She was so happy that she could stay in her home, and that Steve had been outed before he could trick her any further. It was hard to think of him as calculating and horrible, because he’d been such wonderful company when he was with her. But she’d really never felt anything for him, none of the connection she’d thought would be there when you’d carried someone in your womb for nine months. Looking back, her gut instinct had been telling her the truth all along, but she’d been feeling too guilty to listen to it. She had wanted to be a ‘good mother’ so badly, she had ignored her own feelings. She was old enough to know better.
She still had that sense that she wasn’t meant to be a mother. Steve had forced it on her, it hadn’t been her choice. Nancy felt that being child-free was her natural state, and she really did enjoy it. But that thought didn’t upset her or make her feel bad anymore. She felt at peace with her life and how she’d lived it. She adored her independence and her freedom, and that was the truth of who she was. She just wasn’t mother material, but that was absolutely fine by her.
The end of the year was drawing close, and Nancy wanted the new year to be about growth and happiness and letting go of the past. She wanted to live out her life her own way, doing her own thing. She picked up the box of matches from the window sill and struck one, the flame throwing shadows on the walls around her. She lit one of the candles she’d blown out earlier and set the candle by the window. She gazed out at the darkness beyond the flame and spoke out into the night.
‘David, I loved you when you were born. And my heart broke when they took you away. But I hope you’ve lived a good life, that you’ve found happiness. I won’t ever look for you, because I’m content in my own life. I hope you found a mother who cherished you. I wish all good things for you. But I’m letting you go so I can move on happily, free from the past.’
With that, Nancy blew out the candle and the kitchen was plunged into darkness again. She felt absolved of her past and a huge sense of relief and acceptance spread through her body. This was her life, and she intended to live it her way until her last breath.
Four months later . . .
THE APRIL SUNSHINE FELT GLORIOUSLY WARM ON Danielle’s face. It was the first day it had been spring-like enough to go out without a coat. She was wearing a drop-waisted floral print dress, with a light cashmere cardigan and ankle boots. It felt like summer was on the way at last and she felt a surge of joy to feel it. She adjusted the straps of the baby carrier as Isabel wriggled against her chest. She bent her head and kissed her daughter’s hair, breathing in her gorgeous baby warmth.
‘Let’s go see Auntie Nancy,’ Danielle said, stroking Isabel’s plump little leg. ‘Isn’t that right, baby? We’ll see your favourite people, then later we’ll cook a nice dinner for Daddy, won’t we?’
Danielle pushed open Nancy’s garden gate and went up the path, admiring the jewel colours of the flowerbeds. Nancy really was a gifted gardener. She had planted a rainbow of colours, with tall, soft grasses cascading down over the whole display. It was beautiful. Danielle went on around to the side gate, and then to the back door, which was always unlocked. On the door was their sign: Kingfisher Centre for Second Chances, with its distinctive blue kingfisher logo. It was really cool, they were lucky to have Graham’s design skills at their disposal.
Danielle pushed open the door and went through to the back room, which was a hive of activity as usual. Phones rang, the printer was spewing out some document, people were making tea, trying on clothes and shouting for opinions, and laughter – always the laughter.
‘It’s only us,’ Danielle called, patting Arnie on the head as she went by him. He grinned up at her, showing off his latest tooth. ‘Good boy, Arnie,’ Danielle said. ‘Look at all those cars lined up so neatly, aren’t you so clever.’
‘Thank God you’re here!’ Maia shouted. She was in her business woman attire – hair in a bun, glasses swinging on a chain around her neck, tight pencil skirt and a silk blouse.
‘Something wrong?’ Danielle said.
‘Your mother’s annoying the hell out of me,’ Maia said, looking exasperated. ‘I keep telling her that she has to rewrite that piece on barring orders, but will she listen? Oh no she won’t. I need you to talk sense into her.’
‘O-kay,’ Danielle said, looking around for Rachel. She was sitting at a desk by the window, focused on her laptop screen, tapping away at the keyboard.
‘Don’t mind Maia,’ Rachel said, which was like a mantra with her. Danielle knew the two of them adored each other, but they loved arguing and sniping at each other too much to ever stop. ‘She’s half mad,’ Rachel said dismissively. ‘I’ve done a great job of my blog post and that’s that.’
