Stepping back, she wiped at her eyes. “I would make you promise, but I know you cannot.”
No, he couldn’t. “How about this? I can promise not to do so again intentionally.”
“I will be satisfied with this.”
“At least we came through it all right,” Luke said.
She looked at the crude bandage on his head. “Not completely all right.”
“I’m sure it looks a lot worse than it is.”
“If it is half as bad as the bandage makes it look, you need to go lie down.”
“I did the best I could,” Josie interjected.
Gone was the confident woman Luke had known the past day. In her place was the brown wren who’d stepped off the stage a little over two weeks ago. The transformation didn’t sit well with him.
Tia looked between them. A frown pleated her brow. She glanced back at Luke. This time, he got a closer inspection. Her frown deepened and he knew she knew what he’d been doing. And disapproved.
“I am sure it is the best he deserves.”
Damn. That hadn’t taken long.
The next look Tia shot him was the we-will-talk look. If Josie had looked up quickly enough to see that, she’d probably stop rubbing at her skirt. There was no doubt who Tia held responsible for Josie’s current state of disarray.
And he couldn’t blame her. He’d been in enough tight situations to know how the aftermath left one searching for life. And there was nothing more life affirming than connecting with another person. He could have given Josie that connection with a hug. But he hadn’t. He’d used his greater experience to secure a kiss. After that, he couldn’t take responsibility for anything. Once his lips had touched hers, control had been wrenched beyond his reach by something that’d risen up like a tide, sweeping away his good intentions. There’d been no control. Within him or within her. If Zach hadn’t interrupted when he did, Josie would’ve been his. He had to live with that shame. He wasn’t a man who took advantage of innocents.
“I hate to break up the reunion,” Zach called down, “but life has not gotten any less dangerous just because a tornado breezed through.”
Tia nodded. “Yes, yes. We must go.”
She handed the hat to Josie. For a moment, Tia stood there awkwardly, and then with a shrug and a smile, she said to Josie, “Forgive me.”
Luke knew what was coming, but Josie didn’t. The hug caught her by surprise. She stood there awkwardly with the hat dangling from her hand. After a moment, she patted Tia’s back.
Ending the hug, Tia cupped Josie’s shoulders between her hands. They were of a height. She kissed both her cheeks. “Thank you for taking care of my son. He can be reckless.”
Over Tia’s shoulder, Josie looked at him helplessly.
Ed chuckled and kissed the back of her hand. “Welcome to the family.”
“But I’m…”
Ed didn’t let her finish. “But now we’ve got to go.” With the dexterity that had won him Tia’s heart, Ed steered Josie back up the ravine, leaving Luke to escort Tia. From behind, Luke heard him say, “You’ll get used to how fast things move out here.”
Josie’s response, if she made one, was lost amid the slide of dirt and stone as the group struggled up the soft side of the ravine.
When they cleared the top, it was Luke’s turn to pause.
Josie had tried to warn him, but there weren’t words to describe the devastation in the wake of the massive tornado. Devastation might even be the wrong word. Devastation implied debris. He looked around. Here, there simply just wasn’t anything left. The tornado had picked up what was and moved it on down the way.
“Damn.”
“Pretty impressive, eh?” Zach asked, pulling out a cigarillo. “Somewhere, someone got quite a mess dumped on their land.”
“Yes.” He walked over to Chico. The horse chuffed and rubbed his head against his chest. Looking around, Luke was amazed that any of them had survived. He’d never realized how much he relied upon the impermanent markers in the landscape to guide his way. Devil’s Cut was still to the southwest and Hell’s Pass to the east, but a whole lot of what was in between just wasn’t there anymore. Those landmarks he’d used to judge distance, like that copse of trees, were gone. In time there’d be new ones, but for now, he was in unfamiliar territory.
Josie looked as stunned as he felt. Her hands were wrapped in her skirt. That god-awful hat was back on her head, hiding her expression more effectively than it protected her face from the sun. Releasing Ed’s hand, she took a step forward. And then another. With a lick of her lips, she asked, “Will it come back?”
