by M. C. Badger
She ran a finger along one of the window ledges. Then she inspected her finger. The tip of the white glove was completely black with dust.
‘Perfect!’ said Mila. She looked pleased. ‘That is just how ghosts like it.’
MARCUS THOUGHT of something.
‘How will the ghosts know about the disco?’
‘Hmm,’ said Mila. ‘That’s a good question.’
‘We should make posters,’ said Turtle. ‘Then we can stick them up in places where we think ghosts might go during the day.’
‘I know where ghosts go during the day,’ said Marcus. He was grinning.
‘Where?’ asked Mila.
‘They go to day scare centres.’
‘I know where ghosts really go during the day,’ Mila said seriously. ‘They go to laundromats.’
Marcus frowned. ‘Why would they go there?’
‘Have you ever seen a ghost in a dirty sheet?’ asked Mila.
‘No,’ said Marcus.
‘That’s because they wash them every day,’ said Mila.
‘I’ve never seen a ghost in a clean sheet either,’ Marcus pointed out. ‘I’ve never seen a ghost at all. You know why? Because ghosts don’t exist.’
‘Just wait until our disco, Marcus,’ said Mila. ‘Then you’ll see.’
‘Let’s make the posters for the ghost disco,’ said Mila.
She found some old paper and colouring pencils, and the Tinklers sat on the floor to make some posters.
Mila’s poster said:
Marcus’s poster said:
Then at the bottom in small letters he wrote: BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE REAL.
Turtle’s poster said:
Then she drew turtles around the edge, using a white pencil.
‘I’m drawing ghost turtles,’ she explained.
When the posters were finished, the Tinklers went out to put them up. They put up one inside the lift. They gave one to the bakers on the ground floor. Then they headed off down the street.
At number eighteen Rushby Road there was a laundromat. Before the bakers moved into their building, the Tinklers went there all the time. Not to wash clothes, but to make cakes.
Mila said that a LAUNDRY was the BEST place to make a CAKE.
They would put flour, eggs, sugar, milk and butter into one of the washing machines and turn it on.
The washing machine would spin all the ingredients together to make the mixture. Then the Tinklers would take it home and bake it.
But the Tinklers didn’t need to make cakes anymore. The bakers downstairs gave them all the cake they could ever need.
The Tinklers stuck up their posters in the laundry, then they headed towards home.
Mila was very pleased.
‘I have a feeling there will be lots of ghosts at our disco tonight!’ she said to Marcus and Turtle.
Then suddenly she stopped. ‘We’ve forgotten the most important thing that we need for the disco!’
‘What’s that?’ asked Marcus.
‘Music, of course!’ said Mila. ‘The ghosts are going to need something to dance to.’
‘We have lots of music on our computer,’ said Marcus. ‘We can use that.’
But Mila shook her head. ‘No. That’s human music,’ she said. ‘Ghosts don’t like it. We need special ghost music.’
‘What is ghost music?’ asked Marcus.
‘Well,’ said Mila, ‘it sounds a bit like the wind whistling through the trees. It also sounds like kids screaming on a roller-coaster. And it sounds like a hundred wolves howling.’
‘Hmm,’ said Marcus. ‘I’ve never heard any music that sounds like that. Are you sure that ghosts won’t dance to something else? What about ABBA? Everyone likes dancing to ABBA.’
‘Not ghosts,’ said Mila. ‘Ghosts hate ABBA.’
‘It’s going to be very hard to find music that sounds like wind whistling, kids screaming and wolves howling,’ said Marcus.
‘Yes,’ said Mila, ‘it is going to be very hard. But I’m sure you will find something.’
THE TINKLERS OPENED the door to thirty-three Rushby Road and went inside. Straight away they heard a terrible noise. It was very HIGH but also very low. It sounded like a wail and a scream at the same time. And it was very, very loud.
‘What’s that noise?’ asked Mila.
‘I don’t know,’ said Turtle. ‘But I don’t like it. It’s hurting my ears.’
‘Maybe it’s something in the bakery?’ said Marcus. ‘Maybe they have a new machine for baking bread. A very noisy machine.’
Mila opened the bakery door to ask the bakers about the noise.
