Lute nodded. When they got there, the entire tent had been filled with lit candles. It was beautiful.
Lute looked around. “What’s all this?”
Sawyer took a deep breath. “I’ve been a shitty boyfriend. And you’ve been amazing. You’ve been there for me. You’ve been my rock. And I’ve neglected you, and I don’t deserve you.”
Lute licked his lips. “I wouldn’t say that.”
Sawyer nodded. “It’s true. I don’t deserve you. But I want… I want to do something for you to show how grateful I am.”
“You don’t have to do anything,” Lute said. “Mostly, I want you back. And, honestly, there’s something to tell you. It’s about Nora and Phoebe—”
“Stop right there,” Sawyer said. “None of that tonight. Tonight is about you and me. It is about me… giving myself to you.” Sawyer stepped closer and pressed his lips against Lute’s.
The kiss was long and intense.
Eventually, Lute pulled away, gasping. “What do you mean?”
Sawyer’s eyes were half lidded. “I think you know what I mean. It’s something that you’ve wanted for a long time. And I’m ready. I want to be with you.”
Lute drew back. “Wow, Sawyer…” He was at a loss for words. This seemed so sudden. When he’d left Sawyer that morning, Sawyer had been a royal mess. Now, he wanted to take this enormous step forward in their relationship?
“I even have this.” Sawyer held up a small glass bottle. “It’s oil. To, you know, lube things.”
Lute took the oil. And then—he couldn’t help it—he started giggling. It was definitely a giggle, too, not a laugh, not a chortle. It seemed to him that the only way to deal with this situation was giggling.
Sawyer was taken aback.
“Sorry,” said Lute. “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you, I’m just—”
But then Sawyer was giggling too.
And they were clutching each other amongst the throng of candles, (which were getting a little smoky), laughing so hard that they were practically doubling over.
“Is it too much?” Sawyer gasped between giggles.
“Yeah, a little,” said Lute. “I mean, candles, ‘give yourself to me,’ no pressure, right?”
They laughed some more.
When their laughter subsided, they found themselves in each other’s arms.
They grinned at each other.
Lute traced the outline of Sawyer’s jaw with his knuckles. “You know, you don’t have to do a big, grand gesture, babe.”
“I just, I wanted…”
Lute kissed him.
Sawyer sighed against his mouth.
Lute pulled away. “Not tonight. Not yet. I want it to be… spontaneous.”
Sawyer raised his eyebrows. “I don’t know if this can be spontaneous. I mean, it involves a bit of planning. And some… props.” He gestured to the oil.
“Yeah, okay, maybe spontaneous isn’t the right word. I just mean natural. And mutual. And… just we’re going to know when we should take things to the next level.”
“I thought you wanted it.”
“I do.” Lute nodded. “Yeah, I definitely do. But… I don’t want you to do it because you want to fix things between us. And, besides, I think it’s going to be a big deal for us, for both of us, and I’m not prepared to know how to…”
“You want some warning?”
Lute swallowed. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Okay, that’s fair.”
“Tonight, I think I just want your mouth, and then I want you in my mouth.”
Sawyer’s voice was hoarse. “I think I can handle that.”
Lute tugged him close. “I love you.”
Sawyer picked up one of the candles and blew it out. “I love you too.”
* * *
Nora was naked—blissfully, gloriously naked—and Owen loved the way her skin felt against his. She was laying her head on his chest, and he had his hands in her hair, carelessly running his fingers through all of her rust-colored locks. He felt good. Safe. Happy.
“I shouldn’t have waited so long,” he murmured.
“No,” she said. Her voice was quiet.
“Being with you was… is…”
She lifted her head to look at him.
Gods, she was beautiful. He swallowed hard. “I… I’m sorry about that fairy. I wish I’d never done that. I wish this had been you… the first time…”
She raised her eyebrows. “You trying to tell me there’s only ever been that fairy?”
