by Donna Alward
“I’m sorry I put you through that. I realized this morning that I had asked too much of you. It’s never easy being married to a cop, for anyone. And after what you’ve already been through…I should have realized.”
Maggie’s heart skipped. “Are you saying you don’t want to marry me?”
His eyes met hers, the blue-green glittering darkly in the pale light. “That’s not the issue. The truth is, I should have been more sensitive. I knew all along how you felt and I pressured you anyway.”
“Maybe I needed it.” She straightened her shoulders. After all she’d been through today, it wasn’t as hard being brave as she thought it would be.
“I love you, Nate.”
Saying the words, finally saying them, filled her with something so surprising she didn’t know what to do with it. It was like everything in her expanded, awakened. There was power in it, beautiful power she hadn’t expected.
She ignored the trembling in her hands and gripped his fingers. She longed to touch him, wished he weren’t hooked up to monitors and medication. Instead she had to make do with their tenuous connection.
“It’s true. I do love you, and I’m sorry I let my fear dictate how I acted. I think I need to explain,” she murmured, her voice shaking a little. He’d opened his heart to her that morning, now it was her turn. And she wanted to do it. It didn’t mean it was easy.
“Losing Tom was the hardest thing I ever did,” she began. “Not only was he shot, but he killed a man in the process and he was made out to be both hero and villain. Like my parents, I’d loved him and counted on him and he was suddenly gone. I had Jen and Mike to look after and I had to do it alone. I swore from that point that I would never give myself over to that sort of hope again. It hurt too much to lose. That’s what I meant. I couldn’t love like that again, not because I didn’t love you but because the need to protect myself was too strong to give in to it.”
“I knew that.”
“You did?”
“All the other arguments were logical and easily remedied. But that one…I could see how afraid you were. And I knew you were too precious to hurt that way again. So I walked away, knowing at least I wouldn’t be the one to cause you that sort of pain.”
Tears flooded her eyes. “You knew.”
“Of course I knew. Did you think I didn’t get it? We got to know each other over the last weeks. I fell in love with you.”
“When Grant said you were hurt, I knew without a doubt. I had to tell you that I had been afraid to love you. Afraid of what it meant to change my life for you. Afraid to live.”
“Oh, Maggie.”
“I want to live, Nate. I didn’t realize I wasn’t…didn’t realize I could…until you came along. You changed everything. None of it matters without you.”
“But I’m still a marshal. Look at me. I was really hurt today. I still have a job to do. And I’m not sure I’d be happy doing anything else.”
“I’d never ask you to.”
“What about being afraid? You were so angry when you discovered who I was. When you thought Jen might be hurt and when you found out I’d been shot.”
“And I’ll still worry. But I’ll worry whether we’re together or not. Grant said something to me today. He said that sometimes family is the glue that holds you together. I want to be that for you. Don’t you see, Nate?” Her lip quivered but she kept on. “You always put yourself in danger. I want to be your safe place. The way that you’ve become mine. I always thought I was safer in my little corner. But I was so wrong.”
“I love you, Maggie. And I’d do anything to be able to hold you right now.”
Six inches lay between his body and the edge of the bed, but Maggie didn’t care. She stretched out, aligning herself with his good side, her cheek resting against his shoulder. “Will this do?”
His voice rumbled, slow and sexy in her ear. “For now.”
He was warm and strong and for the first time in nearly half her life she felt exactly where she belonged. Now, safe in his arms, the relief flooded her, and she finally let the tears come as she wept against his shoulder.
“Don’t cry, Maggie. Please don’t.”
His voice, that smooth baritone with the hint of grit rumbled from his chest against her cheek. She shook her head against the cotton of his shirt. “I was sure of how I felt. But I also knew I might be too late. I was so afraid I’d be too late to tell you…”
“You’re not.”
He caught sight of the chain around her neck and the medal hanging from it. “You found my St. Christopher.”
She nodded. “I was going to put it in my special box of memories. Only it’s not a memory. I’m not ready to give up on the future yet.”
He squeezed her. “Oh, Maggie. I’m so glad.” He released her and she lifted her chin so she could gaze into his eyes. Those beautiful, turquoise eyes that had somehow seen her from the very beginning.
“Is this a good time to ask you again?”
Her heart tripped over itself.
“Will you marry me, Maggie? We can figure the rest out later. Just say yes.”
“Yes.” And she shifted a little, pushing herself up on the bed so she could kiss him properly.
When she pulled away, she stayed propped up on an elbow. “Is your house big enough for one more? Maybe two?”
“You mean in Florida? You’d move there to be with me?”
A tiny smile worked its way up her cheek. “I would. I can sell Mountain Haven. And find a job there, or open a business. I think I might become very partial to palm trees.”
“You would really give up your life here?”
“I would.”
“What about Jen?”
“Didn’t you already solve these arguments this morning?” She teased him. “Jen’s finding her own way. In another few years she’ll be on her own completely. She’s becoming an adult and making her own decisions. I’ll leave it up to her what she wants to do.”
He closed his eyes and Maggie was shocked to see a tear gather at the corner of his eye. “Nate? What is it? Should I get the doctor?”
He shook his head. “No…it’s just…” He opened his eyes again, struggling with emotion. “This morning when I was shot I thought I was going to die. And now here you are. It doesn’t seem possible. I lied to you, Maggie, and led you on and did nothing but confuse your life. And here you are ready to give up everything for me. It doesn’t seem right. It should be me making the sacrifices.”
“No, Nate. You changed everything for me. Why should you give up your life? I’m not giving up anything, not really. Because I wasn’t really living. I was only existing. You did that. Only you.”
“You actually mean that?”
“I do. I want to be with you. I know a part of me will always be afraid you’re not coming back. But I can’t sacrifice all the good stuff. Living without you isn’t living at all. It’s just putting myself in a box and hoping I’ll never get hurt. And it’s not what I want anymore.”
“I want to touch you, do all the right things,” he whispered in the semidarkness. “I don’t have a ring for your finger, but if you’ll say yes I’ll rectify that problem as soon as I get out of this bed.”
“I don’t need a ring to know what’s true. All I need is you.”
He traced a finger down her cheek with his free hand. “This sounds odd considering where I am. But there are things I can promise and things I can’t. And you know that, Maggie. But I can promise you that when you’re my wife I’ll do my best to come home to you every night, to love you and protect you. Those things will never change.”
“That’s all the guarantee I need,” she whispered, pressing her lips to his once more. “It’s more than enough.”
ISBN: 978-1-4268-2056-4
FALLING FOR MR. DARK & DANGEROUS
First North American Publication 2008.
Copyright © 2008 by Donna Alward.
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