He climbed back onto the bed behind me, and started rubbing the head of his cock through my folds. He groaned as he spread my wetness across my sex, then pushed into me slowly. I loved how he filled me up and how we fit together so perfectly. "I love you inside me," I moaned to him.
"Me too, baby," he answered as he began thrusting slowly in and out of me. He took his thumb and ran it through my wetness. Then he touched it to my asshole, pushing down with gentle pressure. I tightened unconsciously. "Easy, baby," he crooned. "Just relax."
I let out the breath that I hadn't realized I was holding, and let my body relax into the pleasure of his cock moving inside me. I heard him sigh as his thumb slipped inside me, my muscles finally relaxed enough to let him in. "Good girl," he whispered. "Such a good girl." I whimpered as his words sent a wave of delight through my body. I loved it when he talked to me like that.
He thrust his cock into me faster, his thumb moving in and out of me at a slower pace. The duel sensations were almost too much, and I came violently, my body quaking and convulsing as I groaned in ecstasy. When I came back down he pulled himself out of me, and I mewled at the loss. A moment later, I felt coolness on my anus as he squeezed lube onto me. He rubbed his thumb through it and then pressed it into me again, this time my muscles relaxing almost immediately. He thrust the wide digit in and out a few times, mumbling under his breath about how tight it felt. He pulled his thumb out, and I whimpered with need.
I jumped unconsciously as he started rubbing the head of his cock through the lube. "Shh," he reassured me. "Don't worry, baby. I'll go slow." I felt the tip starting to push into me, and I was having trouble relaxing. I whined in frustration, and he stopped moving. "Breathe, Sydney," he said hoarsely. "Breathe." I let my breath out in a rush and felt myself relax again. He reached around and started stimulating my clit with a finger, and I relaxed even more. He continued pushing slowly into me, the burning tightness becoming almost too much for me, and my breath caught. Jensen froze immediately, waiting for me to relax. The burning morphed into pleasure again, and he slid further into me. He took his time, stopping whenever I started struggling to take him, while he swirled his finger around my swollen nub.
Finally, with one last slow push, I felt his hips come to rest against me, and he stopped moving. It burned and I felt so full with him inside me, but the burning began to fade away, leaving a warm rush of pleasure in its wake. His clitoral stimulation increased, and I gasped as an orgasm hit me, blasting through me like fire. That's when he started moving inside me, slowly at first then picking up speed a little at a time as I pushed back into him, needing more friction.
"Does that feel good, baby?" he asked raggedly. "Do you want more?"
"Oh, yes, yes, yes!" I shouted. He moved his hands to grip my hips and moved even faster. The burning was gone now, and the pleasure took over as another orgasm began building up inside me.
"Holy fuck!" he groaned. "You're ass is so fucking tight, so fucking good."
I could feel his cock swell inside me, and I knew he was close. He reached around again and pressed a finger down firmly on my clit, sending me flying apart as he followed right behind me. He shouted my name as he convulsed violently against my back. His cock pulsed inside me as his release flooded into me. I collapsed onto the bed as my climax ebbed, his body following me down onto the mattress as he slumped on top of me.
"Fuck, woman," he panted into my ear. "That was so amazing. I love you so much." He started kissing my ear, making me giggle. "Did you like it, baby? Please tell me that felt good for you, too."
"It was amazing," I told him with a lazy smile. "I loved it, and I love you." He shivered in reaction to my words then rolled onto his side, taking me with him until my back was cradled against his chest. He wrapped me up in his arms and held me tight, nuzzling his face into my hair with a contented sigh.
"You're mine," he whispered raggedly. "Every part of you is mine."
Chapter Six
Jensen
I'd been hiding in our mobile office most of Wednesday morning, trying to avoid the covert looks from the crew as they waited for me to lose it again. I had been on a short fuse since I came back to work. After several instances on Monday and Tuesday of my frayed temper sending me into a rage that I took out on the guys around me, I decided that staying away from them was a good idea. Thankfully, the guys knew their jobs, and I could trust them without watching them constantly. I think this was the first time that I had willing chosen paperwork over being hands on. I don't think David would have approved of me choosing avoidance, but I didn't know what else to do.
