by Eli Constant
Peters and O’Toole found me, too early, fork halfway to my mouth. So much for enjoying breakfast. Not that the food was terribly enjoyable this time. I never understood grits and I was reared in the South. They were warm though and gave my stomach a satisfyingly full feeling.
Megan was using the grits to mold a little snow man.
“Megan, stop playing with your food and eat.” Kara sat on my lap. I alternately fed myself and her. She didn’t really like the taste, but I’d mixed in some of the remaining formula and she tolerated the gritty cereal. By tolerated, I mean she only spit up every other bite. One out of two ain’t bad.
“Morning, Elise.” Peters sat down across from me. O’Toole muttered his own version of a greeting and sat down next to Peters. I wanted to take back the offer of informality and revert to Mrs. Swanson. Close familiarity with these men? I did not want.
I could never have anticipated how much my feelings toward the doctors would change in the near future.
“Good morning.” I nodded at them and went back to spooning soupy grits into Kara’s resistant mouth. My tone was only slightly curt. Bully for me.
Jason, Michael, and Allison sat nearby eating their own breakfasts. I didn’t even want to look at Jason.
When I’d gotten back to our room last night, Jason had been waiting for me. I’d given him the details about my visit to the NORAD shop of horrors.
Then we’d had an argument.
He saw advantages to controlling the undergrounders, thought the idea had potential. He could even fathom a world with humans and humanoids living in peace, like little angels. Another person to add to my growing idiot list.
I’d gone to bed angry and the girls and I had left for breakfast before he was awake. Michael had asked what was wrong, but I shook off his question and shot him a dismissive ‘see ya later.’
Allison had looked at me funny, but didn’t say anything. Strange. When I’d first met Allison, she’d seemed delicate, fragile, and she’d definitely been no help navigating a dangerous landscape. Now, she seemed more capable. She was coming out of her shell and I was glad that Allison’s confidence shift didn’t include a penchant for nosiness.
Jason was interested in learning more about the experiments, I was not. But he was a mechanic and I was a scientist. Some people have all the fun.
I took a bite of grits, chewing slowly, deliberately. Jason watched the doctors and me. We were at a standstill. Morning greetings had been exchanged and there were no more niceties to dissipate the ill feelings lingering from my lab visit.
We sat in an awkward silence, only broken by the intermittent sounds of chewing and swallowing… and Kara’s giggles when she spit up a mouthful of grits.
I hoped the doctors’ lengthening silences indicated that they weren’t going to push me into a decision. My stomach wasn’t quite full. Mother always said: only make big decisions on a full stomach.
Wars could be avoided if leaders would pause for a fluffy mocha mousse or a delicate petit four or maybe something more substantial- rack of lamb and mint jelly? But my hopes were dashed when O’Toole set his spoon down and looked at me pointedly. Ugh.
There was a price to pay for this new, cushy setting. But all the hot showers in the world weren’t going to make me feel clean again. Betray God to uplift my children? Fair trade.
“Elise, we’d appreciate your attendance at our 1020 meeting, conference room two in the Science wing.” The words were an invitation, but the tone implied ultimatum. He was such a condescending jerk-off. Funny how I was considering falling in love with him just mere hours ago.
I slowly and deliberately sat down my own spoon. It made a metallic clink against the steel, cafeteria table. The sound was a pleasant counterpoint to O’Toole’s condescension.
“Such a nicely worded ‘invitation,’ Doctor. How can I possible decline?” My voice was agreeable enough- held the proper degree of enthusiasm. I’m sure my body language read differently though.
“Great. We look forward to your input on the next project stage.”
“I look forward to inputting my foot in your ass.” I mumbled under my breath.
“Yes, Elise? Did you want to say something else?” O’Toole stared at me, expectantly.
“No, Sir. I’m just peachy.” I gave him my most simpering, placating smile. He gave me an odd look, but seemed appeased. Megan tapped me lightly on the arm.
“Mom, what are we doing today?”
