by Tia Lewis
Fuck them. I should start to live my life now. It had been more than a year. A couple of men had tried in that time and failed. I couldn't continue like this. I moved his hands from above the tank to underneath, pushing my bra the top of my chest. I felt him resist as I placed his hands on my breasts.
"What?" I whispered.
"Are you…are you sure about this?"
I wasn't. Not one bit. I still felt the fear and panic rising within me. But if I admitted such to Dylan, he'd stop right away. "Stop making it sound so serious. It's just sex," I said to him like I meant it. "You have only one job to do here, and that is to fuck me. Hard. Now do your job."
"But the story…"
"The story won't run away by tomorrow. Tonight, you are not the journalist. You're the guy that goes on this jolly ride. Now stop talking too much and get to work," I said and planted another kiss on his lips.
He pulled his hands away from under my tank and unclasped my bra despite that it wasn't even in the way. His hands skimmed over my breasts through my tank, and he pinched my nipples. I felt like I was going to die. This was heavenly. I moaned against him. He continued to play with my nipples, most definitely enjoying my reaction to him. The fear was rearing its head again, but I closed myself to it.
His kisses started to trail from my lips to my neck as he rolled my tank over my chest and pulled it off. As his mouth closed over my breast, I arched back relishing the delight as his tongue tantalized me.
"Oh shit." I managed to murmur. It had been too long. I almost forgot what this felt like. I reached for his pants immediately, and he swatted my hands off like they were some sort of flies.
"No. I do all the work," he said huskily. "Today it's about you."
He reached for the button of my shorts and popped them open quickly. Before I could react, he was unzipping my fly, and his hands were hovering above my shorts. Thank God I had done some grooming the week before. Who would have thought I would have gotten lucky? I nodded in assent of what he was about to do and immediately he slipped his hands into my shorts. My breath caught as he reached the promised land. As I tried to open my legs to accept his hands, my knee hit the leg of the coffee table.
"Fuck!" I cursed. It hurt like hell.
Dylan laughed at me as I scowled at the table for ruining such a moment.
"What's so funny?"
Before I could say another word, he kissed me. Whatever snide remarks I was about to make disappeared immediately. His fingers found their way back into my shorts again, and this time, I was careful as I opened my legs to let them through. I dug my fingers into his back as he slipped his fingers inside me. I momentarily stopped breathing as he built momentum inside me and to my own surprise, I came almost immediately. I was apparently out of practice.
He slipped his fingers out of me and pushed me gently to the floor. Dylan rested his elbows on the floor by either side of me and was almost on top of me. A part of me wanted to run away from him as fast as I could. This brought back the memories of that man bent over me. I closed my eyes tight and wished the memories away. They didn't disappear, but I didn't let them rule me.
He moved a little lower and started to kiss my breasts again. He apparently didn't realize my need for urgency. My heart pounded violently in my ribcage as he suckled one breast and kneaded the other. He raised his head and said something I didn't quite catch the first time.
"What?"
"Condoms. Got any?"
"Yeah. Sure." I whispered and got up. I headed toward my bedside table, grabbed some and went back out to him. The panic still wanted me to run like hell but I wouldn't. I was not one to run from my problems. That was why I needed him to get inside me as soon as possible before I changed my mind. I hurriedly tore the foil packet and handed it to him. I prepared my mind for what was to come as he slipped the latex over himself.
When he slid into me, I felt a shudder of pain, relief, pleasure, and lust all at the same time. I could never have guessed that I would feel all of the emotions at the same time. Deep down in me, I thank my stars that I had gone out the night I did. I probably never would have broken away from their grasps if I didn't.
It took a while but finally, I wrapped my legs around his hips, I felt him begin to move inside me with slow, practiced strokes. Shit! He was good. I groaned loudly as he began to move inside me and I was practically shaking with every thrust. This time, when I felt the quickening inside me, I forced myself to hold on a little longer. Little by little, the fear started to etch away and was replaced by sheer pleasure.
"Oh, my! Oh, shit! Fuck!" I found myself cussing as I got nearer and nearer to my peak. When I did come, I couldn't even find the right word for the way it felt. I cried out Dylan's name as I felt the wave of pleasure wash me to the brink and back. It was worth it. This was worth it. I was finally free of my curse.
Dylan continued to move inside me, seeking his own release. When he cried out and fell on top of me as he came, I felt fulfilled. I had done it for him, too. He laid on top of me, still for a moment and then he raised his head to kiss me on the lips.
"That wasn't so bad for testing the waters now, was it?" he teased.
I smiled. Not in the least bit bad.
16
Dylan
It'd been a week since the night at Alexa's. We'd been talking, but it had just been surface discussions. Nothing that dealt with the underlying situation and how to deal with it. Alexa was coming over to the office today to continue with the interview. The excuse that I gave inviting her over was that I wanted us to have a change of scenery. The actual reason was that I didn't know if I wanted to be alone with her for fear of what could happen.
