by James Kelman
I was just looking.
What at?
Everything.
My maw thinks it was her.
Well it was not.
So after that if we were having our tea he just sat in the bedroom and waited. My maw said to Matt about his books and jotters because if he had them all out and Mitch was there but Matt said, Oh mum it is okay.
Oh but you do not want him touching your things.
Oh he will not touch them.
That was Matt saying it. I was glad. Because Mitch would not. So it was good Matt saying it. If it was Podgie but, Podgie would touch everything. I took him in and that was what happened. I did not like taking him in because ye just had to watch yer stuff all the time. But no Mitch. He loved my house. Oh Smiddy I would stay here. That was what he said. He hated his house and the most thing was his da. When he was a man he was going to kill him, that was what he said, I am going to poison him to death, he is a horrible old stinking b*****d.
He would do it. Mitch was Mitch. I did not go into his house much. His maw did not mind but he did not like me going in. If it was his big sisters. Boys had sisters and did not like people going in their house. So if they saw something. Oh I saw yer sister's k*****rs.
He was good at spitting. He done it through his front teeth, tthhhh. And he was a smashing whistler and did not use his fingers. Ye would be away at the end of the street and ye would hear him. Even across the field and down at the burn, oh there is Mitch. I could only do it with my fingers but no loud.
Some boys laughed at him. It was a funny thing in his voice and they mimicked him too but no if he would hear them. He was very very good at fighting. He was a best fighter in the school. He did not care about stuff. If it was a boy in a higher class. He did not care. He was in a big fight with a Primary 7. All people were watching. The Primary 7 was a best fighter. Then Mitch was greeting. We saw he was, and it was loud greeting, he was making a noise and it sounded just funny and people were looking. The Primary 7 boy's pals all thought stuff, if Mitch would give in. But we knew he would not and he just still was fighting, and he bashed the Primary 7 hard on the ear with a real hard punch and the Primary 7 just stopped and was holding his ear and going, Ohh ohhh and moaning, then went down on the ground and was still moaning.
Mitch ran away. Me and the boys ran after him. You won the fight Mitch!
I thought Mitch could beat Podgie at fighting. Other ones did not. Podgie done stuff. I did not like it. He dared Mitch to do stuff and Mitch done it. Go and skelp that lassie's b*m.
I telled him no to but he did.
Oh away and throw a stane at that window. So Mitch went and done it and Podgie and Gary laughed. Mitch hoped I would laugh but I did not. Oh Smiddy it is just for a joke.
But I did not like Podgie doing it. If it was me I would not have done it. So how come Mitch done it? I did not know.
Then in the class if Podgie said it, Oh away out and touch the blackboard. So Mitch ran out and done that too. And if Miss Cooney saw him, Oh William Mitchell what are you doing?
She shouted at him and gived him the belt. Mitch just looked. She belted people all the time but did not do it good. People laughed at her. So if ye were chalking a sum on the blackboard ye did a daft face or stuck yer tongue out. Then if she gived ye the belt. One time she done it to Gary McNab and he said, Oh please Miss that was dead sore, and he held his hands out and just flapped them so everybody was laughing.
Then people spoke rude to her, just saying all slang words, aye and doon and aw I cannay dae that miss, whit is it ye says miss. One time Podgie grabbed a lassie's school bag and emptied it on on the floor and Miss Cooney saw him but kidded on she did not. But I saw her and she did. The lassie got a big red face and was going to greet but she did not.
Miss Cooney was boney and with skinny legs and a yellow skirt and then the same jacket, she did not change it. Her back was bent over and she had black hair in a funny way stuck up. Gary McNab said, Oh that is not hair it is a hat.
Oh it is a wig. Podgie said, It is a wig to cover a baldy head.
Everybody all was laughing, lasses as well. They did not like Podgie but still were laughing. But some thought if it was true, if it was a wig. Imagine it. Then what happened, she dropped her chalk on the floor and went to pick it up. But she put her hand on her head. So that was to stop the wig falling off. So really it was a wig, it could be. Out at playtime people were talking about it. Oh if it is a wig. Maybe it is. Maybe she is a murderer, if it is a disguise. Oh what are we going to do? People were saying that.
