Leather and Sand

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Leather and Sand Page 8

by Jayna Vixen


  “Mama!” Sirena protested, clinging to her arm.

  “It’s okay, monkey.”

  “Monkey wants nanas!”

  Rhee smiled despite the chaotic thoughts that churned in her head. “I’ll get you some bananas and milk.”

  Mechanically, she fixed Sirena’s snack while trying to hide her inner turmoil. Her sea sprite was too savvy for that game, though. As Rhee set a plastic plate of banana wheels and a Sippy cup of milk on the table, Sirena climbed into her lap and took Rhee’s chin in her delicate little girl hands. How could those eyes look so innocent and wise at the same time?

  “Mama, you sad?”

  Rhee let out a soft sigh. Sometimes she wondered if it was better to reveal emotional truths to children rather than trying to protect them from pain and confusion by hiding one’s feelings. Kids were just so…perceptive. She could no more hide her feelings from Sirena than she could pretend the ocean was red. Sirena sensed her emotions. Rhee didn’t have to say a word.

  Maybe just being real with them allowed children to learn how to cope with things in their own way. Maybe it was actually better for children to observe adults dealing with and overcoming the issues that befell them? Rhee just wasn’t sure. Kids are resilient, she reminded herself. Still, there was no way she would allow Sirena to bear her emotional burdens. It was easier to explain sad than it was to explain deeply fucking conflicted and emotionally destroyed to a toddler.

  “Everybody gets sad sometimes, baby.”

  Sirena paused, her little wheels turning as she stuffed some banana into her mouth. Then, her face brightened. “Beach!”

  Despite her emotional angst, Rhee felt a giggle brewing in her soul. At a little over two years old, Sirena was already a great problem solver. She knew her mother well. Rhee had taken so many walks on the sand when Sirena was still safely ensconced inside her belly that the calming serenity of the ocean breeze was, quite possibly, ingrained in the child. Rhee smiled, recalling how she had lazed on the shore watching the dolphins, day dreaming about swimming with manta rays, and listening to Turtle’s stories about mermaids and fishermen…

  Yes, the beach would definitely improve Rhee’s mood. Snapping back into the present, she glanced at her tow-headed child; immense gratitude mingling with the fear and anxiety she sought to push out of her mind. Her name might be reminiscent of the sea, but Sirena was heaven-sent. With her cherubic features, the little girl certainly looked like an angel, and the truth was, her arrival had changed Rhee’s life for the better. She had never felt so grounded. Prior to Sirena, Rhee’s life revolved around her mother, her personal safety, and then the search for her sister. Rather than living in the past or the future, Sirena forced Rhee to be present, her little girl joy encouraging Rhee to remember to turn her face to the sun, and let the stormy times just slip past. For that, she would be eternally grateful.

  Packing up their stuff took approximately two seconds since Rhee’s beach bag was perpetually ready to go. She tossed a few snacks and drinks into it and grabbed her favorite blue sarong. There was a little path behind the hale that trailed right down to the beach. It was a nice, wide stretch of fine sand bordered by rocks. The little known break was considered “locals-only.” Thanks to Turtle, Rhee was pretty much considered a local before Sirena was born. Her island birth gave Sirena automatic kama’aina status. Her daughter had been dipping her sweet little toes into the warm water here since she was an infant.

  They walked the sandy path in their bare feet. Sirena rarely wore shoes, preferring the feeling of earth and sand beneath her toes. Getting her to keep any sort of footwear on was a battle that Rhee chose not to fight. In fact, Rhee mused, she was starting to like the feeling too. Ah, the things we learn from kids. Connecting with the ground made her feel anchored in a way she couldn’t explain.

  Lost in thought, Rhee followed Sirena, noting absently how her sun-streaked, white-blond hair caught the light, radiating around her like a halo. The little girl was an angel. Rhee’s savior in a swim diaper. And she would be damned if Dax Jamison would interfere with her Sirena’s life. Or her own.