She might not see it as I do, but I feared for her. I feared that this 'rediscovery' of sex might lead to her immersing herself completely in it, such that she sought solace and comfort in it. It had crossed my mind more times than I care to note, that she might run into someone else's arms when I was not around. And what if she fell into the hands of yet another rapist this time? There was no telling what could happen in cases of trauma.
My phone rang, and when I answered it, she told me that she was in front of the office building. I told her to go into the bar right across the office and that I'd meet her soon. The bar was a much safer option than the office. The moment she set her foot in this office building, everyone would know about my new story, would know she was the hooker, and a part of me cringed when I thought of what could happen afterward.
Shutting down my system, I hurried out of the newsroom before anyone could call me to attend to some other 'pressing' errands. She was seated in a rather obscure part of the bar when I got there. It was as though she and I had been thinking the same thing. I had got a bottle of beer before I headed over to join her.
"I really don't know why you had to drag me all the way down here, Dylan," she said by way of greeting when I got to her. "We could have waited till whenever it is you could have come down to my place."
"I'm really sorry to have dragged you all the way. I had to finish up some things here, so I thought to use the travel time. Would you like something else to drink?" I asked, pointing toward her almost empty Martini glass.
"Nah. I'm good."
"Alright then," I said and slid into the chair opposite her, putting my notepad and pen beside the bottle of beer. "Shall we?"
"Of course."
"So what made you decide school was your best bet? You could have decided that your other life brought in money as opposed to school that takes it away."
"The fact that some of us live on the streets doesn't mean we don't have dreams. Like everyone else, we have dreams, hopes, and aspirations. Mine was to do business management."
"Business Management. Quite an interesting choice. I never would've thought."
"Oh, there are a million things about me you never would've thought, sir," she said with a mischievous grin.
"I'm not even going to ask what and what that is. But going back to what we were talking a
bout. I don't know, but business management and your lifestyle don't sound like a good mix."
"Forget the illusion you've been fed that seemingly boring and serious courses only have boring people as students. Management is the end. My lifestyle is the means to that end."
"And at the end of the day, what's the plan?"
"Every other person's plan; to own and run a multinational company one day."
"That's good to know. Do you know other girls who have the same goals as yours? To go to school?"
"There are quite a number. But the real question is, do they actually get to go to school. Only very few are lucky enough to get out and make something good of their lives."
As I opened my mouth to ask another question, I felt a shadow fall over me. He spoke before I could even utter another word. How in the world did I not hear him approach us? Chris was staring down at me with a sly smile; as though he thought this was yet another one of my 'preys.’
"I thought it was you when I came in here," Chris said to me. "I was looking around for you at the office. Didn't cross my mind you'd be here."
"Yeah, I had to come work."
"Hi. I'm Chris," He said with an outstretched hand to Alexa. "We work together."
"I'm Alexa," she replied, taking his hand before I could warn her against saying her name.
"Oh, Alexa," Chris said with a knowing look. "It's nice to finally meet you."
"Finally meet me?" Alexa asked, still confused about the whole thing.
I decided it was time for me to come in. "We worked on the pitch of the story together." I offered.
"Oh," Alexa said with something that looked like disappointment, and I knew what she was thinking. One person already knew who she was. There was no telling how many others who would know if Chris decided to squeal, which I doubted that he would. He understood how sensitive this story was.
"Hey, seeing as I'm friends with Dylan, you think you can give me a discount on your services?" Chris asked to my utter chagrin.
Alexa's eyes had gone wild, and she was red with embarrassment. She hadn't said a word, but I think she was going to punch Chris in the face.
"Dude! Not cool at all!" I said and glared at him.
"Hey, I was just joking. I'm sorry," he apologized. "I know you're not in that line anymore. I'm just going to leave before things get a lot more awkward than they already are," he said and hurried off before Alexa could accept or reject his apology.
"I'm really, truly sorry, Alexa. He has a weird and quite inappropriate sense of humor."
"Really? Sense of humor? He practically rubbed it in my face. Asking for a discount because he's your friend!" she said, hissing. "What gives him the—Wait, did you tell him what happened between us the other night? Is that what this is about? To add him to the list, too?"
"I swear I didn't tell him anything. Other than when I just met you, and we were working on the pitch with Paula. Nothing more. I swear it."
"You're quick to swear. Doesn't mean I believe you."
"I know it is hard to believe, but why would I do that to you? We're friends for crying out loud!"
"Is that what we are? Or you think I'm just a hooker who you get to sleep with."
"You are my friend, Alexa. This thing started as a story, but that is what I see you as now. A friend. And it doesn't even matter that what happened did. I respect you a lot regardless."
She sat back in her chair, contemplating whether to believe me or not. I didn't say another word before I came across as too pushy.
"Fine. But about the other night. I guess we need to talk about it."
"Ummm, Alexa. About what happened… does that mean…" she didn't let me finish.
"Dylan, please don't take this personal. You're an amazing guy, but right now I'm not cut out for that. I've got a lot more on my plate."
"I beg your pardon?" I asked, confused. What in the world was she going on about?
