Not that “that” had ever been much. A friendship mixed with a mild flirtation was the sum total. But Dan had been honest with her, and she ought to be grateful to him. She couldn’t go moping around over something that hadn’t even happened. It had been good just to feel attractive to someone again, she realized. Just to feel her heartbeat quicken when a man caught her eye and smiled at her, as if they shared some private knowledge and didn’t need to talk at all. She hadn’t felt that way in a very long time.
So, maybe Dan moving in and out of her life like this was just a reminder, she thought. Just as Reverend Ben had said, it wasn’t really too late for her.
At least she had Sara now. Emily’s mood brightened with that thought as she showered and dressed. She was going to pick up Sara soon for one more trip to the mall before the wedding and didn’t want to keep her waiting.
On Monday night the gown had not fit Sara properly and had needed a few adjustments. The sash was wrong, and a large, silly bow had been added to one shoulder. Emily and Sara had actually laughed together when she tried it on. So now they were down to the wire with the wedding next weekend. Didn’t it always go this way? Though Emily wasn’t a shopper, she didn’t really mind. The shopping trip gave her another excuse to spend time with Sara.
Half an hour later Sara got into the Cherokee. “The dress had better be right this time,” she said, sounding weary. “I never realized getting married was so much trouble.”
“Well, if you want a big wedding with all the trimmings, it is,” Emily replied as she started driving again. “There’s always the no-frills route.”
Sara glanced at her. “That’s what you and my father did, right? You eloped.”
Emily nodded, her eyes still on the road. “We were married at the courthouse in Newburyport, right before we left for Maryland.”
“Were you scared?” Sara asked her.
Emily thought for a moment. “More like extremely excited. As if I were about to jump off a cliff—but I knew there was a trampoline down there somewhere. I guess I just loved your father so much, I felt very sure that it was the right thing.”
Sara smiled a little and glanced out the window. “I’ve had some long relationships, but I never really felt that way about anyone.”
“When you do, you’ll just know. It’s worth waiting for,” Emily promised.
“You were lucky,” Sara said, glancing over at her. “I think some people wait their whole lives and never feel that way.”
Emily nodded. “We didn’t have much time together, but I know what we had was very rare. It’s hard to explain,” she said, searching for the right words. “It was like a deep, sweet well that I could always draw on. Even long after Tim was gone. Even now. It really helped me to keep going . . . especially after I gave you up.”
Sara glanced at her, but didn’t say anything more. Finally Emily reached over and touched Sara’s hand for a moment, then the sign for the mall came into view, and she turned at the entrance.
“Here we are, at long last. Saturday night at the mall. Who could ask for anything more?” She sighed theatrically, making Sara laugh.
They were both relieved when the saleswoman produced the gown, minus the bow, and it fit Sara perfectly. After the bridal shop, they browsed in a few stores and then picked a quiet restaurant for dinner.
“I’ve been so busy with the election, I haven’t even taken care of a wedding gift yet,” Emily confessed. “I was thinking of getting them a gazebo. I thought they could put it somewhere near the pond.”
“I bet Jessica would love that.”
“It could be from both of us, if you like,” Emily suggested. “Unless you wanted to get something on your own.”
She watched Sara’s expression carefully, wondering if she had assumed too much. She felt as if she walked a fine line with Sara. She understood that it would be this way for a long time; still, she couldn’t help feeling frustrated by it. She loved her so much and wanted to be close to her.
“I picked something up for them already,” Sara said carefully. “But thanks for offering.”
“That’s okay. No problem,” Emily said. She glanced back at her menu. But she felt Sara watching her, as if she had more to say but was wary for some reason. Emily suddenly felt nervous.
“I’m happy you won the election,” Sara said slowly. “Relieved, actually. I was waiting to see what happened. I told my parents I couldn’t make any plans to come back until I knew.”
Emily felt as if the floor had just dropped out beneath her. Now she knew why Sara looked so nervous. She knew this question had to be faced sooner or later, but she was hoping Sara would wait until after the wedding.