He felt himself blush. See, this was why he’d been convinced doing this was a bad idea. Because it would lead to these kinds of divulgences, things about himself that made him seem weak. “Let’s drop it,” he muttered.
“I don’t believe it.” But she wasn’t sure, and he could hear it in her tone. “All those times you went off and left me in the mundane world. Left me for months on end—”
“I wasn’t going off to fuck other women, Nora.” And then he wished he hadn’t said “fuck,” because he didn’t feel like it was the right word, because it definitely wasn’t the way he felt about what had just passed between them, because he thought she was lovely and warm and soft, and there was nothing about that harsh word he wanted associated with her. “I just mean… yeah, there was only the fairy.”
“But you—”
“I just never really saw the point in it, okay?” He was feeling defensive. “I know you’ve been with everyone from Agler to—”
“Only Sawyer.”
“Really?” And he hated that his voice had gotten a little high there, a little desperate.
Gods, what was happening to him? All he’d done was shove his cock in her. He hadn’t expected to be so… affected. To feel so…
He pulled her face close, and he kissed her—almost roughly. But he needed his mouth against her mouth again. And he wasn’t sure that he ever wanted them to get dressed again. He thought that they could probably just stay here, in this hammock, forever.
She pushed her tongue into his mouth, and it was sweet and tentative and wonderful.
He groaned. He kissed her harder, and then softer, and then he slowly pulled back. He opened his eyes and found that her eyes were already open, staring at him.
She looked confused. “Owen?”
“I love you,” he said.
She looked away. “I love you too.” She started to pull aside the blanket on the hammock.
“Wait,” he said. “Don’t go anywhere.”
She looked back up at him. “When you say that, it sounds like you mean it, you know?”
“I do mean it.”
“You were always good at making me think you meant it.”
“Nora, I mean it.” He grabbed her hand and kissed her palm, her wrist. “I want you right here. Close to me. Touching me.”
She pressed up against him. “Okay, I’m here. And you love me. So, tell me what it is that you’re doing here. Why you wanted to come back to Helicon.”
“Because it’s home.”
“Okay, sure, but you’re planning something. Those muses that kept coming up to you tonight. You’ve got a plan, and they wanted to discuss it with you.”
He sighed. He kissed her forehead. “You really want to talk about that right now?”
“You won’t tell me because you don’t trust me. You say you love me, but you always said it before. And then you would leave me all alone, and then—”
“I trust you.” He wasn’t just saying it either. He did trust her. And if she was worried that he would leave, that he wasn’t committed, maybe telling her a little bit of his plans would be okay. Just to ease her mind. “Okay. I’ll tell you.”
“Your plan.”
“I don’t have a plan, not yet. I’m working on a plan. So are those muses that were talking to me. I asked them for help.”
“You asked for help? That doesn’t sound like you.”
“Maybe I’ve changed, okay? Look, Helicon isn’t safe. The council is a sham gov
ernment. They can’t get anything done. Just since you’ve been back in Helicon, you’ve dealt with threats from the Influence and from Loki. What did the council do to stop that?”
“Well, they…”
“Exactly. Nothing. All they ever do is form committees. So, what if something really bad comes along, Nora? What if something truly dangerous tries to hurt Helicon? Who’s going to save this place?”
“I don’t… What are you saying? You’re saying you want to save Helicon?”
“I’m saying that Helicon needs strong leadership. And I know I’m not perfect. I know that I’ve had problems in the past, and that I have my faults. I know I don’t always… care about people the way that other… But I care about Helicon, okay? And I have my strengths too. I think there’s enough… enough good in me that I could do something good for Helicon. I could protect this place. I could serve Helicon.”
“Serve it by leading it? By being the leader? The ruler?”
“Every ruler is also a servant, isn’t he?” He held his breath. This was what he was worried about. She would hear what he had said and she would reject him. And he was going to have trouble on his hands.
But Nora only took a long, slow breath. “Well, you’re right that the council is often next to useless.”