"Dylan, you should know how this works. If you're thinking we're in a relationship or ought to be in a relationship because of this; then I think we'll have to keep our relationship strictly professional. This doesn't end in a romantic relationship, Dylan."
"Huh?"
"So you can't handle just sex? It happened then, and while I don't doubt the fact that it might happen again, I'm not looking for exclusivity or a serious relationship. Is that too much for you?"
"No. Not at all." I say with a smile. I heave a sigh of relief on the inside, thinking what a lucky guy I am. I didn't even have to give the speech. She did.
"I'm glad we understand each other. So what are we doing now?"
"Going back to work," I said still smiling.
17
Alexa
I sat in front of my laptop waiting eagerly for Dylan to call on Skype. For some reason (and oddly enough), I was finding myself more and more comfortable with having him around. It was like he knew just what to say to me to make my day without having to try so hard or seem so cheeky. And the fact that with him I was free to be who I really was is what blew my mind the most. The beauty of it all was the fact that our relationship had, so far, not been complicated by the undue romance that seemed to ruin things for everyone.
"Why exactly have you been sitting in front of that thing all day?" Patrice asked as she entered into my room.
"What?"
"Why have you been sitting in front of your laptop all day? Last time I checked we didn't have an assignment or test so pressing that you have to sit there all day."
"I haven't been sitting here all day. Stop exaggerating, Patrice."
"Oh you haven't, but your mind has. I've been watching you, ma'am. Before now, you were in the living, but you kept on turning back to the entrance of the door. You were gazing at the clock over and over, and it seemed like I was wasting your time by talking to you."
"I didn't make it seem like that."
"Oh trust me, you did. You made it feel much worse. But that is beside the point. The important thing I'm trying to pass across here is that you have been too focused on your room and laptop that I am beginning to wonder what exactly is going on. Did you sign up for an online escort service or something? You know you can tell me right?"
"I didn't sign up for an escort service."
"So what is it? Have you met someone? Did you meet a man you are not telling me about?" Patrice said and ran over to my side. She plopped herself on the floor and stared at me with wide puppy eyes.
I rolled my eyes. Patrice could be so melodramatic sometimes. I didn't understand how she managed to be so dramatic. I considered whether to tell her or not. She had no idea what happened between Dylan and me, and knowing her, telling her would be a totally terrible idea. She would never let me live it down. If I didn't tell her, and she found out, I would be in another bowl of trouble.
"Dylan is supposed to call me, and I really don't want him to call me when I'm caught up in one thing or another," I said instead.
"Dylan? Like the journalist Dylan? When did you guys become so close?"
"Erm, a quick reminder, ma'am, he works with me on a story. It's only normal that we get close."
"But not this close. I smell a rat. A huge fat rat. Spill!"
"It's nothing. We're supposed to just talk about stuff."
"It's not nothing, Alexa. In case you have chosen to ignore the obvious, Dylan has kind of been the topic of most of our discussions of late. It's been what, two weeks and we have spoken about it almost every single day for the past week. What's up?"
"Nothing's going on."
"So, nothing at all happened between you guys? Or will happen."
"Promise you won't freak out if I tell you something?"
"Oh my God!" Patrice said with wide eyes. "Oh my God!"
"Stop saying that. I knew you'd freak out."
"Fine, I'm calm." She said with exaggerated deep breaths. "Hit me with it."
"Dylan and I kind of hooked up about a week ago. It's nothing serious. Just a fling. It was just a crazy night, and
we just decided to get at it."
"Uh, by hook up you mean you guys actually had sex?" she asked, and I nodded. "Oh shit! You're kidding me."
"No jokes, babe. We actually did."
"So what you guys are an item now? Wow."
"No! Nothing like that. We aren't an item or anything like that. We're just really good friends that like to hang out with each other and bang when the urges arise. Nothing more."
"That's what they all say." Patrice, ever the paranoid skeptic said.
"Well, this isn't one of those things. We have an agreement that this is going to be strictly fun and games. No serious business. If I want the serious business, I'll go hunting for a boyfriend. But I don't think I have the strength for that kind of thing, so I'm just going to chill here and enjoy myself."
"And he agreed to that?"
"Why wouldn't he? He's not the relationship person either, so I didn't even have to convince him at all."
"I don't know, Alexa. This whole thing sounds like a really complicated game that will lead to people getting hurt."
"No one is getting hurt here, Patrice. That's just the saint in you speaking. We're both adults, and we've both spoken to each other and agreed that this thing is going to be just the way it is; just sex. Nothing more. No mutually exclusive relationship, no titles, no clinging anything."
"Then why is it that you're stuck in front of your laptop waiting for him to call?"
I saw the little girl, and I knew this was it again. I could feel a sense of déjà vu as a strong wind blew, and the air got even colder. I knew this thing; I knew this place. I knew this feeling. I had seen this before. Countless times, too. Only some things varied. This time, instead of the bright, lovely sun overhead, there was something else. A round object that looked like the sun but was not quite as bright. Like the previous dream, perfectly trimmed dried grasses that looked like beautifully done fibers of carpeting laid on the floor. Again like before, there was not a single entity in sight.