It was Tia who answered. “It doesn’t work that way. New ones might come, but they do not return.”
She nodded, then slowly turned a full revolution. Luke had a brief glimpse of her face. She looked…numb. He knew exactly how she felt.
“The sun’s out,” Ed comforted. “We’ve seen the last of them today.”
Josie nodded. “I don’t like tornadoes.”
Ed patted her shoulder. “I don’t know anyone who does.”
Her torn skirts bunched in front as she clutched her hands together. “That sounded stupid.”
“I’d call it more normal.”
The smile she gave him was shaky. “Thank you.”
Zach struck a sulfur and held it to his smoke. “You will be happy, senorita, to know we found your wagon.”
Josie took a step closer to Zach, grabbing his stirrup. “And Glory?”
Zach took a few puffs and smiled around his cigarillo. “He is tired, but there was enough life in his old legs to dodge death.”
Tia crossed herself. “Thank the good Lord.”
They’d all been blessed.
“But now it is time to go.” Zach held out his hand. “There is no need to risk further distress by riding in the wagon. You are welcome to ride with me back to the others.”
Josie hesitated, looked back over her shoulder at him. She didn’t have to worry. He had this.
Luke walked Chico closer. “Josie’s riding with me.”
Josie didn’t look any happier with that option, but he didn’t care.
Zach straightened and, tipping his hat back, observed, “I offered first.”
“And I offered last. What’s your point?”
Flashing that too-charming smile at Josie, Zach bowed gallantly. “It is your choice, senorita.”
Luke had the urge to push him off his horse. “No, it’s not.”
Josie’s attention bounced between them, following the war of words, looking for all the world like a wren caught between two feuding cats, but it was Tia who broke the standoff.
“That is enough. You are both being childish, presenting yourselves before a decent woman like two dogs fighting over a bone.” With a wave of her hands, she shooed them off. “There is no flattery in this.”
Ed helped Tia up into the wagon. “I’m afraid I’m gonna have to agree with my wife here. You’re both acting like a couple of jackasses.”
“Stay out of this, Ed,” Luke warned.
“You might be out of short pants, Luke, but you don’t tell me what to do. And you damn well don’t show my wife disrespect.” He handed Tia his walking stick before awkwardly getting up beside her.
No, he didn’t. Rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, Luke apologized. “I’m sorry, Tia. It’s been a rough day.”
“For everyone,” Ed said pointedly.
“Where would you like to ride, Josie?” Tia asked. “You need to make a decision. Luke’s wounds must be tended properly and I cannot do that here.”
Luke knew what Josie was going to do before she did it. The indicator was in the way she fussed with her skirt. When trapped between a rock and a hard place, the woman had a tendency to run. Without so much as a glance in his direction, she chose to squeeze alongside Tia on the far side of the seat.
Zach shook his head regretfully. “Another time, perhaps.”
The glance he cut Luke from un
der the broad brim of his sombrero let him know that last was for his benefit.
“You’re pushing it, Zach,” Luke growled, checking Chico’s cinch.
The other man didn’t look repentant. “I am told it is a bad habit.”
The cinch was tight. Luke eased the stirrup down. “One you might want to break.”
“Why?” He arched a brow. “It amuses me.”
“Uh-huh.” Luke swung up into the saddle and immediately groaned as every muscle protested the action. At least it got easier the more he moved. Gritting his teeth, he shielded his eyes. The sun was blinding without his hat. “While you’re having your laugh, keep an eye open for my hat.”
With a chuckle, Zach spun his black around and took point. Spicy smoke from his cigarillo drifted in his wake. Luke breathed it deep, savoring the remembered pleasure. His fingers twitched and his mind whispered, Just once. But once led to twice and twice led to constantly. He knew this, but on days like today, he regretted his promise to give up cigarettes.
