It was finished? Already? How the hell could that be?
Had she trucked the thing in on a double-wide trailer?
Driven by sheer curiosity, he pushed the screen door open and went outside. It was nearly dinner time, and no one was left at the site as far as he could tell, so he crossed the property, savoring the feel of the fresh air against his skin. The evening was still warm, but there was a slight chill in the air thanks to the trees that filtered the sun at this time of day.
He took a deep breath, and when he felt himself starting to tense up a bit, he exhaled and imagined himself blowing away all the negative thoughts and feelings.
Crazy as it sounded, it worked.
The cabin managed to look hip, modern and utterly at home in its redwood setting. He had to hand it to Emmy, she did great design work. It reminded him of the little sketches she’d done in college of the affordable green homes she’d wanted to build. And, true to her dream, here she was, doing it.
He felt a surge of pride in his chest for her.
And then, almost immediately, an odd feeling of loss. Because she didn’t belong to him, and he had no reason to feel proud of her.
Back when they were together, he’d envisioned himself supporting her in her goals, seeing her work toward her successes, both personal and professional, being there to comfort her when she faced disappointments and to celebrate with her when she achieved even the smallest accomplishments.
And now he stood outside of her dreams looking in.
But if he’d learned anything these past few years, it was that life didn’t deliver what he expected. It didn’t deliver what he wanted, and it didn’t deliver what he dreamed of. It only gave him the mysterious twists and turns of fate, which, as far as he could tell, had no conscience and no sense of fairness either.
He walked around the perimeter of the small house, admiring its simplicity, and he remembered how he’d once imagined himself a writer, holed away in his little garret, typing out word by arduous word the Great American Novel.
And only then did it strike him that at least in this one way, his dreams had sort of come true. Against all odds, he was here, he was alive and he was a writer. Maybe he wasn’t writing any great American novel, but he was writing what was in his heart, and if he could ever finish the damn book, he believed what he had to say would change, even if just a tiny bit, the way his readers saw the world.
He couldn’t think of anything more a writer could hope for.
When he neared the front door of the cabin, he heard voices, and he could see that the door was ajar. His stomach balled up with anxiety.
Emmy and Max were standing just inside, and Emmy held a picnic basket and a blanket. She placed the basket on the floor, then spread out the blanket as if they were about to have a picnic.
“Hello,” he forced himself to call out, because he had to ask her how she’d managed to erect the house so fast.
Emmy turned and saw him. She was smiling, and her face was a little flushed. “Oh hey, Aidan. Come in and check the place out!”
“I don’t want to interrupt—”
“Don’t be silly. You’re welcome to join us. We’re just about to have a little celebratory picnic. Our first meal in our new home.”
He stepped in the front door and looked around. “It sure went up fast. How’d you do it?”
“Sips,” Max said.
“What?”
“He means S-I-P-S, also known as structural insulated panels,” Emmy said. “It’s a form of prefab architecture that allows homes to be built quickly and affordably, and provides some advantages over stick-built houses.”
“Interesting. Like what?”
“The finished building is more airtight, for one thing, which is important here under the redwoods where it gets so damp and cold in winter. They’re easier to heat and cool.”
“And quicker to build.”
“Yes. There are environmental advantages, too, but I’m still working through some of that, trying to find low-formaldehyde suppliers and lowest-impact materials.”
Aidan watched her talking with such enthusiasm, and he saw that she was truly in her element, doing what she loved most.
“I’m really happy with how it’s turned out. The construction had a few hang-ups, since this was the crew’s first experience using the panels, but I sent them to training for it, and next time we work together, it will go more smoothly.”
It was easy to see how happy she was. She positively glowed.
“Can I take a look around?”
“Sure, let me give you a tour,” she said. “This room we’re in now is the living and dining area. And in here,” she said, leading him into the next room, “will be the kitchen. It’s all quite small, as you can see. I’m trying to demonstrate that when space is efficiently used, we don’t need much in the way of square footage.”
She led him next into the three bedrooms and the bathroom. All the rooms were, as she said, small, but they were also very light, full of windows that looked out at the trees, and the overall effect was a sense of spaciousness, in spite of the fact that the place was probably no more than eight hundred square feet.
“I like how all the rooms have skylights,” Aidan said. “It keeps everything nice and light.”
“Yeah, I wanted to avoid the whole dark, dank feel of a lot of the houses that are built in the redwoods.
“And the skylights will help create a sort of visual balance with the solar panels that will be installed on the roof to take advantage of the hours when we do get direct sunlight.”
“I’m impressed,” he said as they came back into the living room.
One wall of the room was nearly all sliding glass doors that would open onto a deck, which hadn’t been built yet.
“We’ll have a deck here and off the master bedroom and office, as well,” she said, following his line of thinking.
“What kind of floors will you put in?”
“Bamboo throughout, to keep things as sustainable as possible. This is going to be the model home for my business.”
“So when someone wants you to build a house for them, they’ll get a tour of yours first?”
