by Sarah Thorn
Jake wondered why Mike wasn't supporting him. Why didn't he ask for the real reason? All he could do was make him feel guiltier by pointing out how very beautiful she was. ''Jess and I aren't compatible. Our relationship is based on physical attraction. Sex.''
Mike thought that was a wonderful basis for a relationship. The last time he'd had taken a woman to bed he was a freshman, and now they were just months from graduating. ''Isn't she any good in the sack?'' he asked.
Jake looked at his friend. He was five ten, and thin. Thinner than anyone else on campus. He had long unkempt hair and a beard that looked like it needed a wash. His sneakers had holes in the soles, and his jeans looked like they'd been worn by a seventies movie star. ''Of course, she is. She's really good,'' Jake said.
''Then why the hell are you intent on ruining your relationship?'' Mike asked, nonplussed.
They were talking about Jess Williams, Jake's girlfriend of three years. Jess and Jake had met on their first day of college. Initially, they'd just talked, but soon, driven by her exceptional beauty, Jake had plucked up the courage to ask her on a date. Jess wasn't sure at first. Jake was lanky and a bit awkward, and she wasn't sure she found him attractive. He had golden hair which was all over the place and shoes which had never seen polish since the day they left the factory.
Nervous and shy, having just left home for the first time, Jess had tried to find good reasons why she shouldn't date him, and she'd found plenty. His nose was too big, his eyes were brown, his shirts were loud, and he was a lousy listener. But he had one overwhelming feature. His sense of humor. Whenever she was near him, he made her laugh. In fact they'd had so much fun together on the first date, she'd been bitterly disappointed he hadn't kissed her and asked her on another date when he'd dropped her off at her shared apartment. When he called her the next morning to go for lunch at a local diner, she was already hooked on him.
After that lunch, she'd invited him to her room. They spent an hour or two listening to music and drinking coffee. Eventually, Jake took her hand and leaned down to kiss her. Minutes later they lay naked in each other’s arms. Jess had never been so turned on in her young life. Jake found her so hot, all he was worried about was not ejaculating as soon as he entered her. But he didn't. In fact, his lovemaking was so accomplished she discovered for the first time that she was capable of multiple orgasms. Afterward, she lay in his arms, satisfied and glowing.
''If she's good in bed and she's hot, what is wrong with you?'' Mike said, flicking his cigarette ash onto the parched lawn.
''We don't talk about anything interesting.''
''Jesus, Jake. Are you gay?'' Mike's asked, his eyes widening.
''What?''
''You're a man. Men aren't supposed to worry about conversation. All men think about is sex. You've got a darn hot girlfriend, who you say is great in bed, and you complain about a lack of conversation. Jesus man, you're weird.'' Mike had always been jealous of Jake's relationship with Jess, all the more reason he couldn't understand his friends point of view. Then it dawned on him. ''You've got someone else. It's got nothing to do with conversation. You're cheating on her.'' He jumped up and looked into Jake's eyes. ''See, you can't look me straight in the eye.'' Mike put out his cigarette by dropping it and stamping on it. ''Oh my God. You are cheating on her,'' he said when he saw a smirk come over Jake's face.
''Alice Brearley'' Jake said.
''You are seeing Alice Brearley,'' Mike repeated in disbelief. ''I don't believe you. No way.''
''Yip, I'm shagging our tutor, and she's wonderful. She makes me....''
''I don't want to know,'' Mike said putting his hands over his ears. ''How could you do that to Jess? She's a wonderful woman. She doesn't deserve that. Jesus Jake, she loves you.''
''Well, she's going to have to un-love me.''
''Heartless bastard,'' Mike said as he picked up his bag and walked away. Mike was genuinely shocked and sorry for Jess. Mike had been in love with Jess since he'd first seen her, but he'd never found the courage to talk to her for any length of time. He'd just assumed that she was way out of his league. He was upset for her, even thought there was a tiny part of him that thought, 'chance.'
*****
Jess looked at Alice Brearley as she stood at the head of the class. Alice was the kind of woman all the female students were jealous of. She was highly intelligent, already a senior lecturer at just thirty-five. She had dark shoulder length hair and large breasts, the kind male students drooled over. Alice's ass was so perfect even Jess had found herself standing in front of the mirror in her bedroom wondering if she could compete.
