She sensed Andrew’s presence and turned around.
‘Fast asleep, both of them,’ he said softly. As he eased himself into the chair opposite, his eyes held hers. ‘And how are you doing?’
Caitlin swallowed hard to hide the swirl of emotions inside her, caused not only by her concern for her sister but also his presence, if the truth were known.
‘I’m fine! Really.’ She forced herself to keep her tone even. ‘Just worried about Brianna. I phoned the hospital but there’s no news. Just that she’s settled and sleeping.’
‘I know you must be worried about Brianna. It’s only natural.’
‘Brianna’s going to be fine,’ she replied firmly, but without warning her throat tightened up and tears that she had been unaware of suddenly threatened to spill. Horrified, Caitlin wiped them away with the back of her hand, not wanting Andrew to see. But it was too late. In one movement he was up and had crossed over to her. He took her in his arms, as she leant into him. She felt safe and secure, and the tears flowed in earnest. ‘I’m sorry,’ she choked into his chest. ‘I’m overtired.’
‘Shh,’ he said. ‘Just let go. For once. You’re entitled to be upset. She’s your sister, for God’s sake.’ Caitlin allowed herself a moment, but then pulled away.
Caitlin shook her head in frustration. ‘The professional side of me knows that it’s probably nothing more sinister than an infection. Horrible as that is, it’s treatable. Besides, Brianna needs me to be strong for the kids—and for her.’ She blew her nose, mortified that he had seen her blubbing like a baby. Instead, to her surprise, Andrew leaned across and took her hand and wrapped it in his.
‘And who is strong for you? Who do you turn to? Because we all need someone to lean on from time to time—even you, Caitlin.’ He said the words softly and she could feel the tears threaten to fall again.
Caitlin tried to pull her hand away, but he held on firmly. ‘I don’t need someone to lean on—I’m not the one going through what Brianna’s going through. I can’t imagine the fear and uncertainty she must be feeling—especially when it comes to Siobhan and Ciaran, not to mention Niall. And even though I’m a doctor, I can’t do one damn thing to help my sister medically.’ She breathed deeply, trying to get her emotions back in check. ‘So the very least I can do is keep myself together for her and her family. It’s what my sister expects of me.’
‘You’re doing your sister an injustice if you think that. You know as well as I do how a serious illness affects not only the patient but all their loved ones too. The patient has the symptoms, but everyone around them is fighting and coping with the disease too. And just because you’re a doctor, it doesn’t mean that you have to be in control all the time.’
‘I know. I know that.’ Caitlin wished he would stop being so sympathetic and understanding and so…near. But, she realised suddenly, it felt so good to be able to talk about Brianna’s illness with someone. Her mother had been here and her dad had refused to talk about it—as if by not mentioning the word ‘cancer’, it didn’t exist. As for her brothers and sisters, they all looked to her for support and reassurance, even though she was the youngest. She was always the sensible, together sibling of the family. She looked up at Andrew, her eyes large in her face. ‘Sometimes I’m so…’ Caitlin hesitated, almost unable to bring herself to say the word.
‘Scared?’ Andrew finished for her.
Caitlin nodded. ‘Terrified.’ She sucked in her breath. ‘Not only for myself if anything happened to my sister, but for her children and her husband. How would they cope? Never mind my parents and the rest of the family. It just doesn’t bear thinking about, but sometimes I can’t help it. Ridiculous, I know, because so far her treatment has gone well and we owe it to her to be as positive as she is.’
Andrew traced his thumb gently down her cheek, wiping the tears away. ‘It’s going to be all right, I promise you.’
Although Caitlin knew that he was only trying to reassure her, she was grateful for the words of comfort. For the first time in her life she wished she could draw on the comfort of someone else. Someone like Andrew. Whatever life had to throw at her, she could face it with him at her side. But there was no use thinking like that. He had made it perfectly clear she wasn’t the woman he wanted. Whatever she thought she saw in his eyes, she was mistaken. She and Andrew could only ever be friends. She would have to make do with that. Not for the first time, she envied Brianna. However terrible and frightening her life was right now, she had Niall to share her fears with. She would never experience the loneliness that had become a permanent feature in her own life almost without her realising.
