I was fixing my hair, and it was turning out to be a really bad hair day. I flung my brush across the bathroom in my frustrated rage, swearing loudly. Unfortunately, Jensen was walking through the bathroom door as the brush flew across the room right at him.
"Fuck!" he shouted as he ducked his head, the brush barely missing his head. "What the hell are you doing in here?" he asked as his eyes flashed in anger.
"My hair sucks ass today," I growled at him then stared at the hot mess on my head in the mirror. "I might as well shave my goddamn head."
"Sydney," he said in a tight voice. I could tell he was trying to control is annoyance with me. "Your hair looks fine. What's really going on?"
"You think this looks fine?" I asked in disbelief as I looked at him and pointed at my head. "It looks like shit. I can't go out like this."
"Baby." He moved slowly toward me, like I was a wild animal that might attack him. "Stop." His voice was calm and soothing now as he put his hands on my shoulders. "Tell me what's wrong."
"Well, I slept like shit," I grumbled. "So there's one thing that's wrong."
"I know, baby." He nodded and brushed my hair from my face with gentle fingers.
"And I still have to move the rest of my shit out of that damn apartment," I continued in annoyance.
"I already have David and Andy coming over Saturday for that," he added and watched me expectantly for more.
"What?" I asked irritably.
"None of those things can possibly be bad enough for all this anger."
"Maybe I'm just hormonal," I spat out. His brows rose at that, but he wisely didn't comment about it.
"So you're telling me your mood right now has nothing to do with the parole hearing on Friday," he said with narrowed eyes.
"No," I said vehemently as I stared at him, feeling petulant. His brows rose again, and his disbelief was very obvious. So was his irritation with me. "Now leave me alone so I can fix this shit on my head."
"Fine," he growled out as he stepped away from me. "I'll be downstairs. Let me know when you'd like to leave fucking fantasy land." He stalked out without another word. I growled after him, wishing I had hit him with that damn brush. I turned back to the mirror and glared at myself, staring at the dark circles under my eyes and the waves of out of control hair around my face. I watched the anger in my eyes suddenly start to bleed away, replaced by a trembling lower lip and tears welling up in my eyes. A sob broke free from my control, and the tears began to fall.
I turned away from the mirror, and moved to sit on the toilet seat. I leaned forward to cover my face with my hands, feeling all the stress and fear overwhelm me. Jensen was right. This was all about the hearing. The closer I got to Friday, the more my mind imagined what it would be like seeing Jackson Rollins again, knowing he might be let out of prison. My stomach lurched with sudden nausea, and my sobs became louder. I was afraid I might hyperventilate.
"Sydney," Jensen spoke softly right next to me. His hands touched mine, and pulled them away from my face. He was kneeling in front of me. I met his gaze, and saw concern and regret in his green eyes. "I'm sorry I talked to you like that."
"I'm...I'm not upset with you," I mumbled out between sobs.
"I know, baby," he replied in a gentle tone. "But I still feel bad, and I wanted you to know that."
"I don't want to see that man again," I blurted out in an emotional rush, my shoulders slumping forward. "I'm afraid of what it might do to me." I looked down at the floor. His hands suddenly moved to the sides of my face, and I lifted my eyes back to his.
"You are the strongest person I know," he said intently. "You can do this. I know you can, and I'll be there with you for all of it."
"What if neither of us can handle it?" I asked in a small voice. "What if it's too much for both of us?"
He took in a ragged breath, and let it out slowly as he stared over my head for a moment. He closed his eyes for a second, then looked into my eyes again.
"We'll get through this," he told me in a firm tone, his eyes shining. "Together we can do anything. Fuck, look at all we've already gone through and were still here, still together." A small smile played across his lips "Besides, if you can put up with my fucked-up shit you can handle anything." I managed a wan smile at his words for a moment, before fear filled my head again.
"I'm afraid," I whispered.
"So am I," he whispered back, his smile slipping away. "But there's not a chance in fucking hell that I'd let you do this without me," he said fiercely.
"I love you," I told him, feeling the emotion well up inside me, filling me with strength I didn't know I had. His face softened with my declaration.