“Yes. I intend to have about seven designs total, once I’m fully up and running. But at first I’m going to be working with three house models—this one, a two-bedroom version and a one-bedroom version.”
“The others will be pretty much like this one?”
“Yes, for now. To keep things affordable, I’m trying to make it all as prefab as possible. Whatever can be produced in a factory at spec will ultimately be faster and cheaper than a custom home built on site.”
He could feel the passion in her voice, and it made him want to be a part of it. He wanted to see her looking that excited about him, and not just a house.
As soon as the thought formed in his head, he realized how selfish it was, but he couldn’t make the feeling go away.
So when she asked him again if he’d join them for dinner, he couldn’t help saying yes.
Max had gone out into the woods to play, and Emmy called him back in to eat.
Aidan sat on the blanket and helped Emmy arrange the food, plates and utensils. She’d brought what looked like risotto with asparagus, a salad and sourdough bread, reminding Aidan of something he’d nearly forgotten about Emmy—that she was a vegetarian. He’d always loved that she couldn’t eat meat because of a pet rabbit she’d had as a kid that her father had incessantly made jokes about cooking for dinner, even though it drove him a little nuts that she could be counted on never to cook a steak for dinner.
She produced a bottle of sparkling cider, and poured a cup for each of them.
Max finally came inside, out of breath, with his clothes full of pine needles.
“Go back out and dust yourself off, you little forest creature,” Emmy said to him, and he did as he was told.
When they were finally all sitting together, she lifted her cup. “A toast, to new beginnings,” she said.
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“Cheers to that,” Aidan said.
“Cheers,” Max added awkwardly, following his example.
Emmy’s gaze lingered on Aidan a little longer than necessary, and for the first time since she’d come back into his life, he got the tiniest sense that she desired him, not just as a lover, but as something more. She was looking at him as though she was genuinely happy to have him there.
No, he was reading too much into it. She turned her attention to serving the risotto and the rest of the food, and Aidan helped. Max produced a small rock from his pocket.
“What do you have there?” Aidan asked the kid.
“It’s onyx, I think.” But as soon as his plate was full of food, he lost interest in the rock and set about shoveling food into his mouth as fast as he could eat it.
“Slow down a little,” his mother warned him.
Aidan tried the risotto and found it delicious. It was the first time he’d had a good home-cooked meal in months. He didn’t bother to cook anything fancy for himself, and he hadn’t exactly had a busy social calendar lately either.
Sitting on the blanket in Emmy’s new home eating dinner, Aidan was struck by a feeling of…What? Belonging? He didn’t. But he couldn’t help imagining how things might have been if this were his family, and if Emmy were his woman.
Was this what having a family felt like? This sense of comfortable intimacy?
“Dare I ask how your book is going?” Emmy said, breaking the silence.
Aidan smiled a weak smile. “It’s okay, you can ask. It’s not going too badly, to tell the truth. The therapy sessions have helped. Thank you for pushing me toward seeing Dr. Cormier.”
“Mom, I’m done, can I go back out and play now?”
They looked down at the kid’s plate, and it was indeed empty.
Emmy shook her head in exasperation. “What about dessert?”
“I’ll eat it later. There’s an owl outside in the trees. I want to go see if it’s still there.”
Aidan had the sudden urge to follow Max and help him look for owls. He hadn’t ever tried to interact with the kid, and part of him felt ashamed of that. He was beginning to see now though that it was mostly his anxiety and depression that had kept him wanting to stay isolated from everyone, including Max.
“Okay, don’t wander too far.”
She watched the kid leave, then said to Aidan, “God, I sound like such a mom now, don’t I?”
“It suits you well.”
She shrugged. “I do love being a mother. It’s harder than I thought it would be, but it’s also better than I imagined, too.”
“He seems to be happy here,” Aidan said. “I think you made a good move for him.”
Emmy smiled. “Yeah, I knew he’d love getting away from the city. He’s always been such a nature lover, just like his dad.”
Aidan tensed at the mention of Steven, whom he mostly tried to pretend didn’t exist. But he knew that wasn’t really the healthiest way to deal with the issue.
“I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to hear about Steven, I know.”
He forced himself to ask, “Was it a difficult divorce?”
She nodded. “I don’t think there’s any such thing as an easy divorce, but having a child involved made it harder, because Max couldn’t begin to understand what was going on. He just wanted both parents together and happy.”
“I remember feeling the same when my parents split, but really, as an adult, I can see that what happened was for the best.”
“Sure,” Emmy said quietly.
“And look at how wonderfully I turned out,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood. He never could stand to see Emmy looking sad.
Especially not today, when she had something so big to celebrate.
“So the therapy is helping, you think?”
“I’ve only had three sessions, but yeah, she seems like a good therapist, and I’ve been feeling a little more in control of my emotions and anxiety since she had me start keeping a journal.”
“And you’re sitting here right now. That’s big.”
He shrugged. “How could I not come outside to see this architectural marvel?”
