by Maggie Lee
Soon a hand rests on my shoulder and I look up into a curious and then suddenly worried Arden's eyes.
"Who hurt you?" His voice comes out hard as he inspects the area around us.
"No one, I'm fine. Sorry, let's finish shopping. We need to visit the baker next." I brush him off and stand, ruffling out the creases and dirt I’ve gotten on my dress from sitting.
"You wouldn't be crying under some old oak tree if you were fine," he says, still eyeing around us.
"I'm just sad, it's fine. Let's finish shopping, the Grocers will want to go soon." My feet start moving, but a strong hand pulls me back by my wrist.
"Tell me what is going on? Are you sad about us? This situation?" For the first time, I think I see a vulnerability in Arden.
"We’re fine, I'm not..." I am though, he is right. I'm upset because I want to talk to my brother about it all. I can't tell him that though, I don't know where his loyalties lie. I believe in Arden and what we are doing, I just don’t know if he is ready to know about my brother yet.
“You’re not what, Mackenzie? What is going on? Why am I finding you crying? You have to tell me something. If someone didn’t do something to you then what is going on?” His voice is getting harder and I’m not sure what to say. I’ve never seen his anger directed towards me and I’m uncomfortable with it.
“Arden, please calm down. Its fine, I just thought someone...” I trail off unsure how to continue. I shouldn’t have said as much, and the anger in his eyes confirms it for me.
“Thought someone? Were you meeting someone? Is that what you do on this trips?” His voice is downright violent and I cringe away from him, expecting a slap of some kind to come my way. I’ve screwed up. Again.
His reaction doesn’t feel like the Arden I know and panic sets in. Is this the guy behind the mask of the gentlemen that's been courting me? Or have I upset him this bad?
Seeing my panic, Arden takes a step away from me, he’s still mad, but it’s a gesture to show that I’m safe from him. I finally let out the breath I was holding and calm myself a little. He’s mad, but he won’t hurt me.
“Arden, I’m sorry,” I whisper, and the tears start to fall again.
“Mackenzie...” He takes a step forward. His sudden movement startles me and I jump back, hitting myself against the tree. “I’m not going to hurt you, dammit!”
I brace myself against the tree as he continues. “You won’t tell me, its fine. It doesn’t even matter. However, I have spent this whole time trying to show you that I’m not like the king we have, that I won’t treat you like he does and somehow, you still think I will. We are going to be married, and I will be your king. Make the choice, rule beside me or hide behind him!”
“I’m not treating you like you are him!” I say back with as much strength as I can.
“You are, and now, meeting someone else here? While you have asked me on this trip? How bold! I won’t be made a fool!”
All of the anger that was fading from him is back and instead of fear, I’m pissed as well. He knows how I feel about my father, and to be mad because I’m scared? He can’t tell me how to feel! He doesn’t get to decide how he makes me feel.
"I wasn't making you a fool!" My tears start to fall again and I can't hold them back. I hate myself for being an angry crier, he doesn't deserve my tears.
"You were, with whoever you were meeting here. They must have let you down? I assume that's why you are upset? Well so am I, so I guess it's fair. Let’s go. We need to get moving so you can resume shopping with the Grocers, I wouldn’t want you to miss a ride back to the palace with them." Without another word he turns and starts to walk away.
Honestly, I am so shocked and angry that it takes me a good few seconds to try to catch up to him. I do a few quick steps, but decide that I don't need to really walk pace with him. He wants me to ride home with them, fine. I don’t mind at all. I love Evana and Kylie.
I guess we won’t be having dinner together either. That’s just fine as well. I need to study and prepare for whatever is planned for us over the weekend. I return to school next week anyways, I can work on my lesson plans.
In a rebellious form, I stay behind him on the walk as we return to shopping with the grocers. Our trip moves quicker, no longer light hearted and fun. We stop trying to enjoy each other and just get the items on our list.
In and out of the shops needed, we make our way back towards our vehicles, the Grocer van is only a few parking spots away. We help them load and then when I mistakenly turn to follow him to his truck, he holds up a hand to stop me. "You can ride with them. I will meet you back at the palace for dinner later."
My mouth falls open and I snap it shut, before something I shouldn't say comes out. I could tell him the truth, but clearly he isn't listening to me right now. Maybe, he's only here for a crown and was just placating me before. Now that his feelings are hurt, he’s done? Fine. So am I.
My ride back with the grocers is awful, they can tell that I am not in the mood to conversate and the tension is just as thick as it would have been if I had rode back with him. I sit and stew on it until my mind wanders back to my brother. Why didn't he write me? We send a letter back and forth every two weeks to a month. We haven't ever missed one, I just can’t think of any reason he would miss a letter. We even kept constant contact when he moved. It just doesn't make sense.
Unless something is wrong. He could be hurt, or who knows. I don't even know his exact address, the neighborhood could be bad, or maybe his providence was invaded? I don't know. I haven't read the news at all this last two weeks, I've been too busy with my own drama to have checked in with outside areas. What if I missed something important happening to him? I could have helped him!
