The man was startled that, not only would someone speak to him that way, but would also threaten him with a trip to Hades. He staggered back as he tried to dress while pulling out his sword. “Think that yee can scare me? I’ll smite thee.” He looked down for a second as he fumbled for his sword and when he had a hand on it, looked back up only to see Merlin slowly disappearing into thin air. “W-W-Where be thee. Demon? I-I mean thee no harm. Pray, spare me.”
The answer came from behind him and he turned to hear Merlin as he slowly reappeared. “Yee be spared only if thee runs now. Run an’ take with thee yer friends lest they join me this night in Hades.”
The knight hopped away as he still tried to finish dressing and run at the same time. He was screaming for his friends to leave with him.
The cries and screams told Arthur and the others that his plan was working. He felt it was time for another visual effect. “Acrobats. Tis time to walk about so Sir Albert’s men may see thee.”
Once again the word was spread left and right and all watched as the spry acrobats set up their stilts. Their helpers lit the candles inside of the pumpkin-sized, demon heads attached to the tops of the stilts and held them tight as the acrobats donned their long, white robes and hopped up on the stilts. They all pretty much stepped off at the same time and their height dictated that they would be easily seen walking about the hills, their glowing heads seemingly dancing alongside of them.
The flap of the largest tent of the camp flew open and Sir Albert, holding his head, stumbled out and tripped over one of the ropes that tied the tent down. He got up as three young boys ran to help him.
“Get away, dolts! I need yee not.” Nervously, he tested removing his sword from its scabbard a few times as he looked about at the running men and horses. His eyes were tearing from the burning tents and he moaned and placed his two hands against his temples and pressed. The big man grabbed a knight as he tried to run by and squeezed with his beefy hand as he asked, “Where doth thou go, Sir Knight?”
“Sire! Know thou not of demons and giants in yon sky? Best thou runs from this sacred place.” He took the opportunity to flee from Sir Albert’s grip as the big man looked up at the glowing entities above him.
Arthur knew that he had to keep pressure on the camp so he sent the word to his left and right: “Kite flyers, fly an’ drop thy flour bombs on the camp.”
The strings of the bomb-dropping kites were fed out and once they were over Sir Albert’s camp, the operators yanked on the second string, releasing the flour bomb attached to their kite. The bombs dropped and fell with a loud pop followed by clouds of eye-tearing flour that sparkled and burnt when they met the flames of the fires. The bursts scared the horses making them rear and toss off any mounted knight while it made other horses run away.
Sir Albert just missed having one of the flour bag bombs hit him on the head. It burst at his feet covering him with the fine white powder as four knights who had rallied to his side, saw that as an omen and turned and ran off.
“What be this?” He looked around then ran to Sir Dirkins tent just as the man was leaving. “Ah! Sir Dirkins, my faithful friend. What be this of demons and giants?”
The man looked back with fright written on his face and it was then that Sir Albert noticed that he was dressed in every-day clothing and carrying his box of personal gear.
“Sir Dirkins! Pray tell, where be thine armor?”
“It-it-it be in mine tent, Sir Albert.”
“Pray tell, why? Never hast I seen thee without thine armor on, an’ why dost thou carry thine box of possessions?”
“Sir Albert. Know thee not of the demons and giants goals? They mean ta take us all ta Hades with them. I left mine armor for fear of them seeing a knight an’ takin’ hold o’ him.”
“Wouldst thou desert me?”
“No m’lord. For I was about ta wake thee when ya arrived here.”
“Ya took the time ta pack yer possessions, Sir Dirkins. Methinks thou were ready ta run alone.”
Sir Dirkins tried to break free from his grip as he pointed to a dark hill. “Look! See for thine self, fool! The giants themselves come this way. I beg thee, set me free an’ run thineself.”
Sir Albert’s mouth dropped as he released Sir Dirkins and stared at one of the giants standing on the hill facing them. It was dressed in white and had two heads with eyes that glowed. Suddenly there were more to its left and right, all seemingly coming at him.
Sir Albert trembled. “What be they?”
