‘Isn’t it a good night for Gilbert and Sullivan?’ Heath asked broodingly from across the room just as she turned away impatiently.
She didn’t jump, and wondered if despair had affected her reflexes as well. He was still dressed but with his dark, gold-streaked hair ruffled.
‘No.’
‘Oh?’ he said, and limped into the room. ‘Don’t tell me our very model of a modern major-general has decided to … quit?’
She didn’t answer and stood quite still as he came right up to her and put his hand out to touch the long swathe of auburn hair that lay across one shoulder.
‘What would it take to make you quit, Sasha?’ he asked very quietly. She lifted her eyes, expecting to see them liard and mocking, but there was just a genuine enquiry in their dark blue depths and the skin beneath looked bruised against his pallor as if he had spent too many a sleepless night.
‘I told you,’ she whispered.
‘You’re a very stubborn child,’ he commented at last as he leant his shoulders back against the wall, his fingers still fiddling with her hair.
‘I’m not a child any more, Heath,’ she said quietly. ‘Maybe I was … before, but I’ve grown up in these last six months.’ She tilted her chin upwards. ‘Maybe that’s why I won’t quit,’ she said barely audibly.
Something sharpened in his eyes, something she didn’t understand.
‘How have you grown up, Sasha?’
She shrugged faintly. ‘Lots of ways, I suppose. I can’t show it to you in inches, it wasn’t that kind of growing, but…’
‘Maybe it was this kind, then,’ he said, and brought his other hand up to slip it round her waist and spread his fingers over the small of her back to draw her against him.
She felt his breath fan her forehead and her eyes widened incredulously as his other hand left her hair and slid round her shoulders to pull her even closer so she was lying against him in his arms, pressed to his body.
‘This way,’ he said again, against the corner of her mouth. ‘Kiss me, Sasha.’
She moved then as a small explosion of panic took hold of her, but Heath’s arms were unrelenting . .. No, she thought dimly, not that, they just make me feel as if I fit here, as if I was moulded to melt into Heath’s body and nowhere else. But…
‘Heath, noV she protested breathlessly as he lowered his head to kiss the delicate area of her throat, so that her skin shivered of its own accord.
‘No?’ he said at last, raising his head to send her a pure blue gaze from beneath half-lowered lids. ‘It was a little different last time, wasn’t it? Then it was—kiss me, please, Heath. And, don’t stop, please—don’t torment me like this, Heath.’
She flushed brilliantly. ‘I..-.’
‘You what, Sasha?’ he said, his lips barely moving.
‘I… I’m—oh, Heath, let me go!’
‘Why should I?’ he said sombrely. ‘Do you know how long it is since I had a woman? Don’t you know you shouldn’t go wandering around in the depth of the night in your nightgown with your hair loose?
A spark of indignation lit her eyes. ‘I wasn’t looking for this! You make it sound as if … I’m quite well dressed, as it happens.’
‘Are you?’ he questioned with a faint smile curving his lips. His hold slackened and he pushed her away from him and repositioned his hands so that he was holding her beneath the armpits. ‘Why, Sasha,’ he said feigning surprise, ‘I don’t believe you’re wearing a bra!’
She stared up at him, her lips parted disbelievingly as his hands moved and then as if impatient with the layers of velvet and fine Viyella, moved again, expertly, to loosen the sash of her dressing gown so that it fell open, and then with a flick of his fingers, the buttons of her nightgown gave way and his hands were sliding beneath it.
It was like an electric shock, the feel of his strong fingers on her breasts, stroking, cupping, teasing her nipples until they stood erect, two hardening peaks she couldn’t deny even if she had wanted to.
‘Heath,’ she said despairingly in her throat.
But he ignored her plea and opened her nightgown further to free her breasts and lay his lips on them, while she thought she might faint with the exquisite pleasure of what he was doing to her.
Then suddenly she was at arm’s length and Heath was looking down at her with all the cynicism she had ever seen in his eyes. ‘I told you once it was all there in good … working order,’ he said, his eyes glinting strangely. ‘And you were very cross with me at the time, sweetheart, if I recall. But I don’t suppose this is such virgin territory now.’ His hands moved in on her again.