Guilt eats at me for not at least checking on him, I could call him but we keep that reserved for emergencies. Is this finally one of those times? The world has to be falling apart for us to even attempt it that was our agreement. I would never risk Father finding him or catching that we are in contact just to hear his voice. No matter how much I want it.
“Evana, are you in the van?” I call out, holding my breath in hope that I missed her getting in.
“Yes ma’am!” she calls from the front, and I see her head poke around from behind a seat.
“Please come back here, if you can.” Slowly she begins a descent over the two rows of seats in front of me and makes it back to my empty booth seat.
“What’s wrong darling?” she asks me sweetly.
“I’ve upset Arden. Is a secret that I’ve kept to myself worth a wedge between us?” My heart aches just thinking about how mad he was.
“I don’t know your secret to tell you the worth, but clearly you’re upset as well. Maybe, he can understand that you have to keep your secret.”
“What if he can’t?” I hiccup as a small sob breaks loose.
“Then it sounds like you will have to tell him the secret, miss, if you want him to understand.” I nod to her answer, because it sounds so black and white. However, this world around me is becoming so many shades of grey that I’m not longer sure what is correct.
Tears start to fall from my eyes and I sob openly, Evana wraps an arm around me and holds me as I cry. Eventually, the sobs become stray tears and I hold onto a handkerchief as we pull into the palace gates.
I’m reminded that I’ve alienated the only other person, besides my brother, who will be a part of something like this. Arden is the only person who is going to understand my stresses in becoming a leader of Schreille. All for the sake of keeping a secret that I may need his help with now.
I may have already lost them both.
"Ma'am, we are approaching the palace, pull yourself together or your father will have questions.” Evana tells me in a whisper, trying not to attract any more attention than I already have from the other grocers.
"I will wash this and bring it back to you. I am so sorry for my outburst." I raise my hand showing her the soiled cloth.
"No proble
m, miss. I'm sorry you had a fight with him. Mr. Rithers seems like a nice man, it will all work out." She pat my shoulder and then we’re moving out of the van.
I’m happy for the busy work as I help them load groceries and organize the pantry so we use older produce first. My heart and soul calm during this process. It isn't until I hear slamming through the kitchen and then loud footsteps coming in my direction that my brain starts to really think about things again.
If Arden is here to yell at me again, he has another thing coming. He may be the upcoming king, but I am the upcoming queen, and on a chess board, we know who holds the power. I want to work things out and apologize, but he won’t treat me inconsiderately.
The door to the pantry flies open behind me and I turn to match fire with fire, but my world spins when I see it's my father at the door. Angry as sin. His fury moves him in two giant steps to in front of me and I fear for my life. I’ve never seen him this angry before, and my life flashes before my eyes knowing the punishments that are coming my way.
His hand grabs my arm violently and he jerks me forward with him and out of the pantry. He carries me by my arm across the kitchen and I wiggle once we’re in the serving room, hoping to loosen his grip, because it’s becoming increasingly painful.
His fingers tighten and I let out a yelp, but it's nothing compared to when we finally make it to his study. He throws me forward and I crash against the ground and slide into the bookshelf on the adorning wall. My head hurts from bouncing against the floor, but it doesn't stop me from righting myself and trying to shield my body in case he decides to land a kick or blow to push whatever point he has forward. His movements are jerky and unstable, and just as quick as he released me, he’s standing back over me.
"Father, I'm so-" I am cut off with a slap across my face. I tighten my arms around my knees and pull myself into a smaller ball if possible.
"How could you do this? All you had to do was behave. I have never asked anything of you." His voice is booming and feels like a slap of its own. I don't even know how to reply.
Arden must have come back and told him about what he thinks happened. How can I defend myself? The truth is worse than the lie he got from Arden. Not only is my heart exploding with fear, but it’s tearing in half, because I was right. I can’t trust Arden.
"Sir." A loud voice echoes behind my father as the door to his study reopens and Arden enters the room.
He's come to watch me get my punishment, I did the right thing not telling him the truth. If I had spilled my secret to help us, it would have ruined everything.
"Have a seat, she has to be dealt with and then we can talk," my father orders him, but Arden doesn't listen. Instead, he walks around my father and stands beside him, looking down on me.
"Sir, let me interrupt you. Whatever she has done, let me take responsibility. She is to be my wife." My father and I both snap our heads towards him.
He wants to punish me or is he saving me? He's the one who caused this, he should at least have some sort of shame.
"This isn't a matter for you. She is guilty of treason." I gasp.
Treason? That’s punishable by death.
Tears fall as I realize, this is it. Father has lost his mind, and my life is going with it.
Having a relationship prior to Arden is not treason, even if I'm not actually seeing someone else. He must think he knows about something else.
"Sir, treason?" Arden asks, confused like me.
"Father, I—" I'm cut off again when he takes a thundering step towards me. I cower and let all a small terrified moan. I should be used to this, I shouldn't cower in fear every time he takes me to administer punishment, but I can't hold it back.