She threw a piece of bread at him, which bounced off his shoulder and landed on the blanket. “Don’t make fun of my little house.”
“No, seriously, I’m amazed. It’s a work of art, and it’s great to see you living out your dreams.”
“Yeah, a little late, and a little sidetracked, but here we are.”
We. She’d said we.
As if she realized belatedly how she might have sounded, she looked at the floor and blushed.
“Anyway,” she said, rushing to fill the silence. “Thank you for the compliment. I’m probably a little insecure about the cabin because my entire income will hinge on it being well-received by potential buyers.”
“I think you’ve got the start of a successful business.”
She looked at him, and he could see the vulnerability in her eyes then. He’d never have thought of her as vulnerable before. Not Emmy, who’d always gotten everything she ever wanted, far as he could tell. Spoiled by her parents, loved by teachers, adored by men and successful in her corporate career, it didn’t seem all that likely to him that she’d fail now.
But her fear was understandable. Going into business for oneself had to be scary, especially with a kid depending on her.
He wished there was some way he could help her feel more secure about the venture, but he knew there wasn’t, and she wouldn’t want his help anyway. Instead, he helped her clean up the remains of the picnic. Then he thought of Max again, and he knew what he had to do.
“I’m going to go find that boy of yours and help him hunt for owls, if you don’t mind,” Aidan said.
Emmy seemed surprised, but she shrugged. “Sure, go for it.”
So he left the cabin and walked quietly through the woods, paying attention to the in and out of his breathing as he went. Staying calm, imagining himself one of the creatures of the forest. Finally he spotted Max hunkered down staring up into the canopy of the trees.
“See something?” he whispered.
“Yeah,” Max whispered back, pointing at a small owl perched on a branch above.
Aidan watched the bird with him, until the owl took off silently in search of prey, its wings spread wide. And he felt a little like the bird at that moment, stretching his wings, trying to find the parts of himself he’d lost somewhere along the way.
MAX THOUGHT it was weird how the neighbor pirate hardly came outside at all, but now he was hunched down next to him, acting all interested in the owl.
But sometimes grown-ups acted strange, and he figured pirates were probably even stranger than most grown-ups. He looked over at Aidan, when the owl was out of sight, and he thought of a bunch of questions he wanted to ask him now that the older man wasn’t hiding in the cabin.
“How come you’re outside?” he decided to ask first.
Aidan didn’t even give him a mean look. He sort of smiled, which Max was pretty sure was the first time he’d seen the man look even a little bit happy.
“I wanted to see the owl,” he said.
“Oh.”
“How come you’re outside?” Aidan asked back, which was kind of a dumb question, Max thought.
“Because I wanted to see the owl.”
“Pretty cool house your mom built for you, huh?”
Max shrugged. “I’d rather live outside, or maybe in a tree house.”
“I bet your mom will build you a tree house if you ask her. She’s pretty good at that kind of stuff. I could even help, maybe.”
Max thought about this for a minute. “But you don’t like us. Why would you help?”
The man frowned. “Why do you think I don’t like you?”
“Because you want us to leave, and you never come outside.”
“Is that what your mom told you?”
Max shook his head.
The pirate was quiet for a while
. He picked a stick off the ground and twirled it between his fingers.
He finally said, “I’ve been sad for a long time, and that made me act kind of…mean, I guess, and made me not want to leave my cabin. But it had nothing to do with you or your mom.”
“Oh.”
“It’s kind of nice to have you guys around, to be honest. Do you know that in all the time I’ve been here, this is the first time I’ve seen an owl. I would never have seen one if you hadn’t pointed it out to me.”
Max found a stick of his own and used it to draw in the soft dirt at his feet. He drew a pirate ship with a sail on it.
“You really like pirate stuff, don’t you?” Aidan asked him.
“I guess. I like the Pirates of the Caribbean movie. My mom said I was too young to watch it, but my grandpa let me see it anyway.”
“Have you found any good treasure lately?”
Max nodded. “I know you’re probably not really a pirate,” he said. “But you kind of look like Captain Jack Sparrow.”
Aidan laughed. “Yeah, me and Johnny Depp, we’re practically twins.”
“Huh?”
“Oh, nothing. Lame joke.”
Grown-ups were so weird.
“Sometimes I like to make stuff up, is all. That’s why I said you’re a pirate, even though I always sort of knew you weren’t one.”
“Maybe you’ll grow up to be a writer.”
“Like you?”
“Yeah, but you’ll be a much better writer than I am.”
“Yeah,” Max said. “I will. I’m already writing my first book, and it’s really good.”
Aidan looked like he wanted to smile but was trying not to.
“Hey, I was wondering,” he said. “If maybe you’d like to go out on a nature walk with me some time.”
Max shrugged. “Sure,” he said, kind of like he didn’t really care. But inside, his belly felt like it was getting really full of butterflies flapping their wings. He really, really wanted to go on a nature walk with Aidan. He could also feel his face kind of burning, like it did the time his mom caught him stealing cookies out of the cabinet.
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