by Carol Berg
“I agree,” said Kellea. “And I prefer a place that has more than one usable exit.”
The Dulcé nodded. “Very well. Then you must do exactly as I say. All right?” Though he wrinkled his face seriously at Paulo, a smile danced in his almond-shaped eyes. “This place may seem strange.”
The boy shrugged and pulled down his hat. “I’ve been about. Seen lots of things lately nobody’d believe.”
“We’ll not be remarked if we seem sure of ourselves and don’t gawk.” The Dulcé led our ragged group through passageways and deserted kitchens and dusty storerooms to an iron gate. Past the gate was a dimly lit, cloistered courtyard, the sheltered walkways lined by a double row of slender columns. A few trees grew in garden beds, thick-branched evergreens with long needles, but of no variety I recognized. Their light dusting of snow sparkled in the glow of white lanterns mounted on the cloister walls.
I grabbed the Dulcé’s arm. “Before we go further, Bareil. Tell us. Where are we?” I needed to hear him say it before I could believe.
“Have you not guessed, my lady?” He smiled. “We’ve come to Gondai. You walk in Avonar.”
CHAPTER 17
Gerick
I guess I have been scared my whole life. When I was little, I was scared of the dark, and Lucy always left me a candle or stayed with me until I went to sleep. And I was scared that when I grew up to be a soldier, I’d end up with only one arm or one leg or with my eye cut out like the men that came back from the war. But Papa told me that if I worked hard at sword training then I’d never have to be crippled like that. So I decided to train harder than anyone, though I knew I would never be as good as he was. Everyone said he was the best in the world.
Of course, I didn’t really know what being scared was until the night Lucy caught me making the lead soldiers march around Papa’s library. It was terrific fun, and I wondered why Papa hadn’t shown me how to do it earlier that evening when he’d finally said I was old enough to play with them. The idea of it came to me when I was in bed. I couldn’t sleep for wanting to try it, so I crept downstairs after Lucy had turned down the lamp and gone to bed. Mama and Papa had guests, so nobody would bother me in the library. Well, Lucy must’ve come back to the nursery to check on me that night. She ran down to the library—she was always good at guessing what I was thinking—and she saw what I was up to.
I never saw anyone so afraid. I thought she would be pleased like she was when I learned how to turn a somersault, or how to ride my horse without falling off, or how to write my name without getting ink all over. But on that night, if someone had given her a voice, she would have screamed every bit of it away again. She backed up against the door, looking like she wanted to run away, but instead she waved her arms and shook her head and pointed to the soldiers.
“But Lucy, it’s all right. Honest. Just tonight Papa told me I could use them,” I said, showing her how I could make the silver king climb over my leg.
But she wouldn’t hear anything or even move until I let them all drop down still. Then she ran over and held me tight until I thought I was going to be squashed. She was crying and rocking me like I was a baby even though I was five years old.
I didn’t like her to cry. Mostly Lucy and I had the best time. She knew lots of fun things to do, and of course because she was mute, she couldn’t yell or whine like Mama. Even if she thought I’d done something bad, she’d just show me again how to do it right and give me her “disappointed” look. I had never made her cry before. I told her over and over that I was sorry that I was out of my bed, but I just wasn’t sleepy and thought it wouldn’t hurt to play with the soldiers a while, since Papa did say I was old enough.
She acted like she didn’t even hear what I said, like she was thinking of something else altogether, something that she didn’t like at all, and she made me put the soldiers away and go back to the nursery with her. We sat by the nursery fire, and with her mixed-up way of signs and making faces and drawing pictures, Lucy told me that if anyone ever, ever saw me do anything like what I did with the soldiers, they would kill me. Even Papa.
