by Donna Alward
“I see.” He looked down into his cup, frowning, then took a drink.
“But…I have some personal gear I could loan you.” His disappointment in her answer was clear and she instantly regretted being so cool. She punctuated the offer with a soft smile.
“Personal gear?”
Maggie hesitated. She knew that out in the shed she’d find Tom’s things—cross-country skis, snowshoes, even his old hockey skates. They’d been out there over fifteen years, and she’d never had the heart to throw them away.
But holding on to them didn’t make much sense anymore. For the last several years, she’d nearly forgotten they were even there. If Nate could get some use out of them, why shouldn’t he?
“My husband’s things. Snowshoes, skis, that sort of thing.” She took a sip of hot coffee to cover the tiny waver she heard in her own voice.
The television still chattered in the background, but Nate went very still. She heard nothing beyond the quiet resonance of his voice.
“That’s not necessary. I can outfit myself, if you can tell me where to shop.”
Maggie nodded slightly. “I understand if you’re uncomfortable with using Tom’s things.” What man would truly want the leftovers of a dead man, after all?
“I don’t mind at all. I thought maybe you were uncomfortable with it, which I completely understand.”
Maggie looked up. Nate was watching her calmly, one ankle crossed over his knee. His lips were unsmiling, but not cold. No, never cold, she realized. She was starting to understand that what she’d mistaken for coolness earlier was just him waiting, accepting. Like he understood far more than he should for someone so young.
And he was young. When she thought about the numbers, she realized there was much behind her and much ahead for him. She’d been married, raised a child, knew what to expect from life and had accepted it. But he had so much yet to discover. She was good at reading people, doing what she did, and unless she missed her guess, Nate had all those things ahead of him.
But when she looked into his eyes like she was now, the numbers faded away into nothingness. Somehow, without knowing each other hardly at all, she got the feeling they were strangely coming from a similar place. Like she recognized something in him though they’d never met before. Something that superseded the difference in their ages.
“It’s not doing anyone any good in storage. You are most welcome to it.”
“In that case, thanks. I appreciate it, Maggie.”
He used her given name again and it felt very personal. Like they’d crossed a threshold moving them from simple guest/proprietor relationship to something more. Which was ridiculous, wasn’t it?
Maggie leaned ahead and poured herself more coffee. It was good Nate was going to use the things. Letting go of Tom had taken a long time. But the sense of loss never left her completely. Or the sense of regret. She had a box of small trinkets she kept all the time, mementos of those she’d loved, tucked away in a box in her closet. She had memories and other reminders of Tom; the skis and snowshoes wouldn’t be missed. It was a long time ago and in most respects, she’d moved on.
And in the others…that was none of his business.
Jennifer popped in the door, grinning first at Nate and then over at Maggie. “I thought I smelled coffee.”
Maggie was glad of the interruption. “You’ll have to grab a mug from the kitchen.”
With a flashy smile, Jen saluted and disappeared. Maggie couldn’t repress the smirk that twisted her lips. Nate looked over at her with raised eyebrows, and Maggie let out a soft laugh. For all of her troubles, Jen was the breath of fresh air that brightened the house when she was home.
“She’s got lots of energy,” Nate commented dryly, his hand cradled around his mug as he lifted an eyebrow at Maggie.
“That comes from being eighteen.”
“You make it sound like you’re in your dotage.”
She laughed. “Well, I’m a lot closer than I care to admit.”
Nate put down his empty cup and rested his elbows on his knees, linking his hands together. “Believe me, Maggie. You’re anything but too old.”
Maggie’s pulse leaped as his gaze locked with hers. Too old for what? For him? She couldn’t deny the undercurrents that kept running through their conversation, or the way he’d kissed the tip of her finger. The way she’d caught him staring at her lips. Perhaps flirtation came naturally to him. But she was very out of practice.
“I’m old enough to have a grown daughter to worry about.”