Maia threw up her hands in despair. ‘See what I have to put up with?’ she said. ‘You deal with her. I have to prepare for a Skype chat with Laura, she has her interview today and she’s bricking it. I need to calm her down.’
‘Oh that’s today,’ Danielle said. ‘I really hope she gets it. What about Gemma; has anyone contacted her today?’
‘I don’t think so,’ Maia said. ‘Can you do that?’
‘Of course,’ Danielle said. ‘I’ll do it now.’
Betsy came in with a tray of coffees. ‘Anyone need a pick-me-up?’ she called. ‘I know I do. Oh, Isabel is here. Hello, darling. Can I have a hold?’
‘She’s all yours,’ Danielle said, unclipping the carrier and releasing Isabel into Betsy’s outstretched arms.
‘She’s getting more beautiful by the day,’ Betsy said. ‘Aren’t you, my bonny girl?’ She kissed Isabel’s cheek and Danielle smiled. Isabel was so petted and fussed over, but she loved it.
Nancy came into the room and beamed when she saw Danielle. ‘Busy day ahead,’ she said. ‘I’m glad you’re here. I’ve got Dolores and Marianne upstairs trying on stuff, and they need good advice. Plus Maia has a few Skype calls to make, and we want to get Rachel’s post up online.’ She consulted the list in the notebook in her hand. ‘I managed to get hold of the author of that book on parenting that Maia was raving about, and she’s agreed to do an online interview with Q and A, so we’ll need to prepare our questions for that.’
‘That’s brilliant,’ Danielle said. ‘And is she happy to come and do it in our studio?’
They called it ‘the studio’, but it was really Nancy’s study, which had now been pressed into service as an interview and vlogging space. Maia had done a complete redecoration to provide a ‘classy backdrop’, as she said, and now it was decked out in fabulous swathes of pink velvet with a glass chandelier. Poor Nancy wasn’t mad about it, but Maia was unstoppable when she was on a mission.
‘Yes, she will,’ Nancy replied. ‘I described our set-up here and she said she was really interested to come see it, so I didn’t have to use my famous powers of persuasion at all.’
‘That will garner a lot of interest, I think,’ Danielle said. ‘Did you email me the to do list for the event?’
‘Yes, check your inbox. It’s all there, with your name against your bits,’ Nancy said. ‘I still find it hard to believe that we’re going from a small website to a big event for women in the Vayhill Lodge Hotel. It’s kind of mind-boggling, it’s all happened so fast.’
‘A good idea always snowballs,’ Danielle said. ‘It was just the right idea at the right time.’
Nancy went to collect a coffee from the tray, while Danielle settled at a free laptop and started preparing her own to do list for the day. Things were constantly busy, so if she didn’t keep on top of things daily, it all got out of hand quickly. It was hectic, but she absolutely loved it. The Centre was reaching out to so many women now and going from strength to strength. She was so proud to be part of it.
Pearl came in and flopped into a chair. ‘I’m exhausted already,’ she said. ‘It’s taken two hours, two full hours, to get Dolores an outfit she’ll agree to wear for her interview tomorrow. If she has any more job interviews, one of you can take care of her. She’s a terror, tries on t
wenty different things and then puts on the first one.’
‘Sounds like me,’ Rachel said, winking at Maia. ‘You just have to be sure with these things.’
‘Are those coffees for anyone to take?’ Pearl asked, reaching out for one.
‘Yes, you’ve earned it,’ Betsy said. ‘Enjoy it. Has Dolores left or does she need anything else?’
Pearl shook her head. ‘No, I saw her and Marianne out the front door, with all their gear. They promised to bring it all back day after tomorrow and tell us how they got on. I really hope this is the one. Her ex isn’t giving her any money for the kids, and it’ll take a while to chase him through the courts.’
‘We should really think about opening a crêche,’ Betsy said thoughtfully. ‘One that’s priced very affordably, that would make life a lot easier for so many women.’
