It wasn’t my imagination that his eyes were getting glassy, and it definitely wasn’t in my head that I heard his voice get just a little hoarser as he said, “You didn’t ask me to stay.”
“No, and I wouldn’t,” I told him. “I love you, and I’m not going to make you pick. You don’t do that to someone who means the entire universe to you. Grandpa Gus told me once that when you love someone, you threw them up into the sky to fly, Dimples. You don’t just open your hand to let them go. Because you know who they are, and they know who you are, and that’s all that matters. You don’t hold back someone you love. Even if I don’t want to go so long without seeing you, you have to go.” It was my turn to reach over and cup his lean cheek. He’d shaved, and I could just barely feel the prickles of his beard growing back in. “And I was just looking into it. Literally, right before you walked in, I was reading up. I can stay in the country for ninety days at a time on a tourist visa, and I don’t know if you knew this or not, but I’m the boss of this place, and I bet they could survive without me for a while once I train the assistant manager to do more of the things that I do.”
“Yeah?” he replied, those golden-brown eyes sparkling, or at least to me, it seemed like they were. He slowly eased forward until his forehead was against mine, and Mo was there, digging a hand into my hair until we were both giving her kisses on each cheek. After a few moments, it was his turn to whisper. “I’ve looked it up too, and there’s a better option as well.”
I moved the pad of my thumb right under his fat bottom lip. “What is it?”
“I reckon it’s our best option,” he replied, easing away just a little, the corners of his mouth edging upward. “At least the only one that makes the most sense. Our only option, really. If you’re ever ready. If you ever can, but you have to know that I’m fine with whatever you decide, love. But it would be better all around.”
“I know I could get a work visa.” I kissed one corner of that mouth. “Grandpa Gus has got friends in Tokyo that—”
Jonah touched his lips to mine. I sensed him fumbling for a second before his mouth brushed a light kiss across the bow of mine and then one more on the other corner. Only then did his big, free hand take mine in the same way it had so many times lately. “Lenny,” he murmured. Those fingers stroked over my own. I could feel his breath on my lips, and it made me want to kiss him again.
So I did.
And it was then that I felt it.
Something cold and hard, followed by the heat of fingertips right after.
In the wake of his fingers as they moved across my skin, I glanced down and sucked in my breath.
Those hands, so big and rough and careful and gentle at the same time, threaded themselves through mine, squeezing.
“I’m coming back,” that soft voice stated with so much conviction I felt it. “And you’re coming to see me. This is just the beginning, Lenny. It’s nowhere near the end. I love you. I love you both, and we’ll be together again.” His voice dropped even lower as his fingers rubbed over my ring finger. “Marry me. Before I go. If you change your mind, I can get you a visa, easy. If you don’t change your mind, you know I’ll always come back to you, yeh?”
I was too busy looking at the ring sitting on my finger to manage to find a word to say.
Marry him? Marry Jonah?
Holy fucking shit.
Here I’d been just thinking and stressing about being apart from each other.
Here I’d been, never even thinking about the “m” word in the first place.
And here Jonah was telling me to marry him.
To be with him, even if I couldn’t be with him.
Marriage. Marriage.
Forever. For some people. Not forever for other people.
And he wanted this? From me? With me?
My heart started pounding away at my fucking chest, and I could barely say, “Jonah, we don’t—”
“Shh.”
I blinked up at him, laughter erasing the fucking panic instantly, just wiping it right off. “Did you just shush me?”
He was already grinning when he nodded.
I laughed again. “You shh.”
That smile grew even wider before he proceeded to ignore me. “It’s a gray rose cut diamond,” Jonah explained, like I knew what the hell that was.
My fucking eyes strayed to the delicate yellow gold band and the two white, almost triangle-shaped diamonds tapered on each side of the center rock sitting on my finger.
He was serious.
There was a ring on my finger. And not just any ring, but a real one. One he’d bought for me.
Because he was telling me to marry him.
“It made me think of you,” he went on, his fingers taking each one of mine and massaging one at a time lightly as Mo slapped at his cheek. “But if you don’t like it…” He lifted my hand to his face and gave two of my fingertips a kiss. “Too bad, eh.”
What the fuck?
Something that was either a snort or a fucking crying choke snapped out of my throat. And then I couldn’t fucking help it. I couldn’t help but grin even as a thrill shot through me like a damn lightning bolt, straight down the middle, heady and brutal and beautiful and terrifying, but not really.
Not at all, actually.
I laughed again, right from my gut, from my soul, from the place inside of me that housed all of my joy. “Too bad?”
He nodded and settled my hand on his cheek, letting the tiny bristles tickle my palm. “We don’t have time to change it if we have to wait three days after getting the license to marry.” He smiled. “The office closes at five today.”
That beautiful, amazing fucking feeling filled my chest, but it still made me gulp, still stole my words and my thoughts and everything. “Why do I feel like you aren’t asking me?”