With a curse and a press of his knees, Luke sent Chico cantering to catch up. There was a price to pay for everything. His interest in Josie was no exception. And after what Zach had witnessed, it was going to be open season on his pride until Josie moved on or moved in. As he passed the wagon, Luke touched his fingers to his brow in a silent salute. The anxious glance Josie shot him before ducking her head followed him down the trail.
If he had any decency remaining, he’d swear off her, too, but in his mind that little voice that wouldn’t be silenced sat up and whispered in his ear, Just once.
*
“YOU CANNOT ALLOW such behavior, mi hija,” Tia advised as soon as Luke caught up with Zach.
Josie’d known this conversation was coming from the minute Tia had intervened. She was close to both men and Josie had never met a mother who didn’t want to protect her sons from the taint of Josie’s birth. Women of all ages always felt compelled to remind her of her place as a bastard. She held on to her anger with a tight grip. Yelling and fighting never got her anywhere. Neither did reason, but she gave it a try anyway. “It isn’t as if I’m encouraging them, or like I can stop them. In case you haven’t noticed, they each outweigh me by about a hundred pounds.”
“This I understand, but it is up to a woman to set standards for the men who wish to court her.”
And for men to break them. “All I asked was if Glory was all right.”
“You are a beautiful woman. With beauty comes great responsibility.”
The wagon hit a bump. Josie grabbed the edge of the seat to keep her balance. “Responsibility?”
“Yes.”
Ed leaned around Tia. “What Tia is trying to say is that men out here aren’t like the men you are used to dealing with back East. They have a tendency to go after what they want, no holds barred.”
“So I’ve noticed.” Her lips were still tingling from Luke’s kisses, her convictions still shaking from their encounter. She’d never met anyone like Luke before. She didn’t recognize herself when she was with him.
“A woman who shows favor toward too many men at one time can get one of them killed,” Tia elaborated.
“I don’t see where I’ve shown an excess of…favor. To anyone.”
Ed shrugged. “Probably not, but competition for women is high out here. Not a lot of good women to go around. You’ve seen today how life and death can be decided in the blink of an eye?”
“Yes.” She dug her nails into the side of the seat, holding on to her composure with all she had. She hated this. The judgment. The blame. All she wanted was to be free to be herself, to be seen for herself, to be valued for herself without dragging her mother’s mistake with her wherever she went like a stinking lunch sack gone bad. She wanted to be loved without a but. She just wanted someone who understood the restless need to see the world that so often took her. She wanted to be loved. And free, she acknowledged. Two things that did not go hand in hand.
“Then you understand why men are quick to stake their claim,” Ed finished.
Maybe it was the day. Maybe it was surviving the tornado. Maybe it was the fact that she was just damn sick and tired of everybody putting the responsibilities of the rest of the world on her shoulders.
“No, I don’t believe I do. I’m trying to survive just like everybody else. I didn’t ask for anybody to fight over me for any reason. I have dreams of my own, you know.”
Tia nodded. “Then you need to choose a man with whom you can build your dreams. As he needs to choose a woman who can build his.”
She made it sound like a cooperative effort. As if marriage was a give-and-take. “We both know marriage doesn’t work that way.”
Ed clucked his tongue. “Someone handed you the wrong end of the stick when it came to marriage, little lady.”
“I’m twenty-six. Nobody had to hand me anything. I can see quite plainly for myself.”
Support came from an unexpected place. Placing her hand on Ed’s thigh, Tia gave it a pat. “I know of what she speaks, mi amado.” Keeping the connection with Ed, Tia scooted around to face Josie. “For a long time in my home country, I lived the life my husband wanted me to live. I cooked what he liked, I sewed what he wanted and I moved where he wished. It was what my mother had done and her mother before her. Life was very structured and I knew my place within it.” With a wry grin, she confessed, “I was very bored.”
A bystander could have knocked Josie over with a feather to hear her own fears put in so many words. “And yet you married again.”
