Holding onto my stomach, the cold biting into my skin, I whisper, “Dear God, please help me! Please give me strength!” A figure in the doorway makes the light change and I look to it. “Brendan?” I cry, hopeful.
“No, he’s not here yet,” Tommy says, walking in, his mouth grim.
I cry out as another contraction clenches me all the way to my uterus. Tommy freezes at the sound, gripping onto the stone wall by the entrance with clawed fingers, a battle warring inside him. I cry out again and start to breathe fast to focus on anything but the pain. I feel his presence as he skids to my side.
Opening my eyes, I ask, “What are you doing? I thought you left me!”
He takes my hand, and shakes his head, his eyes determined. “I got halfway down the hill and had to come back. I can’t.”
“You’re going to go back to jail, Tommy! He won’t let you not!”
With a set jaw, he looks at my belly. “It doesn’t matter. How can I start a new life running like a coward?”
Screaming out, I squeeze his hand. “Thank you,” I whisper.
He squeezes back. “I don’t know what I’m doing, so I’ll just ask. How does it feel? Does it feel like he’s coming now?”
I wince, gasping for breath. “I don’t know. Why don’t you look?”
He smirks. “If I want to keep my balls, I’m not going to do that. When Brendan comes in here, I need to be up here by your face.”
“Well, then your guess is as good as mine. Ow! Oh my God. Why does it hurt so bad?!”
Tommy’s frown is deep as he gazes at me, wishing he could do something. His eyes change and he looks to the right. “He’s coming.”
“How can you tell?”
“No. Not the baby. Brendan. Brendan’s here,” Tommy quietly says, his eyes on the cave entrance. “Shit. This is going to be interesting.”
That’s when I hear him, the love of my life calling my name. “ANNIE!! ANNIE, I’M HERE!”
The relief that waves over me is so profound I start to weep. “I’M HERE! BRENDAN, I’M HERE!!”
“ANNIE!” he shouts again and again. I start to laugh as his voice grows closer, completely losing my sanity.
Bringing Tommy’s hand to my forehead, I cry out, “Oh, thank you. Thank you for calling him! Thank you!”
The light changes again as Brendan vaults into the cave, quickly followed by Mark, which is a surprise to me. They both scan the scene quickly. Tommy releases the grip on my hand and jumps up, stepping back to make room. Brendan gives him a scathing glare, and falls to his knees next to me, taking my face in his hands as tears race down both of our faces. “Freckles! I thought I was never going to see you again!”
“Brendan! Brendan! I can’t believe you’re really here! He’s coming! He’s finally coming! And that girl was right, he timed it on purpose!” I’m blabbering and Brendan has no idea what I’m talking about, he’s so beside himself. His hand goes to my stomach and he kisses me repeatedly, both of us gasping.
When he stops, I see Nicole and Rebecca standing behind him. “Nicole!”
“Hey gorgeous, seen better days?” she smiles, grabbing the fallen tote bag and lowering by my feet, hurriedly unzipping it and pulling out supplies.
Rebecca awkwardly looks from Tommy to me.
Laughing with relief, I meet her eyes. “Tell me you have Advil in that fucking clutch purse!”
Rebecca digs through her bag to victoriously produce a trial-size bottle. “Motrin?”
I drop my head on Tommy’s sweater and close my eyes with relief. “Okay, you can stay.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Tommy
My wrists: held behind my back. My shame: bottomless.
I’m staring down at the couple with Mark needlessly holding onto me. I’m dead on the inside. My face like stone. No hope. Only a dim satisfaction somewhere in the recesses of my soul, that I didn’t run. It’s not much, but it’s all I’ve got. Rebecca steals another glance and we lock eyes. She’s stunning as usual, and the sight of her with her hair wind blown, out of breath from running in those pumps up a hill, has me wanting to do all sorts of things to her before I get thrown back into an all-men cage for the rest of my life.
But this desire is futile.
My life? It’s over.
She catches Mark’s warning glance and looks away from me, quickly.
