by Connie Monk
‘Yes,’ he whispered, ‘I’m away for the night, away from everything that keeps me from you. We have hours; no one to disturb us, nothing to come between us. I’ve been waiting for you, thinking of you. I want to know every inch of your beautiful body.’
‘I want it too. Everything. It’s so right, so perfect.’ For surely when they had made love it had been the most wonderful thing she had ever experienced. And tonight it would be like that again. Her evening at the farm with Bella was forgotten; there was nothing except these hours.
In the darkness they went up the narrow stairs and then into the bedroom where in the soft light they looked at each other as if for the first time. This was no furtive half hour; this was the luxury of endless night. ‘… to know every inch of your beautiful body’, his words echoed.
Whatever her half-understood fantasies had been, she found they were nothing compared to the reality. History was repeating itself. Alice Carter had objected to what she thought of as Harold’s bestial urges; Bella would never refuse Leo, but she felt uncomfortable with anything more than ‘lights off gentle lovemaking’, Leo called it. Louisa resembled her aunt Violet in more than appearance. Her appetite seemed insatiable. She wanted nothing but their two bodies as nature intended; for her the night was filled with wonder. She tried not to look when Leo adeptly introduced a sheath, for she wanted nothing to come between them as they followed where nature beckoned. But it was only a momentary thought and nothing could hamper the excitement and exhilaration that drove her. She knew nothing of the art of sex; her only guide was uninhibited nature.
Hours later, while he slept, she got out of bed and drew back the curtains, letting in the first light of dawn. She had never been more aware of her good health, of her strength. This was the first day of her true understanding of being a woman, being needed by a man she loved. Then, for the first time in so many hours, she remembered Bella and what he had said about nothing changing between Bella and him; his love for her, Louisa, was something apart. After last night surely he wouldn’t still feel like that? Yet how could they take away Bella’s happiness? Louisa imagined her at the farm, so content with running the home and looking after Ali, and knew that, while she was unable to put an end to her affair with Leo, she would not allow her friend to suffer. And Leo? Ali’s father, Ali’s adoring father? Hadn’t Harold Carter told her how, so many years ago, he had begged Violet to come away with him so that Alice would divorce him, and Violet had refused because she wouldn’t let him lose his sons, and she had been right. If Violet could be strong, then so must she.
‘What are you thinking?’ Leo’s voice surprised her.
‘In words it sounds silly. But I was thinking that I am alive, really alive. Last night has made me whole. Does that make any sense to you?’
‘Come back to bed and I’ll show you what sense it makes. Louisa Harding, you are whole, perfect and complete.’
She felt the sting of tears. Surely this was the culmination of everything she had lived for. Willingly, she went back to bed.
It was a strange morning. Deceit didn’t come easily to her, but wisdom told her that Leo should keep out of sight.
‘They don’t miss a trick from across the lane,’ she said when she at last got out of bed, ‘so we have to be sure they don’t know you’re here or it’ll be common knowledge by elevenses time. I bet by now everyone has heard that your car was left overnight outside the railway station.’
‘Tell me about it,’ he laughed. ‘This house has always been their main source of scandal. Do I don some of your aunt’s clothes and drive off in your car? Or – and this sounds a tempting proposition – do I lie in bed and restore my poor worn-out body, then creep out just as I crept in under cover of darkness? I could do with some rest after the energy I expended last night.’ His expression teased, but his words momentarily took away some of Louisa’s joy as he added: ‘Perhaps you’re akin to nature’s female creatures who gain strength from mating with the male and then killing the poor chap. God, I’m shattered. What time do you reckon we finally accepted defeat and went to sleep?’
‘I’ve really no idea. I’m going to run a bath so I’ll leave you to sleep.’ More hurt by his remarks than angry, she locked the bathroom door. If he attempted to follow her he would be disappointed.
When, just after half past nine, Bella and Ali called on the way to the butcher’s, Louisa was surprised to find that, as before, she had no feelings of guilt. As the baby was dumped on the sitting-room carpet where she crawled, cooed and managed to pull herself to her feet holding the arm of an easy chair, she was admired just the same as any other morning.