I was sitting behind my desk rubbing my eyes and wondering how the fuck I was supposed to get a hold of my anger with the people around me at work. I heard the door open and felt sudden annoyance as I glanced up expecting to see someone from the crew. Instead, I saw Andy standing there holding a bag with a huge grin on his face.
"Hey, brother," he announced as he walked toward me holding the bag up. "Are you hungry? I brought Chinese." I glanced at the wall clock to see it was almost noon. I realized with a jolt that I had forgotten all about eating.
"Yeah," I said as I stood. "That sounds great." Fuck, I was just glad to see someone that didn't treat me differently since my suicide attempt. Hell, Andy hadn't treated me any differently after the accident either. I motioned him toward the break area on the other side of the room. He followed me and put the bag down on the table. I went to the small fridge and pulled out a couple of waters. I handed one to Andy as we both sat down.
"I'm glad you're here, dude," I said gratefully. "The last couple days at work have sucked."
"A little birdie told me you could use a friendly face today," he said with a warm smile.
"Let me guess." I gave him a wry smile. "This bird has beautiful gray eyes?"
"That's the one," he answered me with a nod. "She's worried about you and thought I could cheer you up."
"Fuck, I love that woman." I sighed with a shake of my head.
"I know. Sydney loves you, too," Andy said as his smile widened. "I also heard she moved in with you. Look at you all settled down and shit. Who the fuck are you?"
"Right?" I agreed. "I never saw this coming, not in a million years."
"She's good for you, Jensen," Andy said with a nod, his face growing serious.
"Don't I fucking know it," I agreed as I watched Andy start pulling boxes of Chinese out of the bag.
"Kung Pao or orange chicken?" he asked holding up two boxes. I took the Kung Pao, thinking it suited my mood lately. We ate in silence for a few minutes, and I felt myself starting to relax for the first time since I had left the house this morning.
"How have you been doing?" Andy finally asked between bites, his sharp eyes focused on me.
"Pissed off and stressed out," I grumbled with a sigh. "Talking to David has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I think the stress is getting to me. I've been a real dick with the guys this week."
"I guess all that negative energy you've been carrying around for so long has to go somewhere," Andy said with a pensive expression.
"At least I haven't been taking it out on Sydney." I shook my head. "She has enough shit on her plate right now."
"Is she alright?" Andy asked with sudden concern as he straightened in his seat. I almost smiled at his reaction. I was glad he cared about her too.
"She has to go to a parole hearing for the man who killed her parents ten years ago," I told him, my voice becoming flat.
"Fuck!" Andy blurted out, his face shocked. "Holy shit, dude."
"Yeah." I nodded. "That was my reaction, too."
"When does she have to do that?"
"Next Friday. I'm going with her."
"Wow." He shook his head. "That's some heavy shit."
"I know." I nodded. "I don't know if I'll be able to handle it, Andy. I only have a week and a half to get my shit together for her."
"You've been working on it with Dave, right?"
"
Yeah, but I don't know if it's going to work," I said with resignation. "We talked last night and the whole thing went to shit."
"What happened?"
"My panic attack was so bad that I ran out of the fucking room," I answered with disgust.
"Did you go back after that?" Andy asked.
"Yeah."
"You're being too hard on yourself, brother," he told me. "You freaked out, but you went back. You're trying to get better. Doesn't that count for something?"
"I guess," I answered reluctantly.
"Fuck, dude," he continued. "You're talking to me about this shit. Not that long ago you wouldn't have talked to me about any of this. Hell, you didn't talk to me about anything. That's gotta mean you're getting better."
I snorted and gave him a small smile. "You're right," I admitted.
"I know," he said smiling back at me. "You can do this, just don't get in your own way."
"Thanks, Andy," I said sincerely, glad for his pep talk and thinking I needed to let Sydney know how much I appreciated her orchestrating this visit. She knew I was struggling, and even with the stress she was carrying around, she still thought of me and what I needed.