Owen let out the breath he was holding. She was agreeing with him. This was good.
“But I don’t know,” she said. “You aren’t a muse, Owen. Phoebe is able to head the council and rule Helicon because she has the power of the muses. It’s not that you aren’t powerful, but I don’t know if you have the right power. You haven’t been getting more power, have you?”
That was funny. Why would she ask him something like that? It was almost as if she knew… “Just the power of Nimue. Nothing more.” He wasn’t going to tell her about the gods. After all, that power was his birthright, the way he figured it anyway. Dionysus had left him nothing. He had taken his revenge on his mother, now his revenge on his father would be complete as well.
“How are you going to do it?” She said.
“I don’t know,” Owen said. “And it’s not something I’m planning on doing tomorrow. This isn’t something that can be rushed. I need to take my time, to do it the right way.”
“But Helicon could be in danger now,” Nora said.
He nodded. “I thought about that. I’ve weighed the danger of waiting versus the danger of moving too quickly. And I think that what I’ve learned from my past experiences is that pushing things too quickly in Helicon only leads to problems. No, it wouldn’t do for me to get exiled again. That would really ruin my plans.”
“I see,” Nora said. “I see.”
He couldn’t tell from her tone or her expression whether or not she truly approved or not.
But then she kissed him again, and all was well. He ran his fingers through her fiery hair. He never felt so glad in his entire life.
* * *
Sawyer woke up in a panic. He leaped out of the hammock and started throwing on his clothes.
Lute stirred sleepily. “What’s wrong?” he mumbled.
“Who’s watching Owen?” Sawyer demanded. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought about this. He had been volunteering to take all of the shifts lately. Then, last night, he’d known that Owen was at the Science and Math Gala so he hadn’t thought much about it. Now it was morning and he hadn’t gotten anybody to take over watching.
“He sleeps late anyway, doesn’t he?” Lute said. “Come back to bed.”
Sawyer shook his head. He had to know what was going on with Owen. Putting a shirt over his head, he headed out of his tent. He hurried across the enclave to where Owen’s tent was pitched next to Nora’s. The tents both looked silent and still.
But that was fine. That was okay. He would sit here, and he would wait until Owen came out.
He didn’t have to wait long before someone came out of one of the tents. But he was surprised horrified when it was Owen, coming out of Nora’s tent. And then she followed him. Owen was half dressed, and Nora only had a blanket wrapped around her body. Owen put his arm around her shoulders. Her bare shoulders.
Sawyer was blown away. He was suddenly immersed in memories of himself and Nora together, when it had been it his arms around her bare shoulders and his mouth kissing Nora’s temple the way Owen was doing right now.
No.
No, this wasn’t happening. Of all the things that Nora could do, this was insane. It was obvious now that she actually was sleeping with him.
Sawyer didn’t make the conscious decision to move towards them. One second he was standing there, staring at them, fuming. The next second his legs were moving and he was hurtling through space, heading directly for Nora and Owen.
Owen saw him coming. He must’ve read the fury on Sawyer’s face, because he gave him a nasty grin, let go of Nora, and came forward to intercept Sawyer. “Good morning,” Owen said.
Sawyer was too angry to speak. He definitely didn’t want to waste any words on Owen. He ducked around him and headed straight for Nora.
She was staring at him with a stunned expression on her face.
Sawyer stood right in front of her. The words ripped out of him. “How could you?”
Nora flinched. “You don’t understand anything, Sawyer.”
“That’s right, I don’t.” Sawyer shook his head at her, clearly disgusted. “You know what he is, don’t you?”
Nora wouldn’t look at him. She was clutching the blanket that was wrapped around her so tight that her knuckles were white. “Sawyer, please.”
“You know what he did to me?”
Nora chewed on her lip.
“He made me cut off my finger, Nora. He made me cut off my finger and he just did it to get to you. And now, now you’re… I can’t believe you would spread your legs for that.”
Nora shut her eyes. “Don’t be ugly, Sawyer.”