“Because I’m not.” He leaned forward again and brushed his lips across mine so softly it almost seemed like I could have imagined it. That mouth went to one cheek and then the other before he drew back and beamed me with an enormous smile I’d remember for the rest of my life. Jonah Hema Collins wrapped an arm around the back of my neck and drew me into that wide chest, and I let him. His voice soft in my ear as he informed me, “If I don’t ask you, you can’t tell me no, love.”
Three days later, when we got married in front of a justice of the peace, with Jonah holding my hands tight, with Grandpa Gus holding Mo on his shoulders beside Peter, with Luna, her husband, her sister, daughter, and my grandpa’s friend and his wife, I smiled so much my cheeks hurt.
The very next day, when Mo and I dropped him off at the airport, and he gave us a hug that lifted us into the air as he told us how much we were loved, and how there was nothing we couldn’t handle together, I made sure I was smiling then too…
Even though it broke my heart.
Chapter 22
Subject: Please
Lenny DeMaio:
Wed 4/29/2019 1:29 p.m.
to Jonah Collins
I’m about to give up on you.
Please. Just call me back.
“Somebody’s distracted.”
I blinked up from the salad I’d been poking at for the last few minutes. “Yeah. I’ve got my mind on some things,” I told her, stabbing at a falafel before shoving the whole thing into my mouth.
I was distracted. Mainly by a six-foot-five man who weighed two hundred and fifty pounds year-round, was too handsome for words, and had a heart of fucking gold. A person I enjoyed being around. A person that I loved.
The guy who’d put a ring on it before leaving.
The guy who’d video messaged me every day over the last two weeks since he’d left. Who had sent me multiple texts every day with pictures of what he was doing, what he was eating, of his teammates, the hotel room he was living out of. The man I missed the shit out of, mostly because I knew how far away he was.
I’d bet anyone would be distracted with that over their head.
And heart.
And fucki
ng soul.
Luna frowned over at me as she slowly chewed part of the huge grilled chicken salad she had put together not even fifteen minutes ago when we’d met up at our favorite salad buffet place for lunch. She was still frowning a moment later when she swallowed what she’d been eating and asked in a way that was way too careful for how long we’d known each other, “Want to talk about it?”
There was my Luna. Always there and never too into prying.
That thought felt like a tiny little sliver off my heart as I thought—again—about me leaving everything and everyone behind. Including her. The best best friend with boobs I’d ever had.
“I can keep a secret,” she kept going. “I’ll only tell Rip. Promise.”
That almost made me snicker. But not even her being herself was enough to ease my heartache… and confusion… and how torn I was about going with him to Japan.
Leave my job.
Leave Grandpa Gus.
Leave Peter.
Leave Luna.
Leave Luna’s family.
Leave Maio House.
Leave our house in the Heights.
Leave… everything behind except for Mo and Jonah with a little j.
Was I really considering it?
And did I have to feel like such a fucking traitor for thinking about it as much as I had?
The thing that got under my skin the most though was that the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn’t exactly feel scared when I contemplated leaving.
The biggest problem was that I couldn’t imagine my fucking life without Grandpa Gus and Peter.
And how could I just leave Maio House months after I’d taken it over?
How the hell was I supposed to choose between the loves of my life?
Something soft landed on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “You look so sad, Lenny. What is it?”
I glanced up at Luna and raised my eyebrows as I gave her a brittle smile, dropping my fork into the huge metal bowl. I wasn’t that hungry. I couldn’t remember there ever being a time, other than when I was getting over being sick, where I wasn’t hungry. If that wasn’t a huge fucking sign that there was something wrong with me, I didn’t know what else would be.
“I’m not sad,” I told her. “Just… conflicted.”
She fucking took it. “Because of Jonah?”
I nodded.
“Because you miss him a lot?”
She’d known all about him leaving; we had seen each other the day after he’d flown to Japan. Plus, we’d kept up our lunches even while he’d still been in Houston. She knew everything. Except for his invitation. I hadn’t told anyone about that.
I rubbed a hand over my chest as I glanced down at my salad.
I had known my entire life that Maio House was going to be my place.
How was I supposed to leave it? Leave everything? I had a place here. Responsibilities. My fucking loved ones.
But there was Jonah. And Mo. Mo who lit up every time she was around her dad. She’d cried the whole way home after we’d left him at the airport. I doubted it had been my imagination that she’d been fussier than normal, especially at night, since he’d left. And I had liked Japan. I had lived there for three months years ago; I’d been back twice since then.
What the hell was I supposed to do?
Not be a whiny little bitch, that was what.
I looked up, grabbed my fork again and stabbed at a cherry tomato before popping it back into my mouth. When I was done, I focused on my friend who looked so worried it made me feel bad. We barely got to see each other in the first place, and here I was being a vibe kill.
Luna scooted forward on the bench she was sitting in, a frown over that face that hadn’t gotten any less pretty over the last decade. “You look so sad, Len. I can tell by your eyes.”
If I couldn’t talk about this with Luna, who could I talk with? This was what friends were for anyway, wasn’t it? She would be the last person to ever give me a hard time for loving someone and wanting to be with them. Fuck it. “I’m not sad,” I answered. “But yeah, I do miss him a lot more than I thought I would.” I thought about it. “A lot more.”
