"I'm sorry for the hurtful things I said," I said in a subdued voice.
"So am I." She squeezed my hand in return. "I'm ashamed of the way I talked to you."
"What happened?" I asked. "We used to get along better than this."
"You did what I wanted you to do," she answered. "You became the strong independent woman whom I always knew you could be."
"Sometimes I don't feel that strong."
"You are," she assured me. "You stand up for yourself now, even to me. Do you know how proud I am of you?" she said as her voice began to break. Lauren put her arm around my shoulders. "Or how proud Mom and Dad would be?" I felt tears start falling from my eyes. Her words meant so much to me.
"I love you, Lauren."
"I love you, too."
We sat together for several long moments in comfortable silence.
"I've never loved anyone like I love Jensen," I told her out of no where. Still desperate for her approval, even though I didn't want to feel that way anymore.
"I'm happy for you, Syd," she said, but I sensed that disapproval again, and it made me sad. "But you two have gotten serious so fast. It worries me." She didn't understand. It took almost a year of dating for her finally to move in with Adam. It would probably be that long again before they decided to get married. Jensen and I didn't do anything slow. I fell in love with him so fast, just like he fell for me and thanks to David, I was starting to think that it saved Jensen's life.
"I know it does," I said. "But it doesn't change anything. I hope in time that you'll see that he and I were meant to be together, and that he's perfect for me, every broken imperfect part of him." I felt of rush of pleasure flood my body as I talked about Jensen.
"You really love him, don't you?"
"You have no idea how much." My voice was firm and filled with certainty. Lauren sighed, pulled her arm away from my shoulders, and grabbed my hand again.
"I can't say that I think moving in with Jensen so soon is a good idea," she said. "But I'm not going to argue with you about it anymore. I'm still worried about you, but I'm going to try to respect your decision and give you the benefit of the doubt."
It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but she was trying. I tamped down my frustration with her, and decided to try to let it go. Eventually, she'd see that Jensen and I moving in together was a good idea.
"Thank you," I told her finally, even if I didn't feel all that grateful just yet. At least, we weren't arguing for once.
"How are you holding up waiting for the hearing?" she asked, changing the subject. I took a deep sigh as I decided to admit the truth to everyone.
"Not well," I said quietly. "I've been having nightmares every night about Mom and Dad." My eyes began to burn with tears. "I'm terrified Lauren. I don't want to see that man again." Memories of my parent's murder trial coalesced inside my head. I still bore the scars from the horror of having to hear everything that monster did to them, and then having to relive finding their bodies in a room full of strangers. If it wasn't for the chance to keep that man from going free, I wouldn't put myself through this at all.
"I'm scared too, Sydney," Lauren said, her voice thick with unshed tears as she pulled me into a hug. "I don't want you to relive that nightmare. I don't want it to break you again."
"I'm a lot stronger than I used to be, you said so yourself," I said firmly, trying to convince myself as much as her. "I'll be okay. I'll have you and Jensen there with me. I'll be fine."
"I hope so," Lauren whispered as she leaned her head against mine. We sat holding each other for a while longer, Lauren stroking my hair the same way she used to when I was a teenager and struggling with my life. She had been there for me through all of it and helped me come out the other side a stronger person. I would always be thankful for that.
"I'd better get going," I finally announced as I sat up from our embrace. "Jensen will worry if I'm not home soon."
"It's weird hearing you call some place else home."
"I know. Right?" I agreed as I stood up and bent down to pick up my box of clothes.
"When are you moving the rest of your stuff?"
"Probably tomorrow or Sunday, if I can round up some help," I answered as we walked out of my room and headed down the short hallway to the living area.
"I'm moving my stuff out next weekend," Lauren added. "This is really happening isn't it? Both of us starting new lives with the men we love. It doesn't seem real."
"I'm going to miss this place." I put the box down on the kitchen table and piled my purse on top of it. I looked around the room, soaking in the memories we shared here. Lauren nodded as I turned to face her. She wrapped me up in a tight embrace that I returned whole-heartedly. I broke the hug before I ended up crying again and picked up the box.
"I love you, Syd," Lauren said with an affectionate smile. "Call me if you need me."
"I will." I nodded. "I love you, too."
Lauren walked me to the door and opened it for me. We shared a look that acknowledged this bittersweet moment. Then I left the apartment, ready to start this new chapter of my life.
**********
When I drove up to the condo, I was greeted by the sight of Jensen's gorgeous green '69 Camaro sitting in the driveway with the hood up and his legs sticking out from underneath her. A heavy blues-rock riff was playing from somewhere in the open garage as I stepped out of my little Honda. I could hear Jensen's sexy voice coming from under the car, singing something about being ready when his train pulled in. I watched in amusement as one of his boot-covered feet moved to the beat of the music, his voice strong and sure as he continued singing. I was seriously considering just standing there and saying nothing, just so I could keep listening to him sing, when a long colorful string of swear words flew out of his mouth, making me laugh. He slid out from under the car on his little wheeled board thing and looked up at me with a glare that was ruined by the wry twist to his lips.
"What are you listening to?" I asked as I smiled down at his bare chest. He was shiny with sweat and had grease all over himself. He looked unbelievably hot.