We finished our meal, and I was feeling a lot better and a lot calmer by the time Andy took off to go back to work. I was a coward though. I still spent most of the afternoon hiding at my desk, but I could focus on the work I had to get done, and I was finished by five o'clock. I couldn't wait to get home to Sydney, and show her how much her thoughtfulness meant to me. I just had to make one stop first.
**********
I parked the truck in my driveway and climbed out with a bouquet of flowers for Sydney clutched in my hand. For some reason, the pink daisies at the store caught my eye. They seemed familiar somehow, and they looked like something she would love. I couldn't wait to see her reaction, since I had never bought her flowers before. I hurried to the front door and let myself in, bounding up the steps two at a time in my exuberance. I tucked the flowers behind my back as I opened the door onto the second floor.
"Honey, I'm home!" I shouted as I walked into the kitchen. I caught sight of her in front of the open fridge, pulling out ingredients for dinner. She turned and smiled brightly at me, her eyes dancing with happiness.
"Hi, baby," she said as I crossed the room to her and stopped a few feet away.
"I got a surprise for you," I told her as a huge grin spread across my lips. I stood there like an idiot staring at her gorgeous face.
"Well, don't just stand there," she said impatiently, her free hand stretched out toward me, a package of meat in the other. "Hand over my surprise."
I pulled the bouquet out from behind my back, and I watched her face grow pale as she stared at it, the package in her hand falling to the floor with a thump. What the fuck? Her face crumpled into such a painful expression, that I gasped as tears started streaming down her face.
"Sydney?" I asked in a shocked whisper. She ran past me, sobbing as she fled the kitchen and disappeared down the hallway. I stood there confused as I stared in the direction she had gone. What the hell had just happened? I looked down at the pink daisies in my hand for a moment then put them on the kitchen counter. I picked the meat up and put it back into the refrigerator and closed the door that she had left open. As I turned to look at the flowers again, a jolt of memory slammed into me.
"Oh, fuck," I mumbled to myself. I suddenly remembered the flowers I had left on the counter the morning I came home and found she had left me. She must have seen them when she came to clean my place up while I was in the hospital. I was such a fucking dumb-ass. How could I have forgotten that? I had to fix this. I rushed down the hall, passing the empty living room, and hurried up the steps to the bedroom. I entered our room and saw that the bathroom door was shut. I could hear her sobbing inside. I walked over to the door and tried the knob, but it was locked.
"Sydney, baby," I said gently. "Let me in." The sobbing paused for a second, but she didn't respond to me. My heart ached as her sobs continued, deep harsh ones that sounded like they hurt.
"I'm sorry. Please let me in, baby," I pleaded. "Let me hold you."
"I...I don't deserve to be held," she finally answered me, her voice thick and almost unintelligible. Realization flooded me. She wasn't upset with me. She still blamed herself for what happened, for me trying to kill myself. I thought she was getting over that. I hadn't seen that look of shame on her face since last week. She must have been hiding it from me after I called her out on it a few times.
"Come on," I cajoled. "Open the door."
"Go away!" she called out. I sighed in exasperation, feeling the first flames of anger licking across my mind. I paced the room trying to calm down and figure out a way to get her to let me in. I finally fell to my knees in front of the door and leaned my forehead against it, each of her sobs like a knife twisting inside me. I had been so selfish when I tried to commit suicide. I hadn't thought about anyone but myself and look what it had done to her. Like she wasn't already in enough pain right now with that goddamn parole hearing next week looming over her head. The anger turned to sorrow and regret, and my voice broke as I finally spoke again.
"It wasn't your fault, baby." Tears started falling down my face. "I did this. You did nothing wrong. You were lied to and manipulated by that bitch. Hell, I lied to you about what was going on. You did what you had to do to protect yourself. I think..." I paused and let out a harsh breath. "I think that if I had never met you, I would have tried to kill myself weeks ago, and no one would have been there to save me." There was sudden silence in the bathroom. I placed my palms on the door, needing the stability as a sob tore through me.
