by J. L. Drake
And when the third song ended, Ayla stayed seated, as if she didn’t want to leave. Shockingly, I didn’t want to leave either.
“Aren’t you tired?” I asked.
She shook her head.
“What do you want to do?” My voice was just above a whisper, our eyes focused on each other.
Ayla shrugged and looked down to her lap.
I shifted my eyes away too and looked around the room. My gaze fell on the shelves that were filled with my mother’s books.
Taking a deep breath, I asked, “Do you like to read?”
“Yes,” she replied.
I pointed at the shelves. “There’re plenty of books here.”
It was hard saying the words. She was getting deeper and deeper into my world. The piano. And now the books. I didn’t know why I asked her about the books. The words had just tumbled out of my mouth before I could think clearly.
I heard Ayla move and from the corner of my eyes, I saw her standing up. “I can use these books?”
When I nodded, she quickly made her way to the shelves. Ayla took her time choosing a book and when she finally got one, she turned back around to face me. “Can I borrow this one?”
“You can read whatever you want, Ayla.”
“Thank you,” she said. Ayla sat down on the couch beside me, and curled her legs beneath her. She laid her head on the arm of the couch and opened the book.
The room was filled with silence. But it felt peaceful. After a few minutes, I looked away and pulled my laptop that was sitting on the coffee table to my lap.
She read while I worked, trying to keep myself busy. But I was barely concentrating on my emails.
My gaze kept moving back to Ayla.
And I started to see her slowly fall asleep. Her green eyes closed, her breathing even and soft as she succumbed to her tiredness and sleep.
Placing my laptop back on the coffee table, I pushed myself up and stepped toward Ayla’s sleeping form. I took the book out of her grasp and placed it beside my laptop. Leaning down, I carefully wrapped an arm behind her back and the other behind her knees. I gently pulled Ayla up and cradled her to my chest, making sure that she didn’t wake up.
She moaned sleepily, but then laid her head on my shoulder. Her eyes were still closed and I was sure she was still asleep.
I walked into her room and placed her down on the bed. Ayla immediately curled into herself as I pulled the covers over her body. I stepped away and stared at her sleeping face.
She looked so fragile. Small. A sense of protectiveness coursed through my body.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm my racing heart. I gave Ayla a final glance, and walked away, softly closing the door behind me.
I should have been more careful with her since the beginning. I shouldn’t have let myself get in so deep. And now it was too late.
Chapter 37
Ayla
“I still remember it clearly. He was acting all bad-ass but then the next minute, he was on the ground.” Maddie laughed. She was sprawled next to me on my bed, while I was on my side facing her.
“Yeah?” I smiled at her story.
It’d been three days since I broke down and cut myself. And I had been trying to understand myself during these last three days.
I was barely left alone. Maddie was with me most of the time. If she wasn’t, then it was Lena. And I spent most of my evenings with Alessio.
That was the best time of my day. Every night, I eagerly waited for the time when I would go to the piano room. After dinner, I would go in and wait for Alessio. I would play the piano while he silently gazed at me from afar. And then I would read while he worked on his laptop.
These moments were filled with peacefulness. I was thankful for they kept me grounded.
“Yup. And Alessio was just standing there laughing his ass off too. But Viktor being Viktor, stood up and acted like nothing happened,” Maddie’s voice broke through my thoughts.
“Hmm,” I hummed with a smile. She was always telling me stories about her childhood, the time she spent with Viktor and Alessio. And they always made me laugh. They were such a mischievous and funny trio.
Maddie opened her mouth to continue but a knock on the door stopped her. She glanced at it and called out, “Come in.”
The door opened and Milena came in. “Hey.”
She had brought me breakfast before. Taking the empty tray in her hand, she gave me a small smile. “Tell Mom I will be down soon,” Maddie told her. She nodded and started to walk away, but then stopped a few feet from my bed.
She turned back around and stared at me questioningly. “I wanted to ask you this for some time now but never got a chance,” Milena started.
At her words, my eyes widened and I started to panic.
“Why was Alessio’s suit jacket under your pillow?”
Even though I knew what she was going to ask, it still took my breath away and I swallowed hard as dread filled my frozen body.
“What?” Maddie asked incredulously beside me.
“I found Alessio’s jacket under Ayla’s pillow when I was cleaning her room a few days ago,” Milena explained, her intense gaze still on mine as she waited for my answer.
I didn’t have to turn to Maddie to know that she was staring at me in shock. I felt her stares burning holes into my skin. My panic grew with each passing second.
My fingers tightened around the comforter. Turning my head to the side, I stared at Maddie in alarm, begging her with my eyes to save me from this.
She must have seen the desperation in there because her face turned hard and she glared at Milena.
“That’s none of your business. Leave,” she ordered harshly. Milena glared back and then huffed in annoyance before walking away and closing the door harder than usual.
Maddie turned her head toward me again, her eyes softening as she stared at me expectantly. “Ayla, what were you doing with Alessio’s jacket?” she asked.
“Maddie…” I looked away. I couldn’t bring myself to lie to her. Not after everything she had done for me.
