
My lines went clear out of my head as Ashton and I stood on the small stage facing each other.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “Let’s start over again.”
But Ashton didn’t move. He looked at me in a way that no one had looked at me before. We stood so close I could see the yellow flecks around his hazel eyes. I felt my hand get clammy in his.
“I like you, Bree,” he said softly. “You’re not like all the other girls.” He took my other hand.
We just stood there, staring at each other, not moving, fixed on each other, like nothing else in the world mattered in that moment.
“Bree! I’ve been looking eve—”
I turned quickly to see Kate, who had stopped dead in her tracks in the drama lab doorway. Ashton let go of my hands and I felt myself turn red, purple, pink, and sickly green.
“Kate!” I said. “We’re just rehearsing.” I hurried over to her.
“So he is your boyfriend, like everyone is saying,” she whispered. “I just saw you holding hands.”
“It’s part of the scene, okay? We’re the king and queen.”
“Don’t they fight a lot? Seems like a weird interpretation.” She frowned.
I looked back at Ashton, who was putting his copy of the play into his backpack.
Kate took a deep breath. “Look, Lulu texted me to say that you wouldn’t be able to come to my birthday. Is it true?”
I took a deep breath. “Yes,” I said. “I’m really sorry. I was going to…”
Ashton mumbled a quick good-bye as he brushed past us and headed out the door. I wanted to run after him to get him to come back so we could finish blocking the scene. More importantly, I wanted him to come back so I could tell him that I was really glad that he liked me, because I liked him, too. But I watched as he turned the corner down the hallway and was gone.
“Sorry.” Kate shrugged. “Didn’t mean to end your rehearsal, but this couldn’t wait.”
“It’s okay.” I sighed.
“Well?” she asked, her big blue eyes growing wider.
“I’m putting on a big dog adoption day downtown. It had to be this Saturday. I have no choice….”
“But it’s my birthday.” Kate’s lower lip trembled. “We’ve been talking about it for months.”
“I’ll make it up to you. Promise,” I said, and realized as she walked away that it was a line my mother had used on me many times.
Just as I was about to step into class I got a text message from Lulu, who was still out sick.
Did my Danny assignment. I called all the vets you emailed me. No luck.
Chapter Twenty
When I got home from school I called Ashton. His cell phone rang four times and then went to voice mail, so I tried his house. Consuela answered and when I asked for Ashton, she said he was busy, but she didn’t sound very convincing. “You call back, okay? I tell him you want to speak with him,” she said haltingly. I said I would try again but knew I wouldn’t. Ashton was avoiding me and I wasn’t sure why.
I walked around the house aimlessly and stopped at the sight of Danny’s bed in the living room. The imprint that his body had made was no longer there and his food and water bowls had been removed from their place in the kitchen and put away in a cabinet. It was as if he were slowly disappearing from our lives, and soon there would be no sign that he had once lived here at all. I was filled with a pain so intense that it bit into every part of me like fierce red ants. I went over to Danny’s comfy bed and curled up in it. I cried until it I felt like my ribs would break. When I was done, I just lay there for a long, long time.
Rayleen had left me a message on my cell phone while I was in class earlier telling me to write a note to Danny letting him know how much I missed him, and that when I was done I should put it in an envelope, seal it, and give it to her at our adoption event on Saturday. It sounded like a strange request, but once I eventually dragged myself out of Danny’s doggy bed, it was the only thing I really wanted to do.
I took a blank piece of white paper out of the printer in my mom’s office and sat at her desk and began writing.
To my dear dog Danny,
I can’t believe it’s been almost ten days since I last saw you. I pray that you will come back and I know in my heart that you’re still alive. I hope that wherever you are you can feel how much you mean to me and that nothing would make me happier than to see your happy face looking up at me again.
I want you to know that I am sorry if you sometimes felt I used you to help me feel less lonely, but please know that you were never just a replacement for my parents being gone so much. I also want you to know that in the last ten days I met a wonderful woman named Rayleen who has truly helped me to understand dogs in a way I never did before. I have so much more to tell you, but most importantly, I just want you to know that you are missed beyond words and I love you with all my heart.
Be safe and come back soon. PLEASE!
XOXO,
Bree
I folded the letter and put it in an envelope and sealed it like Rayleen had asked me to do. Somehow writing the letter had made me feel better, like Danny was just a bit closer than before.
I sat in the living room and went over my lines for A Midsummer Night’s Dream one last time before our performance the next day. I felt a knot in my stomach when I got to Ashton’s line, “Tarry, rash wonton. Am not I thy lord?” I remembered how his hand had felt in mine.
My mom’s attitude, surprisingly, had actually been better when she’d picked me up after school earlier. She had asked me a few questions about the downtown adoption day in a very neutral voice. She’d wanted to know what Steve the New Hope coordinator’s last name was, and I told her it was Samuels. I shared with her that I wanted to get the twenty-eight red listed dogs adopted by the end of the day, and as many more dogs as we could. The newsmom asked a few other questions, then dropped me off without a kiss, but with a small wave good-bye before she raced back to the station.