"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, Sydney," I whispered. "You saved me."
I jerked back to keep from falling forward through the doorway as the door swung open in front of me. I looked up into Sydney's tear-streaked face as she stood there with her eyes locked on mine. The anguish on her face ripped into me, and I held my arms out to her, needing to comfort her as much as I needed to be comforted myself. She stood there with her arms wrapped around herself, her eyes stricken and unsure. It tore me up inside when she denied herself my touch just to punish herself.
"Please, baby," I begged. "Please let me hold you. You need it. I need it."
Another sob burst out of her and she fell down into my arms. I caught her and cradled her against me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and clutched onto me, burying her face into my neck. I scooped her up in my arms, then stood and carried her back downstairs. I sat down on the couch, held her in my arms, and started talking, the words just pouring out of me.
"I was cutting myself off from everyone who cared about me. I thought they were better off without me, just like I tried to do with you. I avoided my family. I barely talked to Andy. All my other friends just disappeared. I wasn't the same anymore, and it made them uncomfortable. They didn't know how to act around me. It made me angry, so I drove them away by being a dick. Andy was the only one that didn't give up on me. He would come over and stay with me while I just sat there. Sometimes I'd yell at him, tell him to leave me the fuck alone. He still wouldn't leave me, and I didn't understand why. Why would anyone want to be around a fucked-up prick like me? I couldn't feel any connection with anyone, didn't want to. I just wanted to disappear." I took in a ragged breath as more tears streamed down my face. Sydney lifted her head from my shoulder and looked up at me. I imagined the sorrow on her face mirrored mine. I looked into her eyes and continued. "The night that I met you, Andy made me go out with him. I hadn't gone anywhere except work for weeks. He literally dragged me out of here. When I saw you there, everything changed. You made me feel again, made me want to be close to someone again."
She lifted a hand and pressed it to my cheek, her eyes softening with affection. "I could see the pain in your eyes that night," she whispered. "I could see how deep it was, and I recognized it because it was the same as mine."
"That night, before Andy took me
to that bar, was the first time I thought about killing myself," I told her in a hoarse voice. She gasped at my admission.
"Oh, Jensen," she said softly as she caressed my cheek. I sighed and leaned my face into her touch, feeling raw inside from my confession and needing the contact.
"I never told anyone," I whispered. "I was so ashamed of myself for even thinking those thoughts." I eased myself down onto my side, taking Sydney with me, until we were lying facing each other on the couch, our heads resting on the armrest. She continued gliding her fingers across my cheek, and I ran my mine softly up and down her arm. I pressed my forehead to hers, closed my eyes, and just breathed her in for several long moments before I spoke again. "I'm sorry about the flowers, baby. I forgot that I had gotten some for you that night. I forgot a lot of stuff that happened that night."
"When I saw them all wilted and dried up on the counter last week, it made me feel so ashamed and guilty," she whispered. "When I saw those flowers tonight, it all came flooding back again. I think I've been living in denial since last week, shoving it all down and trying to pretend I'm fine just to keep you from worrying about me. You're going through so much right now, and I don't want to bother you with my problems."
"You should have told me," I said as I put my hand over hers, pressing her hand into my cheek. "I want to be here for you just as much as you are for me. We love each other, and that's how it's supposed to work."
"I know," she replied. "I just worry about you. I don't want to make it harder for you to get better."
"Promise me that next time you're struggling with something, you'll talk to me," I pleaded, rubbing my thumb across her lips gently. "I don't want you suffering in silence because you think I can't handle it. I'm a big boy, remember? I'll be alright." I smiled wanly at her. She nodded then scooted closer, snuggling against me and tucking her head under my chin. I wrapped myself around her and sighed with relief. We held each other for a long time, taking comfort from each other. Part of me wanted to stay like this forever, but my stomach started growling. She laughed and looked up at me.
Let Me Heal You: Beautifully Broken Book 3 Page 11
