by Jillian Hart
He had the look of a satisfied man, she thought to herself, and tried not to feel pleased that kissing her could make him feel that way. “I’m not talking about here.”
She should have looked away, she told herself. Instead, she saw the gradual realization that she meant something else turn his face hard.
“No,” he said as he turned, and started walking up the slight hill.
Eleanor scrambled after him, balancing the pouch of onions on her hip as she went. He had the advantage of longer legs, though, and she didn’t catch up with him until they were at the door to the cabin. Like the gentleman he was, he was waiting so he could open the door for her.
“You know it’s not good for us to marry,” she said as she stood there and he reached over to open the door.
“No, I don’t know that,” he said curtly as she walked into the cabin.
Eleanor was ready to give him all of the reasons why they couldn’t marry. But she had only taken one step into the cabin when she heard the sobs.
“Hannah,” she breathed and turned to see Adam coming right behind her.
“Where is she?” he asked.
Both of them quickly looked around the main room.
“She has to be in the back,” Eleanor said as she started walking that way.
Please, Lord, she prayed as she hurried. Don’t let anything be wrong with Hannah.
Chapter Six
There was no window in the back room but enough light filtered in through the logs and the open doorway that Eleanor could see the girl as she sat on the bed, hugging the kitten and crying as if her heart would break.
“What happened?” Adam demanded to know with a fierce glance at his mother who sat near the girl, looking bewildered.
“I didn’t say anything,” she protested as she lifted her finger and pointed. “It’s that cat.”
“The kitten?” Eleanor asked as stepped close to the bed.
She focused on Hannah and gently asked, “Did something happen?”
The girl nodded and tried to catch her breath. “Little kitty has a hurt on his leg. Just like mine.”
“Oh,” Eleanor said as she knelt down by the bed. She looked up at Adam and he gave her a slight nod so she kept talking. “Yes, he was hurt, but he’s getting better every day. He has scars, but they’re going away. Before he knows it, he’ll be all well.”
Hannah looked at the cat as if she wasn’t sure Eleanor could be believed. “Did his mother die, too? When he was hurt? Was it a fire?”
Eleanor heard the gasps that came from both Adam and his mother, but she kept her eyes on the girl and spoke as softly as she could. “I don’t know what happened to the kitten, but I think he ran in front of a wagon wheel and that’s how his leg was injured.”
Hannah nodded seriously. “And you’re making him better? Are you a doctor?”
Eleanor shook her head. “No, but remember those sheep I used to have?”
The girl nodded.
“Sometimes they would get hurt and I had to help them get better,” Eleanor said.
Hannah seemed satisfied with that and Eleanor was preparing to stand up when she heard the girl sigh.
“Can you make me better, too?” Hannah asked then, her eyes wide and her hope evident. “Like the kitty.”
In her shock at being asked, Eleanor stared down at the girl’s trusting eyes and was speechless.
Adam’s mother shifted her position on the bed.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course she can’t.” The older woman patted Hannah on the back and glared down at Eleanor. “Why, she’s no more a doctor than I’m a—a—” She sputtered for a moment and then gave up. “Well, she’s not a doctor. That’s all there is to it.”
“I only take care of lambs,” Eleanor managed to add in a civil voice as she saw the hope dim in the girl’s eyes.
“Was one of them your black lamb?” Hannah asked. “One of the ones that was hurt?”
Eleanor nodded. “Yes, the black lamb was one of them.”
The girl was quiet for a minute. “I wish I could have seen your black lamb.”
“Me, too.”
“But you take care of kitties, too.”
“That’s right,” Eleanor agreed. “Kitties, too.”
With that, Hannah loosened her grip on the cat and the room seemed peaceful for a moment.
Then Adam looked down at Eleanor, “But you could treat Hannah, couldn’t you? If we paid you like a doctor, could you make her better?”
“But—” His mother gasped in protest and then seemed unable to continue.
Eleanor didn’t spare a glance for the other woman. Instead, she kept her eyes on Adam as he stood in the middle of the room. He was standing at attention as if he was still in the army. And he wasn’t really looking at her although his eyes were turned in her direction. He was nervous, she realized suddenly. Another trait he shared with her father. Neither one of the men liked to ask for anything they desperately wanted when they thought they would be refused.
It was pride, she supposed, although she had an urge to touch his cheek with a comforting caress. He seemed so alone standing there by himself.
“It’s not that simple,” she said as she rose up so she’d be facing him. She took a step closer and waited until his eyes met her own. Then she had to brace herself against the pain she saw in their depths. “I’m sorry, but your mother is right. I’ve never used any of my salves and poultices on people. It’s all been lambs and other animals. Things might be different with people.”
He shut his eyes briefly and when he opened them again all of the emotion was gone from them. He had broken contact with her. “What did you use on the kitten’s leg?”
She tried to convince herself it was for the best that he wanted to keep his sorrow from her. She’d only be here for a few more days.
She swallowed and waited a moment until she could answer without her voice trembling.