“Well, sweetheart. I thought you and Kara might like to go to the entertainment room and meet the other kids. Tomorrow you’ll have to join the older kids in the school room.” I glanced at Allison. “Allison, if I’m not back by noon, would you mind taking the girls to lunch and watching them after?” Allison smiled at me and then turned to the girls.
“I would love to! We can read and draw! I’ve never had little sisters before. I had a brother once…” Her expression went from enthusiastic to very sad.
Michael’s arm went around her body and he gave her a tight squeeze. She leaned into him, her head against his shoulder. I shot Jason a sideways glance. His shoulders looked pretty comfy… yep, pre-tty comfy. He caught me looking. I felt a warmth rise in my face. Really wish I didn’t blush so easily. And damn it, I was mad at him.
After breakfast, while trying to find the entertainment room, the girls and I ran into Lieutenant McDowell.
“Morning Lieutenant. This is a convenient coincidence. Don’t suppose you can point us in the direction of puberty, crude humor, and general shenanigans?”
“Looking for more kids I’m guessing.” He directed the statement at my girls. I was beginning to like this guy. He seemed to have core goodness. And on the plus side, he hadn’t threatened me since I’d gotten here. I couldn’t say the same for the respectable doctors, who were very, very low on my likeability list. I was dreading that 1020 meeting.
“Kids! Kids!” Kara jumped up and down. “Momma, play?” Her speech was really improving. She was tugging my sleeve. She was at a stage where she wanted, what she wanted, and until she got it, she yanked.
“Kara, I’ve told you not to pull on my sleeve. It is rude.” She dropped her hand and stood very still.
“Momma, play…pease?” Her please was so cute- long and a tad whiney, the word marred by a slight lisp. Her eyes were all big and doughy and pleading.
“Of course, but we have to find the other kids first. Megan, you’re being awfully quiet. Everything okay?” Megan was standing slightly behind me. When I spoke her name, she scooted forwards a bit. Her eyes were trained on McDowell and paired with her unease; I began to wonder about him. Maybe my radar was off. Maybe he wasn’t as good a guy as I thought.
It could be that Megan was just intimidated though and she truly was cautious by nature. I mean, McDowell was a decent sized guy, but one thing about kids and animals: If their instincts say ‘bad,’ you better listen. It’s like God instilled in them an instinctual tool for protection.
My grandmother always said pets and children saw ghosts too. I’d always thought she was a crazy old loon… until something altered my viewpoint.
Megan had been about 18 months old at that time. We’d visited Nana at ‘Spring Brook Assisted Living’ twice a week back then. I’d been reading Nana’s favorite book. For the life of me, I can’t remember what it was. That was going to bug me until I remembered. Damn. There’s something so depressing about time and forgetfulness.
As I’d been reading, Megan had been sitting on the floor playing with Nana’s stuffed animals. Nana had quite a few- collected over Christmases and Valentines.
Out of nowhere, Megan started giggling and clapping and gazing over at the right side of the room. When I’d asked her what was so funny, she’d pointed. I can still remember the sound of her child’s gibberish; I’d known what she was trying to say.
“Funny man!”
“What man sweetheart?”
“Momma! Look!” She kept pointing and laughing.
“What’s his
name, sweetheart?” Megan went very still and silent. Then just as seriously she’d responded.
“Jo-ey… Kasto… it too hard momma.” And then- as if nothing had happened- she’d begun playing with the toys again.
I hadn’t known what to think. I was turning back to the book when Nana’s words stopped me in my tracks.
“Sweet Megan, is it Joseph Kastowski?
“Nana! You see!”
“No sweetheart… no.” Nana waited until Megan was occupied… engrossed past the point of listening, then she turned to me. “Joseph Kastowski used to live in the apartment across the hall. He died last night.”
Nana had looked at me, as if willing me to leave my skepticism behind. I had. And ever since, I’d never doubted the power of a child’s intuition.
The Lieutenant chatted with the girls and led us down hallways back towards the residential area. Despite Megan’s hesitation, I decided McDowell really couldn’t be that bad.