‘Great idea,’ Maia said, ‘but expensive. We can put it on the ideas board and think about it.’ She went over to the huge whiteboard that covered one wall and added ‘crêche’ to the list of things they wanted to achieve. The list kept getting longer and longer, but they were also starting to see some very satisfying ticks next to some of their ambitions.
‘Did you get to talk to Freddie today?’ Pearl asked.
Maia nodded. ‘Yeah, I got him before I came over here. He’s pining for me and home something terrible, and I miss him so much, but we agreed he’d stay away for another month. He said Zach is absolutely flying, which is great. He adores UCLA and the whole lifestyle out there. Plus Delia is on the scene, visiting him most weekends, so love is still blossoming. I like Delia. She’s good for him. Anyway,’ she said, sighing, ‘there’s a lot of work going on to break up the gangs here, and the police have made some arrests, so I’d say another few weeks and maybe I can book his ticket home.’
She looked so happy at the idea that Danielle’s heart broke for her. It must be so hard for her to rattle around that big house on her own, but she never showed it, never complained, just turned up every day and worked her socks off. She was an inspiration.
‘And Zara and Zach are getting on okay?’ Pearl asked.
‘Yeah, great,’ Maia said. ‘Freddie’s keeping a close eye on Zach, which is a good side-effect of all this upheaval, and Zara texts me every day and seems to be having an absolute ball. She’s actually asked me to join her for a weekend in Lisbon next month, so hopefully we can do that. I’d give anything to hug her bony little frame again.’
‘When she’s back for college, you’ll be able to see her much more,’ Betsy said. ‘It’s funny, when they fly the nest, you think they’re gone for ever, but it might not be the case. We never in our wildest dreams would have thought we’d have Graham back living with us, or beside us. You can never predict what’ll happen in life.’
‘That’s so true,’ Nancy chimed in. ‘You think you’ve got grand plans and you’re carrying them out, but really you’re at the mercy of chance and random encounters most of the time. I look back on my life and I’m amazed by the path that took me to here. I couldn’t have planned it, in fact.’
‘Is there a blog post in that, do you think?’ Maia asked seriously.
The others burst out laughing.
‘Do you ever stop working, Maia?’ Nancy asked. ‘You’re a one-woman dynamo.’
The doorbell rang, and Nelly set up with her usual warning bark.
‘Maybe Dolores forgot something,’ Betsy said, and she hoisted Isabel up on her hip and went out to answer the door. She was gone some minutes, and they could tell that an urgently whispered conversation was taking place in the hallway.
‘That’s odd,’ Nancy said. ‘I wonder who she’s talking to.’
Footsteps came down the hall towards the back room, then a man stepped in, his face almost hidden by a huge bunch of red roses.
‘Oh my God,’ Maia said.
‘Well I’ll be,’ Nancy said, grinning widely. ‘I knew it.’
Tommy stepped forward uncertainly, the flowers awkward in his arms. He looked around for Pearl, and his face broke into a smile when he saw her. Pearl was rooted to her chair, staring at him with her eyes wide. Danielle wanted to whoop and holler. He was back! He had left four long months before, and only last week Pearl had told them she was drawing a line under the relationship because he had to be gone for good. He kept texting to say he just needed more time, but Pearl had decided his heart wasn’t in it. And now here he was, flowers and all.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he said, taking a step towards Pearl.
Maia stepped across quickly and took the flowers from his arms. He barely noticed her. His eyes never left Pearl’s face. Unburdened now, his arms hung by his sides as he looked at Pearl uncertainly, obviously trying to gauge what kind of welcome he might get.
‘I’m sorry,’ he repeated. ‘I needed time, Pearl, after all that happened. And then my dad fell ill and I wanted to stay and help out on the farm, but it was also an excuse to stay away because I felt so confused. But I can’t stay away because . . . I love you. I know it’s a lot to ask, Pearl, but if you still have any feelings for me, I want to win you back.’
Pearl stared at him, still without speaking. Danielle held her breath. Would she take him back? Had he stayed away too long?
Tommy cleared his throat and ploughed on. ‘I was wondering if you’d agree to come to dinner with me this Friday night?’ he said. ‘I’d like to take you out, so we have time to talk properly and . . .’