“I brought a salve with me that makes the skin soft around the scab,” she finally said. “There’s a plant leaf that I use along with some beef tallow. I use that and then I rub the leg so that the muscles are growing stronger. The kitten still limps a little, but he’s starting to play again and soon he’ll be able to do anything any other cat can do.”
She forced herself to remember how pleased she’d been each day as she’d seen the cat improve. It had been her joy as she waited for Adam to come home. The kitten had been abandoned and was starving when she found it. She’d fed it most of the fish she’d caught in the creek and a good portion of the bacon.
Adam’s mother spoke then, her fury barely contained as she faced her son. “You can’t mean to have some—some animal person who isn’t even a doctor pretend to treat your daughter. Why, Hannah is a delicate girl, not some old sheep out in the pasture somewhere.”
“It was a lamb, Grandma,” Hannah said, her voice determined as she turned to the older woman. “And a kitten.”
Eleanor watched as Mrs. Martin pursed her lips together in a disapproving line.
“Maybe we should wait and talk about this—” Eleanor almost said they needed to wait until Hannah wasn’t around. But she couldn’t say that so she added, “Until after Christmas.”
“I don’t see what will be different,” Mrs. Martin began, but Adam gave her a stern look and she was silent.
“That’s right,” Adam announced, his voice hearty. “We should wait until after Christmas because we have so much to do. Don’t we, sweetheart?”
Adam was looking at Hannah and he had a smile on his face and he was crouched down with his arms open. The girl flew as fast as she could into them and said, “What, Daddy? What do we need to do?”
Eleanor felt her breath catch at the way Hannah was enclosed in Adam’s hug.
“Well—” Adam kept his voice smooth, but he looked to Eleanor for help. “We could—ah—”
“We could finish decorating that tree in the other room,” she offered, refusing to let any of her own longing affect he
r voice. She wanted to be part of that hug, but it was not to be. “And, once we finish that, we need to arrange everything for our company. And find just the right place on the window sill to set the candle tonight.”
By the time Eleanor finished her list, Hannah was beaming.
“And I get to help with it all?” she asked in awe as she stepped out of her father’s arms.
“Absolutely,” Eleanor said and then she was caught by surprise as the girl limped over to her and hugged her tightly around her neck.
“Oh, thank you,” Hannah said, her words muffled because she had her cheek pressed to Eleanor’s face. “This is going to be the best Christmas ever.”
Slowly, Eleanor lifted her arms to embrace the child. “Yes, I do believe you’re right about that.”
The embrace was over as quickly as it had begun and Hannah went to her grandmother and held out her hand. “Come. Help me with decorating the tree.”
Eleanor couldn’t help but notice the relief that flooded the older woman’s face as she accepted her granddaughter’s hand and let herself be led from the room.
“They love each other,” Eleanor said as she stood up.
Adam rose, as well, and he nodded. “She’s been more mother to Hannah for the past year than grandmother.”
Eleanor nodded. “It will be difficult if they have to say goodbye.”
Adam didn’t answer that. He didn’t have to. She could see by the slump in his shoulders that he knew.
She went to him then and put her hand on his arm. “It will be all right. Somehow, it will be all right.”
He reached across to cover her hand with his own. “Will you pray about it for us?”
She nodded and then hesitated. “You can pray, too.”
He was silent for so long that she thought he wasn’t going to answer. Then he bowed his head, closed his eyes and began to pray. “Father, I need You. I’ve been away from You too long seeking my own forgiveness for what happened and not looking to You. I’m tired of being so far from You. We all need You. Be with us this Christmas. Amen.”
Adam’s eyes were damp when he opened them and gazed at Eleanor.
“Thank you for bringing me home to Him,” he said as she looked up.
She swallowed and nodded. Maybe this is why God has brought her here, she thought. “What happened to Hannah and her mother wasn’t your fault, you know.”
Adam kept looking at her and his eyes grew tender. Then he leaned forward and kissed her.
The air in the room was cool and there was still snow in Adam’s hair as she reached up to touch it. That’s what made her remember—
“The fish,” she gasped as she pulled away from him. “We can’t leave the fish out. Not with the kitten in the room. She loves trout.”
With that, they both ran, hand in hand, out into the other room. It made Eleanor feel like a girl again, racing across the fields. She was breathless when they stopped.
* * *
Adam saw the kitten first. The little animal was cautiously approaching the table where the fish sat dripping on the floor. He recognized a hunter when he saw one, although he did see the kitten give a guilty glance in their direction.
“No,” Eleanor said in a firm voice and the poor cat stopped.
“I see you caught some fish,” his mother said then, her voice sounding almost disinterested. She was sitting on the stool by the fireplace with Hannah cradled on her lap.
“We need to take them out back and clean them.” Eleanor took a step toward the table.
“Don’t worry,” Adam said. “Let me do that. You stay inside here and get warm.”
Eleanor didn’t say anything, but she didn’t look too happy about it. Neither did his mother who looked up at those words with more interest than she’d shown in the fish.
“You were going to help Hannah decorate the tree,” Adam said as he walked over and laid a hand on Eleanor’s arm. He wouldn’t have thought it, but she looked as if she needed courage for something.