''That's it for today,'' Alice said. ''Don't forget to hand in your midterm papers by Tuesday next.''
Jess got up from her chair and looked across at Sophie. They grinned at each other. ''She's seeing someone,'' Sophie said as they walked down the locker-lined corridor.
''What makes you say that?'' Jess said.
''The smile on her face. Alice Brearley has got such a wide smile on her face; she's definitely getting it, and getting it good.''
Jess and Sophie always talked about Alice when they left their Friday lecture. Jess guessed it was because Alice was what both of them aspired to be. Smart, intelligent, successful and perfectly formed.
''Do you want to get a coffee?'' Sophie asked as they walked out of the cool corridor into the heat of the day.
''No thanks, I'm meeting Jake by the statue.''
''You and Jake are quite an item, aren't you?'' Sophie observed. She was small, and a little plump, and she knew she wasn't capable of getting such a man. ''Wedding bells?'' she asked.
Jess laughed. ''Maybe, one day.''
''Really?'' Sophie hadn't expected such an honest answer. ''Do you love him so much?''
''I love him very much indeed. He's a great guy,'' Jess said proudly.
Sophie looked at Jess. Jess had a perfect body. A flat stomach and long slender legs. Throw in a firm behind, shoulder length blonde hair and a perfectly formed chest and Sophie wanted to cry. ''Wow, I didn't realize you two were so......''
''Close?'' Jess said. ''Yes, we are. Look, there he is,'' she said enthusiastically as they rounded the corner.
''He's a really nice looking guy,” Sophie said.
''Yes, he is isn't he. Do you know, when I first met him I didn't think he was at all good looking? But now, well, he's gorgeous.''
''Hi Jake,'' Sophie said when they arrived at the statue. Jake ignored her and looked at Jess.
''See you around,'' Sophie added as she walked in the same direction Mike had a few moments earlier.
Jess sat down next to Jake and took his hand. ''Phew that was a hellish lecture. I'm exhausted,'' she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. ''I really need to get some studying done in the next couple of weeks. The work seems to be piling up faster than I can learn it.'' When Jake didn't say anything, she looked at him. Are you alright?'' she asked, putting her hand to his forehead and wiping away a few drops of perspiration. ''It's so darn hot isn't it?'' she observed. Jake sighed and looked down at his feet. ''Jake what is it? You're acting weird?''
''I want to talk to you,'' he looked at her. Her pretty face covered in concern.
''What, are you ill?'' She threw her hair back away from her face.
''No, I'm fine. Jess, I want to take it a little easier.''
Jess didn't know what he meant. ''Well you have been studying hard and all that jogging you do, it's probably worn you out.''
''No. I'm not tired. I mean us.''
Jess's heart rate began to increase. ''What about us?'' she asked fidgeting with her bracelet.
''I want to take it a bit easier.''
''Jesus Jake, I don't know what you're trying to say. Do you want to leave me?''
What Jake wanted was what a lot of men want. To be able to bang someone else and have their long term partner as the rock they rely on. ''No I.......I don't know. I mean it's all a bit.......''
''You are, aren't you?'' Jess felt
a lump come into her throat. ''You don't want me anymore. Jesus, you're finishing with me.'' She put her hand over her mouth in disbelief.
''I just want to take it a bit easier,'' he said again.
''You bastard. What does that mean, take it easier?'' she mimicked him. ''If you loved me you wouldn't be saying this to me. I thought we were good together.''
Jake looked at her eyes, full of tears. He hated himself, but he knew he was too weak to resist the lust Alice's perfect body awoke in him. ''I feel pressure to...''
''Pressure? To what? I have never made any demands of you in all the time we have been together.'' The first tear escaped and rolled over her cheek. ''I have done nothing but give you my love, unconditionally, and you know that.'' There was a hint of anger in her voice.
Jake was pleased she was getting angry, It would make his task easier. ''I don't want you anymore Jess. I want my freedom.''