Ed chuckled and took Tia’s small, strong hand in his. Both were worn with age. Both bore witness to hard work. Both looked as though they belonged together. “Took me a few years of fast-talking to convince her to stroll to the altar with me, but I pulled it off.”
Tia leaned against his shoulder. There was a wealth of respect and love in the gesture. “I was afraid,” she confessed to Josie.
It was hard to see the ever-competent Tia afraid of anything, let alone of a man. “Why?”
“It was hard after my husband died, lonely until the boys came, scary after they did. They had so much anger but they also had so much need. It was like Dios dropped them into my lap to give me purpose. It’s good to have a purpose.”
Josie nodded. “Yes.”
Tia waved her hand descriptively. “You have your photography. I had the boys. Through both, we find our strength.”
Ed snorted and lightly flicked the reins on the horses’ hindquarters. “If I’d known the fool woman was afraid I wanted to change her by marrying her, I could’ve claimed her before three months passed.” He sighed. “We wasted a lot of years.”
Tia shrugged. “I would like to say that isn’t true, but…” Another shrug. “The fear of what was can too easily blind us to what could be.”
“I don’t understand.”
Tia swept her hand wide, encompassing all the devastated landscape. “It is like this land. In the wake of the tornado you look, and all you see is the destruction.”
“There’s nothing left.”
Tia nodded. “What once was is now gone, this is true. But nature, when she looks at this land, she does not see the end, instead, for her there is a new beginning. A chance to start over. Not as things have always been, but as things need to be now so they can work.”
Josie was beginning to understand.
Tia continued. “We will come back this way next year. And maybe, that copse of trees will be starting to grow right back there where it used to be. And we once again will know that we have reached the halfway point to Devil’s Cut by its existence. But maybe it won’t and we will find a new something to mark the halfway point. Both could work, but one will work better than the other and that’s the one we will live with.” She took a breath and released it as she opened her hands wide.
“The people of this land are like nature. We have to be flexible to survive. So we keep what works from before and throw out what does not, and when we come together we cr
eate what works best for us because there are no rules here, not like you are used to. Here it’s about survival and dreams and how to build a path to both.”
It was an interesting concept. A relationship not built on societal expectations, but on the dreams and hopes of the people who were trying to carve an existence out of a hard land.
“You’re telling me that the rules are different here.”
“I’m telling you that you can be anything you want here.”
That was an exciting prospect.
“What if I want to be a spinster?”
Ed pushed his hat back. “Why would anybody want to be a spinster?”
The wagon hit another bump. Keeping from being pitched off the edge gave her a moment to think on that. Because it was easier. “It has its appeal.”
Tia clucked her tongue. “There is a fairness to this land, but do not mistake it for easy. Nobody, neither man nor woman, will succeed without the other. It takes cooperation to thrive. You will build here or you will die here.”
“Or I can leave.”
There was always the option of going back to the stifling existence of her hometown.
“Yes,” she agreed. “You have that option.”
She didn’t want to go back. She suspected Tia knew that.
The wagon climbed a hill. As they crested the top, everything changed, debris littered the ground, making the wagon rock about. Josie’s stomach lurched right along with it.
“Guess we know where that tornado started dumping its load,” Ed said.
Tia clucked her tongue. “Si, but I would have preferred it hold on to it for much longer.”
“Me, too,” Josie gritted out. Steadying her stomach with one hand while gripping the side of the seat with the other, she asked, “How much longer before we get to the campsite?”
Tia turned. She took in Josie’s grip on her belly. “Your stomach is bad?”
Licking her lips, Josie swallowed back a surge of nausea. “Wagon rides do not tend to agree with me.”
“Damn.” Standing in the seat, Ed let out a piercing whistle. The horses kept moving. The wagon rocked.
“Oh no.” Josie held up her hand but it was too late. Zach and Luke turned at the sound. Her “That’s not necessary” trailed off as Luke wheeled Chico around.
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