“Well, if it means you’ll stay here longer, I can still concede to Charlie,” she replied, trying to strike a light tone though she actually felt like crying.
“Emily—” Sara met her gaze, tilting her head to one side. “My parents are upset. They try not to say so, but I can tell they feel as if—as if I’ve abandoned them or something. Especially my mom,” she added.
“Yes, I’m sure this is hard for her,” Emily said, imagining herself in the place of Sara’s adoptive mother.
“I really like it here. I like my job at the library. I even spoke to Dan Forbes about a job at the newspaper. But I’m not sure now if I can stay. My parents think I should just come home and keep up with you through visits and phone calls. That sort of thing . . .”
Her voice trailed off, and Emily could see how hard it was for Sara to tell her this. And to figure out this problem.
She hadn’t even mentioned Luke McAllister, but Emily knew that the two shared a special relationship, something that was more than just friendship at this point. Leaving him would be hard for her, too.
Emily reached across the table and covered Sara’s hand with her own. “I don’t know what to say to you, dear,” she admitted honestly. “I can hardly stand the idea of losing you now, when I just found you. But I know you have a family and a life in Maryland that’s important to you. . . . I’m very new at being a mother,” she forged on. “I really want to do and say the right thing here. You know how I feel, but I don’t want to pressure you to stay. Whatever you decide, I want it to feel right to you.”
Sara lifted her gaze finally and smiled at her. “You’re doing okay so far.”
“I never really thanked you for finding me,” Emily suddenly realized. “How you came so far and waited so long. That took a lot of courage. I’m not sure if I could have done it.” She squeezed Sara’s hand. “If you decide to go, I may not have another chance to tell you, so I want you to know how proud I am of you. The way you turned out. You’re so smart and mature and talented. I think you’re absolutely perfect in every way.”
“Emily!” Sara was blushing now.
“Please, let me finish,” Emily said, her voice getting thin. “No matter where you go, back to Maryland or wherever, I’ll always be there for you. You’ll always be the most important thing in my life. I know it can’t happen overnight, and it’s sometimes still very hard for us, but I love you truly, Sara, and I want to be—” A real mother to you, she nearly said, but she stopped herself.
“—I want to be part of your life. I want to have a special relationship with you. Can we try for that?”
Sara nodded. “I think we can,” she said softly. “I have a wonderful mother, and what you and I have will be different. But it can be just as important—and loving.”
Sara looked as if she was about to cry, and Emily felt overwhelmed, too. She leaned over and put her arms around Sara, giving her a hug.
“Sara, you can’t know what you mean to me,” she confessed quietly. With a sigh, she finally pulled away again, then reached into her handbag for a tissue.
“I can’t leave before the wedding, of course,” Sara assured her. “Jessica is counting on me, and I really want to be there.”
“And the store finally got the dress right,” Emily pointed out, feeling slightly encouraged.
&
nbsp; “I don’t want to hurt my parents,” Sara said again. “But maybe I’ll wait to decide until after the wedding. I’m just not sure what to do.”
“Well, give it a few more days, then,” Emily suggested. “Maybe now that we’ve talked about the problem, it will be easier for you to figure out what you need to do.”
“Maybe,” Sara agreed, looking relieved. “It was on my mind a lot.”
Emily had an impulse to pray for Sara to stay on, then decided it would be selfish to ask God to grant her that favor. She prayed instead that Sara would make the right decision for herself, the one that would be best for her well-being. Then she realized that was what a good mother should do, and she felt quietly satisfied.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
THE WEEK BEFORE JESSICA’S WEDDING FLEW BY. JESSICA and Sam were so busy getting their new house ready that Emily barely saw her sister once the final countdown began. The couple had already moved in all of their furniture and belongings. But on Friday there was still plenty of unpacking and putting away to do, and Sam was preoccupied with last-minute painting and repairs. After a moderately panicked phone call from her sister, Emily decided to take the day off to help.