Just as I was finishing the rest of my homework, the gate phone rang. I was a little startled since I wasn’t expecting any visitors. I was never allowed to let anyone in if I was alone in the house, even if they said they were delivery people or worked for the electric company or something like that. The newsparents had drilled it into me so many times, but I knew it was just their way of making sure I stayed safe.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“It’s Rayleen, sweet pea, let me in.”
There was no mistaking Rayleen’s singsong southern twang, and no one but her ever called me sweet pea, so I was pretty certain it was safe to buzz her in.
“Lookin’ a little puffy-eyed there,” Rayleen said as I opened the door. She never missed anything. She was dressed in her usual style: flip-flops and cargo pants with a T-shirt that said “Underdogs to Top Dogs.”
“Cool T-shirt,” I said.
She opened a large canvas bag t
hat was slung over her shoulder and took out an identical T-shirt. “Knew you’d want one.” She grinned. “Lil’ present from me. Wear it on Saturday.” She tossed the T-shirt over to me.
“Thanks.” I held it against me. “I love it!”
“Take a look at what’s on the back.” Rayleen turned around.
Written across it in bold blue letters were the words “Save a shelter dog. Mutts are miracles.” I went to her and gave her a big hug.
“I have a whole bunch for the volunteers to wear. Thought it might help adopt a dog or two. Seeing your clever words on the banner outside will be great, but having a reminder inside the shelter can’t hurt.”
“That’s brilliant!” I said, and gave her another hug. It was so easy to be warm to Rayleen. Why couldn’t I be that way with the newsmom? I didn’t have time to dwell on the matter because Rayleen was in high gear.
“I’ve got a carload of dog stuff for Martha. Thought we could run it over now and get everything set up. Also, I wanna check her fences to make sure there’s no way out for our big boy.”
I called Martha and she said it was fine for us to come over.
On the short drive to Marguerita Avenue, Rayleen made me make her a promise. If everything worked out with Neptune and Martha, that would be great, but she reminded me that Martha was an old lady and Neptune was only a two-year-old dog. “There might come a time when you’ll need to take Neptune. I don’t ever want him back in a shelter again, or in the hands of the wrong owner.”
“I promise, but you’ll be around, won’t you?” I said just as we pulled up outside Martha’s house.
Rayleen turned to look at me with her wide-set green eyes. “Prob’ly not, sweet pea. I never stay too long in one place.” She turned from me quickly and pulled the key from the ignition and hopped out.
I sat there for a moment, unmoving. Rayleen had just come into my life. I couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving already. I had learned so much from her and felt so close to her. I had pictured us going to the shelter and saving dogs together for years and years. I couldn’t bear the thought of not hearing her voice or breathing in her special scent. But Rayleen didn’t give me time to sit there and mope. She came around to my side of the truck and made a silly, monkey-looking face and motioned for me to get out. I laughed. She was the one person who somehow, no matter what, managed to make me laugh.
We carried a huge dog bed, dog bowls, and dog food up the pathway and knocked on Martha’s front door.
“It’s the shelter Santas!” I yelled though the door when Martha asked who was there.
Martha opened the door and I was happy to see that she was dressed in a skirt and top and had a touch of pink lipstick on. I did the introductions, and Martha grew more excited with each thing Rayleen showed her.
“This must be what it feels like to be waiting for a new baby to arrive,” she said, smoothing down her skirt, her eyes bright and clear and focused on everything we had brought.
“Well, consider this the baby shower, then,” Rayleen said.
When we were done setting up the bowls in the kitchen, the dog bed in the living room, and had put all the dog food away, Martha took us out to the back garden. Rayleen gave a long, low whistle when she saw how big it was.
“Wow. A dog’s paradise. He sure is one lucky boy to call this place his home.”
Rayleen walked every inch of the garden and checked for possible holes or spaces where Neptune might be able to get out, but didn’t find anything that concerned her.
“My husband, Tim, he took such pride in the garden,” Martha said.
“He did a beautiful job.” Rayleen took in the roses that were in full bloom everywhere.
“I’ve got a gardener coming once a week now to do the heavy stuff, Bree. It was just too much for me to do on my own. I can putter about on the weekends, that’s fine. Neptune can help me plant my first project. A vegetable garden.”
“I’m sure he’s great at digging holes,” Rayleen said, and winked at me.
My cell phone rang and I answered it quickly, hoping it was Ashton, but it was my dad. He had come home to find me gone. I’d forgotten to leave a note.
“I was worried, kiddo.”
“I’m sorry, Dad. I’m just down the road with Rayleen….”
“It’s getting late. Time to come back and start your homework,” he said gently but firmly.