"Gary Clark, Jr," he answered as he stood up, giving me an eye level view of his gorgeous upper body, the sweat and grease highlighting his muscles to great effect.
"I like it. Have I told you how sexy you are when you sing?" I asked him as I stepped closer and ran my fingertips up his flat belly, heedless of the grease I might get on me.
"My eyes are up here, you know," he said in a low raspy voice filled with amusement. I glanced up to meet his vivid green eyes, and smiled broadly at him. He smiled back with a wicked gleam in his eyes, then leaned down and kissed me, his lips warm and soft on mine. "I'd hug you, but I don't want to fuck up your clothes, baby," he said with regret after pulling his lips from mine.
"Is everything alright under there?" I said as I motioned to the Camaro. "I thought you might blister the paint job with your profanity."
"Just making a mess," he answered with a boyish grin. "And she's used to my filthy mouth. It won't hurt her."
"I love your filthy mouth," I said seductively.
"My filthy mouth loves you," he replied as he touched his index finger to the tip of my nose. I rubbed at the spot he had touched and came away with more grease on my fingers. I glared up at his unapologetic face. My glare faltered as I noticed him looking all around my face, caressing me with his eyes.
"Will you take me out for dinner tonight?" I asked him sweetly.
"Of course, I will, baby," he answered immediately as his eyes met mine again. "Do you want to go over to Andy and Lydia's place afterword? We can play some games, and you can get a little tipsy. Maybe I could take advantage of you when we get home?" I could tell he was fighting the urge to touch me by the tension throughout his body and his clenched fists.
"That's sounds like fun," I said in a low voice, filled with promise.
"You better go inside right now," he growled at me.
"Why?" I asked innocently.
"Becau
se in about three seconds I'm not going to be able to keep my greasy hands off you anymore." He took a step closer to me. I sidestepped away from him and walked into the garage.
"Wrap it up quick out here," I called over my shoulder as he watched me with predatory eyes. "I'll be in the shower waiting on you." I had no idea that boy could move that fast as I watched him scurry back under the car to finish whatever the hell he was doing under there. I laughed all the way into the house.
I took my time as I headed upstairs to our room. I slowly got undressed while I thought of his hands all over my body, and getting unbelievably turned on already. I left my clothes in a pile on the floor and went into the bathroom. I reached into the shower and turned it on, adjusting the temperature to my liking. My reflexion in the mirror caught my eye. I took a good long look at myself and smiled. I looked happy and relaxed. It was the first time I had felt this way since that god-awful Saturday almost two weeks ago now. It was a welcome change.
I turned and stepped into the warm shower, letting the cascade of water rain down on my back and relax me even more. A deep sigh of contentment came out of me as I took a step back to wet my hair. I was just putting shampoo into my hair with my eyes closed as I heard the shower door creak open. I felt the heat from his body in front of me, and I opened my eyes as he pulled my hands down from my head.
"Let me do that, baby," he whispered, showing me that his hands were clean before I let him start massaging my scalp with firm yet gentle fingers. I moaned with pleasure, relaxing into his touch. He lathered my hair way longer than it needed, but I wasn't going to make him stop. I was disappointed when he finally coaxed me under the spray of water to rinse my hair. He squeezed the excess water out of my long hair and proceeded to do it all over again with my conditioner. By the time he rinsed the conditioner from my hair, I was a relaxed limp noodle. I smiled up at him radiantly.
He looked at my face and cocked his head as he smiled back at me. "You look...different today. More like you did before I..." he trailed off with an uncertain look on his face, not wanting to mention his suicide attempt out loud I think.
"Do you think we were meant to be together?" I blurted out to save him from his discomfort. "That everything that brought us together happened for a reason?" He looked me dead in the eye for a moment, his face suddenly serious and thoughtful.
"Yes," he finally whispered as he reached up and gently cupped my cheek in his hand. "Do you?"
"I do now," I whispered back with a soft smile as I leaned my face into his touch. He lifted his other hand and placed it against my other cheek. He leaned in and kissed me slowly and completely, until I forgot everything but him, feeling his love for me inside and out. It was heaven, and I felt bereft when he pulled his lips away from mine.
"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." His eyes glistened with emotion. He kissed me again, this time with more heat. He pressed the length of his body against mine, one of his hands sliding down to grip my ass and pull me against himself. I could feel his cock thicken and lengthen between us as I clung to him, needing to feel his skin on mine as much as he did. When he lifted his head up, his eyes were green fire as he looked at me, and I wanted to be consumed by them.
"Please," I whimpered with need, my fingers clawing at his back.
Wordlessly he moved his hands to my hips, and lifted me up until our bodies were lined up with each other. I wrapped my legs around his waist. He used one hand to move his cock into position and then slowly brought me down onto himself until our bodies met. The sudden fullness made me gasp with pleasure.
"Jensen," I whimpered as he started pumping my hips up and down on himself. I closed my eyes and held onto his shoulders, feeling his strong muscles flexing under my hands. My imminent release was already building fast as his cock rubbed over a sweet spot inside me.
