by Emma York
Then the next morning I was busy keeping Jurgen happy in Doon village, reassuring him that the Scottish sunrise wasn’t the wrong shade of yellow for his vision.
“It must set the right scene,” he said to me, framing the skyline between his outstretched fingers. “If my dreams are to blossom into flowers the people pluck and cherish, it must all be perfect. Do you see?”
I nodded. To me, it was all getting too much. I found myself wanting to sneak back to the castle and hide in the walled garden. Or the dungeon with Robert.
I thought about that a lot after we got separated. All day I could feel where he’d been inside me, my body warm from his touch, from the feel of his lips on mine. It kept me going, made all the trudging about after Eli worth it, knowing how he felt about me.
He did have feelings for me. I was so happy to know it wasn’t a one night stand. It was more than that. The way he had kissed me in the dungeon, the hunger with which he’d descended on me, the feelings were real.
I saw him on his sailing boat as I made my way back across the loch with Jurgen and his entourage. I waved but he must not have seen me, his boat turning away and shrinking from view.
Then Laurel met Hardy. The two of them made quite the double act. Ten minutes together before Jurgen went outside to gather “my headspace,” before working out the first sequence he had planned.
Eli called me into the study half an hour later. It felt jarring seeing him sitting in Robert’s chair.
“Close the door,” he said, sliding a glass of whiskey across to me.
“Isn’t it a bit early for drinking?” I replied with a shake of my head.
“We’re celebrating. Because of you, Jurgen is here. I have to tell you, Tilly, I thought it might never happen. Time was ticking away back home, do you remember?”
“I remember.”
“I gave you a fortnight and you kept me hanging but boy you came through in the end. This place is perfect.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“I mean it. I’m going to tell everyone what you did.”
“Thanks, Eli.”
“Sit down, have a drink.”
I slid into the chair opposite his, leaving the whiskey glass untouched. “Was there anything else you wanted?”
He drained his drink before replying. “You could go all the way to the top, you know that?”
“I’m doing my best.”
“Course, to get to the top a little quicker, you could always use some help, am I right?”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
He stood up, moving around the desk, leaning back on it, too close to me. “I’m talking about helping you progress in your career. I could help you, Tilly. Talk to my people.”
“That’d be great, thanks, Eli.”
“Of course, we’d have to work close together for a while. Real close.”
His hand slid out and brushed over my knee. I froze in my seat, willing him to move away, my breath held in until he let go of my leg. My skin continued to crawl as he grinned at me, leaning closer. “You know, they say what happens in Scotland stays in Scotland.”
“I should get going. Jurgen might need me.”
“I need you more, Tilly. I’ve been watching you since we got here, I’ve seen the way you look at me.”
“I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t be shy. It’s fine. I know I can be intimidating but I’m just like you. I’m lonely, just looking for a little bit of company.”
“Why not phone your wife?”
“She knows boys will be boys. Don’t worry about her. I want to worry about you. You look nervous. Don’t be nervous. I’m talking about helping your career. You’d be willing to work hard to get your career moving, wouldn’t you?”
“I am working hard, Mr Caffrey.”
His hand slid back to my leg, squeezing my knee, moving upwards. “Want to work a little harder?”
I jolted backwards in my seat, hearing people talking out in the hallway, willing them to come in and save me. I couldn’t get up, I couldn’t use my feet, they just refused to listen to me. “I’m sorry,” I muttered. “I’m not interested.”
“How do you know if you never tried?”
“Look, I should get back to work.”
“Sure, you could go back to work but it’ll be pretty difficult if production was shut down, what do you say?”
“What? Why would production shut down?”
“Don’t you hear me, the air out here thicker? Stop you listening? I’m saying you stay here and we talk this out and I make a millionaire out of you.”
“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about.”
“Or you walk out of here and I shut down the movie and I tell everyone it was because of you. You’ll never work in the movie business again. You’ll be lucky to get a job selling tickets in a theater.”
I thought for a second, trying to process what he’d just said. Either sit here and let him sleaze all over me or throw my career away. “You wouldn’t,” I said. “It’d cost you millions to shut down now.”
“Wouldn’t cost me a penny. The investors on the other hand, they’d want to know why they lost it all and I’d have no choice but to tell them it was you.”
“But that makes no sense. I’ve done nothing wrong.”
“I’m sure I can think of something.”
His hand was on my knee again and this time I moved. I shoved it away, scrambling the chair back from him as he glared at me. “You’re sure you don’t want to think this through?”
I didn’t answer.
“You’re making a big mistake,” he said, crossing to the door. “Your career is over if I walk out of here.”
I didn’t look at him. I heard the door open and then close. I let my breath out in a long low exhalation. I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn’t come. I couldn’t believe what had just happened.
I wanted to go out there and tell them all but who was I kidding? No one had seen this. It was my word against his. Who were they going to believe, the guy paying their salaries or me?
