Yes. You say yes, and you try very hard to fall in love with this amazing man.
“Yes,” she breathed. His eyebrows shot up and he seemed genuinely shocked at her response.
“Yes, you'll got out with me?”
“Yes, but Liam, I can't promise that I'll be a very good date. I'm … I'm a little broken right now,” she tried to explain, trying to protect herself. Protect him.
“Then let me try to fix you,” he whispered, leaning in close and giving her a soft kiss.
She really was going to cry again, so she stepped back. Gave him a watery smile as the elevator doors finally slid shut. Then she turned around and went home, crying in earnest while she tried to unlock her door.
If Liam is so right for me, then why does this feel like it's so wrong?
*
Things were not good. The universe gave her the rest of Wednesday to deal with her inner demons. She locked herself in her room, climbed in between her sheets – still wearing her clothing and cake mess – and stayed that way for a solid eighteen hours. She ignored all the phone calls and messages and even Tori, when the other girl finally came home. She just needed some time. Time to catch her breath. His words had carved her open, she was barely holding everything inside.
Thursday was a new day, though, and no rest for the wicked. It rained on and off, adding to her mood. She finally showered and realized sleeping in cake mess was definitely a mistake. When she got out, Tori was standing in the hallway, her hands on her hips.
“Glad to see you're alive,” she said. Katya grunted.
“That's a matter of opinion.”
“Look,” her roommate sighed. “I'm not going to press you for the whole story, yet. I got a murky version from your boss, who you really need to call. Just know that whatever happened, I know it's not your fault, and I wouldn't even care if it was, and if we need to go out and bury a body, then just give me a heads up. That's all I wanted you to know.”
Katya finally laughed. For the first time in an eternity, she genuinely laughed.
“You're too good to me, Tori Bellows.”
“Don't I know it.”
Katya crawled into the middle of her bed and called the bakery. It wasn't a comfortable conversation, but it wasn't awful, either. She'd apprenticed at the bakery at the age of eighteen, and had worked there ever since. The little shop was owned by a young husband and wife team, and Katya had stuck with them through lean times, through her rise to popularity, through sharks trying to steal her away – she had a good relationship with the owners.
But she also knew she'd crossed some definite lines. Huge lines. The staff at the reception hall had been the ones to call the bakery. Lauren had kept her lips shut, and when Katya's bosses had finally called her to check out the story, Lauren had defended Katya staunchly, threatening to pull her business from the bakery if they so much as looked at Katya wrong.
Of course they wouldn't look at her poorly. They also weren't going to let her go, and not just because of the business she brought in, but because they cared about her. She was like family to them, they assured her. They didn't want something like that to ever happen again, of course, but they were worried about her. Concerned. Was everything alright? What, exactly, had happened?
She couldn't tell them the full story, so she boiled it down to basics and said it had been a nasty break up with her estranged boyfriend. Since Katya's personal life had never ever interfered with her job before, they figured it must have been a really nasty break up to have exploded that way.
They brought up the idea of a sabbatical. She'd been working very hard. Maybe too hard, it was suggested. She'd gone straight from school to work, immersing herself in the industry. Maybe it was time she take a moment for herself. She would still get paid, and she could come in and work on wedding cakes for clients if she wanted to, but everything else would be handled by the bakery – they could call the other clients and redistribute the work or cancel the orders.
Katya had no choice but to agree. She was beyond humiliated, having a conversation like that with her employers. To be told, however politely, that she needed to take a leave of absence. She silently cried as they wrapped up the conversation.
I promised myself I wouldn't let those boys interfere with my work. What the fuck happened!?
After the tears stopped, she dragged herself into the kitchen. It was late afternoon, but Tori was wearing boy shorts and a tight t-shirt – sleep wear. Working at the club had her sleeping in till crazy hours. She was yawning while she flipped through a magazine, though she perked up when her friend entered the room.
“How did it go?” she asked. Katya dropped into a chair at the table.
“I'm on sabbatical,” she sighed. “They think I'm just burnt out. I'll still get paid, and I can still fulfill wedding cake orders, collect commission on those, if I want to. It just ...”
“Sucks?” Tori offered.
“Big time.”
“I'm sorry, honey. Maybe it is for the best – you work harder than anyone I know, and you're only twenty-three. Time to relax. Maybe go to Mexico for a weekend, get wasted and flash your boobs to frat boys.”
“Pass.”
“Well hey, wanna go catch a movie this weekend?” Tori suggested. Katya groaned and dropped her head down.
“I have a date this weekend,” she mumbled.
“Excuse me!?”
“I'm going on a date.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. The guy you were crushing on just shit all over your heart, and you already have a date lined up?”
“When you say it like that, it sounds -”
“Fucking epic! Legendary! I'm so proud of you! Fuck that wolf guy and whatever high horse he rode in on, you don't need him. Onto the next man,” Tori proclaimed loudly.
“It's Liam.”
“It's Liam what?”
“The date. Liam asked me on a date. I'm going on a date with Liam.”