"Sydney, look at me," he growled, his voice strained. I opened my eyes and stared into his molten gaze. Our eyes stayed locked together as an orgasm powered up and out from my core. "I love you," he moaned. "I fucking love you so much." His words sent me higher into bliss, my body quaking and bucking against his. His eyes were filled with so much love and lust that it blew me away. "Mine," he snarled out as his cock swelled inside me. "Fucking mine."
He stepped forward until my back hit the shower wall then began powering into me hard and deep. Harsh guttural noises poured out of his mouth as he fucked me, the sounds making me come again. He followed right behind me, his hips moving faster as he exploded inside me. His eyes never left mine once as they glazed over with his climax, making this unbelievably intimate as my screams blended seamlessly with his harsh cries of pleasure. We both came back down to earth panting and spent. He kissed me fiercely again then pressed his forehead to mine, clutching my body to his.
"Mine," he whispered.
"Yes," I replied breathlessly. "Always."
He set me back down on the floor gently, and we began washing each other in the afterglow of our lovemaking.
"What happened today?" Jensen asked after washing me silently for several minutes, his hand gliding a sponge gently across my body. "What brought on all these deep thoughts about us being meant to be?"
"Breakfast with David," I answered him. "He thinks fate brought you and I together, and he can be very persuasive."
"Fuck, I keep owing that guy more and more every day." He grinned as he knelt down to wash my legs. "At this rate, we'll have to give him our first-born child."
I stilled and stared down at him in amazement. He had never mentioned anything about wanting kids before, and his words sent a rush of pleasure through me.
"What?" he asked curiously after looking up to see me still staring at him, his hands pausing on my left thigh.
"You...you want to have a baby with me?" I asked incredulously, my voice quiet and soft.
"Sydney." He spoke my name with reverence. "I love you. I want to spend my life with you, and I want to put a baby in your belly." He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to my abdomen then smiled radiantly up at me. I continued staring at him in shock and a little fear. "Don't worry, baby," he added with a wry twist of his mouth. "I want you all to myself for a good long while before we do that."
"Oh...okay," I whispered. "I want all that too."
His breath caught in his throat at my words, and his eyes welled up with emotion.
"You gave me my life back," he said, his voice thick. "You gave me a future I didn't think I had anymore." He wrapped his arms around my waist from where he still knelt on the shower floor, and pressed his cheek to my belly. "Thank you."
I put my hands on his head, cradling him against me. My God, I loved this man so much. He was my everything, and I never wanted anyone else again. There would only be him.
**********
Jensen took me to the Italian restaurant where we had our first date. I guess he was feeling nostalgic, which was funny since that had only been about five weeks ago. We even ended up with the same blond middle-aged waitress who recognized us, and seemed genuinely pleased to see us again. He ordered several glasses of wine for me throughout the meal, and I was happily full and a little tipsy, by the time we left. He opened every door for me, and walked me out to the Camaro with his arm around my shoulders and his body close to mine. He opened the passenger door, then closed it once I was safely belted in. I'm not sure what had brought on all this chivalry, but I thought it was sweet.
"What's with all this Prince Charming stuff tonight?" I asked him after he had sat down in the driver's seat. He looked over at me with a sheepish expression.
"I don't know." He shrugged as he looked away. "I guess I just wanted to take care of you tonight." He looked over at me with an apologetic look in his eyes. "I don't want to smother you. I know you don't need anyone to take care of you, but I just can't help myself."
"Hey." I touched his arm. "I never said I didn't like it."
"Good," he said with relief. "Because I don't think I can stop doing it."
"I don't wan
t you to change. I like you just the way you are."
"Well, that makes one of us," he said under his breath as he started the car. "I still think I'm a fucked-up mess."
"Jensen, you're going to be okay," I assured him. "It just takes time."
"What if I don't have time?" He turned and asked me, his face becoming a blank stony mask. A flutter of fear curled around inside me at his words and change in demeanor.
"What do you mean you don't have time?" I asked him quietly.
"I only have a week left," he said as he stared down at the steering wheel, his hands tightening around it.
"A week left until what?" I asked him in confusion.
"The parole hearing," he said quietly, like he was confessing something to me. "I'm afraid I won't be able to be strong for you when you need me. What if I lose it during the hearing? I lost it when you were falling apart after getting that fucking letter. I didn't know what to do. I had to call David just to get myself calmed down. I can't even function on my own when things go to shit right now. What good am I going to be to you like that?"
"Do you...do you not want to go with me?" I asked, my voice small and vulnerable. I desperately needed him there, but I didn't want to put him through something he couldn't handle. "I could ask David to go with me." My voice started to crack as tears welled up in my eyes. He finally looked over at me again, his eyes softening with concern.
"If you want me there, I'll be there, baby," he told me sincerely. "I'm just...scared, and I needed to tell you. It's been eating me up inside. I want to be there for you when you need me."
"I'm sorry," I whispered as the tears fell. "I didn't mean to put this much pressure on you."
"Fuck, Sydney. I don't want you to feel guilty about it," he said with a sigh. "You'd think at some point one of us could go a few days without feeling guilty about something. It seems like all we do is apologize to each other."
Let Me Heal You: Beautifully Broken Book 3 Page 14