So Podgie dared Mitch. Heh Mitch you lift it and see.
People did not think he would but he did. Miss Cooney was chalking stuff at the blackboard. Mitch ran over and pulled her hair hard. She fell down and was shouting in a high tiny voice, ohhhh, ohhhh.
Mitch was just there standing and people all were looking and just quiet.
Ohhh, ohhh.
What was going to happen? We all were watching. But she just got up and was holding her head. She saw a book and grabbed it, she bashed Mitch right on the head with it, oh and the book fell and she got his neck and choked it and then bashed him again and he was fighting to get away and done it. He ran to the back of the room. She shouted and went to get him but he dodged roundabout. She could not catch him. It was funny to see but everybody all was quiet and just looking to see. Ye could hear Miss Cooney breathing, Huh hoh, huh hoh, huh hoh, huh hoh.
Then ye saw how Mitch was getting near the door, he was just going with toty wee steps, getting there. He was trying to. But she saw him. Oh do not dare leave this room William Mitchell. But he did, just dived to the door and flung it open and away. Miss Cooney chased out after him.
What would happen? If she caught him or if it was the headmaster or else what? If it was the cops and the Approved School. Boys got sent to the Approved School or else Borstal. People all were talking till then a teacher came in, Get on with your work.
Another teacher came in and sat at Miss Cooney's desk till the bell went to go home. Me and the boys were walking down the street talking about it. Then there he was, he was hiding in a close. He came out and walked in the middle of us so nobody could see him, Oh if the cops came. Gary said it.
We went down the shops. Mitch telled us he did not see Miss Cooney. He just skipped out the front entrance and then out the gate when the jannie was not there. But the next day Miss Cooney did not come in and she did not come back again to school. Mitch's maw was there, she went into the headmaster's office. Mitch got a bad doing off his da.
But he was not good at football. He hoped he was and he was a fast runner but he did not hit the ball right and could not dribble. Usually he went in goals. He was good at diving and did not care about it, no even if it was raining and he got soaked. On the school pitch it was puddles puddles and down the goalie's end was worse, and then muddy. So who was in goals, if he had to dive, he got soaking wet and all muddy clothes. My maw would have killed me.
If it was too heavy raining ye did not play.
That was the worst. It just was. It was only football ye wanted. Sitting in the class and just waiting for the dinnerbell to ring then dinnerschool then getting a game.
Usually it was Billy MacGregor had the ball. The ones to carry it lived beside the school. If they were too far away they did not carry it. If ye carried the ball ye had to be first back. Billy did not go to dinnerschool. His maw was home and made his dinner. He got soup and toast and cheese but if his maw was late he just got a piece on cheese. Wait for yer soup! That was his maw shouting. No, I am not hungry. Billy telled me. He just rushed out and back to school.
If ye were late back with the ball people moaned at ye. If ye were dead late that was the worst thing, if yer maw kept ye in and the boys were out on the pitch waiting and there was not a ball. That was the worst. Who is carrying the ball? Oh it is Billy. Where f*****g is he!
How come he was not here! Then ye saw him running up and he gived a big kick of the ball. We got the sides picked and then
were playing.
It was not Billy's ball really. It was a boy called Wotherspoon, it was his ball. He gived it to Billy after morning playtime. Billy kept it under the desk or if somebody else took it. I did too, sometimes. Ye just squeezed it under. If it jumped back out, sometimes it did, so ye pushed it in or if it bounced out on the floor and the teacher thought ye were laughing at her, ye were not, ye did not mean it. I will take that ball!
But she gived ye it back at dinnertime and just was smiling. Oh well ye better have it I suppose.
After school some of us got another game and the boys out Primary 7 played with us and weer ones out Primary 5. Sometimes it was only a wee drop of boys. We played crossing the ball and heidies, or three-and-in, so one boy went in goals and who scores three goals out the other ones, so it was your turn in goals.