“I don’t believe you!” I yelled at her. “You are an ignorant servant!” That’s what Mama always said when one of the servants told her something she didn’t like. “Papa loves me more than anybody. He’d never hurt me.” I turned away from her so I couldn’t see her tell me anything else, but she took me by the shoulders and marched me all the way through the castle to a room near the northwest tower. It was a girl’s bedchamber. Everything was tidy and clean, but it smelled closed up, like no one had lived there for a long time. Dolls and little carved horses sat on a shelf, and books and writing things lay on a desk. On the wall was a painting of four people: a man, a woman, a boy, and a girl. I couldn’t understand why Lucy was showing me that room, until I caught sight of myself in the looking glass that hung next to the picture. The boy in the picture could have been me, and the woman in the picture looked a lot like the portrait of Grandmama that hung in the music room.
“Is that boy Papa?”
Lucy nodded, and then pointed to the little girl in the picture and to the room we were in.
“That must be Papa’s sister, Seriana, and this is her room.”
Lucy nodded again. No one ever talked about Papa’s sister. Whenever she was mentioned, people looked upset and clamped their lips tight. I’d thought she must be dead and that it made people sad to think of her. That gave me a terrible idea. “Lucy, did someone kill Seriana for making the soldiers march?” Lucy started to cry again and bobbed her head. I didn’t ask her to explain any more, and I didn’t ask her who had done the killing. I just let her hold me for a long time and told her I really didn’t mean it when I called her ignorant. She showed me that she understood.
Only after Lady Verally came to live with us when I was seven did I learn that it wasn’t Papa’s sister that had been killed, but her baby, and that Papa had done it. I learned that the things I could do were called sorcery and that sorcery was the most evil thing in the world. Seriana’s husband had been burned alive for doing it. I didn’t feel wicked when I made the soldiers march around, or when I made the cats stay out of my room when they made me sneeze, or when I made the sharp thorns fall off the draggle bushes when I went exploring in the hills, but I knew that what Lady Verally said had to be true, because Papa would never kill anyone who wasn’t wicked.
So Lucy hadn’t been exactly right in what she told me. Some things were just too hard for her to explain in her signs and pictures. Probably she thought I was too little to understand, but she got me scared, which is what she was trying to do. From that first day she watched everything I did even closer than before. She taught me to stay away from anyone who might guess that I could do such wicked things, and how I always would have to think about everything I did and everything I said so they would never know the truth about me. I certainly couldn’t stay around Papa any more. I figured that if he could see the wickedness in a little baby, then he would be able to see it in me, too. Lucy didn’t think I was wicked, but she was not near so wise as Papa.
After that night in the library, I only felt safe when I was with Lucy. When Mama said it was time for Lucy to be sent away, because I needed a tutor rather than a nurse, I planned to run away to wherever they would send Lucy. I should have known she would find a way to stay with me. Lucy was my best friend in the whole world.
I couldn’t believe it when Seriana—Seri, she said to call her—came to live with us. Lady Verally said she’d heard that Seri had killed Papa, and that she was a witch and had stolen Mama’s senses, though everyone knew Mama didn’t have much sense to steal. I didn’t see how I was going to keep my secret if Seri was around. She would be used to sorcery and would see it in me even easier than Papa. The first time I met her, she went right to the soldiers in the library. That scared me, even though I didn’t know who she was. I wondered if she could tell what I’d done with them. So I decided that I had to get rid of her right away. Lady Verally
said that Seri had come to Comigor for revenge, and I was certain that when she found out about me, she would make sure I was burned like her husband was.
But all that thinking was at first, before I started watching her. She wasn’t at all like I expected. When she told me about Papa dying . . . well, it didn’t sound like she hated him, even though she must have thought I was a stupid five-year-old, who couldn’t guess she was leaving out a lot of the truth. She worked hard and treated everyone with respect, even the servants and Mama. She didn’t seem vengeful, and she knew all sorts of interesting things about the weather and history and making things, and especially about Comigor. Even though I didn’t dare trust Seri, I started to wonder if maybe Lady Verally had the story wrong.