‘We don’t know what it is,’ said the bakers. ‘It’s coming from upstairs.’
The Tinklers went to the stairs and listened. The bakers were right. The noise was coming from somewhere high in the building.
‘I know what it is!’ said Mila suddenly. ‘It’s ghosts! They saw our posters and they’ve come early for the disco. Marcus, you’d better go and find them. Tell them that the disco isn’t ready yet. Tell them to come back later.’
‘Me?’ said Marcus. ‘This was your idea. You should go and find them.’
‘I’d love to,’ said Mila. ‘But I have to go and check on the spiders. I need to see if they are spinning webs or not. You’re not scared, are you, Marcus?’
‘I’m not scared of ghosts,’ said Marcus. ‘I’m scared of weird, loud noises.’
‘I am not scared of ghosts or weird, loud noises,’ said Turtle. ‘I will go and see where it is coming from.’
‘OK, I’ll go with you,’ said Marcus. He didn’t want anyone to think that a turtle was braver than he was!
Slowly, Marcus and Turtle started walking up the stairs. On the fifth floor the noise was a bit louder. On the twelfth floor it was louder still. But when they got to the thirty-first floor it was the loudest of all.
Marcus and Turtle stopped. They looked at each other. ‘This is the floor where the Splatley family lives.’
The Splatley family were Mr and Mrs Splatley and their three kids, called Sarah, Simon and Susie.
The Splatley children were the same age as the Tinklers, but that was the only thing they had in common.
For instance: Mila liked to eat chocolate ice-cream. Sarah liked to throw chocolate ice-cream out of the window at people walking down below.
Marcus liked to invent things. Simon liked to break things.
Turtle liked being a turtle. Susie liked being a pest.
See how different they were?
Marcus put his ear against the Splatleys’ door. The horrible noise was definitely coming from in there.
‘Maybe the Splatleys have trapped some ghosts in their house,’ said Turtle. ‘We had better check.’
Marcus didn’t really think there were ghosts in there. But something was making that noise. What could it be?
Marcus took a deep breath. Then he knocked on the door.
Mr Splatley opened it.
‘Hello, Marcus!’ he said. Mr Splatley had a very high, squeaky voice. It was like the noise a dog toy makes when a dog CHEWS it.
‘Hello, Mr Splatley,’ said Marcus. ‘Is everything OK in there?’
‘Oh yes,’ squeaked Mr Splatley. ‘The kids are doing their singing practice. They have joined a choir.’
Marcus looked into the flat. Behind Mr Splatley he could see Sarah, Simon and Susie. Their mouths were moving up and down. The horrible noise was coming out of them. Their dog Fuzzby was sitting on the floor howling.
‘Ah,’ said Marcus. ‘So that is what we could hear.’
Mr Splatley beamed. ‘Don’t they sound great?’
‘It’s like nothing I’ve ever heard before,’ said Marcus, trying to be polite.
Turtle was not so polite. ‘It sounds like a hundred trains running over a hundred cats’ tails,’ she said. ‘No-one in the whole world would like that sound.’
Luckily she said it quietly.
Suddenly Marcus had an idea. ‘We’re having a disco tonight in f
lat number twelve,’ he told Mr Splatley. ‘Would Sarah, Simon and Susie like to come?’
Behind Mr Splatley, Marcus could see the three Splatley kids pulling horrible faces. But their dad didn’t see them.
‘I’m sure they’d love to come!’ squeaked Mr Splatley. ‘They have to go to choir practice tonight, but they could come to the party on the way.’
Marcus smiled. ‘Great!’ he said.
Mrs Splatley appeared at the door. ‘Hello, Tinklers!’ she said. She had a very loud, booming voice. ‘You are just in time for a game of Ludo.’
Marcus took a big step backwards. Turtle took two. There was nothing the Tinklers HATED more than playing Ludo with the Splatleys.
‘Sorry,’ said Marcus. ‘But we have to go and get ready for the disco.’
Then he and Turtle ran back down to the flat on the twelfth floor.
MARCUS AND TURTLE found Mila in the empty flat on the twelfth floor.
‘I invited the Splatleys to the disco,’ Marcus told her.