"And I love you." He placed a hand on the back of my head, and kissed me deeply, showing me the depth of how he felt about me with his lips and sweet strokes of his tongue. It took my breath away. When he finally pulled his lips from mine, we leaned our foreheads together and were left breathing heavily.
"I've got to go, or I'll be late," he said with regret. "I'm sorry. I wish I could stay with you all day."
"I know," I said. "Me too."
"I wanted to have lunch with you, but I have a lunch meeting I can't get out of today," he said as he rubbed his thumb softly across my lower lip.
"That's okay." I smiled. "We'll see each other tonight."
He stood and pulled me up with him, then hugged me tight for a moment before walking away. He paused in the doorway, and turned back to look at me.
"Your hair really does look fine," he said with a wry smile.
"Thanks," I told him, even though I still thought my hair was a wreck, but it was nothing a ponytail couldn't fix.
"If you want," he began salaciously, his eyes gliding down my body and filled with dark promise. "I can mess it up after work."
"I can't wait." I gave him a slow seductive smile.
"Bye, baby."
"Bye."
He left, and my worries and fears were already creeping back up inside me. No matter what reassuring words he could give me, I was still afraid. My head was a mess of turmoil and doubt. Nothing would change that until Friday was over, no matter what the outcome was. I just hoped it was something I could live with, and that I came out the other side with my sanity still intact.
**********
My bad day continued. We were busy at work, and I was irritable. I managed to stay civil with my patients, but I found myself being short and bitchy with my co-workers. By the time lunch came around, I needed to be alone for a while. I took one of the boxed lunches a drug rep had brought in today, and went out to the picnic table that sat outside the back door of the building to eat alone. I had to try to get a hold of myself. I never acted like this at work. It was so embarrassing that part of me wanted to sneak out to my car and just leave.
I was sitting there staring at the sandwich and chips inside the box, and realizing that I wasn't even hungry when I heard the back door of the building open behind me. Annoyance flared up inside me at the intrusion. I sat unmoving waiting to see who the hell had come out here to ruin my solitude. I felt someone approach, but I continued staring at my lunch, hoping maybe they'd take the hint and leave. They didn't, and when they sat across from me, I reluctantly glanced up to see who it was. I was startled to find David sitting in front of me.
"Hi, Syd." He smiled broadly at me.
"What...what are you doing here?" I asked in shock.
"Jensen texted me, and told me you could use a friendly face today."
"God, I love that man," I said with a shake of my head and a smile.
"He's worried about you," David said, his voice turning serious. "He told me how angry you were this morning."
"I've been angry all damn day," I grumbled, part of me starting to feel annoyed with Jensen for narcing on me, even if he did mean well.
"Is that why you're sitting out here all alone staring at your lunch instead of eating it?"
"I've been a bitch all day," I said, exasperated with myself. "I threw a
brush at Jensen this morning." David's brows popped up at that. Amusement lit up his blue eyes as a corner of his mouth lifted into a half smile.
"He didn't tell me that." He laughed.
"I missed," I said sheepishly.
"Friday has got you pretty freaked out, huh?" The smile faded from his face.
"Yeah," I admitted. "Jensen told me that I've been waking him up with nightmares every night. I didn't know until he told me yesterday."
"What kind of nightmares?" he asked with a tilt of his head.
"About my parents. About him." I couldn't even bring myself to say the name out loud. Fortunately, David didn't need to ask who I was talking about.
"Do you want to talk about them? Figure out what they mean?" he asked. He tended to go psych nurse on me when I had problems, and I appreciated that he was willing to help, but I just wasn't in the mood right now.
"No," I said in an irritated tone. "Right now, I just need a friend, not a damn therapist."
"I'm just trying to help," he said gruffly, his brow furrowing in annoyance.
"Then just drop the psych crap, alright?"
"Sure," he said curtly, then pursed his lips as he stared at me with anger glittering in his eyes. I was pretty certain he was biting his tongue to keep from saying something he'd regret. Damn it, here I was acting like a bitch again, and he didn't do anything to deserve it. I sighed and rested my head in my hands.