When Lucy heard that Seri had come to stay at Comigor, she was almost as scared as the night I made the soldiers march. I asked her if she thought Seri was come to kill me for revenge or if she would tell King Evard and have me burned if she found out about me. Lucy just let me know over and over that I must stay away from Seri. When I talked about Seri, she would start to cry, so I couldn’t ask all the things I wanted. And so, as the weeks passed, I didn’t tell Lucy that I had come to think that Seri might actually be a good person to have as a friend. Seri might not think I was so evil as everyone else would. Maybe she had loved her wicked husband and her wicked baby like Lucy loved me, even though they were evil and deserved to be killed. Then came the day before Covenant Day, when I found out how I’d been fooled.
I had given up watching Seri all the time. She knew about the spyholes and always guessed when I was around, though she didn’t seem to mind very much. One day when we were both up on the secret tower, she had told me that there were only a few places in the castle where there were no spyholes: Papa’s study, some of the bedchambers, the guard towers, the small reception room, the banquet kitchen, and the locked garden that had been Grandmama’s. I thought it might be fun to see if I could make spyholes for those places. Then there would be something I knew about the castle that Seri didn’t. Some of the places were too hard, and I decided I oughtn’t spy on the bedchambers, but I got up every night when everyone was asleep and worked on the others.
On the morning before Covenant Day I got up while it was still dark to work on the spyhole in the reception room. But I got sleepy and decided to go back to bed. Before I reached my room, Seri came down the stairs, bundled up in her cloak like she was going outside. I thought that was strange, as it was still at least an hour before dawn and she always took her walks in the afternoons. I followed her down to Grandmama’s garden, and used my new spyhole to watch her. For a long time it wasn’t interesting at all. She just walked up and down the paths, but she looked excited, and at every sound she would jump and look behind her.
Just at dawn, I started feeling hot and prickly all over, like the sun was coming up inside of me instead of in the sky. Then, even stranger than that, two people walked right out of the sunrise. There wasn’t a gate or a door, or any place they could have been hiding. They wore white robes, and it was clear Seri had been expecting them. She sat down with one of them, an old man that looked wild and strange. A lot of what they said I didn’t understand, but some things—the important things—I did.
Seri said, “I’d never endanger either one of you. I’m only here because I came upon an opportunity to repay my brother for all that happened.”
Repay my brother for all that happened . . . . Revenge. Lady Verally was right.
The old man said that the younger, taller man that walked with Seri in the garden was the prince who had killed Papa. I couldn’t hear everything she said to the younger man, but there came a time when they stopped in front of a dead tree, and he lifted his hand to it. Suddenly the tree leafed out and bloomed and died again, a whole year’s worth of living all while I watched. I knew what evil could make such things happen, so I knew what evil Seri had brought to my house. Lady Verally had been right all along. A sorcerer had killed Papa. That sorcerer was Seri’s friend, and she had brought him to Comigor to finish her revenge.
I didn’t wait to see where they all went. Instead, I hurried inside so I could tell somebody what was happening. I ran to Mama’s room, but Lady Verally told me that Mama couldn’t see anyone and that it wasn’t proper to tell me why. That meant the baby was being born. Maybe Seri had persuaded the sorcerers to make this baby come early so it would die like the others.
“You won’t let Seri into Mama’s room, will you—or any strangers?” I said. “I know she’s a witch, just as you’ve told me.”
Lady Verally used my chin to pull my face up into her old, wrinkled one. “Have you seen signs of evil? We’ll send for the royal inquisitors and have them question her.” Her eyes burned.
I didn’t know what to answer. The thought of royal inquisitors made my stomach hurt. If they started looking for sorcery, then they would be sure to find me. I tried really hard not to do anything evil, but I didn’t always know what was evil and what was not. Some things just happened. That’s why Lucy always watched me so close. No, I couldn’t tell Lady Verally what I had seen, so I just said I didn’t want Seri to hurt Mama or the new baby.
“She’ll never get close, my little lambkin, and you stay away from her, too. I’m going to have her sent away from here. Captain Darzid is on his way here from Montevial. The captain helped your papa destroy that woman’s evil husband and demon child. When the captain arrives, I’ll tell him about her sneaking in here with your papa not even cold in the ground. He’ll see she’s taken away.”