‘Why did you do that?’ said Mila.
‘You know that scary sound we heard?’ Marcus said.
‘Yes,’ said Mila.
‘Well, that was the Splatleys singing! I thought they could come and sing at the disco. I bet ghosts would love it,’ said Marcus.
Mila thought about this. Then she nodded. ‘You’re right,’ she said. ‘Ghosts would like that music. It was a good idea to invite the Splatleys. Are you sure it wasn’t my idea? I sneezed just before. You know that I always sneeze when I have an idea.’
‘No,’ said Marcus. ‘It was definitely my idea. You were sneezing because it’s dusty in here now.’
‘Well, then,’ said Mila, ‘we’re ready for the disco. The room is nice and messy. We have put up posters. We have music. And I’ve even put out some food and drink.’
Marcus looked around the flat. On the window ledge were some bowls and a few plastic cups. He picked up a cup and inspected it.
‘These cups and bowls are EMPTY.’
‘No,’ said Mila. ‘They’re filled with AIR. That’s what ghosts like to eat and drink. I made it all myself.’
‘That’s not what ghosts eat,’ said Marcus.
Mila was surprised. ‘What do they eat, then?’
‘Spookghetti,’ said Marcus, grinning. ‘And for dessert they like I-scream.’
‘Marcus, you don’t know anything about ghosts,’ said Mila. ‘They like air.’
She took the plastic cup from Marcus and put it back on the window ledge.
‘There,’ she said, turning back to Marcus. ‘Now we’re ready. This is going to be such a GREAT disco party!’
Mila looked excited. Marcus could tell she was sure that ghosts would come to her party.
Marcus felt a bit sorry for her. She was going to be very disappointed when no ghosts showed up.
Suddenly, there was a strange noise. The Tinklers froze.
‘What was that?’ asked Mila.
‘It sounded like someone tapping at the window,’ said Marcus.
‘And going “WΗOO ! WHOO!”’ added Turtle.
‘It must be some ghosts,’ said Mila. ‘They sometimes come to the window instead of up the stairs. You go and look, Marcus. I need to check on the spiders.’
Marcus peeled off one of the socks stuck to the window. He peeked out through the gap and saw six small ghosts floating outside the window. Marcus’s heart was beating fast. He didn’t believe in ghosts.
‘Mila!’ he said. ‘Look! There are some little ghosts outside!’
Mila rushed over to see. The ghosts were wearing handkerchiefs instead of sheets.
‘Let them in!’ she said, opening the window.
The ghosts flew inside.
‘Coo coo, coo coo,’ they said.
Marcus laughed when he realised what had happened.
‘These are just pigeons,’ he said. ‘They must have flown through a washing line that was covered with white hankies.’
‘Oh,’ said Mila, disappointed. ‘Well, it doesn’t matter. They can eat seed bread in here so they make this place even messier.’
There was a knock at the door.
‘That must be some real ghost guests!’ said Mila. She hurried over to the door and opened it.
On the other side were the three Splatley kids. They were dressed in their choir costumes, which were long, white dresses that totally covered their normal clothes.
All that showed were their heads and the mean, grumpy looks on their faces.
‘Good evening,’ said Mila. ‘Please come in and make yourselves at home.’
Marcus was surprised. Mila was not usually this polite to the Splatleys.
Sarah Splatley looked around the room. ‘There’s no-one else here,’ she said.
‘Not yet,’ said Mila, still using her very polite voice. ‘You’re the first three ghosts to arrive.’
‘Mila,’ said Marcus. ‘They aren’t ghosts. It’s the Splatleys.’
Mila rolled her eyes. ‘Don’t be silly, Marcus,’ said Mila. ‘Of course they’re ghosts. Can’t you see the long white sheets they are wearing? They have come to our disco.’
‘No, they are definitely the Splatleys,’ Marcus said.
He looked at the Splatleys. ‘Tell her. And sing her one of your songs.’
The problem was that the Splatleys loved to disagree with people.
Simon Splatley shook his head. ‘No, we’re not the Splatleys. And we don’t know how to sing.’
‘See?’ said Mila. ‘I told you they weren’t the Splatleys.’