"I'm sorry," I said apologetically as I raised my head to meet his eyes again.
"Me too," he said, his voice gentle. "It's hard for me to turn it off sometimes." His eyes glanced down at my lunch. "Are you going to eat all that yourself?" I stared down at the huge club sandwich that I wouldn't be able to finish even if I was hungry. I picked up half of it and held it out to him.
"Thanks," he said gratefully as he took it. "I wasn't sure I'd have time to get something to eat before I had to go back to the hospital."
"You were going to skip your lunch for me?" I asked him.
He shrugged. "Skipping one meal wouldn't have killed me."
"You're a good guy," I told him with a smile.
"I try." He narrowed his eyes at me. "You, on the other hand, need to eat something. I know how you get when you're stressed out. And I'm saying that as a friend and not a nurse."
"Alright, alright," I acquiesced and picked up the other half of the sandwich.
He stayed and entertained me with silly stories about his nephews. By the time he left, I had eaten, and I was feeling much better. I didn't know how long it would last, but I was happy for the respite.
**********
I pulled into the driveway just as Jensen was climbing down out of his truck. He stood smiling as I got out of my car. He stepped toward me with open arms and a huge grin on his face. I glared at him and he jerked to a halt, his smile faltering.
"You," I pointed at him sternly, "are a narc."
"I...um," he mumbled sheepishly.
"I can't believe you sent David to check on me." I stepped closer. It was taking all my effort not to smile as I continued to glare at him.
"I'm...I'm sorry, baby," he stammered out. "I was just trying to help." His face suddenly looked pained, and I realized I couldn't mess with him any longer.
"Thank you," I said softly as I let a smile play across my lips. "It was very thoughtful of you." His eyes filled with relief as his smile returned.
"You are evil," he growled out as he narrowed his eyes at me, his smile turning wry. I closed the small distance between us, stepping into his arms. He held me tight and rested his cheek on my head.
"It was just what I needed," I said gratefully. "It made my bad day bearable."
"You're welcome, baby." He released me and led me to the front door with a hand at the small of my back.
"How was your day?" I asked as he paused to unlock the door.
"Well, I didn't yell at anybody," he said with resignation. "So I guess that's something good. Though I'm surprised that I can talk considering how often I bit my fucking tongue to keep my damn mouth shut."
"I was a bitch most of the day," I confessed. "And I didn't keep my mouth shut at all."
"Well, I have an idea how we can turn this day around." He ushered me through the door ahead of him.
"Oh, yeah?" I asked as I walked up the steps. "I'm all ears."
At the top of the steps, he grabbed my hips roughly and pulled me back against his pelvis. His hand snaked up my body, and his fingers wrapped firmly around my throat with just enough pressure to let me know that he was in control. He lowered his head until I could feel his warm breath on my neck.
"I want you to go up to our room and take off your clothes," he growled out in a low rumbling voice that made me shiver. I could feel his cock harden and lengthen through our clothes. "Then lay on the bed and wait for me. I want you to touch yourself until I get there, but don't come."
"Yes, sir," I moaned out with need. I was instantly aroused, my body practically vibrating with my need for him. We didn't play like this often, but whenever we did he always made it absolutely incredible. I'd do whatever he said, no questions asked. I wasn't embarrassed about anything we did together anymore. I knew I was safe with him, both physically and emotionally. The feeling was so liberating.
"Go," he said in a low rasp, stepping away from me and swatting my ass so hard it stung in the most delightful way. He didn't have to tell me twice. He laughed in a deep sexy tone as I practically ran through the house and up the steps to our room. I shucked my shoes and scrubs as I walked the last few feet to the bed, letting them drop haphazardly to the floor. I crawled onto the bed and laid on my back.
I stared at the open bedroom doorway and smiled to myself as I ran my hands down my body. I stopped at my breasts, rolling my nipples between my thumbs and middle fingers, picturing Jensen's body in my head. I thought about his broad muscular shoulders and arms, and how they felt when he held me in them. I imagined my hands running down his pecs to the lean defined abdominal muscles of his flat belly. I closed my eyes and moved my right hand down my abdomen to the short soft curls between my legs. I stroked my fingers through my folds, finding them already wet and swollen. It made me think about his mouth and tongue going down on me, eating me. A low moan bubbled up out of me. No one ever pleasured me with their mouth like Jensen.
