by Maggie Lee
“I don’t need you to prep my stuff for you sending me out of town so you can play with my boyfriend.” Her words are venomous and I physical snap back like she slapped me.
“Have you lost you ever loving mind?” I throw the dress I was folding down. Leaving her room enraged. I could care less if Kraus stays or goes. We aren’t anything more than friends, if that. He pities me. The only person in my world who is currently giving me the time of day, pities me. He doesn’t see me romantically, he sees a fragile girl in a situation he can get her out of. She’s ridiculous.
She can’t have her cake and eat it too.
I slam my door on my way through and throw myself into lesson plans. I’m hoping to keep the kids excited for the last two weeks like Ms. Buss has, rather than getting them ready for a push out of the door like all of their other teachers have. Before I know it, dinner is brought to my room and I decide to take a break to eat. Without the distraction of work, my mind wanders and I’m just as angry as I was leaving June’s room. Only this time, I’m not only angry with her. I am angry at everything, this whole stupid situation. I didn’t even know Arden existed weeks ago and now my world is upside down and as much as I keep saying I’m done with it, I think about it over and over again. My own personal hell.
Finished with dinner, I make a trip to the garden. A light smattering of snowflakes fall around me as I take a walk around the paths to the greenhouse. The green bushes that line the walkway are covered in a layer of shiny white snow.
Chapter 19.
An hour or so passes while I’m inside the greenhouse watering plants and tending to their care. The sun goes down, and the lack of sleep from the night before comes along and catches up to me. So, when all of the plants have been cared for, I pack up and put my coat on.
My breath catches for a moment as I realize that I’m standing in the spot me and Arden shared our kiss last night. Everything replays in my mind and I’m reminded of why I couldn’t go. That moment was unfair to share, at the expense of June and Kraus.
My walk back is brisk in the chilly damp air, and I try to greet the staff I pass with a small smile. They all give me welcoming smiles and part of me wonders if it’s because of duty or if I’ve made friends. All of the recent drama has shone different lights on my life and everything feels fuller in a weird way. Who am I now that I won’t be queen, and possible not even an educator?
After much deliberation with myself, I move to the bench next to my window and watch snow fall. Luckily, sleep claims me rather quickly and I wake to a sunny morning. A soft but thick blanket is placed on me, most like by Alexis when she did midnight rounds. Feeling warm and cozy, I’m thankful since the window is a cold pace to be with the chill coming through the thin old glass.
Still waking up, I stretch and look outside for a few minutes. Overnight, the thin layer of white has grown and taken over as far as I can see. Movement catches my eye and I watch June and Arden climb into the back of one of our family’s town cars. It’s almost painful watching them leave for their trip, but the next two weeks should be peaceful for my heart at least.
I spend the day playing in the snow, taking pictures and working in the garden, truly trying to enjoy the first time I’ve had to be alone with myself in a while. I won’t say my emotions aren’t still at war, but the day passes and I feel better than I have since father found my letters.
My week passes in a content blur, I go to school and come home to hide in my room. Taking dinner in my chamber feels safest since Father is still unhappy with me, his grudges last a lifetime. When the weekend comes and Kraus asks my father if we can go into the city to the theatre, he gives us an unexpected yes. So we take advantage of the freedom, leaving as soon as I’m changed from my school clothes.
Kraus picks me up and we spend the night laughing a comedy he chose. Even out and about, just us, there is never more than a friendship between us. No stolen touches, or romantic glances happen. We simply laugh and enjoy our trip. Kraus handles the media reporters who ask for photos and quotes well, and then we begrudgingly make our way back to the palace.
“Thank you for taking me out,” I pause, thinking of what to say next, “I truly appreciate your efforts, especially after how I told you about....”
He gives me a sympathetic smile. “We’re in this together, even if that is us being left behind together.” He reaches over and gives my hand a quick squeeze before leaning in and giving me a kiss on the cheek. I see the maiden at the door turn her head to give us privacy and it makes me openly laugh. Kraus joins in when he notices her trying not to watch.
“We may as well give them something to talk about,” I tell him as I lean in, putting my thumb over his lips and kissing the hidden digit. A small gasp comes from behind us, and I know she will go back and tell the other maidens when they eat together in the morning.
After the excitement, I fall asleep peacefully, and morning comes too soon. A pounding on my door startles me awake, so much I jump out of bed and rush to the door, pulling it open quickly without even thinking of who it could be.
“Is every—” is all I get out before my father advances on me through the barely opened doorway. I try to push the door between us as I step back, but it bounces off his shoes and hits me. He takes advantage of my instability and grabs me by the arm.
Before I can rebalance myself, he spins me around and I smash into the wall. I try to lift my hands to block, but my body moves so fast that my shoulder takes the brunt of my hit. His hands grab my shoulders and flip me around to face him, his pure malice makes me cower backwards into the wall. He’s so close I can smell the liquor on his breath. He’s been drinking.
“What the fuck is this, Daughter?” He spits the word daughter into my face and I look at what he holds up.
“I-I honestly don’t know?” A loud smack sounds and I barely register the hit he’s landed across my face. I’m too scared for what's to come next.
