by Maggie Lee
"Evening." I won't say it's going to be a good one.
"You look..." He trails off, thinking before his next words, "You look beautiful. How was your week?"
"It was, quiet. How was yours?" We stay rooted in our spots, but I can't shake the urge to move closer.
I wasn’t aware how much I wanted him before, but it’s evident with the ache in my chest now that things are different. Maybe a fascination with something I can't have, or maybe we were getting to know each other. I guess it truly doesn’t matter.
"Long, working on policies and preparing for a war we aren't sure will happen." His answer is a nonanswer, but I listen all of the same. He sounds tired, which is understandable with the workload he has.
"Better to be prepared, I guess." My answer is quiet, and subdued. War is something to be passionate about, it changes countries and the lives of their people.
"Where is the girl who was single handed going to stop us from war with education?" he asks with a pity smile.
"She's sadly not going to be as big of an impact on education as she thought. Hopefully they will let her apprentice the rest of her life, because it doesn't look like she is going to college," I answer truthfully and give in, taking a few steps closer.
He mirrors my movement and we’re only a few inches apart. Silence surrounds us and we stand there frozen.
"Your Highness, we need to go down stairs," Alexis tells me before turning her attention to Arden "Sir Arden, you should already be down at the table, with your fiancé."
She enters the room and takes control without a second thought. She looks much older than her maybe thirty years. Arden nods to her, but turns back to me before leaving, "Don't let what you see down there upset you. We all have a part to play."
I doubt I can control how the situation is going to make me feel, but regardless I don’t have high hopes for this dinner.
I shake my head at Alexis, who stands waiting for me to go. In no rush at all, I make my way down stairs, taking my time so Arden and I don't show up together and upset anyone. Once I’m seated, my father enters and dinner begins. The conversation tonight is easy going, but I can't stop myself from watching Arden and June interact. They sit together on the right side of my father, Arden’s arm is around the back of her chair and she is leaned into him while they talk to the soldiers across from them. Luckily my seat is far enough away I can’t hear their conversation. By chance, I’ve chosen a seat next to Kraus, the soldier I thought my sister was seeing.
"How are you tonight?" I ask, hoping to make him speak for the first time tonight.
"Well, happy to be back from the trip with your father. I'm not sure who was a bigger ass during our time away, Arden or your father," he whispers back to me and we laugh together conspiratorially.
Glad to know he isn't happy with the current arrangements either.
"What could Arden have to be an ass about, he's the king’s golden boy." My comment makes Kraus laugh again, and he refills our wine glasses.
We both take a sip before he answers, "Well, he stole my girl, but I'm assuming you knew that already. Wanna get married by any chance?"
With my wine glass lifted to my mouth, I suck in a deep breath and choke on it, causing most of the people around us to look at me. Kraus tries to pat my back and tell everyone I'm alright, but it still takes me a minute to stop choking and breathe normal.
"Are you insane?" I ask him as I try to take a sip of water.
This time he waits till I swallow to reply, "No. We were going to announce our engagement this week, but then your father let me know that your sister was not mine. Not any longer, I guess."
I follow his eyes to the happy couple, playing host in a sort of way to the men across from them. I glance to my father and see the smug look on his face at me and Kraus sitting down here, miserable. Maybe we should get married. At least then, I would have reason to move out of the palace walls. It's not like I’m in line for the throne anymore, once I abdicate... I'm free.
"I want to move out," I whisper behind my wine glass, hoping he hears my desperation.
"Then let’s move you out. Your sister’s made her bed, she's chosen to stay here." He starts out boldly, but by the end the sadness in in his voice is evident. He loved her, even if she has chosen another man. The June I know and love wouldn’t betray any of us for a crown, just like me, the throne was never our destiny.
"I don’t think she had a choice, but they sure as hell could look less cozy down there." I finish the rest of my wine in a deep sip and put it back on the table. The food on my plate is virtually untouched and I've just finished my third glass of wine. It's time to excuse myself from the table.
I pull my napkin off of my lap and put it across my full plate, sliding my chair back to excuse myself. My movements aren't as smooth as I would like and my chair scuffs the sound making a loud sliding noise. Trying to play it off, I do a small curtsy to everyone looking and turn myself around to leave.
Kraus reaches over and grabs my wrist getting my attention, I stop and look down at him. His eyes travel up my sleeve and he frowns at the bruises that are yellowing from where my father grabbed me. Gently as possible, he gives me a small tug and I jerk forward with little-to-no self-control. The wine is hitting me harder than I thought it would.
His voice is low and angry when he speaks, "Did he do these?"
I follow his eyes to Arden, and shake my head in panic. Arden was right, he proved to me many times he wasn’t like my father.
“Then who?” I throw a glance at my father and he nods at me, thinking things through.
“June never mentioned... We will get you out of here.”
I look over at him and my eyes begin to water, "Thank you."
With a look up, I see Arden watching us with malice on his face that pushes me to lean forward and kiss Kraus on the cheek. Two can play this game, whatever it is.
Chapter 14.