“Yaaay,” Hannah squealed as she climbed down off of his mother’s lap and headed to the little pine tree in the corner. “What do I do first?”
His daughter had directed her question to Eleanor and he gave her arm an encouraging pat.
Eleanor took a deep breath and started walking to the tree herself. “Well, let me see. First we need to find some ornaments to put on its branches.”
“But we don’t have any ornaments.”
“Maybe we do if we go looking for them.”
His mother gave a dismissive snort at the notion, but Eleanor kept her gaze focused on Hannah. “The very best trees in the world are ones that are decorated with found ornaments.”
“What are those?” Hannah cocked her head to the side, obviously intrigued.
“We’ll know them when we find them,” Eleanor said and took one of Hannah’s hands. “What makes them so special is that we need to go on a hunt to find them.”
“Oh.” Hannah’s eyes grew big. “Is it like a treasure hunt? I heard about them.”
Eleanor nodded. “It’s exactly like that. We’ll start in the other room.”
Adam watched them leave, his heart full of gratitude for how Eleanor was handling his daughter. He doubted Hannah had had much fun since the fire that changed their lives forever.
“I still have the other letters,” his mother said when the two of them were alone in the room. “You don’t have to marry that one. There are others. I remember one woman is a schoolteacher. She’d make a good mother for Hannah.”
He turned to look at his mother. Sitting there, in the firelight, she looked tired and alone.
“It’s not just for Hannah,” he said softly. “I want a wife for me, too.”
“You didn’t seem to care before—when we made the decision about Eleanor,” his mother retorted. “You didn’t even want to spare the time to read the letters I sent or received from that Mrs. Stout.”
“Everything’s different now,” he said. “I’m different.”
“I don’t see how,” his mother said as she looked at him. “You’ll never find a wife like Catherine, anyway.”
He tried to keep his mouth shut, but it came out, anyway. “I certainly hope I don’t.” The shocked expression on his mother’s face made him feel ashamed of himself. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”
“But Catherine was perfect.”
“Not for me,” he said.
With that, he turned and picked up the fish on the way out of the cabin.
He was going to start a new life, he told himself, as he shut the door and turned to walk through the snow. He wasn’t going to settle for gray anymore, not in his relationship with God or with other people. If Hannah was going to heal from the fire, he needed to be a man who could open his arms and love her. If he was going to be a better son, he needed to tell his mother who he was. And if he ever hoped to win the love of a woman like Eleanor, he had to be honest with himself and others.
Just then the wind blew tiny ice particles against his face. He grinned. If ice was forming that meant somewhere up in the clouds it was warm. He just needed to be patient for the warmth to come down. In a day or two they would be able to go to Miles City.
And it was going to be a good Christmas, he told himself as he carried the trout around to the shelter so he could clean them. Once the fish were ready, he would pack them in snow and put them in the back of the wagon to prevent any animals from eating them. Then he was going to go inside and show his daughter that he knew how to get ready for a holiday and show Eleanor that he was worthy to stand by her side.
Chapter Seven
The afternoon light was fading as Eleanor stood at the cook stove and stirred their evening pot of beans. Adam’s mother had gone to lay down in the back room, saying she was going to take a nap. Eleanor suspected the woman just wanted to avoid being around her. Maybe if Adam was inside, the tension between her and his mother wouldn’t be quite so bad, but he was out in the shelter behind the
house. She could hear him moving around back there and wondered what he was doing.
When he had been in earlier, he’d asked his mother for some paper and a lead pencil. The woman had given it to him, but then cautioned him that a gentleman used ink if he was writing a letter to a lady. Her words were really a question, but he’d just grinned and said it was Christmas—a time for secrets.
Eleanor figured he was writing a letter to one of the other women who had answered his advertisement, but she refused to let it spoil her day.
Instead, she smiled down at his daughter.
“This is my favorite,” Hannah said from where she stood by the small tree. She was pointing to a cluster of red wooden berries that her grandmother had taken from the brim of one of her hats and given to her for an ornament.
“It’s lovely,” Eleanor agreed. She’d been surprised at the generosity of the older woman when it came to making Hannah’s tree pretty. Mrs. Martin had done it quietly, too, as though she often gave her granddaughter little play things.
“You’re sure my daddy doesn’t need his buttons?” Hannah worried as she touched one of the shiny brass circles that hung from the smallest branches. The buttons were beginning to shine in the firelight as the day began to grow dark.
“I promised I’d sew them right back on after Christmas,” Eleanor said as she moved the cooked beans to the back of the stove and walked over to admire the tree again with the little girl. The pine smell had become stronger after Adam cut the end of the trunk and when one stood close to it, like she was now, the tree smelled fragrant enough to be a whole forest.
It was all quite wonderful, Eleanor told herself in an effort to be happier. She’d taken the red ribbon in her valise and, with Hannah’s help, had tied a dozen small bows that they’d set on the tree branches. Then Hannah had dug through the clothes in one of her trunks until she pulled out a silver hair clip that she attached to the very top of the tree because, when it caught the light, she claimed it shone like a star.
“When can we light the candle?” Hannah asked as she looked up to where it stood on the window sill. Then she sighed in anticipation.