Before Marcus could argue, there was another knock on the door. This time it was Barry and Betty, the bakers from downstairs. They were both covered in flour because they had been working hard all day.
‘Hello, Tinklers,’ said Barry. ‘We saw your poster about the ghost disco.’
‘So we brought you some snacks,’ added Betty. She was holding a tray. It was full of muffins.
‘Thanks,’ said Marcus. He took the tray. ‘What flavour muffins are these?’
Barry grinned. ‘They are booberry, of course.’
‘Of course!’ Marcus grinned back. ‘Good one.’
‘I got the idea from a joke book that some pigeons dropped on our doorstep,’ Barry explained. ‘I gave them some seed bread to thank them for it.’
Marcus and the bakers were laughing when Mila came over to the door.
‘More ghosts!’ she said, still using her very polite voice. ‘Please come in!’
‘They’re not ghosts,’ said Marcus. ‘They’re the bakers from downstairs. They just have flour on them.’
But Mila didn’t seem to hear him. She led the bakers into the room and gave them each a glass of air. ‘We’re so glad you could come,’ she said. ‘Lots of other ghosts will be here soon, too.’
‘This is a stupid disco,’ said Sarah Splatley.
‘Yeah, it’s boring,’ added Simon.
Susie just stuck out her tongue.
‘Well, why don’t you start off the dancing?’ said Mila. ‘Then the other ghosts will join in.’
‘But there’s no music,’ said Simon.
‘Yes, that’s a pity,’ sighed Mila. ‘We’re waiting for the Splatleys. They are going to make the music for our disco. But they’re not here yet. Maybe you could try dancing without music?’
Sarah Splatley opened her mouth to say something. Marcus knew she was going to say that Mila was silly and that it was impossible to dance without music.
But then something happened. One of the ladybirds Mila had collected crawled up the left leg of Sarah’s jeans. At the same time, another ladybird crawled up her right leg. Two more climbed into the arms of her shirt.
The thing about ladybirds is that they are very TICKLY.
Sarah began to jump around. She kicked her legs out to the side, trying to get rid of the tickly feeling. She waved her arms around too. And she began to howl because the tickly feeling was so strong.
The Splatleys’ dog Fuzzby ran
into the flat and joined in the howling.
Simon and Susie Splatley always copied exactly what their big sister did. So when they saw her jumping around and heard her howling they did the same thing.
When the bakers saw the Splatleys jumping around, Betty had a good idea.
‘Jumping around like that will get all this flour off us,’ she said to Barry. So they joined in too.
Mila watched everyone leaping around.
‘See, Marcus?’ she said. ‘I told you this would be a great disco party. I’m sure that one of these ghosts will decide to stay. Then flat twelve won’t be unhaunted anymore.’
THE SPLATLEYS DIDN’T stay for very long. They left to go to choir practice. But the disco party didn’t stop then. Marcus got the computer and put on ABBA. The bakers, the pigeons and the Tinklers Three kept on dancing.
At about nine o’clock, Mrs Fitz from floor thirty-two knocked on the door.
‘What’s all this noise?’ she grumbled. ‘I can hear it up in my flat.’
Mrs Fitz was a very nice lady but she pretended to be grumpy just to make the Tinklers happy.
‘Hi, Mrs Fitz!’ said Mila. ‘Come in and join our party.’ So Mrs Fitz did.
When the town hall clock struck MIDNIGHT, Mila stopped dancing. ‘Isn’t it past our bedtime?’ she said.
‘What are you talking about?’ Marcus laughed. ‘We DON’T have a bedtime.’
Mila laughed too. ‘Oh yes. I forgot.’ She started dancing again.
The pigeons went to sleep first. They lined up on the windowsill and closed their eyes.
Then the bakers left. ‘Sorry we have to go,’ they said, ‘but we have to start baking again very soon.’
Mrs Fitz wanted to keep dancing all night but the Tinklers told her that it was time to go home. They had to be strict with her sometimes. Then finally the Tinklers went home to bed too.
Marcus was shaken awake by Mila the next day. This was very unusual. Usually Mila didn’t wake up first. Sometimes she didn’t wake up all day.