The black girl–a stunner with long, long legs who I’ve never seen before–pulls out blankets and fresh clothes for Annie. She glances to Mark, and avoids my eyes. She must be his girlfriend, but this is the first I’ve heard of her. Must have happened after I went in. Or before; it’s not like he’s confided in me in anything for a very long time.
Brendan looks over as the black girl says something. I see her mouth moving, but my heartbeat’s dull thud is louder in my ears, that and the sound of the bars locking. Dinon’s voice. Antonio’s unblinking eyes. Morales. Beady Eyes and the beating he’ll gladly give me when they throw me back into my cell. Next to my father’s cell, maybe.
Now wouldn’t that be ironic?
I lock eyes with Brendan as he turns, filled with fury. “Did you hit her?” Mark tightens his grip on my wrists. I blink slowly, not fighting. I knew this was coming. Brendan flies at me, snarling. My head swings to my right under the first blow. Then to my left. Again and again. The pain is nothing to what Annie’s feeling, so this moment is almost a sweet retribution I can take comfort in. Except for one thing: these guys used to be my friends.
“BRENDAN! NO! HE SAVED ME!” Annie screams.
Struck dumb, Brendan stops. The hatred in his eyes as he looks at me is palpable. Dark blue loathing that has no end, but there’s confusion slithering in, and he doesn’t like it. I spit out the blood, not agreeing with her. Because the truth is, she should be in a hospital. I’m a selfish bastard. The pain he’s serving up almost feels good, because I think I deserve worse.
Confusion turns him around. The three of us who used to party in this cave until dawn on many, many fun nights, look down at the woman in labor, her hair sweat-matted around her face. A blanket is over her. Her wet clothes are in a heap and the new ones have vanished. They’re on her now, but we can’t see them as she’s covered well. Rebecca and the black fox are down on the floor with her, looking under the blanket, in between her legs.
Her small, feminine hand reaches for Brendan. “It was his dad! Honey, it wasn’t him! It was his dad who kidnapped me. Please stop!!” Tears fall down her cheeks, a never-ending stream as she cringes and cries out in pain. “Oh, God, when is that Motrin going to work already??!”
Brendan frowns and looks back to me. Mark lets me go. I stumble backwards and step to the left to grab purchase, a foundation to lean on. The stone wall feels good under my hand, cool and solid. Wiping the blood from my lip, I lower my eyes and catch my breath.
Rebecca speaks first. “What does she mean, Tommy?”
Is that hope in her voice? I glance to her. “It doesn’t matter. This is all me.”
Brendan spins to face his wife. Calls her name with confusion and the desire to kill me still in his voice. It is now that I realize how much he really loves her. It’s all over him. And it makes me feel like more of a schmuck than I already do.
I’m jealous. Can you blame me?
Her eyelashes rise. Tired, she wiggles her hand in the air for him to take it. “Come back. Be with me.”
He rushes to her, deflating. All of the machismo and anger disappears.
Mark’s watching me with uncertainty and I give him a pained smile. “Just like old times, huh?” His jaw tightens, and the veins in his neck become exposed. “Not in the joking mood?”
“Tommy, cut it out you idiot,” Annie mutters with a smile, and instantly like she’s magic, the hollowed-out cavern changes shape to something less horrible, less filled with hate. Through a few short sentences she explains what happened. My old friends steal glances to me a couple times as she blurts out the basics in between contractions. Mark licks his lips, s
liding his hands in his pockets, and lowering his head.
“He still brought you here!” Brendan grumbles.
She nods and says, “Yeah. Oh God! Nicole!”
Nicole quietly informs her. “I see the little guy’s head.”
With all of us watching, and few of us breathing, Jacob Lee Clark arrives in the world, crying and screaming, his little mouth bright red and the rest of him looking like a wet alien monkey. As if we’re in a hospital room and not in a cave up some hill, everybody grins with joy as the little guy stops crying the moment he’s laid in his mother’s arms, the cord cut with a pair of house scissors dipped in rubbing alcohol.