Jen popped back in the door and headed straight for the coffeepot, oblivious to the tension in the room. As she poured, she gave her mother the update. “Three loads down, one more to go and my term paper is printing as we speak.”
“Atta girl.” It was a relief for Maggie to turn her attention to Jen and away from Nate’s probing glances.
“Hmph.” Jen grumbled as she stirred milk and two heaping teaspoons of sugar into her mug. “Break would have been more fun if I could have gone out instead of being cooped up here writing about the War of 1812.”
“What exactly do you do for fun around here?” Nate took a sip of coffee.
Maggie looked at Jen. Maggie’s idea of going out for fun wasn’t quite the same as Jen’s. Maggie preferred for Jen to hang out with girls her own age. Maybe go into Sundre to a movie or something. It was one thing about living in a very small community. Maggie remembered it well. Someone would make a liquor run and everyone would converge on an agreed spot. Most of the time it was harmless, but not always. As they both well knew.
“I, uh…” Jen actually faltered, looking at her mother.
Good, thought Maggie. Perhaps Jen was realizing now that what she’d done was serious. And that it definitely wouldn’t seem funny to a cop.
“Um, you know, hang out with other kids and stuff. There’s not much to do around here. No place to go other than the store.”
“The store?”
Maggie answered the question. “The General Store. Unless you go into Sundre or Olds, it’s the only place around to pick up what you need.” Maggie looked at Jen, who was staring into her coffee cup. “I’m afraid kids tend to be at loose ends a lot of the time. It’s good that Jen’s going to school in Edmonton. There’s more there for her to see and do.”
Jen’s head lifted in surprise and Maggie offered a warm smile. Sure, in her heart she also knew there was potential for Jen to get into much more trouble, and that worried her. But by the same token, there was more to catch Jen’s interest and keep her busy. It was just hard not being there to make sure she was making good choices.
Maggie went to pour more coffee and realized the cream was empty.
“If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be right back.”
Nate watched her leave, then casually leaned back on the couch, crossing an ankle over his knee again.
“I get the feeling you and your mom just had a whole conversation.”
Jen looked up, her cheeks pink. “Well…yeah. Maybe. How’d you know?”
Nate chuckled softly, settling back into the cushions. “Ah. I, too, have a mother. One that saw far more than I ever thought she did.”
“My mom sees everything.”
Nate purposefully kept his pose relaxed, inviting. It might be his only opportunity. “See now? It sounds like there’s a bigger story in there somewhere. You get in some trouble, Jen?”
Her lips thinned and he recognized the stubborn rebellion in her eyes.
“You’re a cop. If I did, it would be dumb to tell you, wouldn’t it.”
Nate nodded. When she got that obstinate jut to her chin, she looked remarkably like her mother. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought. “I can see how you’d think that. But you know, I’m not here to bust you for anything. And sometimes an impartial ear comes in handy.”
“Why don’t you ask my mom?”
“Because I’m asking you. Because maybe I also became a cop to help people.”
Again, Jen
stared into her cup, avoiding looking him in the eye. “I got into some trouble with the RCMP last year.”
“Doing?”
“I got caught with drugs.” Her fingers turned her coffee cup around, avoiding him.
“Were you using?” Nate was careful to voice the question gently, without censure.
“No. I mean, I’d tried a joint or two, I guess. Like everyone else. I thought it was gross. I was just…I didn’t sell it or anything.”
“You weren’t using and you weren’t selling. Delivery?”
“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” Her eyes slid up to his and he knew he’d been right to take it plain and simple. Her fingers stopped fiddling with the mug.
“You were a go-between. And you got caught with it.”
She nodded. “Yes. I mean…I know it was wrong, but it was only pot. My mom was so mad. I was…scared to say much of anything, but in the end she made it okay. She made it so I could come home. And then she sent me away to school. A change of scenery, she said.”
