“Asking J if he had an affair is closer to the bone marrow removal than the Novocain needle.”
Meredith noted that she was back to using initials. Getting fragile. “True.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Happiness requires courage.”
Kira let out another sigh. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
Her dental appointment was right after lunch and Dr. Orvidas was fifteen minutes late. She strolled in the front door, right through the waiting room, and greeted Meredith, without any apology for making her wait.
Meredith started to breathe deeply as soon as she sat in the chair. She kept her eyes closed so she couldn’t see the Novocain needle. The prick came, then nothing, then the molten metal dropping on her face. When she opened her eyes she felt reassured. The worst was over.
“We’re going to fill that hole with the same material they use to make golf balls.” Dr. Orvidas told her. “Isn’t that a wonder?” Meredith could picture her out on the greens, marveling over the multiple applications of technology.
When they were done, Meredith sat up. She had welts in her hands from squeezing her fingers together too tightly.
“Don’t chew on that side until tomorrow.” Dr. Orvidas said. “And nothing hard until the crown goes on.”
“No almonds,” Brandy warned.
Meredith headed back to the office. She felt fatigued and wondered if it was the amoxycillan or the chronic pain.
Peter was ushering around a young, bright-faced woman. She was slightly plump, with thick curly hair like Meredith's. As Meredith entered the main area they paused by Dave’s office. Peter was laughing at something the woman had said. Meredith felt a wave of jealousy ripple through her. Good grief, she thought to herself. Would you please get a grip? You don’t even like him!
Meredith hadn’t been in her office five minutes when Peter showed up with this latest employee. “Meredith. How’s the tooth?”
“Hurts. It’s making me grumpy.”
“This is Charlene. She’s another programmer. She’ll be mostly doing the projects Dave is working on.”
So, this is how they’re going to divide the workload? Then why isn’t Dave showing her around? Meredith wondered. She stood to shake hands, giving Charlene a smile. “Welcome.” Meredith could have asked where Charlene went to school, or where she’d worked before. The words were ready to go, but Meredith suddenly felt too tired to even bother.
Charlene spoke. “It’ll be great to have another programmer here. Maybe we can do lunch?”
“Absolutely,” Meredith agreed.
“When your tooth is better.” Peter added. He took Charlene’s arm and guided her out the door. “I know Dave has things to go over with you. I just took the fun job. Tour and introductions.”
A few minutes after they were gone, Peter was back. “Do you have a sec?”
When Meredith nodded he shut the door. She saw curious faces turn toward her office as the door closed and then they were alone.
“I wanted to explain Charlene’s presence,” Peter said and he sunk into a chair and stretched out his legs. “You are doing a great job, but every day Dave and I think of more projects we want you on. We both realized that, obviously, we need more than one programmer. Our projection is that we’ll hire three more over the next two years. Part of the reason we lost our first programmer, Jack, was because we overworked him. We aren’t going to make that mistake again.”
Meredith had another slew of reassuring comments on the tip of her tongue, but she just wasn’t up to being the good little reassurer today, so she said nothing.
Peter waited a moment. “I know what you’re thinking. ‘Why wasn’t I involved in the hiring process?’” he shrugged. “Call us control freaks. That’s what we are. Dave and I know what we like and that’s who we hire. I brought up the idea of giving you some input, but here’s what would have happened. You would have given us some very good feedback. We would have thrown it all out the window and hired the person we liked best. Then you would have felt frustrated.”
Meredith finally said something. “You don’t have to defend your actions to me. You run the company.”
“I know we don’t have to. I want to.” He sat up and ran a hand through his hair. “I wanted you to understand us, warts and all.”
“Thanks.” She smiled. “I appreciate that.”
Peter leaned back in his chair, studying her. "How's the commute?"
"Huh?"
"The commute to Rio Rancho. I know it's a haul. How long does it take you?"
"Depends on the traffic. Usually forty-five minutes to an hour. I can make it in thirty, if it's after seven."