His words hit her like a freight train. Three years of intense feeling, shared happiness and love were being wrenched from her in a flash. What did he mean? Surely he was confused. Perhaps if she gave him some time, he would come round. Her mind fired one question after another, more than she had answers to. ''Alright,'' she heard herself say. It's not what she'd wanted to say. She wanted to go home with him and make love, stroke his face and tell him how much she loved him. But now, her world in tatters, all she could do was agree to let him go. ''So sudden,'' she sobbed, shaking her head.
''I'm sorry. Do you want me to call Sophie? Will you be alright?''
''What I want is for you to get the hell out of my way,'' she said, aiming a blow at his chest.
''Okay, I'm going.'' He stood up and put his hand on her shoulder.
''Get the f..,'' she cried, thrusting his arm from her. ''Just go.''
She sat under the statue for what seemed like hours, staring into space. She was stunned. It had been the last thing she'd expected to happen. Jake and Jess, it had such a lovely rhyme to it. It rolled so easily off the tongue. Everyone called them the two J's.
She wanted to stand up and go, but she couldn't. She wondered how she would put one foot in front of the other. She heard the clock in the tower above the main entrance strike, three, four and five pm, but she didn't care.
''Jess, what the hell?'' Sophie said trotting toward her. ''How long have you been sitting here?''
Jess shook her head. ''Dunno.''
''Jake called me. He's worried about you.'' She sat down next to Jess and took her hand.
Worried? How could he be worried? He'd made it perfectly plain he didn't care for her anymore. Why his pretend worry? ''He's ended it.'' she sobbed.
''I know, he told me.'' Sophie squeezed Jess's hand. ''I'm so sorry. Really sorry.''
''I feel so........empty.''
Sophie wanted to tell her that she'd get over it, but she knew Jess wouldn't feel that way so soon after. ''Come with me, to my place. A shower, something to eat and bed, that's what you need now.''
*****
''Men are bastards,'' Sophie said the next morning. She and Jess were sitting at the kitchen table in Sophie's apartment. It was a typical student's place. She shared it with four other girls and as usual, the sink was stacked with dirty dishes and the sideboard was full of empty cereal boxes. ''They really are.''
''Jake isn't,'' Jess said. ''Maybe he just needs some time. I mean guys sometimes get cold feet when a relationship gets serious.'' Her eyes had red circles around them where the salt in her tears had irritated her skin.
''Jess. Stop dreaming. Yesterday he told you he didn't want you anymore. Accept it and move on.''
''But I love him. How the hell can I move on, just like that? I can't just flick a switch and turn off all my feelings.''
''Well if you ask me, he's a real bastard. Dumping you like that, no warning, no explanation, nothing.'' Sophie took a mouthful of tea and bumped her mug back on the table with more force than she'd intended.
Suddenly Jess turned white. ''Do you thinks he's got someone else?'' It hadn't occurred to her before. She'd just thought he needed a break. The thought that another woman may have him made her nauseous.
''I wouldn't rule anything out,'' Sophie said without thinking. Jess began to cry at the thought. ''No, I'm sure he hasn't. He probably wants his freedom. You know, to be with the boys for a beer and football.''
''If he had someone else I really don't think I could bear it,'' Jess said, wiping her hand across her cheek.
''You're as hot as hell. You're by far the most attractive girl in college. You could have any man you want to, unlike me.'' Sophie said in a moment of self-pity.
''You're okay. You could get a boyfriend easily. You just don't try.''
''What do you mean?'' Sophie was confused. She'd always tried. She knew she was short and a bit dumpy, but she always wore makeup and got her hair done once a week.
''You don't flirt with them. You should relax a little more and joke with men.'' Jess put her hand on Sophie's pajama sleeve. Lighten up. I think a lot of men are interested in you. Its' just every time one talks to you, you get so nervous, you clam up.''
Sophie blushed. She couldn't complain, Jess was right. She wanted a boyfriend so desperately she was a bag of nerves. ''You're correct. Totally.'' She looked into her mug and swirled the rest of her drink around. ''Okay, I'll give it a try.'' They smiled at each other.
Someone knocked on the door. Sophie got up and went to see who it was. ''Mike, what a nice surprise. What can I do for you?'' She noticed Mike had trimmed his beard and combed his hair.