‘Don’t!’ she cried involuntarily, not to his hands but his words and the look in his eyes as they rested indifferently on her hot face.
There was a tiny silence. Then Heath said cruelly, ‘You should have slapped my face long ago, Sasha.’
She recoiled as if it was she who had received a blow as the implication of his words sank in. ‘I should,’ she said torturedly. ‘And I would if you weren’t … if you weren’t…’ She stopped abruptly and sucked in a scared breath at the look of menace on his face.
‘Do you have to keep reminding me of it, Sasha?’ he said violently, and almost threw her from him so that she stumbled and tears of anger and humiliation beaded her lashes as she regained her balance and with shaking fingers pulled her nightgown together and re-tied the sash of her robe.
He had turned away from her, but he swung back now with an impatient curse beneath his breath and pulled her back into his arms.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said into her hair. ‘Don’t look like that.’
It was some moments before the tremors that shook her subsided.
‘That’s better,’ said Heath at last, and drew away, ‘I’m going to bed. Stay here and play some music if you want to.’
She nodded, unable to speak, as she fingered her sash.
‘Sasha?’
She lifted her eyes at last.
Heath bit his lip. ‘Nothing,’ he said. ‘Goodnight, Blossom.’ He limped out.
CHAPTER SEVEN
It was Edith, the next morning, who brought a strange kind of logic to Heath’s actions of the previous day.
At breakfast Heath said casually, ‘By the way, I forgot to tell you, Sasha, Brent rang up yesterday and I invited him out for lunch. Edith’s going to drive me into Penrith this morning, so you’ll have the place to yourselves until we get back. He said he’d be here by about ten.’ He stood up and reached for his cane. ‘I’ll be ready in an hour, Edith.’
‘Will you be back for lunch?’ Sasha asked, feeling suddenly numb with fright.
‘Brent seemed to think it would be a good idea, but we could always have lunch in Penrith, if you preferred, couldn’t we, Edith?’ he said, casting that good lady an amused look.
Edith’s nose twitched and she tucked her lips primly together. She’d never known how to handle Heath and after the trauma of their week alone together had secretly been only too relieved to close off her channel of communication with him and leave it to Sasha. In fact if it wasn’t for her feelings for Stephanie, Sasha often thought Edith would class Heath as the devil’s representative himself!
And the thought of them sharing lunch together brought an involuntary smile to Sasha’s face despite her other problems.
‘Oh … no!’ she exclaimed.
He looked at her thoughtfully for a minute, then shrugged and turned to leave.
Edith got up and closed the door behind him. ‘I know what’s biting him,’ she said grimly as she poured them each another cup of coffee.
Sasha blinked. ‘You do?’
‘Yes. That woman again.’ Edith’s tones conveyed a power of contempt.
‘Which—do you mean Veronica?’ queried Sasha incredulously. -
Edith snorted in agreement.
‘But how?’ Sasha asked stupidly. ‘He hasn’t seen anyone.’
‘Well, he’ll be seeing her shortly, mark my words. According to your Bren
t,’ Sasha had brought Brent out one Sunday a couple of months ago and he’d made quite a hit with Edith, ‘she’s heard a rumour that Heath’s back in the country, and what’s more, she’s hot on the trail. Hot to trot, as they say,’ she added, so uncharacteristically that Sasha had to smile again.
Then her smile faded. ‘Bui how do you know all this, Edith?’ she queried.
Edith looked a shade uncomfortable. Then she said forthrightly, ‘When Mr Havelock rang yesterday I picked up the kitchen extension at the same time as Heath lifted the study one.’ She sniffed. ‘I didn’t mean to go on listening, but—oh well, I suppose I couldn’t resist it. He—your Brent told Heath that Miss Gardiner had been on to him saying she’d heard a rumour that Heath was back in town.’