  Rhee breathed a sigh of relief; tension she didn’t realize she had been holding in her gut dissipated somewhat. The boys were here. She had come to think of them as her boys. Their presence always made Rhee feel more secure. When the local boys were around, there was always an extra set of eyes to keep track of Sirena. She trusted Turtle’s crew implicitly. Plus, it always made Rhee smile to observe the macho, tattooed local surfers that ruled this break as they hunkered down to fill her daughter’s pink, sparkly pail with water or sand.

  A large shepherd mix bounded over with a cheerful bark to greet them. “Hi, Axl.” Rhee smiled, scratching the dog behind the ears. Axl was large, but he was friendly. He even let Sirena tug on his tail. Axl rolled over in the sand, offering her his belly and she gave him a pat. Sirena squealed as his tongue found her bare toes.

  “Aloha, Rina.”

  Axl leapt to his master’s side as Turtle approached, almost as if he was ushering the man to her. Then, he plopped down on the sand, his head bobbing back and forth between the two adults as though he was trying to be part of their conversation. Funny dog. He acts almost like a person.

  “Any news?” It was a question she routinely asked him, but usually the answer was “not yet.”

  “There’s been news, yes.”

  Adrenaline swept through her veins. Turtle was looking at her intensely, the usual humor absent from his eyes. His gaze swept up and down her body as though he was searching for something. It wasn’t a creepy look, just a shrewd, searching one that made her decidedly uncomfortable. I do not need more uncomfortable! Rhee leveled her gaze and stared right back at the imposing local.

  “What? Is it about my sister? Tell me!”

  Turtle didn’t reply right away. First, he nodded at the only man in the group who surpassed him in size—a man who ironically went by the name of Tiny. Although his enormous, tribal tattoo-covered body made Rhee’s heart jump the first time she met him, Tiny was a gentle giant. Sirena had taken to the man right away. From the time she was a colicky infant, she calmed instantly in Tiny’s giant arms. The big man was always delighted to play with the little girl, offering his enormous pinky to her. Sirena grasped it without hesitation, chattering happily in her toddler-speak to a man who weighed at least three hundred pounds more than she did. The odd-looking pair made their way to the water’s edge, out of earshot.

  Rhee turned back to Turtle, feeling the anxiety she had been trying to hide begin to overtake her fried nerves. Even Axl stood at attention, as if to signal the importance of what he was about to say. If her friend was acting odd and sending away her daughter before he disclosed whatever information he had, it couldn’t be good.

  “What happened?”

  “Perhaps you should tell me.” Turtle’s hooded gaze swept out to the shimmering waves beyond.

  Rhee looked at him quizzically. Huh?

  “Your boss, Rina. My cousin told me that Darren Shepard was dropped off in front of the clinic early this morning. Broken rib, broken nose. At first, he said he was jumped, but now, apparently he isn’t talking. Refused to file a police report. My boys know nothing about it. I know he was with you last night at the benefit. Rina?”

  Rhee was shivering even though it was a balmy eighty-five degrees on the beach. Trying to avoid thinking about Dax meant that she had altogether ignored the Darren issue. She was supposed to report to work the next morning and Rhee had no idea what she was supposed to do.

  “Rina?”

  He touched her arm gently. “What happened last night?”

  Rhee felt her eyes well up. She focused on her daughter, the light bouncing off of her gilt-colored hair as she giggled and splashed Tiny at the water’s edge. This place was so beautiful, so perfect. It was her Garden of Eden. A place where no evil could touch her. Until now. Rhee had a sinking feeling that no matter what she did, the safe walls of her haven were about to crumble.

/>   Finally, she looked up. Turtle was patient. It seemed to be a characteristic of the people here. “Last night.” She took a deep breath. “Last night, Darren came on to me.”

  Turtle stiffened. She could see the anger in his eyes even though he kept his voice calm and level. “What did he do? Are you okay, tita?”

  “I’m okay. Um, I think I’m jobless.” Her chin quavered briefly, and then Rhee managed a smile.

  “What happened exactly?” His voice had taken on a hard edge.

  Turtle wasn’t one to let things go. He’s a lot like Dax in that regard, Rhee thought. No, Turtle didn’t let things slide. Especially if someone got jumped on his turf. It was one of the reasons he had so much influence. Turtle’s boys knew everything and anything that was going on—everywhere.