Brendan gets behind Annie, sitting on the ground with his legs on either side of her, raising her up to prop against his chest with her back to him. Together they look at their son swaddled in a bath towel, smiling down at the strange little creature. I stare at the scene filled with mixed emotions I can’t even begin to explain.
Mark looks at me, and jogs his head once toward the mouth of the cave. We walk outside into the sunlight, me behind him.
“What’re you going to do now?” he asks, squinting up at the falling sun, his hazel eyes almost gold in this light.
I cut my glance to the water down below, thinking of the men who escaped Alcatraz so long ago. Here they put a prison in the Bay and didn’t expect people to try and swim?
“What choices do I have?
He doesn’t answer that. “You know I thought you’d–”
I stop him. “I know. I deserved a beating.”
He looks at me from under skeptical eyebrows. “You didn’t fight me.”
“Nope.”
He looks back to the water. “Tommy, you escaped prison to save her life.”
“I could have told someone it was going to happen, what my dad was going to do,” I mutter, not wanting to take credit anymore.
He makes a noise. “If you didn’t, you probably had a good reason. This was a dangerous move. Selfless.”
Taking a beat, I lick my lips, the metallic taste of blood oddly comforting. I’m about to say something, but decide I’ve got nothing worth saying.
“Mark?” We both turn around at Rebecca’s call. She’s standing by the cave’s entrance with a concerned look.
“Everything okay?” he asks, pulling his hands free from his pockets and stepping toward her.
Her hands fly up and she shakes her head. “Oh no! Everything’s fine. I just wanted to talk to Tommy for a second? If you don’t mind?”
He relaxes. “Sure.” He looks at me. Nods. I return it and watch him walk away. Rebecca walks forward wringing her hands. After realizing what she’s doing, she crosses them over her chest with a dignified raise of her neck, her light jacket crinkling.
“You should have brought a better coat,” I smile.
She chuckles. “You’re just wearing a t-shirt!” She bites her bottom lip. I stare at it, and force myself to look back to the water, away. “How did you get out?”
“Didn’t you hear? Seven fairies waved a magic wand.” I peek at her to see if that made her smile. It did.
“I don’t know what that means,” she quietly says, standing next to me, looking out at the water, too. The wind rises unexpectedly and picks up her hair a bit.
“If no one knows how, then everyone’s safe. You look beautiful,” I tell her.
She smiles and casts her eyes toward the dirt beneath her feet. “You look pretty great yourself.”
“You like the bruised look? Does that do it for ya?”
She laughs and shakes her head a little. “Oh man, Tommy. How have you been?”
“Awful. You?”
We stare at the water together. “I’m seeing someone.”
I focus on the bridge with no expression. I’m good at those. “I see. You like him?”
She breathes in between her teeth, almost whistling but not quite. “He’s a good man.”
“Hey Tommy?”
She and I look over to the cave.
Mark has his arm around his girlfriend’s waist, the tote bag they brought with them in his hands, zipped shut. “They want to talk to you. Just him,” Mark adds, looking at Rebecca. She shares a glance with me, her eyes feeling my anxiety for me. That’s sweet, because I’m not feeling anything. At least one of us should be.
I walk in the cave and see Brendan’s waiting for me, and Annie’s eyes rise as I come in. “Annie told us more of what happened.”
“Look, Brendan, I should have taken her to a–”
“Also the part of your coming back even though you knew I’d throw you back in prison.”
I pause. Shrug. “I tried to leave. Couldn’t. I’m not a hero.”
Annie ignores this, bounces the baby lightly, looking at me without a smile, her expression unreadable. “You want to look at him?” Brendan’s mouth tenses, but he doesn’t object. He’s on guard and I don’t blame him. I would be, too.
“Yeah.” I walk forward slowly, carefully so they know I’m not a threat. Kneeling a little off to the side, I look at the baby, now washed up. “Hey little guy. Someone gave you a bath. Much needed, too, I might add.”
Brendan’s eyes lighten, and Annie’s grinning at the little one.
“You did good, B-man. Wish I could say the same.” Rising up, I start walking to the exit.
“Where in Canada are you headed?” Brendan calls over.