But Nate knew that tone of voice. He could tell Jen resented being sent away. But his job wasn’t to mend fences between Maggie and Jennifer. He held his breath, listening for any evidence that Maggie was coming back. If only she would stay away another five minutes, he might have what he needed. An ID.
“Jen, who were you doing it for? A boyfriend? Did someone threaten you?”
She shook her head so hard he knew whatever came next would only be a partial truth, if that.
“No. No. Pete was never my boyfriend. He’s…he’s just the go-to guy, you know? On a Saturday when you can’t make it into Sundre to the liquor store, or whatever, you go see Pete, and he sets you up.”
Nate gritted his teeth. Small potatoes crime, the kind everyone hated but mostly turned a blind eye to as if it would never affect them. “Booze and recreational drugs?” He forced his voice to remain calm and inviting. Damn. Pete seemed to have changed professions, just like Grant had said. There was no doubt in his mind that the local residents probably considered him the community miscreant, but had no idea of his real past.
If he was indeed the man he’d been sent here to find. More than ever now he had to be sure.
“It started out as something fun, something exciting, you know? But then it all changed and I wasn’t sure how to get out. And I was scared to talk to Mom. I knew she’d blow her top about it. In one way…” She blushed. “I guess in a way I’m glad I got caught. Because then it was over and done with. I just hate that I disappointed her.”
Suddenly Jen’s face changed, no longer embarrassed but fearful. “You’re not going to say anything, are you? I mean…gosh, I probably said too much…we just sort of got to a place where we’re okay, you know? Not fighting about it all the time.”
Nate felt guilt spiral through him. He’d actually inspired her trust and now he was indeed going to use what she’d told him. The only thing that made it okay was knowing that in the big picture he was doing the right thing. He had no desire to hurt Jen, or Maggie. On the contrary.
“It’s okay, Jen. I wouldn’t use what you told me against you.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. Like I said, my job is also to help people.” Helping people by getting rid of scum, he reminded himself. Helping people by getting the information right.
“Yeah, and besides, you’re from the States. So there’s no jurisdiction, right?”
He swallowed. It didn’t matter how long he did this, some things simply didn’t sit right even when they were necessary. He reminded himself of the bigger purpose and lied. “Yeah, that’s right.”
“My mom…she was mad, but I think she was more upset that maybe I was in big trouble. I…I don’t want to hurt my mom again.”
Nate smiled. Jen was a good kid, no matter how much trouble she’d gotten into. He hoped Maggie knew it. It spoke well of her that she was worried about her mom’s feelings. But his concern was Pete.
“How old is this Pete? I mean, does he usually use young girls to move his stuff?”
“I dunno. Old. Like in his forties, I guess. He just moved here a few years ago. He, you know. Tries to keep it on the low. He’s not really hurting anybody. It’s just parties and stuff.”
Nate hid another smile at Jen’s perspective of “old.” At eighteen, he supposed it seemed that way. Yet Maggie fell into that bracket and he wouldn’t consider her old at all. He remembered the sound of her breath catching in her throat when he’d kissed the tip of her finger. No, there was nothing old about Maggie.
He heard a door shut down the hall and he realized whatever information he’d received was all he’d get. But it was enough.
“Hey, Jen, you want some friendly advice?”
“I guess.”
“Make sure you always learn from your mistakes. I can tell that the experience isn’t something you’d care to repeat. Take your lessons learned with you.”
Take your own advice, buddy, a voice inside him said.
“You’re not going to tell my mom? That I told you?”
“Not unless she asks. And you know, she might be really glad to know what you just said. About not wanting to hurt her. Might be a good way to mend some fences.”
“I’ll think about it.”
When Maggie came back in, she put down the cream and ruffled Jen’s hair. “I put your last load in the dryer for you. And hung up your sweater.”
“Thanks.”
Nate tasted cold coffee and suddenly knew what had been plaguing him for the last few weeks. He was homesick. He was missing someone being there for him when he got in trouble, the way Maggie was there for Jennifer. Someone who cared enough to do the little things, for no reason at all. And despite how complicated the trip was rapidly becoming, he was glad he’d somehow ended up at Mountain Haven.