Kara took to him readily, smiling at him and periodically reaching for him. When McDowell led us into the fun room, I was taken aback at the government’s idea of ‘entertainment.’
The walls were lined with older arcade games. The center of the room had two ping pong tables, a chess table and a shuffle board.
“What’s through that door?” I pointed at the far left corner.
“Oh, that’s the movie room. We don’t have a ton of DVDs that are kid friendly, but we make do.”
“Wow. I have to admit, when you said ‘fun room,’ I was expecting a few chairs and box of board games.”
“Trust me; kids aren’t the only humans in need of mindless entertainment. The big kids-” and he pointed at himself “-come in here after hours and blow off steam. I’m sure you’ll be amazed to learn the government gets boring too, Mrs. Swanson.” He smiled at me and the smile seemed genuine.
Still, there was something not-so-typical government about a 3,000 square foot space dedicated to pinball.
“Mom?” Megan was looking hopefully at a group of kids at the shuffle board table. They looked about her age, maybe older. I said ‘sure’ and pushed Megan towards them.
She looked back shyly and I urged her forward with a small smile. She grinned and skipped away. I didn’t really see any toddlers. Kara was pulling away from my body impatiently, but I wasn’t quite ready to give up my hold.
The Lieutenant chuckled at the enthusiastic kid in my arms.
“Don’t worry, Kara. I know just the place for you.” Kara pushed hard against my body and reached for him. Ignoring the slight twinge of distrust, I let her jump from my arms into his.
McDowell turned away from the sounds of games and chattering and walked towards a door in the room that I’d not noticed. McDowell double knocked on the door. A middle-aged woman opened it and gave Kara a big, bright grin.
“Hello there! Would you like to come in and play?” Kara pulled out of the Lieutenant’s arms. She was surprising me today, reaching for McDowell and now this strange person. I walked through the door, following my daughter and the woman.
The room was tiny compared to the huge room we’d left behind. It was adequate though for the seven youngsters playing on the floor. The woman sat Kara down next to a boy playing with ABC blocks.
The woman then turned to me with her hand already extended in introduction.
“Hi. I’m Donna. I’m just one of the moms here, but they needed someone to care for the little ones.”
She reminded me of my older sister. Kara was named after her. For all I knew, Kara’s name was all that survived of my sibling.
I surveyed the rest of the room. It was the same clinical color as the rest of the facility, but someone had made the effort to try and paint bright flowers and core vocabulary words. The toys weren’t new, but looked clean. The floor was covered in a soft shag, area rug and there were three cribs against the back wall.
“This is nice… did you decorate?”
“It’s not much, but you try finding anything other than black and olive green paint around this place.” She laughed. It was a nice laugh. “I was lucky. One of the NORAD scientists paints for a hobby and one of the marines brought back the toys after a raid in Seattle.”
“How do you handle the no diaper and formula situation?”
“Ah… well, we ran out about three weeks ago and we can’t get the clearance or man power to send out for another supply collection. I’m hoping in the next few weeks… Anyway, we’ve been making do with safety pins and shop towels. As for formula, thankfully, none of the kids are younger than twelve months. It’s hard to put them on solids without transition bottles, but we’re making it work.”
“Okay. Maybe you can hook me up with some of those shop towels? And any food purees… we tried grits this morning. Not a winner.”
“How old is she?” Donna looked at Kara appraisingly.
“She’s a little over two years old now. I know she should be fully on solids, but formula was just easier. I could pick up bottles, formula and, bottled water along the road. I couldn’t stop to feed her often and she could hold her own bottle… it was just easier.” Jeez. I needed to stop.
I didn’t have to make excuses or justify my child rearing. I kept my children alive. Screw anyone who had a problem with the ‘how’ of that survival.
Donna understood though, assuaging my feelings of inadequacy.
“I can imagine it was hard. I was lucky- lived in Seattle and was still close by when the government sent out the coordinates. I’ve been here longer than most of the civilians.”