''Er......'' he shifted from one leg to the next on the doorstep. ''Is Jess here?'' Sophie was disappointed. For one split second, she'd thought that he'd finally noticed her. ''Yes, come in.''
''Hi Jess,'' he said when they reached the kitchen.
Jess was pleased to see him. He was Jake's confidant. Maybe he could shed some light on his friend's decision. ''Hi Mike.''
''You look awful,'' was all he could say. She did, but as soon as he'd said it, he knew it wasn't the right thing to have said. It was just that she always looked so immaculate, and now sitting in a dressing gown in the disgusting kitchen, she looked disheveled. Out of place.
''Thanks for your kind words,'' Jess said. ''So what did he tell you?''
''Who?'
''Jake, of course, who else?'' He may be a great law student, but just sometimes he had the brain of a fly, she thought.
He hadn't bargained for that. Not for a moment had he thought that she would ask him what Jake had said. All Mike had wanted to do was ask Jess out, to take her mind off it. Either he had to lie to protect her or tell her the truth. ''He's screwing Alice.''
Jess screamed and threw her mug across the room. It smashed against the wall and broke into pieces. ''What? I don't believe it. How could he?''
Sophie looked daggers at Mike. ''You insensitive bastard,'' she said to him. ''Couldn't you have kept that to yourself?''
''But it's the truth,'' he complained.
Jess screamed again and swiped the teapot from the table. '' Bastard. I'll kill him. Who the hell does he think he is?''
''We're talking about Alice Brearley, aren't we?'' Sophie asked him. When he nodded Jess slammed her fists on the table, sending a teaspoon hurtling to the ceiling.
''I'm going to get her. She shouldn't be involved with one of her students. I'm gonna get the bitch fired,'' Jess said before huge sobs engulfed her.
Mike stood up, sheepishly. ''I think I'd better go.''
''Yes you had. I didn't realize you were quite so unthinking,'' Sophie said as she scowled at him.
When he'd gone, she put an arm around her friend and let her cry.
*****
Jess checked her makeup in the rear-view mirror. It was the first time she'd worn makeup since the day Jake had dumped her. The roads weren't busy, and she'd made remarkably good time so far.
After she'd found out that Jake was cheating on her, she been very depressed, for weeks. The deaths of all her grandparen
ts put together hadn't caused her as much pain as Jake. In an effort to forget things, she'd decided to take herself on vacation. She needed peace and quiet. Somewhere to think. She was also painfully aware that since she'd split with Jake, she hadn't done any college work. She'd promised herself she would study each morning.
The cabin she'd found on the internet looked ideal. It was secluded, only a day's drive from Seattle. Her old Fiat was crammed full of supplies, clothes and study books, and as she drove along the freeway, she sang along to a few well-chosen songs. When 'I Will Survive,' by Gloria Gaynor played, she sang at the top of her voice and thumped the steering wheel to the beat. She worked herself up into quite an aggressive frenzy, and she wished she had some heavy metal with her.
She left the freeway at a sign for Evansville, and as she followed the road it began to get narrower and steeper. She slowed down, taking each corner carefully. She didn't want to meet a truck at speed on one of the bends. At one point the road became so steep, she was worried her old car wouldn't make it. Her dad had given her the car as a present for doing so well at school. ''It's not a new car because you're an inexperienced driver,'' he'd told her. ''But it'll get you from A to B, just fine.''
She reached a fork in the road and stopped to look at the instructions she'd written down. 'Left at the junction marked Marshall's Cave' she read. She turned left and followed the road over a plateau before it began to climb again.
''You're joking. No, stop,'' she shouted when she saw steam bellowing out of the front of the Italian vehicle. She stopped and released the hood catch. When she lifted the hood, there was steam everywhere. When most of the steam had blown away, she saw a steady trickle of water running from the radiator. ''Do I really deserve this,'' she shouted to the sky. Her voice echoed back from the cliff face across the road.
''Hi, is that AB breakdown service?'' she asked.
'Yes,'' a gruff voice confirmed.
''I've broken down. Do you think you can come out and fix my car?'' There was a long silence, and Jess looked at her cell phone to make sure there was still a connection. There was.