Swallowing hard, I looked back up into Maddie’s understanding eyes. She understood me. And she had been there for me when I needed her the most. Maybe she would understand this time too.
“You don’t have to—”
“I sleep with it,” I said.
Maddie’s mouth hung open in shock as she stared at me with wide eyes. “What?” she sputtered.
“I sleep with it.” My fingers were entwined tightly together, my knuckles almost white. “It keeps the nightmares away.” My voice was small, as shame and embarrassment took over my body.
Maddie must think that I am pathetic, I thought as tears blurred my vision.
“Alessio’s jacket keeps your nightmares away?”
I nodded, and then felt her hand on my shoulder.
“Ayla, look at me,” she urged.
I stared into her compassionate, hazel eyes. They were free of judgement, instead glowing with understanding.
“Ayla, is that why you got the nightmare three nights ago? Was that the trigger? Because you didn’t have the jacket?”
I felt the color drain from my face as my body went numb, my muscles coiling tightly at her words. “Yes.” It was hard to say the word and I sucked in deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart.
“Oh, Ayla. Come here.” Before I could move, she had pulled me closer, her arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders. She moved her hand up and down on my back, soothingly, as I choked back a sob. “Let it out. I’m here.”
It felt good to be finally be understood. To have a shoulder to cry on.
I didn’t cry this time, though. Blinking the tears away, I just let Maddie hold me and offer me comfort.
Palming my cheeks, she made me look straight into her eyes. “I’m going to ask you something. Answer me honestly, please,” she started. I swallowed hard at her confession, but nodded. “Is it his jacket that keeps the nightmares away, or is it him?”<
br />
My heart stumbled at her words and I closed my eyes. The truth was evident. I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to acknowledge it, but it was right there and I couldn’t hide from it anymore.
“Him,” I whispered, my voice hoarse from my tears.
It was the truth. Alessio brought me peace. He was the one who made it all go away. He gave me life. He was the one who made me…feel.
Alessio was my peace.
Opening my eyes, I stared at Maddie, only to see her giving me a wobbly smile. “That’s all I wanted to know. Why don’t you tell him?”
“No!” I said, my voice cracking. Shaking my head, I grabbed her arms. “No. You can’t tell him. Please, promise me. Don’t tell him. You can’t.”
I was panic-stricken, fear building inside my body.
Alessio couldn’t find out. He couldn’t. I didn’t want him to think differently of me. I didn’t want him to think that I was stupid or pitiful.
Even though I was all of the above, I didn’t want him to think that. Maybe he already did, but this truth would only make it worse.
Maddie soothed me gently. “I won’t say anything. It’s okay. Calm down. It’s okay.”
“Promise,” I whispered, my breathing harsh.
“I promise.”
Maddie rubbed my hands and then nodded toward the bathroom. “Why don’t you go take a hot bath? I have to go help Mom with lunch, and then I will come right back up.”
“Okay,” I agreed, realizing I needed that. She nodded and waited for me to get off the bed first before doing the same.
“I’ll see you later,” she said with a smile.
Nodding, I went into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and opened the tap, letting the tub fill with water. I shrugged off my nightgown and twisted my hair up in a tight bun.
After the tub filled, I climbed in and let the water surround my cold body. I made sure my arms were on the edge and not submerged in the water. The doctor said I shouldn’t get my stitches soaked or they might get infected.
The warmth started to penetrate my pores and I relaxed and closed my eyes. It felt so good. I didn’t know how long I stayed like that, but when the water started to get cold, I washed up and stepped out, quickly wrapping the towel around my body, and keeping the cold air away.
I quickly got dressed and walked out of the bathroom. As I made my way toward my bed, something on it caught my eye. My steps faltered and I let out a gasp.
Alessio’s jacket. Running toward it, I stopped in front of my bed and grabbed the jacket, pulling it to my chest. My fingers were wrapped tightly around the fabric, my breathing hard as I tried to wrap my head around this.
I looked down at it, my mind, breathing, and body instinctively calming.
Maddie.
It must have been her. That was the only option. Happy tears blinded my vision, and I sent a silent thank you to her.
Thank you. Oh, thank you so much.
I couldn’t wait to see her so I could thank her in person. It felt like she had given me my life back. My peace. This was all I needed.
I was holding the jacket tightly to my chest when I heard a knock on the door. My body stiffened at the sound and I lurched forward, pulling my pillow up so that I could hide the jacket underneath. Straightening back up, I called out softly, “Come in.”
The door opened to reveal Alessio. My heart stuttered at the sight. He walked inside but didn’t close to the door, instead staying in the doorway.
“Are you busy right now?” he asked.
I shook my head and he nodded, looking satisfied with my response.
“Come. I want to show you something,” he ordered gently.
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I didn’t move.
Alessio took a step forward. “Do you not trust me?”
I couldn’t believe he asked me that question. Wasn’t it obvious? Even though I shouldn’t trust him, I did. He was my enemy, yet I trusted him more than I had ever trusted anyone.