‘You’re not driving into Gloucester by any chance today, are you?’ Bella wanted to know. ‘I want to get Ali her first pair of shoes – just soft ones, but they will protect her feet now she is trying to stand. I thought it would be a good opportunity with Leo away.’
‘Wouldn’t he wonder where you all were if he got home and found all of you away? But in any case,’ she added, making a sudden decision, ‘I have a new client I have an appointment with later today in Swindon—’
‘Gosh, Lou, how did that come about?’ Bella’s lovely face beamed her pleasure. ‘Your fame is spreading.’
Louisa’s laugh was perfectly natural. She was acting out a charade, but even though she was lying to innocent and trusting Bella, she could think of nothing but her time with Leo.
‘He is the brother of someone who deals with me already, so what could be more natural? But it would be stupid for me to drive back from Swindon tonight as tomorrow I want to be in Reading. Want to be, did I say? When I left there I never wanted to go back, but I had always done the annual accounts for Hill and Perkins, a bakery, so Mr Hill asked me to continue. I shall be back late in the day tomorrow.’
‘We shall miss you, won’t we, Ali?’ to which the baby answered with a loud shout and a big grin. ‘Perhaps it’s better for me to wait until Leo is home before I gad off to Gloucester. If it had been today it would have meant taking Dad and I don’t expect he would have thought much of shopping for tiny shoes. Next time you have to go there, when Leo is there to keep Dad company, we’d love to come. And when you’ve taken your work to your client we could have a lovely time, three girls together.’
Louisa smiled and nodded in agreement, but her thoughts were on something very different. As soon as Bella had left she ran upstairs to tell her plan to Leo.
She backed the car out of the garage then, like a thief in the night, got out, closed the driver’s door almost silently and just as quietly opened the passenger one behind it before going back into the house.
‘OK,’ she told Leo, ‘the coast is clear. There’s a coffee morning in the village hall and I saw all three of them from opposite go off in that direction.’
‘The Lexleigh Ladies,’ he chuckled. ‘It would take an earthquake or worse to keep any of them away from their get-together. Once a month they meet; you must have seen the notices on the door of the hall. I bet you none of them has ever suggested you might join them?’
She wished she could have told him that she had been invited but had declined.
‘You bet right. But why haven’t they invited Bella? And I’m sure they haven’t or she would have said.’
‘Mum used to go when she wasn’t too busy. She used to say they only minded other people’s business because they had nothing interesting in their own lives; she was a wise woman, my mother.’
‘And Bella?’
‘A wise woman? Give her another ten years and I might know.’
Louisa tried to ignore the implication of his remark. ‘I didn’t mean that,’ she told him, irritated by any slight of Bella. ‘I meant why haven’t they suggested she join them, especially if your mother used to go?’
‘Obvious, don’t you think? She comes in and out of here nearly every day and often with Dad, so they link Bella with you and therefore with Violet. But forget all of them; today belongs just to us. Are you sure you have to waste time
calling on this chap in Swindon? We could go down to the coast, find a seafront hotel for the night.’
Louisa had believed herself to be a new woman, but his suggestion proved her wrong.
‘Perhaps another time we’ll do that. But I made a definite appointment and even for you I won’t break my word. I’ll not be long and you can take the car and search out somewhere nice for lunch.’
‘You could phone him and tell him you’re not well.’ Then, with that mischievous twinkle in his eyes, ‘Tell him you were awake nearly all night.’
Louisa said nothing; he read his answer in her expression. Last night Miss Louisa Harding, business woman of Reading, had no chance. Clearly by morning light, wearing her tailored suit and ready with her briefcase, she wasn’t prepared to be trifled with. Leo said no more.
They knew the car would be recognized in the village, but there was no other way. The coffee drinkers were already coming out of the village hall and, making sure she was seen, she waved a friendly ‘good morning’ to her neighbours while Leo kept down low on the back seat, out of sight. It was only as they turned on to the empty open road with Lexleigh well behind them that she drew up so he could come and sit by her side.