Oh but it was the worst if it was heavy raining all morning and ye heard it against the wall and then the roof, just lashing down, so if ye could not play Ye tried no to think about it. If ye did it stayed on but if ye forgot about it it might go off. Then it did but a wee while later it was back on again. The school was made of tin. It was loud loud pattering, and the teacher could not do the lessons right. Oh for Heaven sake!
At dinnertime ye all went under the shelters, standing there and seeing if it was going off, even a wee bit so ye could try it. Boys went out and gived the ball a long kick down the pitch then ran after it but it was through all the puddles and it was hopeless. Usually ye just got Primary 5 boys to do it. They wanted in with us so we could let them play. But if it was me and Billy MacGregor and we went out, we passed the ball to test the ground. If it was no any good, the ball stuck in a deep puddle, it was just a laugh, people splashed through to kick the ball and ye all got soaked. But if ye could still play. Maybe ye could. So if somebody under the shelter shouted to us, What like is it?
Billy looked up at the sky and held his hand out to test. Oh I think it is going off a wee bit.
More people came out to see. Podgie and Gary. Oh's***e it is too rainy. They ran back under the shelter. It is f*****g pelting! What did ye say it was going off for?
Sometimes me and Billy MacGregor just stayed out passing the ball and if Mitch was there he came too but a lot of times he did not come to school.
The other one that came was Peter Wylie. Him and Billy were pals. Peter liked bikes and said how ye got real racers, maybe if it was a Flying Scot. Or if it was an Italian one, they were the best. Peter was wanting one for his Christmas but did not think he would get it. He said how Rona Craig's big brother was getting one for his birthday. His granny was getting it for him and it cost a mint of money.
People all talked about stuff. Some were getting good presents at Christmas and then if it was their birthday. But ye knew if they were boasters, a lot of them were.
Oh but then if the rain went off and still time before the bell Podgie and other ones came and we picked sides fast. There was a big slope on the pitch. It was aye best to shoot down the way. Ye tossed a coin and if ye won the call ye shooted down the first half because most times ye did not get a second half, the bell always rang too soon.
In the winter it snowed some days. People liked the snow for big fights, lasses too, and it was great fun, maybe if it was boys against lasses, and it was just all the lasses out the complete school so all wee ones too running about, Oh mammy daddy mammy daddy. It was just a laugh.
Just for football it was hopeless how the ball turned into a snowball. But it was a laugh too, ye could not run for laughing and then the goalies, if Mitch was there he was like a snowman walking because he just dived for every ball. John Davis was looking at him too. See Mitch! See Mitch!
Mitch did not care but, he just done it. But he did not laugh, he just done it, sometimes if he looked at me. If it was a good game. I just said it to him, Good game Mitch.
Oh aye.
***
The carnival and circus was on and the boys were going. I tried to get money but my maw did not like giving me it because my da was not working. I would not even ask. They would never give me nothing. Mitch said to go into my da's pockets. But if he has got no money.
Oh he will have some.
But he did not have a sausage. Him and my maw argued about it and I heard them. That was what he always said, I do not have a d**n sausage.
Well what about her purse? said Mitch.
But I did not want to go into her purse. I done it when I was weer but did not like it. I got too nervy and all worried. I went into the bathroom and it was diarrhoea because of it, just my stomach.
So then if ye got caught. A thief was the worst. What if it was off yer mates? Yer mates was the same as family. More so. My da said that. They were the lowest of the low and just scum when they done it. If my da's shipmates caught a thief they flung him overboard. That was what they done to one bloke. Things went missing on board. Who would have thought it was him? It was one nobody would have thought. They expected a Chinaman. Chinamen were on the boat. But it was not, it was just Scottish. What all the men done was trap him. They all were waiting. So then they caught him and the next thing he went missing. Man overboard. Because they flung him overboard and it was out in the ocean. That was harsh justice. That was it if ye were at sea. They done it to a darkie once. The men did not like him and he went missing.
