by Anna
“Life’s not fair,” I say. I’ve heard it so many times but it’s true. I point up ahead. “That’s my house. The blue one.”
It’s past midnight and all the lights are out. The kids should be in bed. Sophie with her blanket that she’s never grown out of. Owen with his cap stuffed under his pillow. Joe’s probably texting Lindsey on his phone. I know I would be. And my mom…I don’t even want to think about it.
I hook a finger in the door handle and give Hollis a smile. “Thanks for the ride, Bird.”
“What?”
I cup her neck and rub my fingers over where I suspect the tattoo should be inked in her skin. “That’s what I call you.”
“Bird?”
“Yeah,” I say and I watch her lick her bottom lip. My dick goes hard(er) and I take the risk, leaning in to kiss her. I go for it slow, not wanting to make a jackass out of myself, because I’m not used to rejection. If anyone could reject me it would be her. This girl. This enigma.
She doesn’t though, her lips press against mine and I feel her tongue in my mouth. She tastes like beer. She smells like sunshine. I’d give anything to reach my hand up her skirt, to tug at the lace bra I’d seen earlier that night.
She pulls away from me before I can make my next move and says, “Bird, I like that. Good night, Tucker.”
I can’t fight the smile on my face but I know it’s time to go. I open the door and step outside. “See you.”
Raising my hand in a wave, she starts off, the engine loud and rumbling. I walk up the pathway to the side door, bumping into the bushes along the way, feeling lighter than I have in months.
*
“Hey, hey, hey, hey…”
I open and eye and see Sophie an inch from my face. I push my head into the pillow.
“Tucker, time to get up. Mom said.” She hits the top of the pillow.
“I’m up.”
I start to think she may have left but then I feel her bouncing on the bed. “I’m not leaving ‘til you get up. Mom told me not to let you go back to sleep and to tell you it’s your own fault for staying out so late.”
Mom. I fight the rising anger building in my chest.
“I’m up,” I say again. “I need a minute, okay?”
“I’ll be outside the door.”
I tug her hair. “I’m sure you will. Go make me some coffee, eh?”
The hangover isn’t bad. I didn’t drink that much. I remembered everything about the night before. The game, the double, Adrian, Bird.
Hollis. Not Bird.
In the bathroom I take a piss, working through the morning wood that got woodier the second I think of Bird and her lace bra and…shit.
Sophie points to the coffee on the kitchen counter. We all had to grow up a little faster over the last couple of years. Well, half grow up, half stunted. None of us can figure out how to move on completely without him.
“Sophie and Owen have camp today. Joe is working for Mr. Boggs until six. I need you to drop them all off, okay?”
“What time will you be home?” I ask, pouring sugar into my coffee, making it as sweet as possible.
“Probably after six.”
“So I need to pick them up, too.”
Using the reflection of the microwave, she applies a thick coat of lipstick. Mom got the job working at a law firm downtown after dad died. She had to do something, she said.
Something, apparently, did not include raising four kids.
“That would be great. Just think, once Joe earns enough money for a car you’ll be off the hook,” she says.
I inherited my looks from my mother. She’s beautiful. Even now, with the graying hair and tired eyes. She carries a streak of vanity that I also inherited. She wears nice clothes to work and I suspect she has a thing for someone in the office. She’s got that look. The one the girls wear when they have a thing for me.
“We’ve got a game at 5:30,” I tell her. Sophie and Owen’s team. I swallow the question of if she’ll be there or not. She never comes. “I can’t pick up Joe.”
“Well, text him and tell him to get a ride or walk. I’m sure the landscaping crew can drop him off.” She slips her arms into her jacket, adjusting the collar.
“Dinner?” I ask, knowing better.
“Just grab something or whatever.”
Or whatever. My father would roll over in his grave.
She grabs her briefcase and slings her purse over her shoulder. She’s halfway to the door when she stops and walks back over. “I heard you had a good game last night.”
“It was alright.”
“Thanks for all you do, honey. I’d be lost without you.” She kisses me on the cheek and I’m engulfed with her perfume. The boiling anger secedes a little.
“Have a good day, Mom.”
She stops to give Sophie a kiss and to ruffle Owen’s hair and she’s out the door.
And that’s why I can’t leave.
*
Adrian gives me and the kids a ride since I left my car at the bar. I don’t apologize for last night—neither does he, but I know we’re cool. He needs to work on not running his mouth so damn much and I need to get a handle on my temper.
“I’ll see you at the center,” he says, leaving me in the empty bar parking lot.
I stop by one of the coffee shops downtown on the way to work. I’ve just placed my order when I feel a hand on my shoulder.
Bird.
“Not surprised to see you here today,” she laughs.
“Yeah, I figured caffeine would make it better.” I look around but don’t see Felix. “You off duty?”
She nods. “Felix had a play date. My sister-in-law is napping. What about you?”
“I’ve got to go in to work,” I say. She looks a little defeated, which makes me happy. I add, “Then the game tonight.”
“Another night, another game.”
“Welcome to my life.”
We move away from the counter and I rub my hand over the back of my neck. “Thanks for giving me a ride home last night. Wrapping my Jeep around a telephone pole would have sucked.”