  Rhee’s sense of intuition prickled then, but she wasn’t sure why. She shrugged. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Rina. This is important. Your boss claims someone shook him down but he won’t say who. We didn’t do it. Do you know who did?”

  She sighed, not knowing how to answer him. What should she say? My daughter’s father showed up out of nowhere and kicked my boss’s creepy ass into next week? And then suddenly, the answer came along on its own. A tall silhouette appeared, foreshadowing the arrival of a newcomer from the beach trail that started in her backyard. Axl barked, but remained at Turtle’s side with a low command from his master.

  Thanks, Manali!

  Rhee knew immediately that her seriously misguided landlady-parent had most certainly been the one to point Dax in her direction. That made no sense either! It was almost as if Manali was facilitating their reunion, a behavior that contradicted her former penchant for shielding Rhee from unwanted male attention. Rhee could do nothing but watch with a mixture of dread and anticipation brewing in her gut as Dax Jamison ambled onto the sand with an air of ownership that implied he was meant to be there.

  Chapter Ten

  Loved her?!

  Wince said he loved the stowaway too. The implication of those words was like a sharp kick to the nuts. As much as he had desired Rhee, Dax never even considered that he might have loved the girl. How could I have loved her? I hardly knew her. Still, the fact remained that the depth of his betrayal and pain in the wake of the stowaways’ absence only made sense if he considered that he had feelings for the girl. Deep feelings. The thought tore him up inside. I did not—do not—love anyone.

  Love was a fickle emotion. It felt good at first, but then it turned into pain. He was coiled so tight inside that Dax thought he was going to snap. All he could think about was Rhee and her deception. The scene from the night before was stuck on replay inside his mind. Rhee’s look of terror, that child—my child?!—walking from the room and calling the stowaway, “mommy…”

  If that little girl was his child, his flesh and blood, he damn well wanted to hear the confirmation from Rhiannon’s own mouth. And then he wanted to hear all about why she left. Even though he thought he already knew the answer. It was obvious. Wasn’t it?

  Fuck, do I even want to know?

  Dax was so confused and frustrated that he had practically jumped out of the van before Wince put it in park. He just needed space to dilute the volatile feelings brewing in his heart, and he needed it now. He was leaving Wince in the lurch, but fuck, the kid had to step up at some point.

  No time like the present.

  Dax wandered the beach for a solid hour with no destination in mind. Before long, anger began to color over his other emotions, turning his face dark with rage. All of his violent feelings were directed at the girl who had walked out of his life so easily and had never looked back. Rhiannon abandoned him, possibly with the knowledge that she carried his firstborn child when she did it. And she hadn’t even had the decency to tell him. That defection angered him even more.

  Truthfully, the thought of a having a child scared Dax on so many levels that it boggled his mind. His damaged heart focused its rage more comfortably on being abandoned. Was leaving him so simple? It sure the hell seems to be. Dax wasn’t fully cognizant of the emotional pain his anger muted. All he knew was that he was mad enough to spank someone, and that someone was Rhiannon Blake.

  Dax Jamison had never been the kind of man who ran from his troubles. He faced them head on and he conquered them. But this kind of trouble was novel to him and he didn’t know quite what to do or how to process what he was thinking and feeling. He wanted to spank Rhiannon silly. He also wanted to fuck her senseless. His cock stirred in his jeans.

  Yeah, I want to show her what she walked out on.

  Maybe he wanted her to reject him again. On some level, Dax was aware that it would cut him so deeply he would never be open to that kind of hurt again. He had thought the damn thing—his heart—had been blackened long ago. But the kind of hurt he was feeling now could only mean that a faint beat still lingered. One that he wanted to extinguish for good.

  Love is pain.

  Dax’s angst dulled his senses. He didn’t notice the brown sedan pull out behind him as he marched determinedly back to his borrowed bike and gunned the motor, ignoring the interested group of sarong-clad bikini girls who watched him from the sidewalk. On a mission to determine what exactly was going on, Dax sped straight to Rhee’s secluded little cottage. He had questions. Lots of them. And the origin of a little girl with golden hair topped his list.