The crunch of car tyres on gravel interrupted her thoughts. Caitlin jumped up and looked out of the window. Against the dark she could make out the contours of Niall’s car. He must have finished his business early and hoped to surprise Brianna. ‘Oh my God, Niall’s come home early—he can’t see me in such a state. He’ll think something really terrible has happened. What am I going to tell him?’
‘I called him,’ Andrew said calmly. ‘I know Brianna didn’t want me to, but Niall’s a good mate and I know he would never forgive me if I didn’t let him know his wife needed him. Sometimes we have to go against the decisions of our friends.’
For a second, Caitlin was furious. How dared he think he knew better than her what was right for Brianna? But just as quickly she knew he was right. Brianna was trying to protect Niall, but Caitlin knew her brother-in-law well enough to know that he’d never forgive himself if something happened to his beloved wife and he wasn’t there. How was it that Andrew’s intuition as far as her family was concerned was better than hers? She had spent so long cocooned away from real life it seemed as if she had forgotten how to behave.
‘Would you mind meeting him and bringing him up to speed while I go to the bathroom to freshen up?’ she said. ‘Seeing me like this will only scare him half to death.’
CHAPTER NINE
BY THE time Caitlin joined the men in the kitchen, she had got herself back under control again. She kissed her brother-in-law on the cheek and the three of them sat round the kitchen table, discussing Brianna’s condition. Niall had gone straight to the hospital from the airport and had little to add to what the nurses had told Caitlin except that Brianna, after her initial annoyance with Andrew, had been delighted that Niall had come.
‘She says to tell you she’s going to chew your ear off when she next sees you,’ Niall told Andrew. Then he turned to Caitlin. ‘She was relieved it wasn’t you who had told me. She says to tell you she needs someone she can trust not to betray her.’
They discussed Brianna for the next half hour, but there was little either of them could say to really reassure Niall. He looked haggard, Caitlin thought. She could only imagine the toll the last few months had taken on him. What would it be like to be loved the way Niall loved Brianna? she wondered. It seemed to Caitlin as if Niall was doing his best to pretend he believed their optimistic forecast, but she wondered if Niall was doing much the same as she was, hiding his emotions and fears behind a mask of normality. She glanced over at Andrew—perhaps he had comforted his friend in private, the way he had done with her this evening? Despite herself, she felt a rush of affection and gratitude towards Andrew. He had so many layers to him—it was a pity that she would never get to know them all. Because what an intriguing journey that would make!
Eventually Niall changed the subject. ‘Had a lovely visit with your folks in Sydney, Andrew. Guess who was there at the same time? Raffia—the beautiful daughter of your dad’s business partner. You didn’t tell me she’s got brains to boot—a mathematician no less!’ Niall winked. ‘No wonder you’ve been keeping her a closely guarded secret, you sly devil.’
Andrew laughed shortly, holding up his hands. ‘I’ve been doing nothing of the sort, mate. It’s nothing to do with me. It’s our parents who want us to meet.’ He glanced over at Caitlin, looking uncomfortable. ‘We’ll see what happens from there. Maybe she won’t like
what she sees.’
‘As if she wouldn’t—a fine specimen of a man like yourself?’ Niall nudged Caitlin. ‘What do you think? Don’t you agree, Caitlin? She’ll be swooning at his feet.’
Caitlin fought the urge to stalk out the room, horrified that the thought of Andrew holding another woman in his arms filled her with bleak despair. She forced herself to smile. ‘What woman wouldn’t?’ she replied lightly, hoping the two men couldn’t hear the irony in her voice. But their words had brought her to her senses. Once her time in Australia was up, and Brianna was well again, she would be going back to Ireland. And to her old life, where she belonged.