“Anytime,” she says.
We stand awkwardly together. I’ve never talked to a girl like this, where we just talked and didn’t take it further. And to be honest, all I want is to take it further, but I like her, too. In that talking kind of way.
Everything is weird.
“So last night,” she says, diving into the weirdness. I should have known. Something about Hollis seems fearless. “You and me.”
God, she hated that kiss. Fuck. I scramble to make an apology. “Yeah, sorry about that. Can I claim drunken douche?”
“I’m a big girl Tucker. I can handle a little drunken kiss.” She looks at me from under heavy eyelids. “Or more.”
I swallow, taking in that information. “Good to know.”
She raises an eyebrow.
“So you’ll be there tonight?” I ask. I want to add something dirty, I want to touch her but I restrain myself.
Hollis holds up her coffee cup in a mock toast. “In my team colors.”
Is it wrong I’m hoping she’s talking about her underwear? God, please wear red underwear.
“So I’ll see you then,” she prompts when I’ve gone silent thinking about her panties.
“Right, tonight.”
*
I think about her all day. While I’m organizing rosters and the game lists. While Adrian and I reline the fields. It’s menial work but it keeps me close to the game I love. It’s all I have right now.
Other than my increasing thoughts about Bird.
I’m going over the final roster at Adrian’s desk when our supervisor Daniel comes in. Daniel’s a legend in Columbus. He knows everyone in town. He keeps tabs on all the players, makes referrals for them once they get to middle and high school. He’s probably the main pulse on the league, other than the high school coach.
“Tucker,”
he says, pulling up a chair. “You got a minute?”
“Sure.” I stick the pencil behind my ear.
“I got a call from Atlanta today. There’s a high school assistant coaching position opening up. They’re interested in you going out for the job.”
I don’t even think about it. I can’t. I just say, “Sounds like a great opportunity.”
He and I look at one another for a moment. “Son, you can’t volunteer around here forever.”
“What? You’ve got someone to replace me?”
“That’s kind of the point. You’re not replaceable. You’re one of a kind. The best athlete I’ve had come through here in a dozen years. Don’t let what happened with your dad hold you back.”
If anyone else had said it, I’d probably take a swing. But not Daniel, he’s stuck by me through all of this. The night we got the news. The funeral. The decision about school. My choice to stay in Columbus and skip the tryouts. He stuck by me even if he didn’t like all of my choices.
“They need me.”
He readjusts the cap on his head and I see his graying hair. “They do. But they’ll manage. She’ll manage.”
“Are you kidding? She can barely keep her head out of her ass.”
Daniel shakes his head. “Your mother isn’t an idiot, Tucker. You’re all just holding one another back. I’m suggesting a job two hours away. Not going on the road, which is my first choice.”
I look down at the desk. “I made a promise.”
“Not to give your life up.”
I lean back in the seat and run my hands over my face. He’s telling me everything I want to hear but nothing that I can do anything about. I did make a promise. Nothing about my talent or options changes that.
The hope in Daniel’s eyes is too much to bear—someone else depending on me—pulling me in an opposite direction. Because I can’t stand to disappoint him, I finally relent. “I’ll think about it.”
He breaks into a smile and claps me on the back. “I’ll send them your number. You won’t regret this.”
He’s wrong, I think as he exits the office. I will regret this because if there’s something I’ve learned, it’s that false hope is dangerous.
*
Unfortunately the talk with Daniel left me restless. Edgy and trapped. I take it out on the kids during their game. My anger stresses them out and they start to crumble. Sophie drops a fly ball. Owen strikes out in the seventh inning. It’s unfair for me to act this way, but…right. Life’s not fair. They may as well learn it now.
I dismiss them after the game, with little more than a grunt. They run to their parents seeking ice cream and soothing. Sophie and Owen catch a ride with someone more pleasant. A normal mom and dad.
I stalk off the field, throwing the bats into the shed, while Adrian turns off the lights. “I’ve got it man, see you tomorrow,” I yell. Not wanting to deal with my temper tantrum, he leaves me in the dark.
“Dammit,” I shout when the bats hit the cement floor with a clatter. I’ll clean them up tomorrow. Right now I just need to get out of here.
“Tucker—“
Hollis stands between me and the shed door.
“Not now, Bird.”
She touches her neck with one hand and reaches for my arm with another. “What’s going on? What is this?”
“It’s not a good time.”
“Did something happen?”
I give her a hard look. “This is it. Me. Didn’t you hear? I’m sure they all told you.”
“Told me what? And who are ‘they’?”
“You know, how I’m damaged and lost. I should have made it big, but I’m stuck in this town forever. They pity me.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I push past her but she catches me in the shadowy dugout. Cupping my chin with her hand. “I don’t pity you.”
“You’d be the only girl around who didn’t. The others think they can fuck the pain away.”
She starts to laugh, removing her hand from my face and clutching her stomach. “Tucker, the girls around here don’t pity you, but that edgy, dark thing you have going on? I’m sure it works for a lot of them.”