“This is a letter from your brother.” I physically feel the blood drain out from my face. How could he have found the letter? I was so careful. I had Alexis move it to her chambers last week. “He wrote me to discuss the kingdom’s future.”
I let out a breath in relief and my father takes that as a sign of acknowledgement, slapping me again. This one stings more than the first and I feel the burn of a cut on my cheek from one of his rings.
“Why does he think he can have any say in a country he has betrayed? I’ll tell you why, because you had the audacity to share our private business with him. That soldier Kraus asked for my permission to marry you last night after he dropped you off, I was going to say no, because I thought you should suffer alone here. Now, I want you off of my property, maybe even out of my kingdom.” He grabs my neck and I shudder under the pressure. He’s going to kill me if I can’t find a way to calm him.
“I’ll marry him, I’ll abdicate and move away. I’ll move us to a secluded part of the country.” He hand starts to squeeze tighter and I croak out the last words.
I get a nod from him before he tightly squeezes his hand, pulling me just a fraction away from the wall before slamming me back into it and releasing. Without his arm holding me up. I crumple into a heap as I fall to the ground.
“You’re more than a disappointment, but a waste entirely. We’ll announce both yours and June’s engagements at the December Solstice. I expect you to move out with Kraus the next day and he will take responsibility for you from then on. If you screw up again, I’ll kill the love of your life in front of you and the entire kingdom.” He looks down over me and I worry about a kick coming my way. “Plan to announce your abdication after you have whatever modest ceremony you’re going to have. Three months is all you get, before I start taking action. I will kill Kraus in the closest town square and you will be blamed for his public violent death. Find a reason to not be in my country until you are married and have abdicated.”
He leaves with loud stomps after he slams the door behind him. As black starts to fill the e
dges of my vision, I fight to catch my breath. Air barely comes in with my quick gasps, and I’m shaking too hard to hold myself up. I stay curled in a ball on the ground as I cry for what feels like hours. Now I’m putting Kraus in danger and risking his life, and I don’t know what else I can do.
Alexis comes in with lunch and pulls me off the ground. My body is still shaking, so she moves me to the bath. I stay and soak in the water, with tears still running down my face until the water is cold. Alexis never leaves my side or asks what's wrong, although I’m sure by the bruising on my face she can see it.
I’m beyond thankful for her as she helps me out and puts me to bed, leaving food and drinks on my table in case I ever feel ready to eat. That never happens, but eventually I become so tired from crying that I crash and sleep until the next morning.
When Alexis brings me breakfast, I tell her my thanks and ask her to have a letter delivered to Kraus while I’m at school. When she tells me she can have it done, I pull out a pen and start writing on the stationary that I now keep hidden in my school supplies.
Kraus, Father received a letter from my brother yesterday. He gave me no option but to marry you and move out. He’s threatened your life, and for that I’m so sorry. I never meant to get you caught up in this. I promise to be an amiable wife. Thank you.
Mackenzie.
School passes quickly and when I get back within the palace walls, the sinking feeling of regret consumes me at having to come home. I use the rear entrance to the house and make my way as stealthily up the stairs as possible, hoping to get to my room quietly and unnoticed.
Alexis startles me when I find her on my bed waiting for me, “Hello, Alexis.”
“Good afternoon, miss. I delivered your letter when I went to town for cleaning supplies today. He sent me back with a letter, but you have a phone call waiting for you right now. I have secured the kitchen phone, everyone is on break. So, you will be all alone.” She climbs from my bed and gives me a small envelope as I follow her to the kitchen.
The kitchen is empty of its normal hustle and bustle that comes around this time before dinner, so I take the phone and answer, “Hello?”
Arden’s strong voice answers, and he’s angry. “Tell me what happened?”
“Arden?”
“Mackenzie, you tell me what happened or I will come home right now and kill the king myself.”
“He got a letter—”
Arden cuts me off, “He found the letter you got from Teijan? Did you not hide this one better?”
“No! You’ve asked me to tell you, but I won't if you are going to interrupt and blame me!” He will not make this my fault, not this time.
“I’m sorry, please, tell me what happened.” He sounds defeated and I calm myself, this isn’t his fault either.
“He received a letter from Teijan, something about how to run his country. He came to my room and let me know how he felt about the letter.” I shudder as memories from his visit flash across my mind.
“Fuck.” I hear some crashing noising and then some muted yelling through the phone.
“Are you alright? Arden?” My voice is shrill and it alerts Alexis to come back into the kitchen from her guarding spot. I give her wave and let her know I’m fine.
“Yes, fucking fuck. I told him not to send that fucking letter until we were back. What did he do to you?” His confession stuns me, he’s in communication with my brother... My thoughts change direction and I suddenly have tons of questions, but when I don’t speak up, Arden continues, “Kenz, what did he do to you?”
Arden’s insistent tone makes me answer. “He just pushed me into the wall, it’s nothing major. I’m fine.”
“I’m coming home,” he answers quickly.
“No! Kraus and I have it handled. I’ve got the situation under control, just finish what you are supposed to do.”
“You aren’t safe, not there alone with him. As much as I don’t like this, either, Kraus is going stay until we’re back or we’re coming home now.”