* * *
Thankfully, Caitlin’s initial instincts and diagnosis had been right and with a short dose of IV antibiotics Brianna was discharged home from hospital after a couple of days. Once again, life returned to its normal routine, although Brianna was still weak. Caitlin worked a full day, then rushed home to help with the children. After they were in bed, Brianna usually went too, leaving an exhausted Caitlin to drag herself off to bed.
At the end of the week, reassured that he was no longer needed, Andrew left on his two-week holiday to see his folks in Sydney. Caitlin missed seeing him around the hospital and couldn’t stop herself from thinking about him down in Sydney with the gorgeous mathematician. No doubt he’d be wining and dining her and checking out her credentials as a possible mother of his children, she thought bitterly, before reminding herself for the umpteenth time that that was exactly why he was wrong for her. However, as the days passed, she couldn’t stop her heart skipping a beat at the thought that in a day or two she’d be seeing Andrew again.
Between the hospital and Bri, Caitlin was kept busy and was surprised to be paged one day by Dr Sommerville. Her initial flutter of anxiety that the oncologist was phoning with bad news about Brianna was soon dispelled.
‘Dr O’Neill,’ Antonia said sternly. ‘Have you forgotten you have an appointment to see me?’
Caitlin had completely forgotten. Everything that had happened over the last week or so had pushed it out of her mind.
‘Would you mind if we reschedule?’ she said.
‘Are you in the middle of something?’
Caitlin glanced down at the cup of coffee she was holding in her hand. She had seen all her patients and her theatre list wasn’t due to start for another hour. The nurse she had been chatting to was within earshot, so Caitlin could hardly lie.
‘I’m on my way down right now,’ she said, resigned. Her appointment would only take a few minutes and at least it would keep Brianna happy.
But it seemed as she lay on the examination couch, having her breasts examined, that she had misjudged Antonia. The doctor was obviously determined to be thorough. As Caitlin lifted her arms and answered the older woman’s questions about her medical history, she let her mind drift to the patients she had scheduled for later.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Antonia frowning down at her. ‘There’s a lump here,’ she said. ‘It’s probably nothing but, given your history, I think we should investigate it to be on the safe side. I’d like to do a fine-needle biopsy and send you for a mammogram. Is there any chance you might be pregnant?’
Caitlin’s mind was whirling. A lump? She hadn’t been aware of anything. Her breasts were usually a little lumpy. Especially around the time of her period. And then just as quickly the thought hit her like a bolt of lightning. But she had missed her period. She was at least five days late. Was it possible that she could be pregnant?
Aware that Antonia was waiting for a reply while she unwrapped the needle she would be using to draw fluid from the lump, Caitlin thought frantically. She’d been on the Pill when she had slept with Andrew. But she had been sick the night she’d returned, and she more than most knew that it could mean she had no longer been protected. And she was never late! She was as regular as clockwork. Perhaps the anxiety over Bri had made her late? But she was beginning to develop a hollow feeling. She had been feeling nauseous the last couple of mornings. It was entirely possible she was pregnant, regardless of how much she wanted to believe otherwise.
‘There’s a small chance I might be pregnant,’ she admitted. ‘So until I know for sure, I think we should leave the mammogram.’
Antonio looked at her sharply, but otherwise said nothing. She inserted the needle into the lump and Caitlin grimaced as she withdrew some fluid.
‘You can get dressed now,’ Antonio said. ‘We should have the results for you quite quickly—hopefully by Monday, Tuesday at the latest. I know it’s not great to have to wait even a couple of days, but I’ll phone you as soon as I have them.’ She looked at Caitlin and must have recognised the stunned expression. ‘Why don’t I leave you here for a while?’ she said sympathetically. ‘It will give you a bit of time and privacy before you go back to work.’ Caitlin nodded mutely and Antonia left her to her thoughts.