I return to my room briefly, just long enough to strip my dress and change into simple clothing. I sloppily dress myself in some work out pants and a large stained shirt, comfort clothes. Years of practice and muscle memory are the only thing that keep me from tumbling to the ground as I sneak out of my window. Maybe with how drunk I am, I should have stayed in my room, but I’m sick of being cooped up alone. I used every bush and branch on the way to the greenhouse to hide, but I'm sure in my drunken stupor I make more noise trying to be sneaky, than if I had just walked there normal.
I water a few of my flower beds, and pick a few to take back to my room. Time passes and I feel myself sobering a little, but without something to eat, I probably will be sloshed for a while. My last flower bed to water gives me trouble when I stumble over my hose and fall in the dirt.
Lying alone on the floor, I laugh at my own clumsiness. My body is still sore from earlier this week, but the small crash is nothing in comparison. The laughing turns into a cry eventually and I take a second to reflect.
Look at how I ended up here, drunk rolling in the dirt. All because some guy I barely know is going to marry my sister instead of me. I'm never going to be the educator I've spent my whole life working for, and my father is content to play with me and my sister’s lives like we’re puppets.
I start laughing again at how crazy my life has become. I was on a path my entire life, six months ago that changed and I wasn’t sure how, but I wasn’t too worried. Now, it’s been two weeks and all I can do is sit here and sing in my head that old shows theme song, the one from over a decade ago. Back when it was popular to have a television in your house.
“My life got turned and flipped upside down. That’s how I became a princess of a town called Schrielle.” I change the words, mostly because I’m drunk and can’t remember how they go, but the joke is funny all the same. I try to keep singing, but the words turn into laughter and soon I’m clutching my stomach and gasping for air.
"What is wrong with you?" A hard voice comes across the greenhouse and my laughter comes to a harsh halt.
"I'm fine, thanks for asking." I push myself up and dust off my body. I'm going to feel the fall when I sober up.
"Here, let’s get you back to your room. Where you should already be." Arden pulls me from the ground gently and I'm a little annoyed that he's the one who found me. Shouldn't he be off with my sister?
"I don’t need your help, I made it down the lattice, I can make it back up on my own just fine." I pull from his grip, but miss it once I'm free. This isn't his fault entirely. I wrote the letters, I know.
"Let’s go, I'm escorting you back." He puts an arm behind me to usher me out, but doesn't actually touch me. "You need to go to bed, you've had too much to drink."
We walk in silence and he takes me through the kitchen and back stairwell, I have to hold in giggles when he moves in front of me to check around corners like were in some old spy movie. I hold it in and neither of us say a word until we get to my door to find June and Kraus waiting.
"Where have you been? You’re absolutely sloshed and you thought to take a stroll?" June chastises me and I hold up a hand, moving past her to my door.
"I'm fine, thank you for asking, dear sister. Good night, gentlemen." Feeling sassy I flash them a smile and then shut myself away.
I strip to just my undergarments, leaving the dirty and slightly wet clothes strewn across the floor as I crawl in bed. I'm officially done with tonight, so I lay down with my hair still pulled up and my makeup done. Alexis is going to be pissed.
The next morning, shuffling through the room wakes me. I try to toss over, but my movement alerts my guest to my consciousness.
"Good morning, miss! Let’s get you cleaned up." Alexis annoyingly chipper voice rings in my head and starts the dull throb that comes from my usual wine hangovers.
"That is quite alright, Alexis," I mumble, pulling the covers up.
Knowing Alexis, my dismissal won’t matter because instead of properly getting ready for bed and putting my clothes away, I have left her a muddy mess to deal with.
"Welcome to the land of the living, darling, I have your bath running. Your midnight guest must have left as I was coming up, I passed him in the stairwell." I slam the blanket from over me and sit up, looking to her for an answer.
"I didn't have a guest! What are you talking about?" My voice is shrill and Alexis's eyes widen in panic.
"I'm sorry, I just assumed, you’re still in full make up and the clothes across the room? I passed Arden on his way out this morning. He looked like he hadn't...slept." Her voice is horrified and I'm sure my expression matches.
Well.
A chorus of emotions run through me and I fight to get a grip on them, before I make a scene in front of Alexis. I count a few times in my head. Before changing my thoughts to last night. How did they progress to spending a night together so fast? Poor Kraus. They were going to announce their engagement this week, yet she already has another man in her bed. This isn’t the June I know.
My heart aches for this man I barely know. Arden can do whatever he wants, with whoever. It’s evident he will anyways, but I at least thought I could trust him as an ally. Now, I’m not sure if I can trust him at all, who moves on like that?
I let Alexis help me scrub off the last few days and get me dressed, apparently my imprisonment is on hold. Alexis can’t tell me where we are going, or what's happening, just that she’s been instructed by Arden to have me ready. I can’t say I really feel like doing what he asks right now, but dressed and ready, I meet June down stairs. The gown Alexis chooses for me has a long sleeve, and I’m thankful as my fall last night has earned me some new bruises.
"Where are we going?" I ask her and she gives me a small smile.