“Good, I’m glad you’re here,” Jessica greeted her as soon as she walked in. “Come into the kitchen. I haven’t unpacked a thing. Sam just got the cabinets finished last night,” she said, sounding a bit frantic.
“Don’t worry. You’ll have plenty of time to put things away after the wedding,” Emily reminded her.
Jessica glanced at her. “Right, just what I want to do on my honeymoon—unpack boxes.”
Emily reconsidered her statement. “Yes, well, you have a point.” She tugged open a box and found a pile of cooking pots inside. “Just tell me where you want this stuff. I’m here for as long as it takes.”
They worked steadily all day, barely stopping for a break.
Finally, when it was dark outside, they each flopped down in a chair at the kitchen table.
“Thank you, Emily,” Jessica said. “I can’t believe how much we got done. Sam will be amazed.”
“The only thing that’s missing is your new toothbrush in the bathroom,” Emily teased.
“Since I’m spending the entire day tomorrow at a beauty salon in Southport, the toothbrush will have to wait,” Jessica said. “One less thing to worry about. Speaking of which . . . have you seen Mother at all lately?”
“No, I haven’t,” Emily admitted. “I keep calling and dropping by, but she won’t speak to me. Sara has visited her, though, a few times, and so has Dr. Elliot. And you know that Reverend Ben went to see her.”
Emily and Jessica had both spoken with Reverend Ben the other night at the wedding rehearsal. He reported that he visited Lillian last week, but she barely spoke to him. Not about Sara, or the wedding.
“Everybody says she’s just fine, so I guess we shouldn’t worry.” Jessica sighed and examined her hands, which were chapped from all the housework.
“I think she is fine, but how are you?” Emily asked her sister quietly. “Have you been thinking about her and the wedding again?”
Jessica shrugged, then nodded. “A little, I guess. It’s hard not to,” she added, glancing up at her sister. “But I’m keeping my eyes on the finish line. I’m not going to lose Sam over this. She’s the one who made me choose, and my choice is marrying Sam.”
Emily released a long breath that she hadn’t even realized she was holding. “All right, then, good for you. On with the show!”
She rose from her seat and grabbed her jacket off the chair.
“Why don’t you stay and have some dinner with us?” Jessica offered.
“I’d better get going. I just want to get into a hot tub and soak for a while. I’ll need until Sunday to look halfway decent.”
“Go on. . . you’ll look great, as always.” Jessica reached out and gripped her sister’s hand. “You’ve been a pal, Emily. I couldn’t have made it without you.”
“Don’t get all mushy on me now . . . please?” Emily teased her. She playfully patted her sister’s head. “Just do me a favor, and don’t get married or move again for a while. I’m exhausted and I’m getting too old for all this hard work.”
“Deal,” Jessica promised.
“See you on Sunday, Bride,” Emily called as she started toward the back door. “I’m coming by to help you get into your gown, right?”
“I’ll be there,” Jessica promised.
Emily closed the back door and smiled to herself. She peered up at the soft blue- and rose-tinted sky, and the first pinpoints of starlight above.
She could hardly wait for Sunday. . . .
FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I’M READY ON TIME, EMILY THOUGHT HAPPILY AS SHE drove toward Jessica’s house on Sunday morning at half past ten. They were due at Bible Community Church by eleven forty-five. The ceremony was scheduled to start at noon. Sara was going to meet them at the church, so Emily didn’t have to worry about picking her up.
It was a perfect fall day, fair and even on the mild side for mid-November in New England. Emily found that she felt quite comfortable with just the satin shawl from her gown around her shoulders as she walked up to Jessica’s door and rang the bell.
Jessica opened the door dressed in her robe, but all her makeup was done and her hair was fixed beautifully as well, half pinned up in back and half flowing down over her shoulders.
“Goodness, you look beautiful already,” Emily declared.
“Oh, come in, come in. I’m so nervous,” Jessica confessed.