I sometimes done it for fags, I went into his packet and if he had eight I took two or if it was four I took one. Mitch said, Oh just take three. But if ye done that yer da would know One time I took a fag and got a bad feeling in my stomach. I was on the toilet seat and just seeing the fag and thinking how him and my maw were watching the telly. I broke the fag up and flung it down the pan. But I pulled the plug and it would not go down. The paper came away and the tobacco all was floating. I kept doing the plug but it did not go down. It was a worry the whole night.
Mitch knocked money out his house. His da kept his money in his coat pockets so he just dipped him. Mitch said that, I just dipped him. He done it with his maw too. Oh I dipped her purse.
But I did not want money off my maw and my da. Nothing. I did not want nothing off them. They just talked and talked about it. I got sick of it. Sometimes ye forgot and just asked, Oh can I go to the swimming baths after school tomorrow?
Oh no, there is no money, it is too dear, how many times do you want to go there. It is dear and so is everything, all just too dear. Oh if ye want to go to the swimming baths, ye were only there on Saturday if it is more money for the pictures and then if it is the circus.
I only went sometimes to the circus. The boys all liked the carnival the best but it was the worst out the whole lot for money. It is just a bunch of thieves, said my da. Carnival people are just tinkers and then when ye are on the roundabouts all the money falls out yer pocket and they all get it. They just fling ye about to steal yer money.
It is just a fraud, said my maw, shots on this and shots on that. I do not know how their mothers can afford it. Oh they must be rich for that.
My da did not like his job and just left it. He came home in the afternoon. Me and Mitch came back at four o'clock and he was there. Lucky for me I did not climb the balcony When my maw came home it was a fight. I was reading a book in the kitchenette and their voices were loud. I did not hear what it was. My maw came in and then back out when she saw me. But her face was red and she did not speak, and away into the bathroom. She was greeting and did not come out for ages. He came in to put on a kettle for tea and stood with his hand on the handle waiting for it to boil. I wished I was not there but Matt was in the bedroom and it was raining heavy, I could not go out on the balcony. But then my da switched off the gas and just went away to him and my maw's bedroom. He got on his coat and shoes and went away out. He did not say where he was going. My maw came out the bathroom and through to me. Where is your father away to?
I do not know mum.
Oh did he not say anything?
No.
Her face was all red, she had been greeting in the b
athroom. That was what she done. When Mitch said to go in her purse, I could not. He hated his maw and da but I did not. I just wished I had a job, if I had my own money, that was what I wanted.
***
Podgie thought he was the best at football. We were playing up his street one night and his da was watching out the window. The streetlights came on, it was dark. So he came down and was shouting for Podgie to run and score a goal. Podgie was doing it. He played better. His real name was Derek and his da was shouting that. Go on Derek go on Derek.
Podgie did not want ye saying Podgie if his da was there. So if ye just let him beat ye because his da was there, if he was wanting that, but ye did not. I did not care if his da was there. So what? If his da thought he was the best player, he was not. Podgie just could tackle and boot the ball, that was all, and if he scored a goal it was just easy and he kicked it. And then if he did a dirty tackle on ye his da just shouted, Good play good play!
It was not good play it was just dirty. People just's**t it when he tackled. So they let him win the ball. He never picked me. Him and Billy MacGregor were captains. Billy was the real best player. Him and Peter Wylie were in the second top division. Billy would have wanted to be in the top but he was not. He looked at me no swearing. His maw and da all went to Church. Billy always picked me for his team.
But Podgie was too slow. I could play him easy, ye got the ball at yer feet and ye just ran with it because he could not catch ye. So he stopped running. He telled us what his da said. Oh Smiddy would be good if he remembered the ball. Smiddy runs fast but he cannot dribble, ye just stick out yer foot and get the ball off him.
His da took him to the Rangers' games. I said how I got in when I was wee. The men lifted us over the gates, we did not have to pay. So we got in for nothing, we just dodged the cops. Podgie went away and telled his da then came back. Oh Smiddy you are a lying b*****d.
No I am not.
Ye f*****g are.
No I am not.
My da said ye could never have done it because that was the olden days.