‘That was fun,’ he chuckled, taking two cigarettes and holding them between his lips. Both of them lit, he passed one to her. Such a small act, and yet it relaxed her and put paid to any flicker of conscience that had threatened. She knew that her situation would be akin to that of Violet. Did it matter so much? Harold had loved Violet above all else and so it would be with Leo and her. But for the present she would take a day at a time, a day and each precious night they could manage to steal.
The further they drove from Lexleigh, the better their day become. Everything went according to the plan they had made and, her introductory visit to her new client over, they drove to Marlborough. Cars were parked in the middle of the wide High Street, so they added theirs to the line and went in search of food. Too late for lunch, but a traditional lunch could never have been as exciting as the tea that was served to them at half past three in the afternoon. They ate toasted teacakes with jam full of strawberries, then delicious creamy pastries. Louisa poured the tea into delicate china cups. There was something highly indulgent about such a meal at mid-afternoon, and it was just one more thing that set the day apart.
When Leo phoned the farm Harold answered his call.
‘I’ll tell Bella you’ve decided to stay another night. She’s upstairs with Alicia. She’s a dear child – Bella, I mean. We knew you hadn’t been to the factory; David was on the phone. Leo, don’t mess around, son. I had no regrets, couldn’t have done things any other way. But hearts get broken. I’m fond of Bella, you know.’
Standing outside the telephone kiosk, Louisa could tell from Leo’s expression that he was worried about the conversation. Had Bella guessed why he was staying away a second night? No, of course she hadn’t – how could she? Walking away from the kiosk, Louisa gazed at the darkening sky, desperately hoping nothing was going to spoil their stolen time. When Leo caught up with her he still looked worried.
‘You made a plausible excuse why you hadn’t taken your client to the factory? But what about tomorrow?’
‘It’s all taken care of. I can be quite efficient when necessary. While you were with your chap in Swindon I telephoned my laddo to tell him I’d had an emergency dental appointment so everything would be running a day late. He was quite agreeable. You can lob me off at the railway station where he’s meeting me as you go on to Reading.’
‘I wish it didn’t sound so sordid,’ she said, speaking her thoughts aloud. ‘The only one who comes out of it squeaky clean is Bella. And so she should. Bella is pure gold – she never has a mean thought in her head.’ She paused, knowing that while she would do whatever she could to make sure Bella didn’t get hurt, she deserved much more from both of them. ‘Perhaps we owe it to her to be honest, Leo. Surely it’s better to know than to be deceived.’
‘I’ve told you, my feelings for Bella haven’t changed and she is all the things you say. I may be a heel, but I will never let her down. And as for telling her about us, what is the point? Isn’t the fact that she doesn’t know without being told enough to prove that the vital chemistry is missing in our marriage?’ He stopped walking and turned her to face him, holding up her chin so that they held each other’s gaze in the fast-fading light. ‘My mother held our home together; even as a child I knew there was something special between your aunt and Dad. But David and I were brought up by two parents in what we saw as a happy home. I understand now just how much of that was thanks to Mum. Perhaps she was blind to what was between Violet and Dad. It would never have been in her nature to be unfaithful and she probably never suspected they were anything but companionable friends, which is exactly how Bella sees us. Is that so bad? Surely it gives us freedom and no one gets hurt. Most of all, it gives little Alicia the security she deserves.’ He was silent and Louisa thought he was waiting for her to say something in agreement, so she was surprised when he spoke again; she was even more surprised by something in his voice she had never heard before. ‘I know I’m deceiving Bella, but I couldn’t bear for Alicia not to have a perfect home, a home warm with love. Does that sound silly?’
Louisa shrugged her shoulders. ‘I don’t know much about that sort of thinking. Emotion had no place in our family. My parents never made rules for me that they were unprepared to stick to themselves: work hard, speak the truth, Sundays were for chapel and weekdays were for duty. Fun and laughter were not welcome in our house.’
Privately Leo wasn’t surprised by her angry tone, and neither was he surprised by what she had said.
‘So, my darling Louisa,’ he said, that teasing note in his voice, ‘it’s time we made up for your wasted youth. Let’s go back to the car and get on our way to that pub where we booked in for the night. Mr and Mrs Harding, that’s what I told them.’