“Look—my hands are shaking.” She held out her hands, which were, in fact, trembling slightly.
Emily gripped them and smiled. Ice cold, too.
“Great manicure,” she said brightly. “Don’t worry. It will all be over soon. Come on, let’s get the gown on. You can’t go to the church in your bathrobe.”
In the bedroom Jessica slipped into her gown, and Emily worked on fastening the back, a row of satin-covered buttons. Then there was a train to attach and the buttons on the sleeves. It was a gorgeous gown of cream-colored satin with a slightly off-the-shoulder shallow neckline and touches of crocheted ecru lace that gave the classic style a Victorian touch.
Jessica looked devastatingly lovely, Emily thought. Just like a bride from a picture book. She sat at her dressing table, and Emily helped her put on her headpiece, a simple garland of fresh flowers with a shoulder-length veil attached.
“Well. . . all set, I guess,” Jessica said, sounding breathless. She glanced at the small clock on the dressing table. “The limousine should be here any minute.”
Emily sat in the chair next to the dressing table and opened her purse. She took out the dark velvet jewelry box, opened it, and set it on the dressing table.
“Here are the pearls. Remember? I said I would save them for you.”
Jessica picked up the necklace, then set it down again.
“I really want to . . . but I can’t.” She looked up at her sister. “I’ll go against Mother today and marry Sam, but I can’t wear the pearls. It just wouldn’t feel right without her consent. Isn’t that silly?”
Emily looked at her a moment. Then shook her head. “No, I understand.” She took the jewelry case back, closed it, and slipped it back in her purse.
The doorbell rang and they knew the limo had arrived.
“Are you ready?” Emily said.
Jessica nodded. She smoothed down her sleeve and gave her reflection one last check in the mirror. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
BY THE TIME THEY ARRIVED THE CHURCH WAS FILLED, ITS FRONT STEPS AND railing decorated with white ribbons and flowers. Molly Willoughby and her daughters waited anxiously in the vestibule, and they all shrieked with delight when they caught sight of Jessica.
“Oh, don’t you girls look gorgeous,” Jessica said to her two new nieces, giving them each a careful hug.
“You look like a princess, Jessica,” Jill, Molly’s younger girl, said in awe.
“We all lo
ok pretty good, if you ask me,” Molly cut in. She smiled at Jessica and handed her a bouquet. “Nice flowers, too.”
Emily thought Jessica should go wait in the little room off the vestibule, reserved for the bride. But she was too excited and didn’t seem to care if Sam saw her before she walked down the aisle. “That’s just a silly superstition,” she scoffed when Emily mentioned it.
Dr. Elliot was there as well, since Jessica had asked him to give her away. He had on a brand-new suit, Emily noticed, a navy blue pinstripe with a gray satin vest and a pale yellow satin bow tie. He stood to the side, quiet and calm, as if he did this sort of thing every day.
Almost all the seats in the church were taken, though a few stragglers were still arriving. Organ music filled the sanctuary, and a soft golden light filtered in through the arched windows. The altar and pews were decorated with more white ribbons and flowers, and the subtle fragrance reached all the way to the back of the church.
Emily could see Sam and his younger brother Eric, who was his best man, standing tall up at the altar. Sam looked handsome and restless as he glanced to the back of the church.
The Reverend Ben appeared from a side door. “It’s time to start. Are we all here?”
Jessica glanced at Emily. She knew they both had the same thought, wishing their mother would somehow miraculously appear at the last minute.
Then Emily looked around and felt a tightness in her throat. “Sara . . . isn’t Sara here yet?”
Everyone started talking at once, but no one had seen her. She wasn’t at the church. Luke had arrived separately and sat with the Hegmans and Harry Reilly.
“Luke hasn’t seen her, either,” Dr. Elliot said. “He was waiting for her to come, then he finally gave up and sat down.”
“She must have gotten held up somewhere,” Jessica said. “We can wait,” she offered, glancing at Emily.
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