by Judy Nickles
“I expect you have to go home to dinner.”
“No, it’s just…just my father, and he…he’s not feeling well this weekend. He said he didn’t want any dinner.”
“Oh? Then maybe we could pick up some sandwiches somewhere and go sit in the car at the park. I mean, if you don’t mind riding alone with me. It’s daylight, anyway.”
Celeste shook her head. “Most of the boys I knew wanted the girls to ride alone.”
“Well, I guess I’m no different when there’s a pretty girl I want to give my full attention to, but I’m really harmless.”
“Your mother brought you up to be a gentleman.”
“Yeah, I guess she did.”
She caught something in his terse reply that made her wonder again about his mother. “I’d love to have a picnic. If you’ll drive me home, I’ll make some sandwiches for us.”
“I don’t want to put you to any trouble.”
“It’s no trouble, really.”
She wondered if he thought it was strange she didn’t ask him to come in and hoped he thought it was because she’d said her father was sick. It wasn’t entirely a lie. Sunday afternoon was sobering-up time.
She slipped around the house to the back door, where she checked to be sure the kitchen was empty. Then she got the picnic basket from the pantry and threw together sandwiches from some leftover roast. Adding the cookies she’d made earlier in the week, some celery sticks in waxed paper, two glasses, and a half-full bottle of milk, she looked around to see if she’d forgotten anything.
“What’re you doing?”
She froze. “Just making a picnic, Daddy.” Please don’t let him see the car out front.
“Who’re you going with?”
“Someone from church.”
He jerked open the refrigerator door. “What’s there to eat?”
“You can warm up the baked chicken and vegetables.”
“That’s your job.”
Celeste closed the basket and stepped through the back door almost in one motion. “I’ve got to go, Daddy.” She hurried around the house to the street and almost threw herself into the car with the basket in her lap. “Let’s go,” she said to Kent.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just…please, let’s go.”
He started the car and drove away in silence.
At the park, he found a spot partially shaded but still sunny enough to be warm and rolled down his window. “Let me know if you’re too cold.”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you really?”
“Yes.”
He seemed to be waiting for her to say more.
“It’s just that my father…”
“You didn’t want him to see you get in the car with me.”
She shook her head.
“Why?”
She turned her face toward the window so he wouldn’t see the tears she was trying to hold back.
“He doesn’t like you to go out?”
She shrugged.
“He’d have wanted to meet me first. He’s protective.”
“He’s a drunk!” Celeste exploded, then hunched her shoulders and tried not to cry. I’ve never told anyone that. Why did I tell a stranger?
Kent didn’t say anything for a few minutes. “I’m sorry, Celeste. I shouldn’t have pried.” He handed her his handkerchief. “It’s clean.”
She blotted her face. “I’m sorry I’m acting like a baby.”
“I understand. Really.” He took the basket out of her lap and put it on the seat between them. “I’ll bet you packed a good lunch.”
“Just what I had handy.”
She unwrapped the sandwich he handed her and took a bite. “Do all the salesmen have cars?”
“No, just a few of us. I got one earlier than usual because the boss says I’m dependable, and I can make more stops if I don’t have to take the train.”
“It’s a nice car.”
“I take good care of it, too. It’s not really mine, but it’s the closest thing to a car of my own that I’ve ever had. Or probably ever will have for awhile.”
“My father has a car. He works at a bank, and I ride to and from work with him every day except Saturday. But the bus stops at the corner, so that’s all right.”
“How long have you been by yourself? Without your sister, I mean?”
“Since I was twelve. Ben’s parents offered to take me, too, but Daddy wouldn’t let me go.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. He didn’t want me.” She felt tears welling up again and regretted her words. “Tell me about your family,” she said.
“There’s just my mother, Neil, and me, but I’d like to have a boy and a girl someday. Of course, you take what you get and like it, don’t you?”
“I suppose.”
“Two boys or two girls or one of each.”
She smiled. “I haven’t thought much about it, to tell you the truth.”
“Every girl wants a family someday.”
“Someday, maybe. I’m not even twenty yet. I’ve got time.”
“So you don’t go out much because of your father?”
“Not much.”
“Well, you won’t always live at home. You’ll get out on your own someday.”
Celeste turned her face away. “Sure.”
“Maybe you’ll figure out a way to go back to college.”
“I doubt it, but you never know.”
“When Neil gets through, I’ll think about going. I mean, if he gets a good enough job to help Mother, like I’m doing now. But I’m the oldest, so it’s my responsibility to help him go to school and help Mother, too.”
“Does he go to school in Brownwood?”
“He goes to Howard Payne so he can live at home. And he has a girl, Kay, who’s in nursing school. I’m pretty sure they’ll get married someday.”
“And then you can do what you want to do.”
“I hope so.”
Something in the way he looked past her when he spoke the last words made her wonder.
After lunch, Kent helped her re-pack the basket, and then asked if she’d like to take a walk.
“I’ll be back through here about this time next month. If there’s another dance, maybe I’ll see you there.”