I told Rayleen we’d better get going.
Martha had picked some roses and handed them to us at the door. “Special flowers for two special ladies.”
We thanked her and said our good-byes.
When Rayleen dropped me off, she gave me a big thumbs-up as she drove away. I watched as her car got smaller and smaller as she headed down our street. I couldn’t stand the idea that soon she’d be gone.
“I’m home!” I shouted as I closed the front door behind me.
My dad was sitting in the living room, working on his laptop. He looked up when I came into the room. A crease formed between his eyebrows.
“Look, kiddo, I know how important animals are to you, but you’ve got to make sure you get your homework done, too. Rayleen’s a great person, but you’re spending a lot of time with her.”
“She’s leaving soon, so you don’t have to worry about her for much longer.”
He seemed taken aback.
“Where’s she going?
“I don’t know. Wherever the wind takes her, I guess,” I said softly.
My dad was silent, then spoke. “I’m sorry she’s leaving. Honest.” He drummed his fingers on the top of his laptop. “I wish I didn’t have to leave again so soon.”
“Stay home and write your book,” I said. “I wish you would, Daddy.”
My dad stood up and came over to me and wrapped his arms around me. “If only it were that simple, kiddo.” He pulled me in close, his words catching in the back of his throat.
I went upstairs to help him pack for his trip to Afghanistan. He wasn’t leaving for a few days, but he wanted to get the packing done so he didn’t have to think about it. He would be gone for a month or longer. I knew that where he was going was remote and dangerous and I wouldn’t get to talk to him very often. This would probably be the only time we had alone together before he left. While we folded shirts and rolled socks, I asked him lots of questions about the book he wanted to write.
He stopped to think for a moment. Then it all poured out of him in one breath.
“From all my travels and experiences around the world I’ve learned that no matter how different people and cultures are, basically, human beings all want the same things. Love and acceptance. Wars are just a nasty way of trying to get those needs met, and mankind needs to find an alternative solution. I’d like to write a book about the better way.”
“Wow, Dad. That sounds awesome! It’s going to be a great book for sure.”
“Thanks, but I have to find the time to write it first.” He sighed, then went into his walk-in closet to get more clothes.
While I was folding his crisp, button-down shirts, my cell phone beeped. I had a text message. It was from Ashton.
Sorry I’ve been MIA. My dad came home to deal with Stephanie. Total chaos. She broke a bunch of stuff when she left and yelled at Consuela, who’s crying in the kitchen now.
Wow, I wrote back. Good news about Stephanie. Sorry about Consuela. That sucks. How r u?
Much better, he wrote back.
I am too, I wanted to say, since you wrote. But of course I didn’t.
I tossed and turned in bed all night. I was nervous about the play and equally nervous about the adoption event on Saturday. I hated that my dad was leaving for so long and that Rayleen wouldn’t be around much longer. I was sad that Lulu wouldn’t be showing up at adoption day since I had insisted she go to Kate’s party. I was feeling left out of the fun spa day all the girls in my class would have, despite the fact that I knew my adoption day was really important.
And then there were my mom and Danny. It
felt like I had lost them both. Would either of them ever come back to me?
Chapter Twenty-One
Mr. Matheson had said that we didn’t need to wear real costumes, but we could bring things from home or pick symbolic items that revealed something about our character for our performances. Since I was a queen, the first thing I decided on was a crown. I had to dig it out from the back of my closet and I hoped it hadn’t gotten crushed under shoe boxes and Rollerblades. I had worn it a few Halloweens ago when I decided to be Glinda, the Good Witch of the North. Luckily, the crown was intact and still sparkled. I choose a red dress that I’d worn to a Christmas party at my mom’s TV station last year. Although I knew it was a bit dressy for school and I’d be stuck in it all day, I wanted to look as queenly as I could.
I guess I hadn’t taken into account that red velvet should be worn only at one time of the year—Christmas.
“Where’s Ashton the red-nosed reindeer?” some kid said as I walked into class. I didn’t look back to see who it was.
My face was as red as my dress as I made my way to the back of the drama lab.
“Our queen has arrived!” Mr. Matheson announced as I hurried to my seat. “And looking quite royal and regal, I might add.”
I gave him a weak, less than queenly smile.
Mr. Matheson had the tips of his hair spiked white today, while the rest of his hair was black. Black and white. That’s how things were supposed to be. Clear and defined. Black or white. But most things in life, it seemed, were gray.
Would Ashton and I still be close after this? Answer? Gray.
Would Danny come back? Answer? Gray.
To be, or not to be. Shakespeare’s own words. Answer? Gray.
I sat at my desk and wrote in my notebook, “No more gray. Except when I’m old and gray, like Martha.”
I looked around the drama lab for Ashton. His side-kick, Max, was already in his seat, so where was he? Come to think of it, I hadn’t seen him at all yet today.