A group of knights stepped out of the dark and bowed as much as their armor allowed them. “Sir Albert. Pray tell, be this wizardry?”
Sir Albert tried to bluster, “Never hath I seen a ghost or demon that could scare a brave knight.”
A small boy came from behind the tent and looked up at the big man. “They be demons and giants, Sire.”
The man had a terrified look on his face. “W-W-Who art thou?”
“Just a page, m’lord. But I have seen them an’ they be comin’ this way. Best we flee.”
“Flee? I am Sir Albert soon to be King Albert! I flee not, nor shalt thou.” He grabbed the boy by his arm and went stark white as the boy disappeared in his hand. “Arrrrgh! What be happenin’?”
The group of knights turned and ran as fast as they could.
James appeared next to Arthur and Guinevere. He was holding his arm and had a look of pain on his face.
Guinevere kneeled down and hugged him. “James! Art thou fine?”
“Tis me arm, my queen.”
“Pray tell, what happened?
“I tried ta appear near Nadine an’ suddenly stood in front of a large knight. He be upset an’ grabbed mine arm whenst I sayeth all should flee.”
“Did he hit thee?”
The boy smiled. “My queen, I disappeared in his very own hand.”
“Well,” she said as she cradled his head in her arms, “You are here for the night.” She placed him at arm’s length and said as she looked into his eyes, “No more disappearin’ for yee this night. Understand?”
The boy nodded as she rubbed his arm.
Arthur watched the whole scene. “Big man, right? I bet that was Sir Fat Albert himself. Boy, I’d love to punch him, just once.”
In the midst of burning tents, frightened horses, pages, serfs and many of his knights running around in a panic, Sir Albert spotted a group of mounted knights coming in his direction. He recognized them as a group of knights who recently joined him. He knew they were with him mostly for the plunder he promised once he was made king.
“Hail Sir Frederick. Art thou runnin’ away also?”
“No, my lord. We are seeking yee so we might defeat these goblins.”
“Pray tell, good sir, how many knights hath we ta smite them with?”
“We hath thirty-four, m’lord.”
“Well,” he said as he watched the flying lanterns float over their heads, “methinks they be afraid ta come down an put foot on this very ground we stand on. Hast thou seen any on the ground?”
The knights looked at each other before Sir Frederick answered. “No, m’lord. Tis as yee say, the demons seem ta want ta stay aloft an’ not touch the ground.”
“Then why, pray tell, be we scared of them?”
One of Sir Frederick’s men pointed with a shaking hand at the walking ghosts with two heads. “But, Sires, yonder be some ghosts what be comfortable on the ground.”
“Then,” said Sir Frederick, “they we smite for I see no armor nor war horse ta stop us.”
Sir Albert thought he better step in fast before Sir Frederick becomes the leader. “Wait here, good knights an’ I will mount my stead and we shall attack these earth-bound entities with cold English steel.” He ran as fast as he could while still tightening his armor around his wide frame as he thought furiously, Where be mine serfs an’ pages ta help me dress?
He entered the roped off section where his horse was grazing and spotted three serfs standing as they watched the sky.
He was glad to see them while at the same time he was angry that his pages and serfs were not around.
“Dolts! Stand thee not when a knight approaches, rather see to his needs.”
The three boys cringed at first then ran to help dress him as he pointed while shouting orders. “That be mine horse! Saddle him hastily, for a battle would be fought against demons this very night.” The boys grabbed the saddle and eyed each other in the dark without Sir Albert noticing. It took two of the young boys to lift the armored saddle up and onto the horse’s back while the third kneeled under the horse and buckled the straps that held it tight. Once finished the boy placed a wooden stepstool next to the horse and, as one of them held the saddle in place, Sir Albert stepped up and sat in the saddle.
Once settled he swung his arm around catching one of the boys with his armored fist and sent him flying as he shouted, “Away with yee all! Out of mine way, dolts, lest thee be run over.” The three watched as he walked his horse slowly through the dark shouting at all around to move out of his way.
