Downstairs, Betsy clicked on the lights and the kettle. She put Arnie on his playmat on the floor and set about preparing a bottle of warm milk. He was a big boy, so expecting him to sleep eight or ten hours straight wasn’t realistic. He was going to get hungry and need a night feed for another few weeks yet. Graham had been just the same, needing a little bottle at about 5 a.m. until he was eight months old.
When the bottle was ready, she settled herself into the armchair in the corner, with Arnie curled up in her arms. He sucked contentedly, gazing up at her with love-struck eyes. Babies really were a little piece of heaven on earth, Betsy thought, and she gave thanks to God yet again for allowing Arnie into her life, and into her home. In the morning half-light, drowsing in the warmth of the kitchen, Betsy and Arnie both drifted off to sleep again.
‘There they are!’
Betsy opened her eyes, momentarily confused, to find Graham and Noel grinning at her.
‘We were wondering where you two had got to,’ Noel said. ‘Stay still for a minute and I’ll take a photo.’
Before Betsy had time to orient herself, Noel had photographed granny and grandson curled up together.
‘Thanks for doing that,’ Graham said, nodding to the empty bottle on the arm of the chair.
‘Well no one else was,’ Betsy said. ‘You two look dressed and ready for action. Are you doing something?’ she asked, as she stood up stiffly and handed Arnie into Noel’s arms.
‘I’m going to take Graham to the golf club,’ Noel said, looking pleased. ‘There’s a four-ball on today and some of the guys playing work in computing and IT, so it’s a great chance for Graham to make some contacts.’
Betsy’s heart soared with hope. Maybe Graham would make a proper go of things – and do it here in Ireland. It would be wonderful if he got well set up and they stayed for ever.
‘That’s a fantastic idea,’ she said. ‘Well you’ll need a good breakfast in your bellies for that. Would you both like scrambled eggs with smoked salmon and toast?’
‘Always,’ Noel said, making Arnie laugh by blowing raspberries on his cheek.
‘My God, we’re so spoiled,’ Graham said. ‘This is the life, I can tell you.’
‘Whaddya mean?’
They all turned, and saw Tasha standing in the doorway, glaring at Graham. She was wearing another of those unflattering string vest tops she seemed to love so much and tracksuit bottoms that had seen far better days. Betsy couldn’t for the life of her understand how a young woman with a decent enough figure would want to go about like that.
‘This is no life,’ Tasha spat, never breaking eye contact with her husband. ‘Don’t you get cushy here, Gray, I’m warning you, because this isn’t us, alright? It’s the opposite of everything we believe. There’s no way we’re going to start thinking like them,’ she said, putting venom into the last word.
Betsy just smiled sweetly at her. ‘Scrambled eggs, Tasha?’
Tasha ignored her and looked at Arnie, nestled happily in Noel’s arms.
‘And who the hell removed my baby from his cot?’ she demanded angrily.
Betsy felt a stab of guilt. ‘It was me,’ she said. ‘I’m really sorry if you feel I overstepped the mark, I didn’t want to interfere, but he cried in distress for twenty minutes, and then I had to see to him because no one else woke up.’
‘I did wake up,’ Tasha said. ‘Little blighter probably woke the whole road, carrying on like that. You should have left him.’
Betsy stared at her, not able to understand. ‘You heard him?’ she repeated. ‘But then, why didn’t you go to him?’
‘It’s called controlled crying,’ Tasha said. ‘Eh, parenting has moved on since you did it, Betsy. We know far more about how to make a decent kid now. You’re supposed to let the baby cry, then they learn to self-soothe. You wrecked all our work with him.’ She jabbed a finger in Betsy’s direction, which was something she did with annoying regularity. ‘Don’t do it again, alright?’
Betsy could feel her heart beating faster. ‘Please don’t point at me like that,’ she said coldly. ‘You’re right, I’ve never heard of controlled crying, but I hate the sound of it. If you leave a baby, they get more distressed and cry more. That’s all that’s ever going to happen. And he’ll have separation anxiety. I really admire you for reading up on parenting, but I beg you not to do that with Arnie. It’s horrible, and it goes against nature.’
‘What does that mean,’ Tasha said, folding her arms. ‘That I’m unnatural, like a monster?’