“I think there’s one almost every month, but I’ll be sure to check.”
“If not, I’ll probably see you at church.”
“That would be nice.”
“And maybe we could go out to dinner on Sunday.”
“Maybe.”
He took her home just before dark. “Do you want me to let you out at the corner?”
“That might be a good idea.”
“I’ll wait to make sure you get in all right.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
They shook hands at the end of the block. “Thanks for today, Celeste. I enjoyed it.”
“Me, too.”
“I’m looking forward to seeing you again.”
She nodded and hurried away without looking back.
****
That night the blue velvet curtains billowed through her dreams again. This time, the breeze became a violent wind that ripped them from their hangings. Her prince—Kent—was nowhere in sight.
Chapter Five
The Christmas card, addressed to “Miss Celeste c/o Woolworth” lay squarely in the middle of her desk when she came in on Christmas Eve morning. Celeste’s heart catapulted to her throat, but she slipped the envelope into her desk drawer until the office emptied out at lunch. Then, her hands shaking with anticipation, she took the card out again and opened it.
Kent had signed his first name, then sketched an arrow indicating she should turn to the back.
Dear Celeste,
I hope this will reach you before you go to Sterling City for the holidays. Just wanted to tell you again how glad I am that we met and how much I look forward to seeing you again in January. I hope
you’ll wear the blue velvet dress. You were beautiful in it. Again, wishing you a Merry Christmas and all the best things in the New Year.
Kent
She read the words three times before she looked to see if he’d included a return address on the envelope. Surely it wouldn’t be forward to write and thank him for the card. But the upper left corner of the envelope was blank. She frowned. What did that mean? That he didn’t want her to know exactly where he lived?
She considered the fact he’d sent the card to the store, even though he knew her address on Spaulding Street. That was probably a good thing, since her father always walked around the house to the porch and got the mail as soon as he parked the car in the garage. Kent must have considered she’d be better off not answering questions about who she knew in Brownwood.
Oh, Kent, are you the man of my dreams? Is all this going somewhere, or will we just touch each other’s lives once a month at the Roof Garden?
She slipped the card back in the envelope and tucked it into her purse before she reached for her lunch.
****
At four o’clock, she stowed the ledgers in the safe and took her coat and suitcase from the corner closet. “Going to Sterling City, Miss Riley?” Mr. Thomas looked up from the stack of dollar bills he was putting into envelopes—small Christmas bonuses Celeste knew came out of his own pocket.
“Yes, sir. There’s a bus at four forty-five.”
He held out the envelope with her name on it. “Merry Christmas, and my regards to your family.”
“Thank you, Mr. Thomas. Merry Christmas to you, too.”
“I don’t suppose your young man lives in Sterling City, too?”
“My…” Her mouth went dry. She never gossiped with the other girls about Kent and felt sure Veda and Paula didn’t either.
He leaned back in his chair and smiled. “I have my spies. Actually, Mrs. Thomas and I have a friend who takes his wife to the Roof Garden whenever there’s a good band booked there. They recognized you and told us you were dancing with a very handsome, most attentive young man.”
“Yes, sir. I mean, no, sir, he lives in Brownwood, not Sterling City.”
“He travels?”
“For a plumbing company. He’ll be back in January.”
“I’m glad for you. You’re a nice girl. You need to get out more—with the right kind of people, of course.”
For a fleeting moment, she wondered if he knew about her father.
“Run along now. If I didn’t have to finish these envelopes, I’d drive you to the station myself.”
“Oh, no, thank you, Mr. Thomas, I can walk.”
“Looks like we might get some snow. Have a good time with your family, Miss Riley. I’ll see you on Thursday.”
****
As the bus pulled away from the station on Twohig Street, Celeste leaned her head back against the seat, closed her eyes, and let herself think about if Kent really did live in Sterling City. Maybe they’d sit together for the community Christmas Eve service tonight. Maybe he’d invite her home to meet his family. Maybe he’d drive her back to the ranch…walk her to the door…kiss her goodnight. Stop it, Celeste. You’re making way too much out of one chance encounter and a few dances. He’s nice, though. And we’re a lot alike. I hope he can go to college and be a lawyer. Maybe I’ll go with him to the university and finish my degree, too. I’ll be a teacher, and I can work while he’s in law school… Celeste pinched herself hard. You’re crazy, Celeste Riley. Meet a man a few times and you’re already married to him and planning your lives together. Crazy, crazy, crazy.
****
After church, Celeste helped Coralee and Ben play Santa Claus for Barbara before going upstairs to the cozy third floor loft that Pearl kept made up for her visits. She was almost asleep when Coralee slipped into bed with her.
“All right, now tell me about that blue velvet dress and your dreamboat.”
“I told you everything, Sister. He’s a nice boy…man.”
“And you like him.”
“Uh-huh.”
“So did you get a Christmas card from him? Anything?”
“A card with a note. He’s coming back through next month. He promised to come to the dance again.”
“Did you tell him about Daddy?”