Before he could say another word, Pearl jumped up from the chair and strode straight across to him. Danielle winced, waiting for the sound of a slap across his face, but instead Pearl walked straight up to him, flung her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. He was utterly astounded for a moment, then he grabbed her around the waist, pulling her tight to him and kissed her back with equal passion. There were a few beats of silence, then Danielle, Maia, Nancy and Betsy burst into cheers and clapping.
‘Way to go, Pearl!’ yelled Maia.
Pearl continued to kiss Tommy, oblivious to them all. Betsy reached down and put her hand over Isabel’s eyes.
‘This bit is x-rated,’ she said, looking alarmed, and the others all rocked with laughter. ‘Well it is,’ she said defensively.
Finally, Pearl pulled back, her arms still wrapped around Tommy’s neck.
‘I love you,’ she said. ‘I tried not to, in order to get over you, but I love you, Tommy. It’s as simple as that.’
Tommy was struggling to hold back tears, as was Danielle. It was a beautiful moment, and one that Pearl thoroughly deserved. She couldn’t be happier for her.
‘If you don’t mind, ladies,’ Pearl said, grinning at them, ‘I’m going to take this man home right this minute.’
‘Well thank God for that,’ Betsy said, blessing herself. ‘I didn’t know where to look.’
Pearl laughed and blushed. ‘Sorry, Betsy,’ she said. ‘But I’m just so happy.’ She grabbed Tommy’s hand and led him out of the house.
‘Can you believe that?’ Maia said, shaking her head. ‘I didn’t know Pearl had it in her.’ She was about to say something else when the phone rang. She made a face. ‘No rest for the wicked.’
Nancy motioned to Danielle to follow her and she slipped out to the kitchen. Danielle went after her.
‘I’ve something special to show you,’ Nancy said. ‘Come into the garden.’
They went through the back door and out into Nancy’s flower-filled garden, with its beautiful scents wafting on the air towards them. Nancy brought her down towards the stream that passed through the bottom of the garden.
‘Lie down here,’ she said, lying down herself on the grassy bank.
‘Really?’ Danielle said doubtfully. ‘This dress is new.’
‘Well dear God, when did you become a prissy little thing?’ Nancy said impatiently. ‘You and your new dress get down here beside me and stay quiet.’
Danielle didn’t dare disobey. She lay down on her tummy beside Nancy and waited, for what she didn’t know.
Then she saw it – the flash of blue that announced the kingfishers’ arrival. They dodged and darted along the bank, their bright feathers flashing. Danielle could see that one of them had a juicy worm in its beak. It went to a hole in the bank, and she watched with delight as a little beak peeked out of the hole, and the worm was thrust into its waiting mouth. She heard the strange burr, burr sound it was making, which wasn’t anything like she expected.
‘Oh my God,’ she said, smiling at Nancy. ‘A baby chick. That’s amazing.’
‘Brand new life,’ Nancy said. ‘It kind of makes sense, doesn’t it?’
They got up quietly and ambled back towards the house, back towards the Kingfisher Centre for Second Chances, back towards their friends, back towards the future that was wide open and waiting for them to fill it.
Acknowledgements
THIS BOOK WAS ONLY HATCHING. IT HADN’T THE time to crack through the shell and poke its beak out into the big bad world! I’m being forced, due to a lack of time, to leave it in the capable hands of Ciara Doorley at Hachette and Sherise Hobbs at Headline. I do hope it’s a story that my readers will enjoy. As with all my books, the characters were the people who kept me company.
This time however, they had a slightly different job. This time they were my final characters. My fond farewell to the world of writing. A world I adored belonging to. A world that saved me from going utterly do-lally over the years. As my body went through the motions of cancer treatment, I’d sit with my laptop and immerse myself in the world surrounding my characters. I loved each one. Well, some of them were annoying or a bit nasty, but I loved that too. That’s the beauty of writing fiction. Nobody knows what’s going to happen next.
I’ve whiled away so many hours thinking about these lives you are about to meet. I’ve built up a description in my head of what they look like and what type of clothes they should wear, their hair colour and how old they should be. I hope you’ll enjoy meeting them and going on the journey with each of them.
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