One of the boys asked the boy who was knocked down, “Be thee alright, Lester?”
The boy smiled. “I be fine, friend Daniel. But as Wizard James asked, I kept loose the saddle straps an’ wouldst love ta see the round knight spill on the field o’ battle.”
Daniel joined in the laughter. “He doth smell greatly o’ Mead, my friends.”
Sir Albert joined the group of waiting knights. He saw that the count of thirty-four had dwindled down to twenty-five. He knew that whoever spoke first would be the knight that all would follow.
“This night we smite the ghosts an’ tomorrow we rest for the next battle: Camelot Castle.”
The knights yelled their approval and followed the large man out of camp. They walked their horses slowly for fear of stepping in a rut in the dark and it seemed to take a long time to get close to the ghosts on the hill. Between the screams coming from the camp behind them and the still lifting-off of the flaming lanterns, Sir Albert’s group of knights dropped from twenty-five to nineteen in the dark.
He raised his hand and the moon glinted off his armored arm allowing the others to see it and they stopped.
“Visors down.” The face shields snapped closed with a tinny sound. Next Sir Albert drew his sword. “Swords unsheathed.” The sound of steel against steel and the moon glinting off highly polished steel told Sir Albert that all had drawn their swords. Although there was a breeze, Sir Albert found it to be oppressively hot in his armored suit after he closed the visor. He shook his head as far as the headpiece allowed him. Forsooth, it be hot this evening. Never will I again drink Mead when there be a battle afoot. He raised his arm again and said, “Forward,” and the line of knights started to advance.
Lying on the damp grass out in front of the Camelot Gang were ten scouts whose job it was to see if any of Sir Albert’s knights rode out of camp. The scout directly in front of Arthur was a sharp-eyed girl named Maryanne. She had her hands shaped like binoculars and held them to her eyes blocking out the lights from the stars and the flying lanterns. The glint of moonlight off steel caught her attention and she concentrated on the area it came from. Less than one minute later she saw more moonlight reflections moving up and down and she knew what it was: Knights in armor, riding horses.
Quickly and quietly she got up and in a crouch, ran back to the Gang.
“Sire! Someone comes,” said Sir Boche as he drew his sword. He cupped his hand to his mouth and called out the password challenge: “Rolling Stones!”
A high-pitched voice answered: “No satisfaction!” and Sir Boche put his sword back in its scabbard as the scout ran past him.
Arthur was about to say something when Maryanne stopped in front of him and Guinevere. She bowed and said in a breathless voice: “Knights, Sire. They be comin’ that way.” She pointed directly behind her.
“How many?”
“Methinks four full hands, Sire.”
Arthur looked at Guinevere who anticipated his question with the answer: “Twenty.”
Arthur nodded. “Twenty? Looks like the fright weapons and Merlin and James did a good job.”
“Shall we mount an’ meet them, Sire?” asked Sir Boche.
“Mount up and get ready, but first I really want to use the Frisbees and fishnet teams.” He motioned the young boys carrying their folded nets forward. “Guys, remember, toss and pull. Stay away from their flailing swords. We have teams who are going to take care of them once they’re off their horses. Now, move out.” He walked in front of the wagon and passed the word down both the right and left line: “Frisbees, ready to launch.”
Maryanne stood in front of the wagon watching for the knights she knew were coming right at them. Cupping her eyes she once again spotted the moonlight on the steel of Sir Albert’s knights. “Sire,” she whispered to Arthur standing next to her. “They be as far away as Camelot Castle be wide.”
“About one hundred and fifty feet,” he said to no one. Arthur knew that the knights coming at them would have their visors in place and from experience knew that it was hard telling where the sound came from in that suit, so shouting was no problem. It just added to their nervousness. He turned and shouted, “Frisbees launch, and fishnet-men get ready to go.”
The Frisbee group started to fling their round, wooden plates and as the wind went over the small hole in each one, it gave off a piercing whistle. As hoped, the shrill whistle and the bright orange discs reflecting in the moonlight spooked the horses along with more than a few of the knights. The horses reared and threw some of the knights as the saddles of another ten slipped around the belly of the horses, tossing the now nervous knights onto the road.