I walked toward him, my heart doing the same pitter-patter dance it always did whenever he was near. Stopping in front of Alessio, I peered up at him through my thick eyelashes and noticed a slight twist to his mouth and the faint indentation of the dimple on his cheek.
“I trust you,” I whispered.
“Good.” He nodded, the corner of his lips slowly turning up in a slight smile. It was barely there. So faint that I would have missed it if I wasn’t paying attention. “Let’s go,” Alessio said, turning around. He didn’t look back to see if I was following, but he knew I would. And so I did. Without any questions asked, I followed him.
We walked down the stairs silently, and when he led me outside to the back garden, my steps faltered. “Where are we going?” I asked.
“Just wait and see. I don’t want to ruin the surprise,” he muttered. A resigned sigh brushed across my lips and I nodded in agreement.
But I was curious. And a little giddy with excitement.
My excitement quickly evaporated when he led us into the woods behind the estate. As we walked further, I started to grow nervous. Leaves and twigs crushed under my feet as I followed Alessio silently. He appeared determined in his lead.
This wasn’t good. Not good at all.
My eyes went wide and I stopped walking. Alessio must have felt it because he turned around and stared at me expectantly.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, cocking his head to the side in question.
“Why…where…are we…going?” I stuttered in fear and panic.
“I told you, it’s a surprise. C’mon. We are almost there.” When I didn’t move, he sighed. “Ayla, trust me. Okay? I’m not going to hurt you.”
At his words, the fear slowly settled, but it was still there.
Stupidly, I followed him.
And when I finally found out what he wanted to show me, I was glad I followed him.
When the forest started to grow less dense, my eyes finally settled on an opening where light cascaded around the woodland, bringing life and beauty to trees that it touched. And faintly I could hear the sound of rushing water. It felt refreshing and I quickened my pace so that I was right behind Alessio.
Finally breaking free from the trees, Alessio came to a stop. I almost stumbled into his back, but quickly righted myself. “We are here,” he murmured softly.
My eyebrows lifted in question and I walked to the side, so that I was standing next to him. And when I finally saw what he wanted me to see, I gasped out loud. My hands came up to cover my mouth in shock, as I took the magnificent beauty in front of me.
“Oh my God,” I whispered in complete utter shock.
I took a hesitant step toward the stream that ran in the middle on the woods. The rocks glistened in multiple hues of brown, black, and red. The water running over them sparkled under the bright sunlight.
Beautiful and colorful wildflowers surrounded the edge of the stream. They were all different colors. Purples, yellow, red, white. They only intensified the breathtaking beauty in front of me. On the other side of the creek, there was a field filled with the same flowers.
The only sound I could hear was the water moving and the sweet singing of the birds. I was completely awestruck and speechless.
It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
My body felt light and free. My stomach twisted with butterflies and I smiled widely.
“This is so beautiful,” I breathed. I felt Alessio moving closer. He was so close that I felt his heat penetrate my body.
“It is,” he agreed softly.
We were silent for a few minutes, both of us basking in the beauty.
“I come here when I want to clear my mind,” he said. Tearing my eyes away from the stream and the field, I turned toward him. He was already looking down at me, his eyes glistening in the sunlight.
Keeping his gaze on mine, he continued gently, “I thought that maybe you would want to see it. You need it more than I
do.”
“Thank you.”
This made me deliriously happy.
“I thought this would help. I don’t know how to make you feel better. I’m at a loss, but maybe this can give you the peace that you need. Even for just a little while,” Alessio confessed, looking a little nervous.
He didn’t know that he already brought me peace. What he just gave me was more than I could ever ask for. He didn’t know, but he was my peace.
“Thank you,” I said again, my throat closing around the words. “This is truly so beautiful.”
Alessio nodded and stayed silent, his eyes never shifting from mine. But I was the one who broke the connection. Turning back around, I stared at the creek and field again, another smile stretching across my lips.
I turned my face up toward the sky and into the sunlight. Closing my eyes, I basked in the serenity and welcomed the warmth that brushed over my skin.
I was always trapped inside my father’s mansion. Never allowed to leave. I was only allowed to walk around in the backyard but never further away. When I escaped, that was the first time I had been outside the gates and into the real world.
Keeping my eyes closed, I felt Alessio watching me. He made me feel warm and happy. I opened my eyes but didn’t look at him. Instead, I stared straight ahead.
I didn’t know how long we stayed like that. Me admiring the beauty while Alessio kept his gaze on me. But after some time, my feet started to hurt from standing and I felt Alessio shift beside me.
“We should go back. It’s almost time for lunch,” he said, softly.
I turned toward him, and blinked up, disappointed. “We can come back tomorrow,” he suggested.
I nodded and then looked back at the stream. “C’mon,” he urged. When I felt Alessio moving away, a sudden panic filled my chest. I turned around to see his back to me.
I didn’t know what came over me, but I lurched forward and grabbed the back of his jacket, halting his movement.
Alessio glanced back toward me, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and question. My hand was shaking and I didn’t know why.
I wanted…no…I needed something, but I didn’t know what it was. My fingers tightened on the fabric of his jacket and his eyes shifted to them. Alessio turned around and I had no choice but to let go. I felt empty.