‘No, of course not,’ Betsy said. ‘I just mean that it’s natural as a mother to respond to the cries of your baby. Those nonsense ideas are telling you to go against your own instinct.’
‘So you think I’m a crap mother, is that it?’ Tasha shouted.
Graham held up his hands. ‘Hang on, Tash, she didn’t say that at all. It’s just two different ways of doing things.’
‘You’re such a traitor,’ Tasha said, turning on him. ‘Since we got here you’ve changed. And I don’t like this version of you. I can’t love Graham. I love Gray. This is doing my head in, living like this. We’ve got to get out of here, can’t you see that?’
‘I’m working on getting a job,’ Graham said. ‘Then we can make our own choices and pick a place we like.’
‘And will it have a white picket fence?’ Tasha spat. ‘Do you want me barefoot, chained to the stove, cooking up apple cake, is that it? Is that your grand vision, Gray? Because let me tell you, it’s not mine.’
She turned and walked off, stomping back up the stairs to their bedroom. Betsy and Noel were silent. There really wasn’t anything to say. Betsy could see that the gap between Graham and Tasha was widening, and she wasn’t sure it could be bridged.
‘I’ll go talk to her,’ Graham said, and he looked so stressed and hurt, Betsy felt her own heart breaking.
Noel played with Arnie while Betsy continued with preparing breakfast. She had everything perfect when Graham came back into the room.
‘It’s okay,’ he said, looking far from okay. ‘She’s calmed down, and we talked a bit. She knows I’m going out to meet some people today. We’ll talk more later. But she’s not feeling good,’ he said, looking at Betsy, ‘so would you mind . . .’
‘It’s no problem to mind Arnie,’ Betsy said instantly. ‘I want you and your dad to go out and enjoy the day, and I’ll hold the fort here.’ The thought of a day with an angry Tasha made her feel ill, but it was important that Graham get time out, and also tried to get a job.
By the time breakfast was eaten and cleared away and Noel and Graham had headed off, little Arnie was ready for a change of scene. Betsy knew it was perfect timing to take him out for a walk, plus it got them out of the house in case Tasha reappeared. She hadn’t moved from the bedroom after her outburst, but Betsy didn’t want to get another tongue-lashing from her any time soon. She bundled Arnie into a snowsuit and put him in the pram with the waterproof cover.
They headed to the park and Arnie babbled at the falling leaves, at the birds and at anyone they passed by. Betsy loved that about babies, that they showed you the world as if it was the first time you were seeing it. It did the heart good.
On the way back, Betsy saw Nancy walking ahead of her and she hurried to catch up.
‘Morning Nancy,’ she called. ‘How are things today?’
Nancy turned, and Betsy was shocked to see how aged she looked, like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.
‘Hi Betsy,’ she said, smiling tiredly. ‘How’s baby today?’
‘He’s in flying form,’ Betsy said. ‘And how about you, do you have any word from the council?’
Nancy shook her head. ‘No, nothing has changed. I had a meeting with them, but they just reiterated the fact that I have to move.’
‘I would have gone with you,’ Betsy said, upset to think of Nancy going through that alone. ‘You should have told me.’
‘I took Sean, my solicitor,’ Nancy said. ‘I knew it was impor
tant he got to hear their position.’
‘Oh yes,’ Betsy said, nodding, ‘that does make sense. I’m just glad you had someone on your side of the table.’
‘Didn’t do any good,’ Nancy said, looking horribly sad.
‘Don’t give up hope,’ Betsy said fiercely. ‘Maia has scheduled a meeting for this evening, over in Pearl’s house. There’s been lots of work going on behind the scenes, so we’ll talk it over then and see how to proceed.’
‘You’re all so kind,’ Nancy said. ‘But you’ll have to be prepared for disappointment. Anyway, I better get back and feed Nelly. See you later.’
She walked off, looking like an old woman, her body stooped in a way that wasn’t like Nancy at all. Betsy hated to see it. At their age, it didn’t take much of a knock to make you feel like you were old, and once that mental switch was flicked, it had a huge effect on you physically. Betsy had seen it before, with her aunt. When she was only sixty-five she had decided she was old, and that was it, she became old. The idea quickly became her reality. They had to do everything possible not to let that happen to Nancy.