It takes everything in me to smile back when all I want to do is scream at her, but I can't. Not now, maybe never. She did accept this, but what was she supposed to do. Guilt weighs on me for the hate I hold for her right now. She is my twin sister, while we may be polar opposites, she has been my lifelong best friend and I wouldn't want to be without her. Even if she did take someone who was supposed to be mine, she can have the crown for all I care. It was never mine in the first place, but Arden was.
The door opens, Arden and Kraus both enter the receiving room together. I give them both a small hello and curtsy as greeting, not sure how to speak to either since my actions last night while I was a drunken mess.
I watch my sister give them both a small wave and each of them have opposite reactions to what I expected. Arden only nods to her, which seems distant for someone who just spent the night with her. Kraus, well, his hello is the hardest of them all. He barely forms a smile as he croaks out a reply. Maybe he knows what I do.
It's something that has been done to both of us, and maybe while I wouldn't ever really marry him and we don't have those kind of feelings toward each other, I do feel something. Maybe like we have a bond, a bond of being left behind together.
Father opens the door and enters behind them. My heart begins the typical pitter patter that happens when he’s near. True to our nature, June has the opposite reaction, she throws her arms up and crosses the room to hug him, "Daddy!"
He pulls her into a big hug. Jealousy flames through me at the relationship they hold. Father has always favored her, but what I envy is that she’s never been privy to his abuse. Which, is exactly what it is, whether he is a king or not. Does it make me a horrible person to be envious of taking the brunt alone, probably? I don’t wish it on her, I just wish it wasn’t on me either, at least not alone.
June stays next to our father and the boys spin around blocking my view of the reception, which is perfectly fine for me, I never mind distance from my father.
"Is everyone ready to go? The drivers and guard are prepared to leave when you are." My father's voice has cheerfulness that is borderline annoying.
Maybe my annoyance is at him in general, he hasn't done anything in particular to me today. I guess except lift my lockdown. For that I should be thankful I guess.
"Today should be fun, everyone is ready. Thank you, Daddy!" June’s voice is syrupy sweet and I feel sticky just listening to her.
I follow the procession out of the house and get in the back of the town car that Kraus leads me too. Arden and June continue on with Father to a different car. I watch through the back window as he shakes hands with Arden and gives June a kiss on the cheek before putting her in the back seat and shutting the door. Everything about this feels political.
"Where are we going? Why are we in a different car?" I spout off my questions to no one in general, just vocalizing my thoughts.
"We’re going out today to a citizens parade and then to have a picnic with the children of the community. We have to get all of our faces out and about since changes are being made in our army and it is upsetting the country. They don't seem to think making a bigger army is a good idea."
"Do they suggest we just roll over and let another country wreck us?" I ask the question without thinking.
Kraus takes a moment to answer and my brain actually catches up and registers what he said to me. We are out showing our faces. As I thought, a complete political game. We are cleaning up father’s mess with our public actions. Kissing babies. How nice.
"No, but we have a building rebellion and we need to be proactive to keep it at bay for now. They think building an army is like inviting war rather than preparing for it. “I wouldn't say they are wrong, I understand. However, as someone who understands what a war can do after studying our history, I also understand we need a full army to keep us safe.
We are one of the only countries to have in the Grand Union to have a monarchy. Some elected presidents or prime ministers, we built a monarchy. We followed the route of our original ancestors and we can't ignore the past or it will come back to haunt us when we repeat it.
"People are ridiculous, so they want princesses at a parade? How cliché."
"I thought you would just be happy to get out of the house. I suggested this after you left last nig
ht. When Arden agreed to it, I figured we could suffer a day out with them instead of sulking on our own." Kraus looks away, and I silently agree with him. Today will probably be torture.
"You didn't have to do this, I appreciate it. I understand though, what you feel like." I reach over and place a hand on his forearm. Our touch doesn’t send shivers down my spine like it did with Arden, but it’s not uncomfortable either.
"I know, but I said I would get you out. I wasn't lying. Care to tell me about those bruises?"
"No." I drop my head down, hoping my defeated expression is enough to hold off the questions. I don’t want to talk about it, it’s been this way for years, and always when I’ve done something to upset Father. It’s always my fault.
“You are going to have to tell someone eventually?” I nod in reply, and he continues. "Do you want to announce our courtship today?"
I look at him wide eyed, to see if he’s joking. When it’s clear he’s not I ask, “Courtship?”
“How do you think we are going to get you out? June assures me, even if I don’t believe her that she and Arden are only together for appearances. Why shouldn’t we do the same?”
"Their appearance will last a lifetime, you and I both know it. Hoping that they want us, it’s a silly game. We can either be their secrets or forgotten about when they do actually fall for each other.” The ride through this countryside is beautiful, it’s odd for us to be having such a conversation as we pass through these happy meadows.
“Ours will too, in a way. Only until we can for sure find another way to keep you out of your father’s clutches. Which, one day, you will have to tell me about.” I give his arm a squeeze in reply and release him and face out of the window. "I know someone, a man who can falsify documents if we need him to. We don’t actually have to sign anything official, just enough to make your father happy.”
"You want to marry little ole me?" I ask in a horrible southern accent and instantly feel embarrassment for being so cheesy.
Kraus lets out a little laugh to my relief, “No."