I moved my middle finger up to my clit, swirling and circling, imagining it was him touching me. The pleasure rose higher and higher as I lost myself to my fantasy. I pushed down harder on the swollen nub, needing a release as the pressure built almost to the breaking point. A desperate keening sound flew out of my mouth against my will as I got closer and closer. A vision of Jensen's hard swollen cock appeared in my sex addled brain, and I was a hair's breath away from my climax when I heard his voice.
"Just so you know," his deep husky voice spoke as my eyes flashed open to see him leaning against the door frame watching me with lust darkened eyes. My hand froze. "I'm enjoying the show, but if you come right now, you won't be coming again tonight at all." A needy whine escaped my lips, and I regretfully pulled my hands away from my body and laid then on the bed next to my thighs. I was panting with my frustration. "Good girl," he whispered and a different kind of pleasure flooded my body, making me shiver. I loved it when he said those two words to me.
He straightened and walked farther into the room, his eyes never leaving mine. He stopped next to the bed and reached out to run his fingertips lightly up my leg from my ankle to my upper thigh. His hand paused mere inches from where I wanted it most, then moved higher. I couldn't stop the disappointed moan I made. His lips quirked with amusement at the sound. His fingers continued to travel up my body along my stomach and the outside edge of my left breast.
"Look how hard your nipples are," he said in a low rumble. I wasn't sure if he even realized he had said that out loud as he stared at my breasts. He flicked the pad of his thumb over one of my hard tight nipples, sending a shock wave of desire pulsing down between my legs. I whim
pered and arched my back, pushing my chest up toward him begging for more.
His eyes moved up to my face again, the need on his face intense and intimidating. He leaned down and kissed me gently, teasingly, with the tip of his tongue and a small nip of my lower lip. It was in stark contrast to the deep desire I had seen in his eyes. I groaned, needing more, but he merely pulled away and stood there staring into my eyes again.
"Show me how wet you are for me."
I spread my legs wide for him, so he could see all of me.
"Use your hand," he prompted, his voice becoming breathless as his eyes locked onto my pussy. "Show me."
I could feel my pulse throbbing in my clit as I glided my right hand down my belly toward my aching core. I slid my fingers through the juices coating my sex, never taking my eyes off Jensen's face. When I raised my hand up to him, his nostrils flared as he snatched up my hand and leaned down to suck my fingers into his mouth. His tongue and lips melded into my flesh, licking and sucking me clean, a deep growl erupting from his throat.
"Roll over," he demanded as he released my hand, his voice ragged and strained now. I rolled onto my stomach immediately, turning my head toward him. I watched him move over to the dresser and open a drawer. It was the one that I knew he had put the leather cuffs he bought me for my birthday. My excitement only increased as I watched him pull them out and turn back toward the bed, holding them up for me to see. I shuddered in anticipation, making an evil smile flow across his face. He came back to me and attached the cuffs to my wrists and ankles, his fingers gentle yet firm.
"Stick that ass up, baby," he told me, and I bent my knees and raised my hips up, my shoulders still on the bed. I only wondered what he was up to for a moment before he grabbed the cuff on my right wrist and ankle, and latched them together. Then he did the same on my left side. I was left with my ass up in the air, open and exposed to him, my arms immobilized, and I was helpless to stop him from doing anything he wanted to do to me.
"Fuck," he breathed out from behind me. "Look at you, so wet and ready for me." He stepped into my line of sight again and pulled his T-shirt off over his head. He dropped it to the floor then undid the fly of his jeans and pushed them down along with his boxers to the floor, stepping out of them and kicking them aside with his already bare feet. He was so hard, his cock curving upward, the veins visible under the soft skin that was stretched over steel. I needed him inside me.
Let Me Heal You: Beautifully Broken Book 3 Page 22