Sawyer pointed at himself. “Me? I’m the one who’s being ugly?”
Nora swallowed. “Go away.”
Sawyer backed off. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.” And then he was running as hard as he could, and he didn’t know if he was ever going to stop.
* * *
Lute saw the whole thing. He wanted to stay in his hammock, and he probably should have. But when he saw Sawyer rush off like that, then he knew that he had to follow. The night they had spent together had been sweet and wonderful, the way things used to be between them. It was good to be close to Sawyer again, and he wanted to comfort him.
But watching that interaction between Nora and Sawyer… well, Lute didn’t know what to think. It was clear there was some reason why Nora was doing what she was doing with Owen. It had something to do with that conversation he had overheard between Nora and Phoebe. Sawyer needed to know about that.
But Lute couldn’t help but feel hurt by the way that Sawyer had reacted to the entire thing. Sawyer claimed that he didn’t still have feelings for Nora. Why would Sawyer behave that way if it weren’t for jealousy? Lute was thrown. He knew that he needed to tell Sawyer about what he’d overheard. He had put it off for too long. So he went after Sawyer.
But when he found him in the woods, the first thing that came out of his mouth wasn’t an explanation of Phoebe’s and Nora’s conversation. Instead it was something that sounded almost like an accusation.
“You care about her.”
Sawyer looked up at Lute. His eyes were dull. “This isn’t the best time, Lute.”
Lute let out a disbelieving laugh. “Not the best time? You don’t want your actual boyfriend to be around while you’re dealing with the fact that your ex-girlfriend his moved on?”
“You know that’s not what this is about,” Sawyer said, getting to his feet. “And the fact that you would make it about that is practically obscene. I have explained to you over and over again what Owen is, what he’s done. It’s like there’s a block in your head or something.”
Lute dragged a hand over his face. “I ge
t that. I do. But the way you just reacted, and the way you’re acting now, you can’t tell me it doesn’t have something to do with the fact that you still have feelings for Nora.”
“Define feelings,” Sawyer said. “She’s my friend. Before we ever dated, she was my best friend. If you think I’ll ever become indifferent to her, then you’re insane. She’s important to me. She’ll always be important to me and she wants to throw herself away. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s bad. And it makes me crazy that we sit here and just act like everything’s normal while terrible things are happening. What’s wrong with us? What’s wrong with the muses? Why is that all we do is create, create, create? Sometimes, there are more important things. Sometimes, there are tragedies unfolding right under our noses.”
Lute stared at him. “Tragedies like Nora having sex with someone who’s not you?”
Sawyer shook his head at him. “You don’t understand anything.”
Lute’s nostrils flared. “You know what? I don’t. I don’t understand. I’ve been telling myself all summer that this was just a rough patch, and that we would get through it. But I… I don’t like being around you anymore. All you are is this obsession about Nora. There’s no room for me anywhere in there.”
Sawyer shoulders sagged. “What are you even saying?”
Lute looked at his feet. “I think we need… I think we need to take some time.”
Sawyer stared at him in disbelief. “You can’t be saying that. You cannot be saying that right after I just saw what I just saw. What? Are you trying to make this the worst morning of my entire existence?”
Lute blinked back tears. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t think that I was going to… I came out here to tell you something, and this wasn’t it. But now that I’ve said it… I think it’s true. I think I’ve known it for a long time, and I’ve been running from it.”
“Fine,” Sawyer said. “Fine. Then go. Just go away.”
Lute shifted on his feet. “But there really is something that I should tell you.”
“Go away,” Sawyer said. “I’m about to fall apart, and I don’t want to do it in front of you.”
* * *
Maddie hadn’t seen Sawyer at meals for weeks, but she didn’t really get worried until the morning after the Science and Math Gala, when she realized that Lute wasn’t sitting with her and Agler. Usually he did. But instead, he was over in the corner, eating breakfast alone. She headed over to talk to him.
Echoes Page 20