I stood up, moving to the window and looking out, wishing Robert was here. Where was he?
I sank into his chair and saw a framed picture by the computer. It was black and white, him as a child standing between two people in front of the castle. They must be his parents. The castle didn’t look any different.
“Where are you?” I said out loud.
There was no answer. I sat with the picture in my hands for a long time, thinking about what had just happened. It had been going so well until then. I’d been working hard but that hadn’t been so bad.
I told myself he was bluffing. There was no way he’d shut down production of a movie this big because I refused to put up with him trying to sleaze me into bed.
I heard a noise out in the hallway and when I looked out I was shocked to find the crew carrying stuff outside through the open front door. “What’s going on,” I asked.
“As if you don’t know,” came the reply from a man who refused to so much as look at me.
I stood there in shock as the equipment was carted outside. “Where’s Eli?” I asked but I might as well have been a ghost. No one seemed to hear me. They all walked around me.
I couldn’t believe he was actually doing it. After all the money that had been spent bringing everyone here, he was actually shutting things down. It was so spiteful I felt sick.
The boats left without me. Hedley was there and all the other boats from Doon village. Within an hour everyone was on board. I searched the castle for Eli only to find he’d already gone back to the mainland, one last joke played on me.
Perfect. I was alone in the castle. My career was over. No one would believe my story. Worst of all, the money Robert so desperately needed was gone. There was no way he’d get paid now. I had condemned him and the castle.
By the time I found out Eli had gone, there was only one boat at the jetty. It was Hedley, come bac
k to collect me. “Did they finish early?” he asked as I climbed on board, my case in my hand.
“They shut it all down,” I replied.
“Oh.”
We set off across the water and for once I was glad he didn’t try and make conversation. What was I going to do when I got home? He was probably on the phone to all the studios, making sure I was blacklisted.
We got to Doon village and I watched Hedley tie the boat up before I climbed out.
“Robert’s in there,” Hedley said as I walked slowly to the bus stop. “If you want to talk to him, I mean.”
I did want to talk to him but I couldn’t do it. “Don’t tell him you saw me,” I said. “Please.”
He walked away, leaving me alone. I stood at the bus stop and waited. It was due soon. I couldn’t face him. How could I tell him I had ruined his chance to save the castle. I had ruined everything. I felt too much guilt to go in there. Instead, I caught the bus out of Doon. I was leaving again, this time for good.
FOURTEEN - ROBERT
I sat in the guest bedroom above Hedley’s cafe, his ancient headphones wrapped around my ears. A long cable connected to them to his even more ancient stereo system. The record I’d chosen was Beethoven. I had my eyes closed and was letting the music wash over me, drowning out everything else. For a brief time, I was in a concert hall. There was just me and the orchestra and the maestro himself conducting.
The peace I felt couldn’t last but for that brief period, I was calm. It felt better than being on edge. They were over there at that very moment, cameras, crew, caterers, probably more than a few hangers on.
And her.
Tilly was over there with them.
Or so I thought.
When the music finished, I opened my eyes and blinked in the light. I couldn’t hide up here forever.
I headed down the stairs and pushed opened the door into the cafe. The place was empty. Through the window I could see the boats all tied up in the bay. Hedley was cooking, the smell of sausages frying hitting my nostrils, making me realise how long it had been since I’d eaten anything.
“I’ve good news,” he said as I made myself a coffee.
“Let me guess, the place has burnt down and I’m due in court on charges of arson?”
He frowned at me for a moment. “Not quite. They’ve shut down the film.”
“They’ve what?” I almost dropped my mug in shock. “You don’t mean they actually listened to me?”
“I’ve no idea but they all went, loaded up into taxis and trucks and taking all their kit with them.”
“Then I guess they did listen. When did all this happen?”
“A couple of hours ago. Did you not hear them out there?”
“I had the Ninth in my ears, there might have been a bomb going off and I wouldn’t have heard it.”
“I’m guessing you’ll be heading back then.”
“I’m guessing I will.”
I didn’t ask about Tilly. I didn’t want him to think I cared. She’d have gone with them anyway. Good. I had no desire to talk to her, not after finding out the truth.
But that didn’t mean I didn’t feel anything. I felt the most excruciating sense of loss as I sailed Nipper back across the loch. It was agonising, trying to adjust my feelings to the reality of who she was.
It didn’t add up. Something inside me felt jarred, like a train trying to run when it was half off the tracks, just grinding along and making no progress. I was acting like it was all fine but it wasn’t.
She had used me. But then wasn’t that what I’d done with her? I’d only planned for one night together. I didn’t really have much right expecting any more than that.
The dungeon though. What had happened in there had been as intense as the first time we’d been together, a bond I’d never felt with another human being.
That was why it hurt so much. It was all a lie. All that time she had someone else in her life.
I vowed to put her out of my mind. As I tied Nipper up in the boat shed and walked out onto the grass I thought about Eli instead. Had he actually listened to me? Shut things down because I said so? Was he the type of person to change his mind?