"Tough commute,” Peter said. “Most of our employees live in Rio Rancho now. Have you considered making the move?"
"No. I love my house. And the South Valley. And my rent is cheap."
"Is the rent the big thing that keeps you there?"
Meredith reflected. "Maybe. I do love the Valley, but the driving gets old."
Peter locked his hands behind his head. "I have an offer to make. You know, I live in a house by the University. I'm not planning on leaving that area. But I own a home in Rio Rancho. Just five minutes from work. My tenants left a couple of months ago." He leaned back in his chair. "I’ll match the rent you pay now."
Meredith felt her underarms go wet. "You don't even know how much I pay."
"I don't need to know. I want someone I know in the house."
"Peter, there's no way…"
He dropped his hands and leaned forward in his chair. "It would help us both. You'd be closer to work and I'd have someone I know as a tenant. I worry about it sitting empty."
"My rent right now is ridiculously low."
"Good. This would relieve my guilt for paying you such a low salary.
Meredith didn’t know what to say. She knew, without a doubt, that she would never take his house, but she didn’t know how wise it was to tell Peter that. Peter seemed to misread her pause as indecisiveness.
"Sleep on it," he said, standing up. “Coming to the party?” he added.
“Yes. Ben and I are looking forward to it.”
“Glad Ben can come,” Peter said. He turned to the door.
“Peter, thanks for your offer.”
“Think it over,” he told her as he opened the door. Meredith bent her head down to work, but she felt that her co-workers were watching her, wondering what Peter had said to her behind closed doors. They do not think you’ve just been fired. They don’t know your history. But she knew that when Peter had closed the door her gut reaction had been that he was about to fire her. She turned to her computer. “Lou and Corky scarred me. Maybe for life.”
“Are you really going to let Corky have the last laugh?” Ben admonished her.
“Well,” Meredith admitted. “I have fantasized about showing up at her office with an empty gun and pretending I’ve gone crazy.”
Ben chuckled, despite his obvious disapproval. “You’re really sick.”
“It’s just a fantasy. That’s allowed, isn’t it?”
Ben looked at her. “It depends on what you’re fantasizing about.”
They were sitting in the living room, drinking tea. Only one light was on, in the far corner of the room. Mendra was curled up in Ben's lap. He was using the knuckle of his middle finger to stroke her.
“I like sitting here with you. No television. Just filling each other in on our day,” she said.
“Me too. Beyond your fear of being fired, how’s the job?”
“I don’t know yet. So much of it is about getting to know the people you work with. The programming part is fine. This stuff is so much more fascinating than what I was doing before.” She laughed. “Well, maybe fascinating is too strong a word. But I enjoy it.” She closed her eyes and opened them. “Peter offered to rent me a house he owns in Rio Rancho.”
Ben looked up at Meredith. “Really?”
“For the same rent I pay here.”
“Does
he know what you pay in rent here?”
She nodded.
Ben pushed Mendra off his lap and cracked his knuckles. He looked around the room and then back at Meredith, as if he expected her to say more. When she didn’t say anything more, he said, “Sounds like Peter isn’t a very good business man.” He continued to watch her face after he was done talking.
Meredith looked into her teacup. “No,” she said. “He’d certainly lose money on the deal.”
“Are you considering his offer?” Ben asked.
“No way.” Meredith told him. “I don’t like the commute, but I love this place.” Ben nodded. “And I wouldn’t want to put myself in some kind of position where I owed him something,” she added. “Sometimes I feel like he shows favoritism toward me. I don’t want the other employees to think I’m getting special treatment.”
“So this house offer was just made to you?”
Was there an edge to Ben's voice? Meredith wasn’t sure. Her answer came out in a rush. It was a relief to be talking about it to Ben. “Yes. And another thing. I almost lost my office space. He fought to keep me there and someone else lost theirs instead.”
“Well. That was part of the promise he made you when he hired you.”
“True.” Meredith paused. “I just, sometimes I get a funny vibe from him. Like that his good boss style is a way to hit on me.”