I tense my jaw, because who is this girl? I take a step closer. “Does it work for you?”
We stare at one another. I can see her eyes flash in the dark and instead of answering she pulls my neck down, kissing my chin, my lips, then my mouth. I taste the salt and butter from the concession stand popcorn on her lips. I take her head into my hands and kiss her back.
She’s unexpected. Different. I push her against the concrete wall and press my hips into her, the way I would with the other girls. She pulls away and rests her hand on my chest. Her green eyes capture mine and she says, “Calm down. I’m not going anywhere.”
Her words and assertiveness rattle me and I stare blankly at her face, while the blood rushes to my dick. “What?”
Again, she doesn’t answer but kisses me again, reaching her fingers in the top of my shorts. I hum at the feeling that courses through me. Her warm fingers against my sensitive skin. All the anger and disappointment of the day rolls away and I lean into her, pressing her hard against the dugout wall. The caged animal inside me roars but I fight him back.
“We should get out of here,” I grunt.
She looks up at me with those wide eyes, fingering the hem of her shirt. “Why?”
I place my hands on her sides, grazing my palms over the edge of her breasts. They’re perfect, fitting in my hand exactly. Round and firm. A woman’s breasts, not a girl’s. Her nipples rise through the shirt in reaction. “Bird, don’t make me regret this.”
She pulls her shirt over her head exposing herself. There’s not an ounce of shyness in her and when I reach for her bra she bats my hand away. Taking control. “I don’t believe in regrets.”
I snort because that’s all my life is full of, but I’m mesmerized by what’s in front of me. Black lace this time and peeking out from between her tits is another tattoo. I reach for it, tugging the middle of her bra down until I can see it better.
Another bird. This one has wings spread wide, touching the arching curve inside each breast. “Jesus,” I breathe, wondering who this girl is and where she came from.
I press my thumb against it, fanning my fingers over her skin, brushing against her hard nipple. Her breath catches and she rubs against me, her own fingers at my buttons.
My shorts fall to my ankles and I kick them off, trying not to trip and fall. My cock bounces painfully against my stomach and she touches the tip with perfect fingers. Then she lifts her finger to her lips, sucking the pre-cum off the end.
“One second,” I tell her and scramble for my pants. I find what I’m looking for and tear open the condom, because like I told Joe, we don’t need any Jensen babies running around here and my dick has been all over the place. She plucks the wrapper from my hands and masterfully rolls it on, grazing my balls when she finishes.
Ahhhhh.
I wish I could say this was the first time I’d fucked a girl in the dugout. I wish the first girl had been this girl, but I’d been here before. I reach under her thin, cotton skirt and tug off her panties. I run two fingers between her legs.
“I’m ready,” she assures me, kicking her underwear next to her shirt.
I pick her up, her legs wrapping around my waist, her mouth connected to mine. She makes a tiny squeak when I slide in and I open my eyes. Hers are still closed but she’s smiling and I kiss it right off her mouth. I kiss her while I move inside her. I kiss her when she says, “Faster,” breathless against my tongue.
Her fingers grip the back of my shirt, digging through the fabric to the skin. I wish we were flesh to flesh and I move my lips from her mouth to the bird between her breasts, sucking the soft skin.
Her breathing quickens, which, thank god, because I’m holding out as long as I can. I don’t want to disappoint her. I want her to come but my balls are thr
obbing, tightening and I think I’m not going to make it when she makes these little cries in my ear.
I slam into her twice, three times, unloading everything I’ve got, groaning loud. Weeks of pent-up frustration pour out of me. All the anger from today. All the hurt. I grip her ass and thrust one more time, pressing my sweaty forehead to hers.
“Damn.”
“Seriously,” Hollis says. I gently ease her to the ground, trying not to make a mess.
Were both breathing heavy and covered in sweat. I hand over her discarded clothing while picking up my own. We dress in the darkened dugout, saying little, but I have to keep my hands off of her—even now. Even after that, all I want is to do it again.
“God,” I tell her, locking the shed door and taking her hand. We walk toward the empty parking lot. “I needed that. You have no idea.”
“I have a little bit of an idea,” she laughs, swinging our hands.
She’s standing at her shitty car and I open the door.
“Goodnight, Tucker.”
She kisses me again, tongue slipped in my mouth. I kiss her back but don’t touch her. well, only her hair because her skin lights my body on fire and I don’t need to go home hard again.
“Night.”
I watch until the taillights turn the corner and she’s out of sight.
*
“You’re in a better mood today,” Adrian says.
He catches me in the shed cleaning up my mess from last night. Well, not that mess. The one from my temper-tantrum.
“Yeah, I just needed to work it out, I guess.”
“Batting cages?”
I glance over to see if he’s serious and he is. Dead serious. I nod and say, “Yeah, I just needed to slam some balls. Works every time.”
We have a rare afternoon and evening free. Once I’m finished in the shed, I tell him, “I’m taking off, okay?”
“Sure, man.” Really, what can he say? I don’t get paid to do this. Bird has captured my thoughts, though, and I need to find her. Feel her. I need to see her naked in the daylight. “You coming out tonight?”