‘Come on, Arnie, let’s go home and warm up,’ she said, shivering slightly in the cold wind.
Inside, the house was very quiet. She put away the pram and peeled the layers off Arnie, then put him sitting in the cuddly half-donut she had bought for him. He could sit up and watch her work, which he seemed to enjoy. She set about fixing lunch for him. It was only when she was feeding him, playing aeroplanes with the spoon, that she noticed it. There was a piece of paper on the kitchen table, with a pencil thrown across it. She reached over and picked it up, and her eyes went wide as she read.
Dear G
It wasn’t the right sort of life for me. I hope some day you can get that. It’s best this way. Arnie will get the love he deserves. Your folks will step in and sort stuff. You’ll find someone better and this way we’ll all be happy. Don’t wait for me, I’m not coming back. It’s for the best as I said, T
‘Oh my God,’ Betsy said, staring at the note. ‘She can’t have.’
Arnie was safely belted into his high-chair, so she dashed off upstairs and flung open the door to Graham and Tasha’s bedroom. One door of the wardrobe stood open, and it was empty inside. The bed hadn’t been made and the curtains were still closed, but Betsy could see that Tasha’s things were gone. Hearing Arnie calling out, she raced back downstairs and began feeding him again, but her mind was reeling.
She couldn’t comprehend how on earth that woman could walk away from her precious baby. She was also bloody furious at her for leaving Graham, but when push came to shove, he was an adult and sadly, he needed to learn to deal with it. But leaving her baby son . . . it wasn’t natural. Just like that damn controlled crying nonsense. What woman could abandon her child?
When Betsy went upstairs to put Arnie down for an afternoon nap, she suddenly noticed that the vase on the table on the landing was missing. She stood looking at the empty spot where it should have been for a few moments, then her hand flew to her mouth.
‘Oh no,’ she cried, then went from room to room, checking. There were other ornaments gone, including a beautiful clock that Noel’s father had given them after their wedding. She went back into the bedroom where Tasha had been sleeping and nearly cried when she saw that the painting was missing. The one she had wished she’d put in her own room, it was gone.
She went into her own bedroom with a sense of dread. Sure enough, the drawers of her vanity table were open. She counted up the missing jewellery, and felt silly for being so upset, but most of it had been given to her by Noel. The sum of emergency cash she kept in there was gone, too.
‘How could she?’ Betsy said, rubbing the tears from her cheeks.
It was then that she spotted the second note, this one addressed to her. It was propped up behind a jar of night cream.
You got what you wanted Betsy, so I hope you’re happy. I’m going back home. I need to be free. This whole marriage thing has been a total drag. I’m not cut out for it, or for motherhood. I choose life, Betsy, I recommend you give it a try. I needed a few things to fund my trip. I knew you wouldn’t give it to me if I asked, so this was the only way.
Betsy put her head in her hands and cried, but it was as much from relief as anger. Tasha had ripped through their world like a tornado, but it was over. Arnie would miss her, of course, but they could work hard to make sure he was happy. And perhaps Graham would meet someone new. He was young, so surely he’d find love again and Arnie might have a lovely step-mum. Anything was possible now.
‘Goodbye, Tasha,’ Betsy whispered to the note.
From downstairs, she heard the sound of a key turning in the front door, and she steeled herself for what she was about to tell them. Poor Graham, his life was about to be turned upside-down. She hurried downstairs to greet them.
‘We’re back,’ Noel called as he came into the kitchen. He registered her expression immediately. ‘What’s happened?’ he said, looking around.
‘Mum?’ Graham said, looking concerned.
‘I’m afraid Tasha left while I was out walking Arnie,’ she said. ‘And I found this note when I got back.’ She walked over to the table, picked up the note for Graham and brought it over to him. She watched his face as he read it, and she could see he was struggling with a whole range of emotions.
‘Right,’ he said at last, clearing his throat. ‘Well, she’s a bit volatile, you guys know that. This is probably her just blowing off steam. I’d say she’ll be back later. Even if she’s angry with me, there’s no way on earth she could stay away from Arnie for long.’ He smiled weakly at them. ‘Sorry for all the drama, but honestly, once she’s had a bit of space, we’ll sort it out.’