She sat up and aimed bright green eyes at me, thinking. “So then go be with him,” she said, like she was giving me an address to meet her at.
I opened my mouth to tell her something but realized I didn’t know what to say.
“Or not. But if he’s going to be gone for, what did you say? Two years? And you’re going to miss him, go too. I’m sure he’d love it if you went. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He looked so happy at the courthouse, Len, like you made his whole freaking life. And I’ve seen the way you look at him. I’ve never seen you smile so much. Not even close.” Her smile was tighter than normal but just barely, just noticeable only because I knew her so well. “Do it, Len. Go.”
Do it, Len?
“He did ask me to go. A few weeks ago,” I admitted, feeling just a little bad that I hadn’t told her that from the beginning.
She lifted her hands palm up. “See?”
This wasn’t exactly what I’d been expecting, and I couldn’t keep the surprise out of my voice. “Go with him? That’s your advice?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
I blinked. “But it’s not that simple.” Was it?
Luna smiled and it wasn’t tight at all anymore. It reminded me of that eighteen-year-old version of herself who had beamed at me from across the mats at the original Maio House, like she’d known exactly how much I was going to need her in my life. “What’s so hard about it? You quit your job. You go.”
“Quit my job? It’s Maio House. It isn’t like I’m quitting the retirement home again. My last name is outside. Grandpa Gus—”
“It is just a job,” she told me seriously, her smile gone. “And if you say something dumb like but I don’t want to leave you either, you’re going to hurt my feelings. Because you’re always going to be my best friend, even if we see each other a little less and have to talk on the phone more to make up for it.”
That was a low blow. She knew damn well she was one of the last people in the world I would ever want to hurt. And then dropping that you’re always going to be my best friend?
Fucking hell.
“So then what’s the problem? Because you’re not getting rid of me even if you move to Japan and end up with a bunch of new friends. I’ll fight ’em.”
“I’ve got friends here.”
“I thought I was the only real one left now that you still talked to.”
Fine. She had a point there. “Family—”
That had Luna rolling her eyes with a scoff. “You think Grandpa Gus would let you leave without him? Or Peter? I’d give them a month before they followed you out there.”
I—
Huh. Huh. She did have a point. Kind of.
“Maio House,” I found myself bringing up too.
Luna reached over and placed her hand over mine. She rarely did that, and it made me freeze up and really look at her. Really, really listen. “Give me a break. I didn’t think you were scared of anything, Len, except maybe your grandpa. I never thought it would be a little ocean that would freak you out.”
A little ocean.
I flipped my hand over and held hers back, something weird and tight and freeing and terrifying at the same time making me hold my breath. “Maio House is my family business though, Lu.”
She set her other hand on top of our pile, her expression full of love and understanding and that thing that was all Luna and her endless compassion. “And this is your life. This place isn’t going anywhere. Grandpa, Peter, and I aren’t letting you never see us or talk to us again. There are phones, video calling, emails, planes, credit card miles… the only things you lose are the things you give up on.”
Chapter 23
Subject: Done
Lenny DeMaio:
Wed 5/5/2019 1:29 p.m.
to Jonah Collins
I had your daughter yeste
rday, asshole. She’s beautiful and she’s perfect. I’m done trying to reach out to you. I’m done bothering you and: begging you to contact me. She’s here and she’s not going anywhere. If you ever want to see her, we’ll be here. But I’m done trying.
Bye
“Lenny, sit with me.”
I didn’t even bother looking at my grandfather as I undid Mo’s bib, wiping her cheeks off with it afterward. “Why the hell do you sound so serious?” I asked him with a smirk as I brushed off the crumbs of her lunch of beans and mushy rice into my palm a couple days later.
“Because we need to have a serious talk, Len.”
I froze as Peter came to my shoulder, setting a hand on it as he said, in a voice that was too quiet, “I’ll take her. You talk to him.”
Okay.
This was weird. I tried to think back on whether Grandpa Gus and I had ever actually had a “serious” conversation, and nothing came to mind. What the hell was going on?
I swiveled my head to look at the man who was gazing down at my baby with so much love, I had to suck in a breath. He flicked his gaze to me and smiled, a big, real, tender smile. Then he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, his hand covering mine for a moment as he said, “Stay and talk to him.”
I eyed him, alarm filling up my belly even more. “Uh, why are you two being so serious?” Oh God. “Are one of you sick? Because I swear to—”
“No. Talk to your grandpa, Len,” Peter insisted, turning his attention back to Mo before dislodging the tray of her high chair and pulling her up and out of it.
I watched as he brought her close, kissed her cheek, and headed out of the room, whispering something to her I couldn’t totally understand. I almost dreaded turning around and finding Grandpa Gus sitting at the island, hands linked together on top of it, a cup of decaf sitting to the side of him. But he was smiling at me, so maybe this conversation wasn’t going to be totally serious despite what he’d said.
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