There was silence for a long, way too tense, moment. Tori froze in the act of pouring some creamer into her coffee. Katya stared at it, worried the cup would overflow. At the last possible second, the carton tipped upright.
“I thought you and Liam were casual. That you weren't even having sex anymore,” Tori said, not looking up while she slurped at the coffee.
“We aren't – we haven't in a while. He came to check on me yesterday, and when he dropped me down here, he asked me out. He was just … he was so good to me. I felt like I needed to say yes,” Katya tried to explain.
“Oh.”
She was shocked. Tori was never silent. Never short on words. The woman even talked in her sleep. She was always interested in everything around her, and particularly in anything to do with Katya's love life. Her lack of interest was a little stunning, and once again, Katya felt the tumblers falling into place.
“Holy shit, you like Liam.”
“What!?”
“You do. You like him.”
“No, I don't.”
“You do.”
“I don't.”
“It's okay, Tori. God, I'll call and cancel.”
Katya had barely stood up when Tori reached out and grabbed her arm. Halted her movements.
“No! No, don't do that. And don't say anything to him,” she insisted.
“But you do like him,” Katya checked.
“No. Fuck, I don't know. Maybe? Not really? Like,” Tori struggled with words. “You know how he is with women. It's like he can't not flirt, so am I just reacting to that? Or am I reacting to him? He's always smiling and flirting with me, but he's like so nice and funny and understanding. It just sort of … happened. If it even really happened. Fuck, I have no clue.”
“I really think I should cancel this date, then,” Katya said.
“No. Because even if I do really like him – which I'm not even sure I do! – it doesn't matter, because he doesn't like me. That boy is crazy in love with you,” Tori said.
“No he's not!”
“He is. You
should hear him, Kat. He talks about you all the time.”
“Only because I'm your mutual friend.”
“To everybody. To the bouncer, the bartenders, the clients, everybody.”
“Well … I know some of them … too ...”
“He's got a picture of you two as his wallpaper on his phone. He looks at you with those eyes … God, Katya, I hope someone looks at me someday, the way Liam Edenhoff looks at you. So you see – I could be head over heels in love with him, and it wouldn't matter, because he's head over feet for you.”
“I still don't think that's true, but even if it is, it's not worth it to me. Not if it's going to hurt you,” Katya insisted.
“It won't hurt me, I promise. It's a crush, at the very most. That's all. Just a crush.”
Yeah, just a crush, won't hurt a bit. That's what I thought before I met the man made of stone.
“Tori, I still think -”
“If you miss out on this amazing man who has the potential to love you better and harder than you've ever been loved, I will move out, right this instant.”
They stared at each other for a long second, then both burst out laughing.
“You could never move out,” Katya snickered. “Who'd cook for you? Clean up after you?”
“And who'd get you to leave your room? Show you new music videos?”
They laughed for a long time, both feeling better about their shitty situations. Tori was able to convince Katya to go out with Liam. At least one date. If it worked out, then Katya could find the new great love of her life. If it didn't, then Tori could pick up his broken pieces.
Feeling a little wrong for plotting out Liam's love life, Katya decided to call it a night. Right after she laid down, her phone pinged. For just a second, a stupid, foolish, embarrassing second, she hoped it was Wulf. What he could ever possibly say to rectify the situation, she didn't know. Didn't think it was possible. But she still hoped.
It was from Liam, and was only three lines.
Sunday. Wear something nice. Can't wait to see you.
She cried herself to sleep all over again.
*
Katya spent most of Friday and Saturday alternating between pretending to be happy, and trying not to cry so much. Her eyes would be puffy for the rest of her life if she didn't get a grip.
Her parents called Saturday afternoon. That was a joy. They didn't know about her little incident, and she didn't want them to know. Her parents babbled away on different lines in the house, both talking over each other. Her father was sad to have missed her, and she said she missed him, too. She wished he had been there, it had been an eye opening experience, being so open and honest with her mother. She was curious what it would be like with her dad.
They wanted her to visit. Her mother wanted her to bring Wulf. Her dad thought that was a great idea. Katya took deep breaths through her nose and tried to remain calm. She laughed it off and talked her way around it, not really answering them. “He never really liked me and possibly hates me” wouldn't go over so well, and she didn't want to make things awkward between her mother and Ms. Stone. She agreed to visit as soon as she could – probably sooner than they expected. They all got off the phone making kissy noises at each other.
Then she went back to her room and spent the next couple hours deciding on an outfit for her date. She almost cried again when she pulled out the dress she'd worn to her date with Wulf, when they'd slept together for the first time. She chucked it to the floor and kicked it to the corner of the closet.
She settled on a soft, salmon pink dress. It was short and flowy, very typical for her style. It was made out of a sheer chiffon-like material and harmonized perfectly with her skin tone. She remembered how Tori had described her – sweet and innocent, but in a way that made men want to defile her and make her dirty. Yup, the dress fit that description to a T.
She went to bed feeling a little better about the date.
