by James Kelman
Kieron Smith, boy
James Kelman
* * *
HARCOURT, INC.
Orlando Austin New York San Diego London
* * *
Copyright © M & J Kelman Ltd, 2008
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First published in Great Britain by Hamish Hamilton
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Kelman, James, 1946–
Kieron Smith, boy/James Kelman.—1st ed.
p. cm.
1. Children—Scotland—Glasgow—Fiction.
2. Grandparent and child—Fiction.
3. Glasgow (Scotland)—Fiction.
4. Glasgow (Scotland)—Social conditions—Fiction.
I. Title.
PR6061.E518K54 2009
823'.914—dc22 2008020850
ISBN 978-0-15-101348-7
Text set in Dante MT
Printed in the United States of America
First U.S. edition
A C E G I K J H F D B
In the old place the river was not far from our street. There was a park and all different things in between. The park had a great pond with paddleboats and people sailed model yachts. Ye caught fish in it too. Ye caught them with poles that had wee nets tied at the end. But most people did not have these. Ye just caught them with yer hands. Ye laid down on yer front close into the edge on the ground. Here it sloped sharp into the water, so ye did not go too close. Just yer shoulders reached that bit where the slope started. Ye rolled up yer sleeves and put yer hands together and let them go down it. Just slow, then touching the water and yer hands going in. If ye went too fast ye went right in up yer arms over yer shoulders. Ye only went a wee bit, a wee bit, a wee bit till yer hands were down as far. Then yer palms up the way, holding together. If a fish came by ye saw it and just waited till it came in close. If it just stayed there over yer hands, that was how ye were waiting. It was just looking about. What was it going to do? Oh be careful if ye do it too fast, if yer fingers just move and even it is just the totiest wee bit. Its tail whished and it was away or else it did not and stayed there, so if ye grabbed it and ye got it and it did not get away. So that was you, ye caught one.
But they were quick, ye had to do it right.
Ye were having to watch it as well how yer body went, lying on yer front, if it was wee bits at a time ye were moving. And ye did not notice till ye slid right down and the water was up yer shoulders, oh mammy. Yer hands reached the bottom and ye pressed and pressed to push yer feet back up and if a big boy caught yer feet and pulled ye out or else that was you and ye went right the way in the water. That happened to people and men had to go in and get them. Daft wee b****r.
On the bottom was all slimy mud, broken bottles and bits of glass and bricks and nails and old stuff, everything. Prams and bike-wheels, and shoes, and then a man's bunnet. I saw that.
One time I was soaking the whole way through and my maw was completely angry, how I was going to die of pneumonia or else diphtheria if ye swallowed the water. My da was home on leave and he gived me a doing. But I liked going to the pond. The men sailed their boats there and had races, and their boats were great. Ye saw their sails and how the boat was tipping right over till it was going to capsize but it did not, it was just picking up speed because the wind was there and it was good, so they were all sailing great and the boys all shouting, and the men too. Go on Go on, Hold there.
Old men as well, if their boat was going to win the race and they shouted their names if the boat had its name and they did. All had good names, Stormy Petrel and Sea Scout. Oh hold there Sea Scout.
I telled my granda. He would have liked it, if the old men were there too, he could have went with me and they had seats, people could sit in the seats and just watch.
My Uncle Billy had a model yacht when he was a boy. He got it off somebody whose da worked in the docks. It was not a toy. Model yachts were real boats and they sailed good. It was just they were wee. If ye could have made a wish and shrunk to a Tom Thumb ye could have climbed aboard and put to sea for treasure islands. Then if ye were getting chased, ye could hide anywhere ye wanted. It would just be a thing like a cat or a dog, ye would have to be careful then, if they caught ye, and ate ye. Or if it was a mouse, they dragged ye into their hole, oh mammy.
Our old house had mice. My maw and me and Mattie were going to have breakfast and there they all were on top of the kitchen table and up on the sink and the draining board, piles of them. My maw went potty and started greeting. Me and Mattie scattered them and chased them but we could not catch them and did not know what to do. My maw was shouting in a high voice. Ohh ohhh!
We went and got my granda. He was not going to come but then he did. My grannie said it was just silly to climb up all the stairs, he would have no breath. Aye I will. That was what he said. I am going.
He made it a laugh. It is a big safari hunt. So then he gived me a joke. How far we going son?
Safari's the kitchen granda.
Our house was three up on the top storey. My granda stopped at all the landings on the way up to get his breath back. When we went into the house he knew where the mice were all hiding. My maw went away out the room. My granda showed us. Oh there behind the chair. See in that shoe. Oh look at the side of the cupboard.
Then he done something, then we had shoes in our hands. We sat waiting for them to come out and when they did ye were to bash them, and if ye got one it was great. They were just wee things, and when they were there ye saw how wee they were, a bit of body at the top, then just with their tails. Ye held the shoe at the ready and had to be quick and ye had to get them the first time. Matt was good at getting them. My granda sat on the chair and telled us what to do. Then there were wee wee toty ones. They did not even run so ye just bashed them. My granda said they were babies. But ye were still to bash them, ye were not to let them go else they were going to grow up and it would be a plague of them, so ye had to do it and ye did not want to because if they were just wee and they were babies, but ye had to.