Of course, Sasha thought dazedly. That explains it! He still loves Veronica, but he doesn’t want to tie her down to … to someone who might be going blind. No wonder he was so tense yesterday and so—well, like he was last night. Because I’m the one keeping him here for her to find, and making his frustration so much worse. Oh, my God, she thought, genuinely appalled. What have I done?
‘… Sasha?’
Sasha came back from her thoughts with a start. ‘Sorry I was miles away,’ she said to Edith’s look of enquiry.
Edith looked at her with narrowed eyes for a time. Then she said, ‘I was only telling you not to worry about lunch. I’ve made something up that only needs heating when I get back. So you go ahead and enjoy yourself this morning, Blossom. You deserve it!’ she added militantly.
I don’t know what I deserve, Sasha thought as she watched Brent’s car pull up on the gravel, but perhaps I ought to have my head read . ..
‘So tell me about Heath,’ said Brent when they were sitting in the lounge.
He had greeted her so affectionately and there had been so much news for him to tell her about the television series, now actually in the filming stage,, that they had found themselves walking around the garden in their enthusiasm for a good half hour before she had laughingly invited him inside and offered him a beer.
She looked across at him affectionately, this tall, ruggedly strong man who could be so gentle and understanding and such a good friend, and sighed.
‘What is it?’ he asked intently.
‘Oh, Brent—well, you’ll see for yourself,’ she answered unhappily. ‘But I’m afraid I’ve made an awful mess of things on top of it.’
‘Tell me,’ he said quietly, and for a minute her heart went out almost in love to him and she wondered miserably why she couldn’t make it the real thing.
She told him nearly everything. About the threat that was hanging over Heath’s head, how she’d stopped him from leaving the country, how Edith had overheard their telephone conversation yesterday and how Heath had reacted—a part of it, anyway.
When she’d finished Brent put his glass down and said, ‘It’s true. Veronica rang me and said she’d heard he was back. She begged me to tell her if I knew anything more. I told her I didn’t and I hope to God I put her off the scent. But then when I spoke to Heath yesterday, I realised she was just as liable to come out here one day and maybe he’d like to be … forewarned. ‘But,’ he looked at her searchingly, ‘he took it very calmly, Sasha. As if he really didn’t care one way or the other.’
‘I’m sure he does,’ she said. ‘You weren’t in the country when they were together, were you? And you didn’t see him that night after … after I did my little act. Then there’s the way he was yesterday—I’m sure he hasn’t got over her, Brent. I just don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes and then Sasha drew a deep breath and said, ‘There’s something else I have to tell you. I … when I first saw how he was and decided to do what I did, I cpncocted an excuse on the spur of the moment for resigning from my work with you.’ She stopped and then said awkwardly, ‘It was a bit silly, but I was hard pressed and I didn’t want him to have it on his conscience—you know, ruining my career and so on. I told him you wanted to marry me but you thought I needed time away from you to … to think about it,’ she finished lamely, and felt herself go scarlet at the same time.
But she met his gaze steadfastly and flinched at the wonder in his eyes.
‘It was all I could think of,’ she said when he didn’t speak. ‘I’m sorry …’
‘Don’t be sorry, Sasha. You see, you read my mind perfectly. I do want to marry you. And the only reason I didn’t come out here the day you resigned, rather forcibly stopped myself from coming,’ he added with a wry grin, ‘was because I told myself I shouldn’t rush you. That maybe I was going too fast for you. So you told him nothing but the truth, Sasha.’
She stared at him and was suddenly almost overwhelmed by a desire to tell him the whole truth, but she knew she couldn’t. She dropped her eyes in confusion and started as he reached over and took one of her hands in his.
‘There’s something else, isn’t there, Sasha?’ he said quietly.
‘N-no,’ she whispered.
‘But there is,’ he said quietly. ‘And I must tell you I know what it is, because I can’t bear to see you looking like this. You fell in love with Heath, didn’t you, Sasha? Perhaps a long time ago?’
Her lashes flew upwards. ‘You know?5 she gasped incredulously.
‘I think I knew from that first day we met by accident in town,’ Brent said gently.
‘And … and you still want to marry me!’ she stammered.