  Dax was off his bike before the engine died down. He stormed straight back through the garden to Rhee’s door. He raised his hand to pound on it. Part of him wanted to just kick the damn thing in. Just like last time, the door swung open before he had a chance to signal his arrival. The woman, Manali, ushered him inside as though she had been expecting him. She looked him up and down, and then nodded to herself with a secret smile.

  He knew that his anger was obvious. There was no way to hide it. Dax opened his mouth to interrogate Manali but she silenced him with a shake of her head. There was something about the older woman that Dax respected. She held a quiet authority and he knew instinctively that having her in his corner would be helpful. It was a struggle, but Dax managed to kept his mouth shut as he followed her into the garden.

  The backyard oasis infiltrated his fury, cooling his rage. It was a place you could imagine settling down in. The cottage was snug and surrounded by lush foliage. The distant sound of water and gulls floated into the yard to mingle with the smell of hibiscus and plumeria. Several palm trees provided shade. In short, it was paradise. And he had no right to be there. A man like him didn’t belong.

  Dax stiffened, wondering what the hell he was doing. I shouldn’t be here. No, he shouldn’t, his fickle conscience agreed. He should seal his deal and go home, never to return. Dax’s jaw set into a grim line as he turned on his heel to walk back out the gate.

  A gentle hand stilled him, the light pressure on his arm was oddly compelling. He regarded the wizened old face quizzically.

  “She is just there, down the trail. Go.”

  At first he didn’t know which female Manali referred to—the adult or the child. He wasn’t even sure which one he sought at the moment. Even though the idea of being a father twisted his gut, he had to see that little girl again. He had only laid eyes on the child for a moment, but he knew. Rhee’s reaction had told all. That child was his. She had to be. The timing, Rhiannon’s swift departure—-all of it added up. And Rhee had known when she left. The stowaway left for a reason. Of course she did. Rhee had probably figured out the truth—that he’d be the world’s most fucked up parent. Look at his childhood, for shit’s sake. He was no good for either of them, especially a baby.

  I should leave her be. I should leave both of them be.

  ***

  Manali took the boy’s hands in her own weathered ones. Her intuition told her that his spirit was strong, but also that he was in a great deal of pain. Most of the lost boys were. This one held a lot of old pain in his heart. It was deep-seated hurt, the kind that ate you up from the inside o
ut. Manali hadn’t seen such a dark shade of black on a boy’s heart in a long while. The hurt reflected in his eyes, buried under layers and layers of anger and sadness. Her fingers went to the large, onyx pendant that she wore around her neck. It was an old talisman that Manali inherited from her grandmother. Her ancestor often said that the pendant carried wisdom of the gods. She grasped the lost boy’s hand tightly, trying to communicate the secrets of the island to him.

  Manali rarely made mistakes when it came to reading people. Lost boys all needed the same thing. They needed those who had been lost to them—their families. The irony of it all was that this boy’s family was just there, down the beach. Would he see the answer? It was a simple solution, but ah, the gull never flew straight, did it now? No perfect lines. No, the path to eternal happiness often lay just around a harrowing bend that would break you down completely before it built you up once more. Only by facing the challenge dead on, baring your soul, and looking your fear in the eye would you achieve the necessary outcome.

  Manali offered a prayer in her native language to guide the boy but he still did not see his truth. She could see the confusion on his face, but Manali only smiled. “Sometimes the path is not clear.” He nodded as she took him by the hand and directed him to the sandy beach trail.

  “Take this one.”

  The boy took a tentative step onto the trail, his boot skidding in the loose grains of soft sand.

  “And take off those damned boots, haole.”

  ***

  Dax stood on the beach taking in the picture-perfect scene before him. The ocean was glassy, with just a hint of offshore wind. A perfectly shaped set was coming in, and a few guys sat in the line up. The sight calmed his tortured soul somewhat. Then, he spied Rhiannon. The stowaway was the only woman on the beach. Dax narrowed his eyes, observing as she engaged in conversation with a pretty big dude covered in tribal tattoos.

 

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