My granda had two cats that were mousers, a big one and a wee one. After we got the mice that was what my granda said, Oh I should just have brought the cats, the cats would have gobbled them up. I was not thinking.
The cats were there in my grannie's house. The wee one lied on the floor near granda's feet. If I went there the cat crawled under granda's chair. He did not like people except my granda. But I could pet him. My grannie did not. The wee cat went to her but she never petted him. Except she spoke to him. Oh what are ye wanting now?
The big cat was a friendly one and rubbed against ye but it stayed in the front room all the time and was down by the window or else on grannie's bed. The sun came in the window on her. But if ye kicked out the wee cat the big one came in. My granda done it. He just said, Oh I have had enough of you. Away and kick him out son.
So I done it. The cat did not like to go. I just took him. Cats do not like cats. My granda said, They like people better.
What about dogs?
Dogs do not like cats.
Do cats like dogs?
Some cats. Dogs ar
e worse than people, that is what cats think.
Cats do not like anybody, said my grannie, they are just selfish besoms.
Oh we are all selfish besoms, said my granda.
No we are not, said my grannie.
Aye but if they are mousers.
Granda said about me getting one but it was my da, he did not like them. My maw did not either, she said they could be dirty. Where had their paws been? Ye did not know except it was dirt, cats were always in dirt. So were dogs.
My granda was great. If he came to the pond with me, he would have liked it. Some boys had poles and men let them steer the boats on their course and they walked round the banks. The men set the sails then launched the boat in a certain way, just pushing it out. They knew where it would land and telled the boys. If ye did not know people ye just followed a boat ye liked. Some boys chased ye, others let ye stay. They did not listen if ye asked them a question. Ye could never get too close to a boat and they never let ye sail it.
Uncle Billy's boat got lost, else he would have gived it to me. But my granda said it was all just toys, how in our family it was real boats. He ran away to sea when he was fourteen and telled the Captain he was fifteen. He was in the Merchant Navy same as my da except my da's job was better. My granda was just able-bodied. My da said they were ten-a-penny.
I had cousins at sea. One was in the Cadets. I was wanting to join. My maw did not want me to but my da said I could, it was a good life and ye saved yer money, except if ye were daft and done silly things. He said it to me. I would just have to grow up first.
***
There were great smells at the river and big ships went down it, ocean-going. Ye heard the horn and ran to see them. Ye had to run fast so it would not be away. Everybody was cheering maybe if it was a new one just built and here it was launched. Even if it was an old cargo boat or else a container ship. I liked them. Where had they been? They were all old and had been places all over the world. It was great, and ye were walking along and running along beside it then ye had to go round a corner and round a river-street and then back down and there was the river and the boat was there.
Ye heard the horn sometimes and ye were in bed, it was creepy, ye were maybe asleep but ye still heard it, if it was coming out of nowhere, that was how it sounded, ooohhhhh ooohhhhh, ooohhhhh ooohhhhh, oooooohhhhhhhhh, and a big low voice. Just creepy. One time my da was home on leave and took me and Mattie down dead late at night. It was for a special boat. Other people were there, lasses too. We were all there waiting. It was completely foggy and just as if there was no noise hardly anywhere and everything was thick, very very thick, and ye could hardly hear anything and ye could not see nothing except yellow coming through where the lights were, ye were holding on to yer da's hand, then Look, look! That was my da and in a quiet voice, See, look!
And the yellow was coming out, all bright through the fog, and it was all lights, ye could not even see the funnels or the top parts because with the fog all hiding it. But there it was it was the ship out from the fog, ooohhhhh ooohhhhh, it was the special one. My da was just watching and me and Matt. Ye felt a feeling in yer body and how my da was standing straight so we did it as well. He was Merchant Navy, but he liked the Royal Navy too. And all the sailors all looking down and waving to us and we were cheering, everybody was just cheering and just ye were greeting, I was greeting. Matt laughed but my da never. Then it was gone and its lights too and just the fog again, ooohhhhh ooohhhhh, ye heard the horn going and it was quieter and quieter and quieter.
I liked the wee tugs best. Some ships were gigantic and needed wee ones to help them, that was tugs. My da did not like me saying boats, if it was a cargo ship or a cruiser else a battleship, an oil container, just to say it right. These big ships needed the wee tugs to help them out to sea. If the wee tugs were not there the big ships would not make it through.
These wee tugs were great, they sailed with their chests out and their shoulders straight, that was what I thought. Nobody would ever say a wrong word to them. Ye could see it. One boat was Seasprite and ye thought of something fast and slippery. Sprites were in a book I read, wee kind of ghosts, they were not friendly but the boat was. Some of the sailors waved. They wore navyblue jerseys and trousers, boots and hats. Ye got the same uniform when ye joined the Lifeboys.