Sir Albert squinted and suddenly could see people in front of him by moonlight. “What? he shouted, “Who be thee? Show thyselves, knaves.”
Arthur shouted, “Fishnets, go!”
The entire line watched as the group of young men, whose job in life was to catch fish, ran out and expertly tossed their nets for a record catch. The mesh nets got caught on the various ends and edges of the armor the knights wore and the more they tried to remove the netting, the more tangled they became. Standing back from their weighted nets, the lads pulled on their catch and every knight was pulled of their horse. Suddenly hundreds of the Camelot Gang ran onto the battlefield and pounced on the knights as they tried to stand on the uneven ground in the dark. Within minutes the ex-pages and serfs finished the familiar task of removing a knight’s armor. The countryside went quiet as the panting, bewildered knights stood dressed in their padded under garments without any weapons and just stared at the Camelot Gang.
The heaviest man said in a trembling voice, “W-w- who be thee?”
At a command from Sir Boche, hundreds of torches were lit as Arthur and Guinevere stepped into the, now brightly lit valley between their line and the burning camp.
“Know us now, Sir Albert?” asked Arthur.
The man blinked. “Thou be the boy what removed the sword.”
“True. And my wife.” He turned to the other knights. “Sir Knights. I be thy King Arthur an’ this be thy Queen, Guinevere. We hold no grudge against thee and wouldst invite yee ta join us at Camelot Castle.”
The men looked at each other. One stepped forward and kneeled. “My King, my Queen. I much regret mine actions this day an’ shouldst thou invite me, I wouldst gladly make a vow of allegiance ta yee.”
“Thy vow of allegiance has been heard. Arise an’ join us Sir Knight. Take thy armor an’ sword an’ never again raise it against thy king an’ queen.” The man did as he was ordered. The others stepped forward and kneeled before their king and queen and were rewarded the same way. All that remained was the shivering, Sir Albert.
“Then, what of me?”
“Dost thou accept us as thine King and Queen, Sir Albert?”
“Sire,” he said with open hands. “Never hath I wished thee harm. I gathered these an’ other knights ta greet thee and the queen at Camelot in two days
time. Never hath I thought yee shouldst travel ta me!”
Arthur smiled as he paced back and forth before the groveling man.
“Well, we like to surprise our friends.”
“Ah, an’ a good surprise it be too, Sire,” he said, “might I put mine armor back on, Sire?”
Guinevere stepped forward. “Sir Albert, dost thou remember me?”
A furrow appeared across his brow as he thought hard, then when he remembered a look of shock crossed his face. “Are yee the one what struck me with the sword from the stone?”
“Tis I.”
“Ahh, yes. Pray let me tell thee of that evil evenin’, my queen. I was beneath the spell o’ that wizard, Merlin an’ knew not what I be doin’.”
Suddenly out of thin air Merlin appeared.
Sir Albert eyes bulged as he pointed. “My queen! It be him. He be an’ evil wizard what makes men do weird things ta the king an’ queen.”
Next to Merlin appeared James.
“Ahhhh! He be the boy what appeared in mine camp this very evenin’. My queen, they be evil demons.”
Guinevere gave him an icy stare. “Sir Albert, the only evil person here be thou. Know thee that thine queen canst remove thy title an’ allow no one ta call thee Sir Knight?”
He dropped to his knees and clasped his hands together. “My queen. I beg thee, allow me ta keep mine title.”
“What say yee ta being Sir Albert of the Royal Stables o’ Camelot Castle?”
His face lit up as he mouthed the title. “Sir Albert of the Royal Stables o’ Camelot Castle.” He shook his head. “My queen, what be mine duties?”
“Yee must make sure the royal stables be clean and rodent free. When the King or I want ta ride, thou shalt help ta make sure the horses be ready.”
A suddenly much happier Sir Albert asked, “Wouldst I have a lad or two ta assist me in me duties?”
New Jersey Yankee In King Arthur's Court Page 23