“He will not, and neither will you. I’m fine,” I snap back to him, there is no way I will force Kraus to endure a week here. Not when he has things he has to be doing.
“Kraus is staying. I will call his office in a few minutes and go over logistics.”
“I don’t want you to do that. I can handle this all on my own,” I growl back. I’m sick of being his damsel in distress. He isn’t the white knight coming to save me. Not now.
“Didn’t Teijan just ask you to keep your head down? Do as his asks. I have to go. Please, just let Kraus stay.” The line goes dead and I slam the phone back down on the receiver.
“Come on, Alexis. Let’s go get ready for dinner. It looks like I’ll have a guest this week.”
“Yes, miss” is all she says as she follows me. I wait till we’re back in my room before I open my letter from Kraus.
Mackenzie,
Never be sorry, this isn’t your fault. I knew what I was getting into, and your father actually gave me a call earlier and approved my request to marry you. With his actions, I’m afraid it’s not safe for you there alone. I will pack a bag and come stay until we can move you to my house in the next week or so. Please, be safe. I will see you tonight.
K
In the back of my mind, I know I should be grateful for this, but honestly I don’t want to share a bed with a man that is not mine. Him coming to stay until we move in together, makes things real. I’ve become accustomed to my secluded lifestyle. Him coming now will change things. I’m not sure I’m ready for this yet. While talking about a fake marriage and all of the future plans, it was just that, talk.
Alexis helps me get ready for dinner and just before she comes to retrieve me to come down, Kraus comes in the room.
“You could have at least knocked,” I say bringing his attention to me.
“Honestly, I thought you were already down at dinner.” He comes all of the way in, carrying a few travel bags with him.
“Yes, in a moment I will be. Moving in?” I gesture to his many bags.
“For the week I am. Luckily, we can play off me being here so much as me packing you to move with me. Are you prepared to be engaged? I’m going to formally ask you tomorrow. Your father has given me permission to take you out instead of you attending another one of his working dinners.”
“I would assume he wants me as far away from his kingdom business as possible. He believes me to be involved with my brother and the rebels. Father has lost it. He’s paranoid that everyone is a rebel out to get him at this point.” A knock at the door lets me know that Alexis is ready to take me down.
“Go, eat, and don’t cause a ruckus. I’ll be here when you get back. Also, start leaving the window unlocked, that’s going to be my entrance and exit point from now on.” I give a brief nod as I pass him on my way out of the door.
Dinner passes quickly, and I take a seat on the end as father has the chairs around his filled with advisors and council members. He isn’t giving me a place near him anymore and in a way I didn’t expect, I’m alright with it.
When I get back to my room, I find Kraus sitting on the floor in front of my bed with books and pages scattered all around him.
“What are you working on?” I ask quietly, as though my volume will make the interruption less distracting.
“Working on war strategy. Studying past wars letters and seeing how aggressive of a war we are looking at based on the countries previous war statistics.” His answer is very informative and almost feels practiced. Like he’s explained this many times before.
“Is this a common job you do?” I don’t mean to pry, but he has me curious. After all, I should probably know what he actually does anyways. I might as well ask my questions before Alexis comes to prepare me for bed.
“It is. I’m a strategist, I do mostly research as the world is constantly changing.” His answer explains a great deal about him. He is a researcher, which makes sense.
Alexis comes in after a bri
ef knock and I follow her to my oversized bathroom. Tonight I opt for a quick shower in case Kraus wants to bathe as well before bed. She puts my hair into a double French braids and then sends me out.
Kraus’s mess is completely cleaned up and he’s prepared a pallet on the far side of my bed. I think about offering to trade, but worry that if my father or someone were to come in, they would catch him asleep up there before we could trade places. He could use the couch or the window sill, but those are both pretty exposed if someone were to come in.
“I’m sorry you have to do this,” I tell him as I climb into bed.
“It’s fine, kind of like a slumber party. If you want to think of it that way.” I laugh at how casual he is about the circumstance and hit him with one of my overstuffed pillows. “What was that for?”
“Slumber party! Isn’t that something people do at those? Pillow fights?” I hit him again, but this time, he grabs my pillow from me and jumps up.
“You’ve never had a sleepover?” he asks me after a light tap of the pillow.
“That was weak, you can do better. And no.” I answer, sliding backward off the bed arming myself with another pillow.
“Fine, but you asked for it!” he says straight faced, before diving over the bed. I try to run, but his pillow hits me and I trip backwards over myself.
It hurts my shoulder, but I roll with the fall and try to sweep his feet out from under him with a pillow. The hit does nothing to him, but make him laugh. I look up at him standing over me and use my pillow as a shield as he brings his down on top of me.
Chapter 20.
“What are you doing to her?” Alexis voice rings out as she comes back into my room, running towards us with her arms up, prepared to fight him off.
“Alexis, it’s a pillow fight. I’m fine, I’m laughing.” Her panicked face eases and I see her tense form visibly relax. She was actually worried about him, although I probably shouldn’t like being attacked either. Something about Kraus is safe though, he doesn’t worry me in any way.