‘More than a pub,’ she corrected him, ‘it’s an old coaching inn. And the dining room looked promising. I don’t know about you but I’m starved. Nothing much for breakfast, no lunch, a delicate and expensive tea; my energy is flagging.’
‘’We can’t allow that.’ Back in step again, as they’d talked they had walked briskly back down the hill to the High Street and the car. She got into the driver’s seat and before he closed the door he bent and kissed her forehead. ‘We’re at the beginning of a long road. It won’t always be easy, but one thing I know for certain and that’s that in or out of wedlock, even with no more than stolen days and nights, a life can be truly fulfilled. I saw it with Dad and Violet.’ His sudden smile was full of confidence. ‘And anything they can do, we can do better. Now, let’s get on the road.’
The meal at the old coaching inn was as good as the appearance of the dining room had promised; the bedroom even sported a four-poster bed, and the furniture was antique and in keeping. But there all comfort came to a halt. The wardrobe door squeaked, the bulb in the bedside light didn’t work, and when Leo went to turn off the switch on the wall by the door each step he took on the creaking floorboards must have been audible in the room below. The springs in the mattress were evidence of its age and twanged with the slightest movement. Even if they kept still there were unrelenting lumps.
In such a situation the previous night together, laughter would have been impossible. But on their first stolen night far from the prying eyes of Lexleigh, they lay side by side, holding hands and relieving their frustrated disappointment with laughter.
‘We’ll be all right, you and me, won’t we?’ she said, surprisingly contented despite everything.
‘I’m sure of it. Dad knows, you know. Forgets the day of the week and yet he sensed what had happened between you and me.’
She thought about it, remembering Harold on the first night she had come to the house, how he had talked to her about Violet and his fear of a future without her. She was quiet for so long that Leo began to think she must have gone to sleep, bu
t then she said, ‘I’m glad he knows. I wonder if Aunt Violet knows too.’ But for Leo, the thought was a step too far.
Next morning, half an hour before the time for the train he had told Carters’ perspective client he would be arriving on, Louisa dropped him off before turning on to the road to Reading. It was as if the ghost of the woman she used to be travelled with her, perhaps exaggerating how changed she had become since moving away. Glancing in the driving mirror she reassured herself that her appearance hadn’t altered, but what about her outlook on life? Reared in a home of strict morality, how could she be the same as she had been before the advent of Leo? Just Leo? Surely Bella had made some sort of impression too – one that probed her conscience. Suppose Leo had been married to someone else, someone she had never met – would she have the same feeling of shame casting a shadow on the joy it struggled to suppress? She thought of how Bella’s constant reference to Leo, her seeming inability to see anything but the best in everyone and everything and her constant chatter about her wonderful marriage had irritated her in the early days. Now she felt real affection for the girl, and respect, too. And how could she not feel shame? Watching the tactful way Bella handled Harold, never robbing him of his self-respect as his behaviour become ever more erratic, made Louisa aware of how far short her own behaviour would fall if their positions were reversed. Imagine if their positions were reversed … it would be she who was married to Leo, she who was the mother of the little girl he idolized, and she who would have to spend her days caring for an ageing man whose mind was forever on the love he had shared with Violet. It must have been his understanding of that relationship that had opened his eyes to what had happened to Leo and her – or was it obvious to anyone who knew them, even to trusting and innocent Bella? She quickly pushed the thought from her mind.
By the time Louisa parked the car in Reading’s Market Place and walked the short distance to where she had her appointment, it took all her concentration and willpower to muster up the expected image of Miss Louisa Harding, precise in thought, deed and personal appearance. At the back of her mind, ready for the first opportunity to push to the fore, were images of Leo and of the journey of discovery they had travelled together. All of it new to her, but how familiar was it to him, and who had he travelled it with? There was no doubt there had been many women in his life before Bella. Perhaps with the same instinct that had told Harold what was between Leo and her, Louisa knew without a doubt that Bella wouldn’t have understood the wild joy she had felt in giving all that she was, holding nothing back and begging for more. She forced her mind back into line and glanced at her wristwatch, satisfied that she was exactly on time for her appointment. Her working life took over; only later would she allow memories of the past two days to intrude.