Betsy felt ill with the knowledge that this was no harmless venting on Tasha’s part. The girl had made a decision, and she hadn’t chosen Graham and Arnie. She knew this would hurt Graham so much, but she had absolutely no choice but to show him the second note.
‘Graham, love,’ she said gently. ‘I think it might be a little more than blowing off steam.’
‘What makes you say that?’ he said, frowning.
‘It’s just . . .’ she glanced at Noel, who was staring at her. She knew he could tell something was really wrong, but he couldn’t guess what it was. She wanted to run into his arms and let him do the talking, let him break Graham’s heart, but she couldn’t do that. Thanks to Tasha, that job fell to her. ‘It’s just that, I found another note. One for me. Here.’
She took the other note from her cardigan pocket and handed it to Graham. He read it in silence, his eyes widening in shock. He looked up at Betsy, hardly able to speak.
‘What . . . what did she take?’
‘That’s not important,’ Betsy said.
‘Yes, it is,’ Graham said, and he was fighting back tears. ‘What did she take that belonged to you?’
Betsy took a deep breath. ‘Just some jewellery and ornaments and a sum of cash from my room.’
Graham stared at her, aghast. ‘Are you telling me that my wife went into your bedroom and stole your things so she could desert her baby?’
He was so angry, Betsy felt frightened.
‘Things don’t matter, Graham,’ she said quickly. ‘All that matters is Arnie and . . .’
‘She’s nothing but a useless whore,’ Graham shouted, eyes blazing with anger, ‘and if I never see her again it’s too soon. Me and Arnie are gonna be much better off without her. How could she? How bloody could she?’
‘I don’t think it’s right to call her that,’ Betsy said gently. ‘I know she’ll never be in the running for mother of the year, but it’s not good to raise that boy to think of any woman in such a derogatory manner.’
‘What’s suddenly made you join the Tasha fan club?’ Graham yelled. ‘I thought you felt the same way about her?’
‘Easy now, son,’ Noel said.
‘I did. I do . . . it’s just, she’s still the child’s mother . . . and jus
t because she has no idea of how to behave or conduct herself doesn’t mean we should be as bad. Wouldn’t it be better to let the anger go and that way that woman has no hold over us? We can’t raise Arnie to think and believe that all women are worms. I mean, I hope he’ll grow up to love and respect me.’
‘Of course he will, Mum,’ Graham said. His shoulders dropped and he suddenly looked worn out. ‘I mean, it’s taken me quite a while . . . in fact, I probably wouldn’t have copped on had Tasha not behaved like this. She’s shown me the type of person I’d be ashamed to raise. I want my little fella to know right from wrong, just like you and Dad always instilled in me.’
Betsy could feel tears trickling down her cheeks as she listened to Graham. She’d never actually believed she’d hear her son talk this way. He’d rejected them and acted as if he hated them for so long, she’d feared they’d lost him for ever. What Tasha had done was unthinkable, but she actually wanted to shake her hand in one way. She’d given them their son back, with interest! Little Arnie would settle with time, she and Noel would see to that. They’d be around for quite a few years and they’d go out of their way, gladly, to be a grounding influence in this little boy’s life.
‘It’s going to be okay,’ Betsy said now, looking at her husband and her son. ‘We’ll get through this together and Arnie won’t know anything but love. Now, I’m going to boil the kettle and then I want to hear about your day. Let’s focus on something positive.’
She wasn’t being dismissive, but Graham had a lot to process, and he needed to do so quickly and move on so that he could be a good father to his son. There was no point sitting around mourning Tasha; it was best foot forward now, that was best for everyone.
Chapter 19
PEARL LOVED HOSTING GET-TOGETHERS. WHENEVER Seth was away, she flung open the doors and had her neighbours around and enjoyed sharing good food and wine and having a laugh. She couldn’t do it when Seth was there, as he was like a hulking presence that made everyone uncomfortable, but it was something she really enjoyed. That’s why she’d leaped to offer to hold the meeting about the CPO in her house. As the women started to arrive, she pressed dainty pastries and red wine on them.
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