"What could she have possibly done?" Arden asks, distracting my dad as he starts to move in between us. My heart appreciates the distance, but he must know what I've done. He's the one who's told my father something.
Without answering, my father leans to his desk and grabs handfuls of folded papers, holding them up before crumpling them when he makes a fist. My heart sinks as I realize what he has.
Arden didn’t rat me out.
"I had the maidens check her room, I was honestly just curious about my daughter at first. Then someone found a stationary. Now who could my daughter be writing letters to? After a more thorough search, we found this treasonous liar’s stash! Who’s ‘T’?" My father asks me, clearly already knowing the answer.
I look up to him and shake my head violently, tears pouring down my face as I lift my hand to cover myself, in case he decides to come at me for not answering. I never know the correct way to approach things, speaking or not speaking can get me the same result.
"I sent one of the grocers to look at the mailbox today, the one that these are addressed to. How odd that it happens to be conveniently next to the farmers market I let you adventure to every two weeks with the grocers! I figured you would visit there today anyways, so low and behold, a new letter! This time I actually read over the content. She has been writing her brother letters for quite some time. Treasonous letters about our country. She could have brought this whole country down talking to a traitor like him." His voice is spitting venom with every word, and I fear for what's about to happen. He could kill me, easily. His bare hands are strong enough. He held my throat so tight a few months ago I had to spend a few days in the infirmary.
"Sir, the letters. Are they really that exploitative? How much can she really know about the politics here? She is just a mindless princess after all." My mind understands that he is trying to help in this moment, but my heart hurts when he calls me mindless.
What silly thing to let offend me in this moment.
"She speaks of meetings that I let her sit in on in hopes of getting her more involved with her country. To prepare her for a queen-hood I shouldn't let her have. She is just as much of a traitor as her brother." He moves around Arden and stands over me, I brace for the blow, but instead of a hit, he yanks me up by my elbows. His tight grip pulls my skin as he holds me just high enough so my feet don't reach the floor. I make the mistake of wriggling which makes him scrunch his face.
"What is wrong with you, you have a palace, a life, a world no one else is getting and you throw it away like your waste of life brother!" He growls into my face before throwing me to the side. I hit the wall and slide down to my knees. I'm going to bruised all along my side where I hit the wall.
I wait for him to charge me again, but Arden once again moves himself between us, which distracts my father. "You can marry June. She is an acceptable choice. This one will never be a faithful queen. It's better that we know this now instead of after her coronation."
Arden thinks on it for a moment, and then moves away from my father to lean against the desk. "Sir, I agree, but let’s excuse her for this conversation."
The sting of his quick rejection hurts me, but I don't let it stop me when my father tells me I'm dismissed. With the cue to go, I push off of the ground and all but run from the room. My pace does speed up considerable once I’m far enough away that I won’t get caught.
Times like this I usually disappear back to my chambers or the greenhouse, but since father will be meeting with Arden, I doubt I will be missed.
I do stop by Alexis’s room and have her check out the pain in my shoulder and ribs. When she deems everything is just bruised, I ask her for a change of clothes and then sneak out of her side entrance.
I cross the open area on the lawn quickly, and hope no one caught sight of me sneaking away. Once I'm in the bush along the edge of the forest, my heart calms and I begin my trek up to my grandparents’ barn. They haven't lived here for years, but I still feel closer to them when I climb the roof like my grandpa and I used to do.
With my fast pace, I'm to the barn in no time at all. The pair of Alexis’s pants that I've changed into make things easier as I climb up the outside of the barn. My body is sore and when I get to the top of the barn, I'm just starting to feel the extent of my punishment. Luck
ily, I have at least an hour to sit here before I have to go back to begin working in the kitchen. Hopefully, I can just cook service meal and run. I can't imagine actually spending time around people tonight. I am almost willing to bet father will make us take our dinners in our rooms tonight, which would probably be safest for me.
With Arden there, I got off easy. My body may be sore and he may have hurt my feelings, but we both made mistakes. I'm not sure he told my father about today, seeing as he already had my letter in hand. Well, he knows now. There is no way for me to get a hold of Teijan, and father can find him at any time.
He isn't safe and all of this is my fault.
My hour of freedom passes way too quickly as I try to work out a functional scenario for calling Teijan, if I even still have the right number. I have to call him, but I'm not sure I can get to a phone if I try.
Chapter 12.
"Where have you been?" A voice startles me as I climb through the brush on my way back, causing me to trip myself up and fall on my hurt side.
I let out a groan in reply and cover my face in case they decide to hit me, but I'm pleasantly surprised when they just help me up.
I look up and see one of the last people I expected to find me somewhere in the woods, Markus Rithers.
"Are you alright? Your face is a little puffy like you've been crying, and possibly ransacked. Is that a bruise?" Markus asks incredulously as he moves my hair out of my face.
"I'm fine, why are you out here?"