I had never liked Captain Darzid. He was always putting his arm around my shoulders, asking what I was doing or what I was studying or who were my friends, and all the time watching me. If I was practicing in the fencing yard, he would lean on the wall and watch, or if I was reading in the library, he would read over my shoulder. Lots of times he would give me a particular sneaking smile as if we were special friends. I was glad when he moved away from Comigor after Papa died.
If Darzid was coming, and Lady Verally was going to set him looking for sorcery, I had to be ready to bolt. It was no use wishing I was older or bigger or better at sword fighting, so that I could protect Mama or the baby from Seri and the sorcerers. I would be doing good to protect myself. I planned to run so far away that no one would ever find me. I spent the rest of that day getting some things together in a pack: a knife that someone had lost in the fencing yard, some cold buns that I saved from breakfast, some cheese that was set out on the sideboard for dinner, a warm shirt and gloves, and five silver coins that Papa had given me the last time we went to Montevial. I argued with myself about it, but finally went to the locked case in the library and took out the green silk bag with the Comigor signet ring in it. It belonged to me now, and I might have need of it someday. I hid my pack in the cellar.
I would have gone that very afternoon, but the next day was Covenant Day, and no matter what, I had to be there. Papa would expect it of me. Some things you just have to do, even if you hate them in the worst way. I would have to sit with Seri all day, and she would pretend that she didn’t have friends that were sorcerers, and that she hadn’t brought them to Comigor to kill us all. I stayed awake all that night so they couldn’t sneak up on me.
I didn’t see how anyone could do things as right as Seri could, and yet be so wicked underneath. She tried hard to take care of the tenants in the right way, just like Papa always said we had to do, showing them how they were important and respected. By the end of the day, I was tired and confused again. But then Seri made a mistake. I was ready to drink a glass of wine with her, but she started talking about Papa and how he would be proud of me. That made me think of him and how he wouldn’t ever be there for Covenant Day again because of her and her sorcerer prince. It made me angry to know she’d brought Papa’s murderer to our house. I wondered if maybe the wine was poisoned, so I threw it at her and ran away. I felt like a coward.
When I left the great hall, I made a quick trip to my room to
grab my cloak and down to the cellar to get my pack. I was ready to go except for one thing. I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to Lucy. I hoped to slip in and out of her room without anyone seeing me, but the servants’ quarters were as busy as an anthill, what with Covenant Day and the baby being born and all. I had to hide in an empty room until everything quieted down. Hours passed. I could have bitten a brick in half by the time Tocano went around turning down all the lamps. Even then I gave it a bit more time just to be sure. I wished I could make myself invisible.
When I finally got to Lucy’s room, light shone out from underneath the door. Lucy never seemed to sleep very much. Whenever I came to her, she would be rocking in her chair, facing the doorway and smiling, as if she were just waiting for me to walk in. That night though, when I scratched on the door, I didn’t hear her chair creaking, or her tapping that would tell me to come in, or any other sound. I almost didn’t go in for fear of waking her. But I had to leave and I had to tell her, so I pushed open the door.
I’d never seen a dead person before, but even if there hadn’t been all the blood, I would have known Lucy wasn’t there any more. Her room had always been friendly, full of the things we played with and things we made, but on that night it just seemed dirty and cluttered. I sat beside her chair for a long time, too stupid to do anything but cry. Then I finally told myself that she wasn’t coming back, and that the ones who killed her were probably looking for me. That made me angry again, and I guess I went crazy for a while.
Seri and her friends had killed Lucy. Seri had told the old man how there was only one old woman who gave her cause to worry, and how she could “take care of her.” I wanted to hurt Seri for what she’d done. I could think of only one way to do it, because Seri only cared about one thing—Comigor. I wanted to burn the place down, but I couldn’t do it. I was the lord, so I was responsible for the house and all the people on its lands. Nothing else seemed big enough. But then I thought of a small thing that Seri would hate.