When a big ship was passing we walked and ran along with it as far as we could but there were walls and fences and ye could not go too far. We rushed down to the pier and down the wooden steps for the big wash, the waves crashing onto the steps. One day the pier would collapse, ye could see how its timbers were rotting. At the sides of the steps the wood was soft and with a knife ye could slice it away. Ye went as low down the steps as ye could when the tide drifted back. Then jumped up when the waves crashed in. If yer shoes were slippy ye had to be careful no to fall in, and the worst of all if a ferry was there oh mammy and a person got dragged under. Ye heard stories about that and if there was a boat with propellers it was so much the worse. People drowned in the river. If ye fell in ye could not gulp the water because if ye did ye got poisoned or caught diphtheria.
We watched the ship all the way down. It was in silence it sailed and hardly did not move until then ye saw how it was a distance on, then another distance. How did that happen? Then it had reached the faraway bend. That took a while, if ye were still there and watching ye would maybe be last man, yer pals away home or if Mattie was there he was shouting. Come on you hurry up.
And sometimes I hid from him. My da was all over the world on ships. He liked Brazil the best and Rio de Janeiro.
After he came out he would never ever settle. My grannie said it to my maw. Oh he is used to faraway lands, he will never settle.
My grannie said things that I heard, then if it was to my granda, saying about my da. Oh him! The way she said it, Oh him, talking about my da.
But my da said about her and about people too. He was talking to a man one time and I was listening. It was about my granda and I heard him and he was laughing a wee bit and he says, Wee Larry.
Wee Larry. I did not like him saying that. It was not nice. My granda was not well and it was Lawrence and here he could not stick up for himself, it was just my da saying it, if he did not like my granda, maybe he did not.
My da could speak bad about people and me too. He made jokes. I did not like it. Neither did my big brother, we were watching the telly and he got up and left the room. My da just looked and did not say nothing or else if he looked at my maw but she would just kid on it was okay. He done stuff and she kidded on he did not. That was the same with Matt, if he done stuff, she kidded on he did not, if it was tidying up after him. He just left his stuff, all plates and cups. If it was on the floor, they were just there, he left them. Then if ye stood on them, it was you that got the row. How come? There was a lot of stuff like that.
When I was wee and my da was there ye were better keeping out the way. Him and my maw had their bed in the kitchen. It was a weer bed that fitted in the recess with walls all round except one side. So moan moan moan. That was him. His legs were too long. There was nowhere to put them because it was a wall so they were aye bent. Or if he put his feet away up the wall the blankets all were lifted up so my maw got freezing. He just done that for a laugh. He could not have his legs straight.
The worst was banging his head into the wall. He hit his elbows and knees but it was his head, if he hit that. Oh oh oh or else using bad words. My maw was at her work. She would have gived him a row. She hated bad words, swearie words. O for G*d sake. That d**n bed.
He said it was not swearie words. G*d and d**n were not swearie words. My maw said they were. But he still said them. But if I said them it was rows or else even ye got hit. I would never say them. But if ye did.
He stayed in bed when he was home on leave. Even if he was awake. He just stayed in it and read books. And moan moan moan. If ye came into the kitchen and made a sound he got annoyed at ye. And ye could not help it, if it was spoons and forks and y
e were reaching in the drawer for them. Even if it was a chair and ye bumped it. O for G*d sake. O for G*d sake.
Sorry dad.
Ye are aye screeching the d**n chair.
I did not mean it.
Oh no ye did not mean it.
So he said stuff to ye. I did not like it. Ye got sick of it. He got annoyed or else laughed if ye done something. Oh do not be so daft Kieron you are just a dunderheid.
My maw did not like him saying it. Oh do not call him that.
Oh it is just a laugh.
Dunderheid. My maw gived me rows about if I said heid and not head. But no to my da if he did. So it was dunderheid. Oh it is not dunderheid it is dunderhead. If my maw said it to him but she never. But if it was me, Oh Kieron stop saying heid it is head.
My da never said stuff to my big brother. He liked him the best. People all liked him the best. My granda too. I thought he liked me the best but my grannie said, Oh no son it is your brother.
I did not know if that was true. My granda was the best and he showed me stuff and he said I was his pal, if I was his best pal, maybe I was.
Oh son he likes yer brother the best. He is the firstborn. My grannie said it. Oh he is the firstborn.
I was born second. So they all liked him the best. Except my grannie, she liked me. If everybody liked Mattie she would just like me because that was just fair.
But I wanted my granda. So if my grannie was wrong. If my granda liked me the best. Maybe he did.
My Uncle Billy liked me too, he played with me and gived me stuff for my birthday. No my Auntie May. She gived me kisses but liked Mattie the best. She got him to dance if it was a party. He walked about and did not do it right. Oh come here. And she took him. Oh just stand there and move yer feet.
I was best at it. But I saw her if I danced with her, she gived me a wee look. She would have liked it better if she was not dancing with me. If it was Matt, she would have liked that better. She showed him where to put his feet but no me. But I knew where to put them. But if I did it she did not look. I did not care. She had a boyfriend and was going out with him but then it was a big fight and if ye went to my grannie's there she was. Oh he has kicked her out.