She bent down and handed Kara the ‘K’ block. Kara smiled and said ‘K’ very softly.
“Good job, sweetheart.” Donna said. She handed Kara the ‘L’ block. Kara screamed ‘L’ and waited for praise. We just laughed. Then Kara decided to scream ‘L’ again. We all managed to keep straight faces this time, discouraging more screaming.
I turned to McDowell.
“So, do the girls stay here while I go to my super fun, mandatory meeting in the science wing?”
“Yep. Most parents contribute daily to different sections of the facility operation. Megan won’t attend classes until tomorrow. Basically, consider this our resident K through 12. We also offer after school programs if you have to work late.” He winked at me.
“Business as usual.” I said. Grim voice, grimmer attitude.
I hugged Kara, kissing her freckles. I waved goodbye to Megan. She was lying on the floor with another girl. They were sharing a book and reading together. I walked out of the entertainment room, glancing wistfully through the small window.
I reluctantly headed towards the science wing. I tried to make up excuses, think of some way to get out of the dread meeting, but no dice. I came up with some zingers, but nothing plausible.
I was still iffy with navigating the hallways, but McDowell made the directions pretty straight forward.
The meeting had already started when I arrived. Peters smiled, O’Toole pointed at a seat next to himself. His expression was unabashedly disapproving. I gave him my patented: “Eat shit and die” look. I meant it sweetly- the level of sweet that makes you sick to your stomach, perilously close to retching. Yeah, that kind of sweet.
I sat in the chair. It made a whooshing sound underneath me. Great. Not only was I tardy, now everyone thought I’d passed gas. It would have been more embarrassing to deny it than ignore it, so I shifted and started listening.
The woman speaking was science-sexy. Her hair was swept back in a low ponytail, her glasses black rimmed, her outfit unrevealing. Men lied when they claimed to like the goods all on display.
A little mystery seasons the meat.
“… subsequent failures have caused our supervisors to suggest we shift our research focus. We will continue the behavioral drugs, but that will no longer be our research focus. Our new strides will be greatly facilitated by the addition to our team- Mrs. Swanson.” The woman, her voice deep and sultry, pointed at me.
“Mrs. Swanso
n has worked on the forefront of mechanical engineering for manipulation of the human brain. In short, she and her team at Advanced Bioengineering and Technology succeeded in fusing a modified radio wave receptor device to the core control system of the common house rodent. We are confident Mrs. Swanson can lead us to success. Mrs. Swanson would you like to elaborate?”
I absolutely did not want to elaborate and address a group of strangers. I’d worked full time for my company for two years before switching to consultation, but I’d spent all my time with my eyes glued to a telescope fusing together tiny mechanics, not putting the mechanics to the test.
My consultant work after Megan’s birth had been even more limited. A month before the beginning of our life surviving on the road, the AB&T research team had been able to guide twenty out of twenty-five implanted, untrained mice through a labyrinth. I could replicate the mechanics and I knew the method of implantation…
I was so not qualified to lead anything.
A hard nudge against my chair sent me rising to a standing position. Feeling like I had ten pairs of eyes burning into my back, I walked to the front of the room. I shifted nervously, licking my lips before speaking.
“Firstly, I want to qualify the following information. I was a lucrative part of the preparation team, but once the project progressed to animal trials, I was only consulting several hours a week. I understood most of the research and had full access to notes and results, but I had minimal hands on. Um…”
I shifted, rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet.
“I can build the basic mechanics you need. It’s going to be a trial and error process. We’re going from my specific experience with small mammals to a derivative of human anatomy. Of course, everyone in this room knows that rodents are utilized in research because of their similarity to humans so it may not be a huge jump.” I smiled; the gesture was small and nervous.
“We should be able to make the transition facilitated by my knowledge base of the project combined with all that’s been learned about the humanoids in this facility. I can offer, at this point, to type up everything I remember about the project and the materials needed to build the micro-transmitters and remote circuits.” I cleared my throat uncomfortably.