“I didn’t plan to, but it just sort of slipped out. I could tell he wondered why I didn’t invite him in and why I didn’t want him to walk me to the door. Coralee, did Daddy just change all of a sudden when Mamma died? I mean, I don’t have many memories before that, but it seemed like we were happy.”
Coralee didn’t say anything for a few minutes. “They separated for a while before you were born. Mamma and I went to Bronte and lived there with one of her friends.”
“How old were you?”
“I went to all of first grade there.”
“So was Mamma…expecting me in Bronte?”
“You were born after we went home.”
The realization of what her sister wasn’t saying hit Celeste like a fist in her stomach. “I’m not really Daddy’s. That’s it, isn’t it?”
Coralee rolled over and put her arms around her sister. “He was crazy about you, Cece. Passed out cigars when you were born, the whole bit.”
“Why, if I wasn’t his?”
“Maybe he thought you were, I don’t know. I mean, they got back together and you were beautiful, just like Mamma. Look at your baby pictures sometime.”
“He wanted her back, so he took me, too.”
“That’s not the way it was.”
“Then how was it?”
“He came to Bronte and begged Mamma to come home with him. The friend we were staying with really needed us out, so Mamma packed up and left with him.”
“When was that?”
“Right before school started. I threw a fit because I couldn’t go back to second grade there with all my friends.”
A chill engulfed Celeste’s body despite the two blankets and down comforter. “Who was my father?”
“Mamma went out with a lot of different men. I never knew any names.”
“Why did she and Daddy separate?”
“She was only fifteen when they married. Didn’t even finish school. I remember hearing her tell people how much she’d missed, and that she shouldn’t have married an old man.”
“Was Daddy old?”
“Thirty, I think.”
“So why wouldn’t he have been glad to be rid of me when you married, and Big Ben and Pearl offered to bring me to the ranch?”
“Big Ben said it was his way of getting back at Mamma.”
“They know? Big Ben and Pearl and Ben and everybody knows about me? Knows that I’m…”
Celeste felt her sister’s hand cover her lips. “Don’t you say that, Cece. Don’t you dare say that or even think about it anymore.”
“How can I help thinking about it?”
“I didn’t mean for you to ever know. I shouldn’t have told you.”
“So I’ve just lived with everybody knowing about me except myself?”
“It wasn’t that way, sweetie. We lived here in Sterling City then. That’s how Big Ben and Pearl knew, and maybe a few other people. Daddy got the job in San Angelo and moved us there in February, right before you were born in April.”
“I feel so dirty,” Celeste whispered. “Oh, Sister, I’m not even a real person. I told Kent about Daddy, but I can’t ever tell him about me. Not ever.”
So now I know. It all makes sense now. No wonder Daddy hates me. Only he’s not really my father. I just call him that because I always have. What would Kent think about all this? Would he care? His mother probably would. She sounds like a real prim and proper lady.
The blue velvet curtain filled her dreams. Shimmering in the soft light of the stars, it billowed and beckoned to her, and this time her feet moved toward it. When it parted suddenly, Kent stood there holding out his hand, but when she reached for it, he snatched it away. The curtain fell between them, hiding
him from her sight. She tried to find her way through, but her fingers clawed a solid, unmovable wall. Exhausted, she fell to her knees, weeping and calling Kent’s name, but no sound came from beyond the curtain.
****
As Celeste moved through the end of December and into January, she felt as if she were a stranger to herself, as if the body she lived in didn’t belong to her. Coralee called almost every night for two weeks. “I don’t want to talk about it, Sister. Not now.”
“Don’t say anything to Daddy, Cece. Confronting him would just make things worse.”
“I’m not going to tell him anything.” I never tell him anything. I don’t have anything to say that he wants to hear except “Dinner’s ready” or “Your dry cleaning came.”
“Maybe this is the time to think about getting out on your own.”
“Maybe I will.” Where would I go? I’d have to leave my room with all my things.
“Have you heard from Kent?”
“No.”
“When is the next dance at the Roof Garden?”
“I don’t know. I’m not going anyway.”
“Cece, don’t be that way.”
“Kent would know something was wrong the minute he saw me. We were just getting acquainted, and now I don’t even know who I am.”
“You’re my baby sister, and I love you.”
“But he wouldn’t, if he knew about me.”
“Then he’s not worth your time. Real love doesn’t have anything to do with circumstances.”
“Would Ben have married you if things had been turned around?”
“He said so right out when I told him that you knew.”
“Why did you even tell me?”
“I don’t know. I wish I hadn’t. But Pearl always said you needed to know when you grew up, and maybe she was right. The point is, now you know, and you have to deal with it. Frankly, if it loosens the hold Daddy seems to have on you, it’s a good thing.”
“He doesn’t have a hold on me.”
“Look, sweetie, go to the dance. Wear the silver sandals I bought you for Christmas. Hold up your head and be the same person you’ve always been. Think about the dress and Kent. Think about all the positive things that will make you feel better.”
Celeste didn’t say that nothing could make her feel better right now. After Christmas Eve, she’d even stopped dreaming about the blue velvet curtain.