He hadn’t seemed in any way inclined, even getting his lawyer to show me how badly my hands were tied.
But what other reason could there be? The place was empty.
I walked inside, heading for the study. I sank into my chair. Someone had moved the picture from next to the computer. I picked it up. There was the young me, the child who had no idea he would one day inherit this place, had no idea what a responsibility that was.
The money.
A sinking feeling hit me, adding to the pain I already felt. If they’d shut things down, would I still get paid?
I rummaged for the contract in the desk drawer, not feeling optimistic.
There is was in black and white. If production shut down, there was no compensation due to me. I could only hope they weren’t going to sue. Actually, they might as well. I had no money to hand over. All they’d do was bankrupt me and if that was the worst that could happen, I’d take it.
Over the next few days I found myself thinking until my head hurt. I had been happy in the monastery, at peace in the world and with who I was and what I was. I was a loner, I wasn’t meant to be with anyone. When I was, either they got hurt or I did.
Then I had to stick my head back up into the world and look what happened.
She walked into my life out of nowhere. I couldn’t resist her. That first kiss, indelibly imprinted in my mind never to fade. The feel of her naked body against mine, the touch of her hands, the look in her eyes when she came. One night, that was all it was supposed to be but I’d become hooked.
I was bound to get hurt. She disappeared for a year and then came back acting as if nothing had happened between us. I had wanted to ask about her going but I never got chance. First we were running to hide from her hideous producer boss. Then we were in the dungeon together and we had no need for words, our bodies talked instead.
I had thought things had changed for the better but the universe was just mocking me for even thinking that were possible. She had a boyfriend. She had lied to me.
I vowed not to let it ever happen again. I’d opened myself up, thinking the world had changed. It hadn’t. Well, I’d learned my lesson. I wouldn’t ever get hurt like that again.
I made a plan. It was a few days after they’d gone. I’d had an email from Gold Standard’s lawyers confirming payment would not be made. At least they weren’t chasing me for compensation for the movie shutting down. Maybe it had happened for another reason, nothing to do with me at all. It was possible, wasn’t it?
My plan began with a call to William Dacre. It was time to put the castle back on the market. There was no way of raising the money to pay off the debts without the check. I had no choice but to sell.
The phone rang that night but it wasn’t Dacre. It was Angela.
“I hear you’re selling up after all,” she said by way of a greeting.
“News travels fast,” I replied, gripping the phone so tightly it creaked in my fist.
“I’ll buy the place for three hundred thousand.”
“Is that how much you stole from this family?”
“Don’t play games, Robert. Dacre told me you want a quick sale so you can get back to playing at monks and nuns. Do you want it sold or not?”
“Fine,” I said, no longer caring. “You win.”
“I’ll be in Doon tomorrow at noon. How about we meet at Hedley’s to sign the paperwork?”
“You’ve got it all worked out then?”
“I’ve been planning this for a while, yes. Does it matter?”
“I guess not.”
I hung up. It was time to say goodbye to the place.
I went from room to room. It would be the last time I did. The attic where I’d hidden to avoid getting my shots when the doctor came to visit. The bathroom where I’d shivered in the winter and bo
iled in the summer. The kitchen where I ate my first solid food, not that I could remember that. Every space held a memory and they were all precious.
I could have said no to Angela but I didn’t want to stay here any longer. Staying here meant thinking about Tilly, about being betrayed by her. If I left, I’d be better able to shut down my feelings and return to the quiet life in seclusion. It would be just like it was before, the castle would no longer be a part of my life. The only difference would be this time it would be for good, no turning back.
The next morning, Dacre rang me just as I was getting ready to leave. “I’ve got some good news,” he said.
“If it’s about the buyer, I know.”
“But they’ve only just rung me.”
“Who has?”
“I’ve no idea. They want to stay anonymous. All I know is they’ll pay the full asking price as long as it’s all done through their lawyer.”
“They’ll pay five hundred thousand?”
“Five fifty if you say yes today.”
“Are they genuine?”
“I’ve seen proof of funds if that’s what you’re worried about. Why aren’t you snapping this up?”
I thought for a moment. Three hundred thousand from Angela, spending the money she’d cheated out of the place. Or five fifty from the mystery buyer who might be anyone. Better the devil you know or…?
“I accept,” I said down the phone.
Angela was waiting for me at Hedley’s cafe, papers laid out on the table in front of her. “Ready to sign?” she asked as I took the seat opposite her.
“I already have,” I said. “At Dacre’s office.”
“What?” she snapped. “What are you talking about?”
“Someone made me a better offer.”
“Rubbish. You’re bluffing, you just want more out of me.”
I slid the letter across the table. “See for yourself.”
She unfolded it, disbelief turning into disgust as she read the contents. “Who did this?” she asked.
“I’ve no idea. They want to remain anonymous.”