Dazed, all Caitlin could think about was the chance she might be pregnant or could have cancer. Either prospect was almost too much to contemplate but together? What if she was pregnant and had breast cancer? She knew that treatment for breast cancer was incompatible with pregnancy. And if she did require treatment there was every chance it would make the chances of her ever falling pregnant again remote.
Now that the chances of having children seemed about to be snatched away, Caitlin felt bereft. It was one thing not planning to have children, it was quite another having that decision taken out of her hands.
And if she was pregnant with Andrew’s child, how did she feel about that? How would he feel about that? Should she even tell him?
Slow down, she told herself. Think it through calmly one step at a time.
Firstly, she told herself, she needed to take a pregnancy test. She would find one down in the clinic. But the last thing she wanted was to draw attention to herself. No, she would stop at the pharmacy on the way home. She would have to wait until that evening before she could take the test. And as for the possibility that the lump Antonia had found was more than a benign cyst? Well, she would just have to wait for the results of that test too. There was no point in worrying about something that might never happen. She would just need to keep herself busy, which shouldn’t be difficult, bearing in mind her busy schedule over the next few days. Then the scientist part of her brain told her that once she had all the facts, then she could decide what to do. Right now she had a job to do, and her patients needed her to be focussed. There would be time later to make decisions.
Caitlin looked at the blue line on the stick and knew her instincts had been correct. She was pregnant. Good going, she thought wryly, for a consultant obstetrician to find herself with an unplanned pregnancy. Surely she of all people could have avoided this? But she hadn’t been thinking straight lately. First her concern for Brianna and then her feelings for Andrew had sent her usually ordered mind spinning in all directions. And now that she was faced with the consequences, what was she going to do?
In her head she worked out the dates and how far along her pregnancy was. Although she wasn’t far advanced at all she could imagine exactly how the foetus would look at this stage, and she felt the first stirring of protectiveness deep inside her. But she wasn’t ready to be a mother. She had her future to think of, her career. Life as a single mother didn’t fit into those plans. She shook her head. If the result of the needle biopsy was positive and she needed chemotherapy, she would have to consider terminating the pregnancy anyway. Either that, or not have the treatment and allow the cancer to progress, which it would do more rapidly feeding on the hormones that would be surging around her blood. But although the rational part of her said a termination was a straightforward procedure, something inside of her balked at the idea. How on earth had she, of all people, managed to get herself into this mess?
Brianna tapped on the bathroom door. ‘Dinner’s ready, Cat.’
Caitlin knew she couldn’t stay in the bathroom much longer. Brianna would guess that something was up, and she
didn’t want to worry her sister. Not when she already had so much on her plate. She wrapped the test in a piece of screwed-up paper and hid it in her pocket. She’d dispose of it later in one of the outside bins. Somehow she’d have to get through the weekend, pretending everything was okay.
But Caitlin had underestimated her sister’s perceptiveness. All through Saturday she could feel Brianna’s speculative eyes on her and, sure enough, in the evening, while Niall was putting the children to bed, Caitlin found herself cornered.
‘Let’s take our tea onto the veranda,’ Brianna suggested. They sat on the swing seat in companionable silence for a few moments, enjoying the cool evening breeze after the heat of the day. Caitlin was even getting used to the flying ants.
‘I have some good news.’ Brianna smiled. ‘The results of the gene screen came back negative. I know it doesn’t mean Siobhan will never get breast cancer, but the odds are more in her favour.’
‘I’m so happy for you, Bri. It must be a load off your mind.’ Caitlin hugged her sister. It meant that she herself was less likely to have the gene. However, not having the gene didn’t mean she didn’t have cancer. But she couldn’t tell Brianna now, when she looked as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It just wouldn’t be fair.
‘What is it, Caitlin?’ Brianna eventually ventured. ‘You’re not taking my news with your usual “I told you so.” I get the feeling something’s up. Is it work? Are you needed back in Ireland? Do you want to go home? Is it Andrew? Something’s bothering you for sure. So give.’
Hired: GP and Wife / The Playboy Doctor's Surprise Proposal Page 29