Maggie breathed on her fingers, fumbled with the key and finally got it shoved in the lock.
It turned hard, stiff from the cold and lack of use, but finally the padlock sprung apart and she opened the shed door with a flourish.
“Enter, if you dare.”
She aimed a bright smile up at Nate. He’d been quiet last night after she’d come back in the room, and had excused himself soon after. But this morning he was back to what she assumed was his friendly self. Now he was with her, ready to dig out Tom’s things and see if they were fit for use.
He smiled back, his even teeth flashing white in the frosty air. “I think I mentioned that I was also a marine. I’m not afraid of an itty-bitty shed.”
“Not even of spiders?”
He laughed. “It’s minus a million out here. If they can get through this parka, they deserve a meal.”
He ducked into the shed while Maggie waited just outside the door. His sense of humor was a surprise, but it wasn’t unwelcome.
“You find anything?” Her breath came out in puffy clouds as she called in after him.
“Yeah. Hang on.” A few things rattled and banged as he rearranged articles, pulling things free. Maggie caught a glimpse of his backside as he bent to pick something up from the floor. She stepped away from the door. He was becoming far too alluring and she had to keep her head.
“Incoming!”
She sidestepped quickly as a pair of snowshoes came flying out. When he emerged, cobwebs clung to his coat and hat. She resisted the temptation to reach up and brush them away. Touching him would be a big no-no. She was at least self-aware enough to understand that much.
He proudly held a pair of cross-country skis in one hand and the poles in the other.
“Did you find the boots?”
“Hang on.” He pitched the skis in the snow and went back inside, returning with a dusty pair of black boots with square toes. “Size eleven and a half. Should fit all right, even if I double my socks.”
“You’re crazy to want to go out in this cold.” He wouldn’t know where he was going and she knew she’d worry in this weather. “With the windchill it’s nearly minus thirty.”
>
“Bracing, wouldn’t you say?”
“More like frostbite.”
“Yes, but then I’ll be out of your hair.”
Maggie’s lips twitched. “Guests at Mountain Haven Bed and Breakfast are never in the proprietress’s hair.”
“You say that now, but I’m god-awful when I’m bored. Disposition of a gator.”
Maggie laughed and folded her mittened hands as he tried sliding his feet into the snowshoe harnesses. Despite her words, it would be easier for her if he weren’t around 24/7. No matter what should be, the two of them alone in the house held a certain degree of intimacy. Intimacy she didn’t want or understand. It had never happened with a guest before, but she could feel it stirring between them already. Amicability. The feeling that perhaps they were similar sorts of people. And yes, a level of physical attraction that couldn’t be ignored.
“I can’t seem to get this on right.”
Maggie watched him struggle for a minute, then went to him and knelt in the snow, showing him how to fit his boots into the harness and buckle up the ends.
As she knelt, he bent to see what she was doing and Maggie felt the heat from his body blocking the wind. He was too close. She fumbled with the straps, so took off her mittens to buckle them with her bare hands. Touching him in any way was a mistake. Each time they were together the ridiculous urges grew. He was big and strong and she’d already seen glimpses of compassion and humor. How was she supposed to stay immune to that?
“Try that.” She went to get up, and immediately felt the pressure of his hand at her elbow, helping her.
She stepped away.
He took a few steps, gained confidence, picked up the pace, and promptly fell.
Maggie giggled into the wool of her mittens, she couldn’t help it. One side of his body, from jeans to the side of his toque, was covered in snow.
“You need some help, tough guy?”
“Not from a scrawny thing like you.” He planted his hands and hopped up. “Go ahead and laugh. I bet you couldn’t do it.”
Maggie’s snickers died away as he tried again, the gait awkward but steady. He didn’t look back so couldn’t see the look on her face, see how his casually tossed out words hurt her.