“Hit on you? That would be pretty stupid, on his part. He could get himself into real trouble, doing that to his employees.” He leaned his head back a little. “Is he a better boss than Doug?”
“God. I’d forgotten all about Doug. Yes. Much, much better. Because Peter will fight for me. Doug said he was my advocate, but Peter puts his money where his mouth is.” A lumbering truck rolled by on the main road and she used this pause to change the subject. “How is Doug?”
“Worse, I’d say. He seems to be on a downward spiral. He’s lost at least ten pounds. I heard through the grapevine that he and, uh, Maria may be separating.”
“Marcia,” she corrected. “Isn’t it like, eight-five percent of couples who lose a child divorce?”
“Something like that.”
“Shoot. I wish there was something I could do.”
“You could.”
“What?”
“You could call him. Let him know that there are people who aren’t afraid to have lunch with him.” Meredith didn’t tell Ben that she was afraid to have lunch with him. Ben stretched. His joints cracked down his back. Mendra jumped off his lap. “It’s late. I’m going to bed.”
Meredith stood. “Me too.” Mendra was trotting after Ben down the hall. “Listen, Ben.”
He turned around in the dark hallway. She couldn’t see his eyes, only the dark outline of his hair. His hands hung open at his sides, palms facing her.
“Do you want to start running again?”
“We’d have to make it earlier,” he warned. “Four o’clock?”
“I’m game. It’ll just get me to the office sooner so I can leave earlier.”
“Okay. I’ll set the alarm.” He turned back around.
“Tonight?”
“Oh, did you want to still think about it?” His voice was teasing.
“No. But it’s ten o’clock. We’ll only get six hours of sleep.”
“Wuss,” came mumbling down the hall.
“Okay, tough guy. Set the alarm.”
“Are you sure you can handle it?”
“Just shut up and set the bleeping alarm.”
“You’re a horrible, evil man.” Meredith was being dragged from her bed at 4 a.m. It might as well have been two a.m. The sky was pitch dark.
“Don’t hold back,” Ben replied. “Really tell it like it is.”
The run was hard. She felt like she kept hitting an invisible wall built of exhaustion. The darkness didn’t help. It was still dark when they made it back, both heaving and moving slowly, like they were underwater.
“That was tough,” Ben commented.
“Tomorrow will be easier.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You want to do this again?”
“Of course.” Meredith had noticed that they complemented each other well in that area. When one of them got lazy, the other turned motivator. “Your lungs are getting pinker all the time.”
They took a shower together.
“No time for sex,” Ben said as she began to soap him. His chest seemed fuller than it used to be. She could see a thin red vein along the lower left eyelid. Meredith felt overwhelmed by her feelings for him. He looked so beautiful that she thought she’d be happy forever if she could just hold his face in her field of vision.
“No time for sex, my foot,” she murmured. “I’m holding you hostage in here for the next ten years.”
He kissed her nose. “Okay.” Then he stepped out of the shower and left the bathroom to dress.
By five o’clock he was gone. She stood in her living room with her wet hair combed and parted and her house seemed immensely empty. “Let’s get out of here,” she told Mendra, who was already waiting at the front door.
The offices of Consumers, Inc. were empty. She let herself in and crept down the empty hall, half expecting a security guard to appear and order her from the building.
“You are allowed to be here,” she admonished herself. She unlocked her office door and considered drawing the blinds before turning on her lights. The computer actually gave a fair amount of illumination. And the sky was lightening. She tried to work in the dark for awhile, unsuccessfully. The idea of her window lighting her up for anyone who pulled into the parking lot kept her trying to peck away in the dark a little longer. In the end, she had to turn on her lights. No one else even showed up until the sun was well established in the morning sky.
Meredith was wearing a black dress with spaghetti straps. She’d pulled her hair back and tried a new color of lipstick. When she’d stepped into the living room, Ben put down his newspaper and said, “We’re not going anywhere. Take that dress off and come over here.”