And a lot worse about Wulf.
She was keeping him at the edges of her mind, but just like in real life, he was threatening to crash through anyway. She remembered their times together at her parents' house. Thought about his smile and his laugh. The way he'd looked at her sometimes.
Was it all a lie?
Then she thought about his words. The things he'd said to her. The way he'd talked to her. How angry he'd looked, his eyes like ice and fire. Like he hadn't cared that she was broken and bleeding out – he'd just wanted to keep hitting. Wanted to keep hurting.
Was it all a lie?
Katya fell asleep with tears in her eyes, and only sure of one thing.
Not for me, it wasn't. Not one little bit.
23
Katya was nervous.
She hadn't spoken to Liam since he'd texted her what day to be ready.
Hadn't spoken to Wulf since she'd ruined his suit.
At four o'clock on Sunday, Liam finally texted her. Just one short sentence.
Be ready at seven.
It reminded her of Wulf, the way he'd never planned anything, had always just called her. And of course, when Wulfric Stone called, Katya Tocci always came.
She shook off those feelings and got ready. Teased her hair out big, then scraped it all back into a massive round bun. She felt like a ballerina, in her gauzy pink dress and high top hair-do. She put on a pair of strappy stilettos, then went downstairs. She was striding across the lobby when Liam walked through the front door.
“Ah, man, I was gonna come to your door, do this shit right and ...”
His voice dropped off and he even stopped walking. Katya came to a stop in front of him, searching his face. He kept staring down at her.
“What?” she asked.
“You look fucking incredible.”
She blushed and looked down at herself.
“Do I? I know it's not over the top sexy, or anything, but I always liked this dress,” she said, smoothing her hand over the skirt.
“No self-deprecation tonight, angel cake. You are too pretty and too perfect for that,” he said, his hand coming to rest on the side of her arm. She finally smiled.
“Alright, deal. I look fucking incredible,” she even managed a laugh.
They walked out of the building, Liam's arm around her waist. She felt it like it was a weight. Like it was dragging her down. Like it was wrong. She told herself it was because she still felt so upset about the fight with Wulf, so she banished him from her mind and concentrated on the man in front of her.
They took a taxi to a far away restaurant. It was very posh, and as they sat down, she noticed for the first time how nice he looked. Liam always looked good, even in his worn t-shirts and ratty plaid flannels. But in a dress shirt and blazer, both pressed and tailored, he was drop dead gorgeous.
We make a good couple.
She'd never really thought about it before, looking good with someone. Matching someone. She wondered how she and Wulf had looked together. She was so feminine and soft, he was so hard and aggressively male. They'd probably looked ridiculous. Like a wolf taking his pet bunny out for a walk.
Liam was charming, but of course she knew that about him. He was funny and he was smart, and he'd turned all those things up to ten for their date. He smiled and smirked at her, teasing her and making her laugh. Touched her knee under the table, ran his hand up to her thigh.
By the end of dessert, Katya felt like she was going to strangle herself with her napkin. She wanted to be in love with Liam, so badly. She did love him, in a way. And she'd grown to care about him, so much.
But if his hand moved one inch higher, she was going to throw up all over her leftovers.
The whole ride back home was even worse. He was talking into her neck while he nuzzled her, telling her how much he cared about her. How much he'd grown to appreciate her. How special and wonderful and beautiful she was to him.
Hear him, Katya Tocci. He's actually saying these words to you – wearing his heart on his sleeve. He would never call you names. Never make y
ou feel bad about yourself. Never mistreat you or use you.
It was no good, though. She could tell he wanted to come up to her apartment, but she managed to laugh it off and keep him at bay. She couldn't, however, stop the good night kiss. The date was over, the gentleman expected a kiss. He wrapped her up in his arms, crushing her to him and lifting her onto her toes. She'd always liked the way Liam kissed, so out of control and full of passion. Nothing chaste about those kisses – his tongue was always part of the action. Normally, it made her want nothing more than to have his tongue in other places.
Not that night, though. She kissed him once, twice. A third time, very slowly as she stepped away. They made promises to speak in the coming days, discuss their “feelings”. When he turned to walk away, she actually held her hand over mouth, trying to keep her “feelings” inside – as well as her dinner.
She could not go home. She couldn't face Tori – the other girl would take one look at her, and know. Paradoxically, she wanted to talk to Liam. In the short time they'd known each other, she'd grown to depend on him as someone she could tell anything to; someone who could help sort out her problems. This was one problem she had to deal with on her own, though.
A man who could really love you, but you can't love him back. A man who never even liked you, and you might already be in love with him.
She burst out of her building and ran down the street. She looked ridiculous, she knew, sprinting in her high heels and short dress. She went for a couple blocks before finding a BART station. She took the stairs two at a time, almost biting it once. She managed to cling to the railing and got down without injury, then raced for the train. She slipped onto a train just as the doors were closing and she bent over, putting her hands on her knees and trying to catch her breath.
Neighbors (Twin Estates #1) Page 24