I huff, and shake my head. “Don’t worry. I know I’m going back in. You don’t have to send a search party anywhere to find me.” I’m about to step outside.
“I just wanna know where to avoid.”
My feet halt and I turn slowly around. Annie’s looking at me and I glance from her to Brendan, my mouth slackened. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“Go before I change my mind.”
“Brendan…” I quietly whisper, struck hard with emotion. “Don’t play with me.”
He looks at me with his eyes hard and filled with the pain of everything he’s been through since she disappeared. It takes him a moment to speak, and when he does, his deep voice breaks a little, even as he tries to control it, to be a man. “If it hadn’t been for you, this would have turned out very differently.” He kisses the side of her head, closing his eyes to gather himself. Inhaling, he looks at me. “Tommy, I owe you.”
A seed plants itself in my chest and I can’t speak either at first: Hope. I scan around the place, because I can’t look at them. I’ll lose my shit if I do. “Wow. I don’t know what to say. What are you going to tell the cops?”
Annie answers. “I’m going to tell them it was your dad. I’ll tell them you saved me and that when I escaped the house, I ran and hid. That you gave me a phone to call Brendan. That I didn’t have the number memorized so I dialed the last number in the phone.”
“Rebecca’s,” I say, following her path.
“Yes, so she’s going to have to say you called her.”
Huffing with disbelief, I struggle for words. “I really don’t know what to say.”
“Goodbye is a good start,” Brendan smiles.
I smile with him and shake my head, overwhelmed. “Goodbye,” I mumble, growing excited. “Goodbye indeed.”
Turning to the exit, I stop, and pull out something from my pocket. Walking back, I hold it out to Annie. She squints at the glinting object and her eyes widen.
“My ring! How did you get that?”
Dropping it into Annie’s outstretched palm, I smirk. “I’m a thief, remember?”
* * *
I walk out into the golden light feeling like the sun is shining just for me. Rebecca’s still here, facing the cave, standing off to the side with her hair blowing, her eyes turned toward the Bay. Mark and his girlfriend are watching from the bottom of the hill, resting on the car, looking like miniatures of themselves.
“They’re letting me go free.”
Rebecca turns, her pretty eyes rounding instantly. “Really?”
I grin, rubbing my
arms for warmth. For the first time, I can feel, and it is damn cold out. “Yeah.”
Rebecca blinks, dropping her gaze to the ground, thinking. “Where are you going to go?”
“Well, it’s not a secret, anymore, I guess. They both know.” I jerk my head toward the cave. “Canada.”
A sad smile curves her lips. “Oh. That’s great, Tommy.”
“You want to come?”
She blinks, staring at me. A laugh bursts from her. “I can’t!”
Grinning, I nod, and glance to the water. “Yeah. I figured. Well, I want to get a move on. Never know what the road has in store for me.” I step over to her, “Take care of yourself, Beautiful.”
Her eyes are sad as she watches me go. “Bye, Tommy,” she whispers as I make my way down the hill, my boots grinding into the crevices quickly.
The last time I did this trek today, I was entrenched in guilt and shame. Now, I’ve got a spring in my step like none I’ve ever known. That beater will take me as far as it can go. I’m going to have to drive up to a rural part of the border, maybe in Montana, so I can cross without alerting the patrol on either side. It’s not going to be easy, but I feel like I just might have luck on my side, for once. Maybe this whole doing the right thing nonsense has its perks. But I’m going to have to make money somehow. Let’s see how long this sticks.
At the bottom of the hill, Mark holds out his hand.
“You know what they were going to do?”
He nods. We shake hands. “Good luck, Tommy.”
“Thanks, Mark. Nice meeting you,” I say to his girl.
“Nicole,” she smiles, her eyes wary.
“Nicole. Right. I heard that earlier. Nice gams. Just kidding, Mark. Take care.”
Nicole’s voice purrs as I walk away, “I think you’re forgetting someone.”
I turn around to see Rebecca running awkwardly down the hill, her shoes in her hands and a scared look in her eyes. “Tommy!”
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