‘Yes. The fact that you love Heath doesn’t seem to make me stop loving you, you see,’ he said gravely.
‘But what if I never stop loving Heath?’ she said, suddenly agitated. ‘Do you know, I’ve jumped on this feeling I have for him and I’ve kicked it around and I’ve … pretended to myself it’s only what half the women in Australia felt for him and I’ve tried to accept … other people’s views that it’s something I’ll grow out of,’ she said bitterly, ‘but…’
‘Heath’s view, you mean?’ he interrupted acutely.
‘Yes,’ she said desolately after a moment. ‘I don’t understand why you want to marry me, because I’ve got this awful feeling I won’t change!’
‘I wouldn’t be asking you to,’ he said with compassion. ‘But if Heath doesn’t feel the way you do, while it might always be there, it must fade somewhat, and one day you might wake up and discover you have room in your heart for another love.’
She looked at him uncertainly.
‘Sasha, it happens to so many people.’
‘Has it happened to you?’ she asked.
‘In a way. I thought I’d washed my hands of it for ever. Then one day I met you.’
‘Now I really feel terrible,’ she said weakly, and was surprised to see him smile at her with genuine amusement.
‘You mustn’t,’ he said. ‘These are the things you can’t change. You can’t help being Sasha Derwent who strayed across Brent Havelock’s path any more than
‘Heath can help being Heath Townsend who strayed across my path,’ she finished for him, and found herself smiling through her tears. She pulled out her hanky and blew her nose. ‘But can I say this? If it wasn’t for Heath, and I sometimes wish that with all my heart, I’d have had no trouble falling in love with you. I mean … I didn’t mean to say that.’ She stopped in intolerable confusion. ‘It’s just … I wasn’t comparing you.’
‘I know what you mean. Love isn’t a measuring game. We fall for who we fall for, and not necessarily the best person for us. Like … Veronica perhaps, but then who are we to say? Just do one thing for me, Sasha? Remember what I’ve said because I meant it with all my heart. And in the meantime, don’t worry that I’ll give you away unless for some reason you ever want me to.’
She lifted his hand and pressed it to her cheek. ‘I won’t forget,’ she promised. ‘And thank you.’
They stayed like that for a few moments. Then the door swung open and Heath stood there. His face was paper-white against the deep blue pools of his
eyes and Sasha wanted to run to him because he looked so tired and sick. But she stopped herself after the involuntary tensing of her limbs and Brent’s fingers moved on her cheek for a second. Then he dropped his hand away and stood up.
‘Heath—God, it’s good to see you, mate,’ he said, his voice low but intense with feeling.
A strange expression crossed Heath’s face, a mixture of infinite weariness and something Sasha couldn’t name, and she found she was holding her breath, but she didn’t know why.
Then he moved his shoulders and said quietly, ‘It’s good to see you, Brent. You might never know how good, friend.’ There was an unmistakable depth of meaning in his voice that touched Sasha, and she felt as if the burden round her heart was lightened a little by this exchange of feeling between the two men who, apart from her father, she admired most in the world.
Edith bustled in laden with parcels to break up the moment, and she made a big fuss of Brent, which caused Heath to raise his eyebrows sardonically. Then and a few more times during lunch. But whatever his thoughts on the subject were he didn’t express them.
In fact the meal turned out to be a whole lot easier than Sasha had dared to hope, and Heath even went so far as to talk about some of his experiences in response to Brent’s questioning, the first time he had done so, although he had refused to be drawn on the fact that he had been wounded, beyond a glinting smile and the same thing he had said to Sasha—I ran out of luck …
But after lunch when they were sitting on the verandah making the best of some wintry sunshine and the strange beauty of the naked landscape beyond the garden fence, he said suddenly, ‘Sasha tells me my favourite kid … stepsister and one of my best friends have fallen in love.’
He turned his head towards Brent, but his eyes were masked by his dark glasses.
Sasha froze, but Brent took his time in answering. He said finally ‘Your kid sister is one of the most beautiful, nicest young women I’ve met. Do you mind?’ he added abruptly.
Perhaps Love Page 9