An hour later, Meredith was back in her dress, lipstick reapplied. She felt breathless. When she reached for her purse, Ben passed by and kissed her bare shoulder. “You gorgeous,” he whispered, and she flushed. As they were walking out the door, his pager went off.
“I’m sorry. Let me just call really fast.” Meredith stood in the doorway, waiting. A moment later Ben was back, and she knew from the look on his face that he was not coming with her to the party.
“Two of the residents are out with the stomach flu,” he began. “I still think I can make it. I just have to help out for a couple of hours.” He squeezed her forearm with one hand and clipped his pager back in place with the other. “I’ll meet you there. I promise.”
“You can’t promise. You have no idea how the evening is going to go. You could end up there all night.”
“No. I won’t. I’m going to call in some favors. I know I can get someone to cover for me. I promise.”
She sighed. “I am dreading going to this thing alone.”
“I’ll do my best,” he amended.
Entering the party alone, Meredith felt the imprint of Ben’s lovemaking all over. And yet, here I am, facing Peter all alone. The office interior was strung with tiny white lights. Candles were lit and clustered here and there around the main room. Colored crepe paper lanterns hung from the ceiling. In the far corner, tables stood bearing the weight of platter after platter of food. A bartender was serving drinks. Just past the doorway, Meredith moved to the side and scanned the crowd. Peter was on the other side of the room. As her gaze passed over him, she caught him in the act of standing in a crowd of people, staring at her. One man had his hand on Peter’s shoulder, but Peter was looking beyond them all at Meredith. When he saw her eyes on him, he looked away, then broke from the group and started toward her. Suddenly Meredith realized that Peter was completely infatuated with her.
Why me? I’m nothing special. Meredith followed her first instinct, to run. She e
scaped to the bathroom and sat for a while in a stall. I’m okay. I don’t need Ben here to protect me. Peter is harmless. I can handle him. She wrapped up her pep talk and headed out. Peter was on her almost immediately. “Welcome, Meredith. Can I get you a drink? What would you like?”
She accepted a red wine. “The office looks pretty.”
“Does it?” Peter looked around as he sipped his mixed drink. “Yes, you’re right.”
A petite blonde popped into their group. "Hey Peter. Great party." Introductions were made. She was Louise, from marketing. Then James from personnel ambled over. Meredith used the crowd to detach herself from Peter. She looked around for a familiar face. Finally, she saw Charlene in a far corner, talking to no one.
“Hey, Charlene, are you having fun?”
“Loads,” she said. “What a nice idea, to throw a party like this. There’s even a band outside.”
“Yeah,” Meredith said, wondering if she could really be having fun. At that moment, three other people joined them. “Charlene, you said you’d wait for us by the bathrooms.”
“Ick. It was too smelly over there. I knew you’d find me if I moved.” Charlene looked at Meredith. “You guys don’t need introductions, do you?” The three people stared at Meredith blankly. “Come on. You must know Meredith. She’s been here months! She’s the other computer programmer.”
Was it Meredith’s imagination that they all looked at her with more interest when they heard her position? Is this about my office? she wondered. And how does Charlene already have a crowd of friends? She’s only been working a few days.
“Come join us,” Charlene said. “We’re going out to dance.”
Meredith followed because she didn’t want to be left alone.
The outdoor patio was truly New Mexican, with saltillo tiled floors and adobe walls that joined into kiva fireplaces at the northwest and southwest corners. Fires were raging in them, and gathered in the northeast corner was David’s jazz band: five men in black sunglasses. They were a lively band and a number of people were dancing. Charlene and her group immediately spread onto the dance floor. “Come on, Meredith!” Charlene coaxed at first, but after a few minutes she stopped bothering and Meredith was able to sit back in the shadows of the patio and observe. She thought that she must be hard to see in her corner, because Peter came searching through the crowd twice without spotting her. She thought about Ben. Is this what my whole life is going to be like? Going alone to parties? Listening to him make promises that I already know he’ll be forced to break? She finished her wine but didn’t want more. The party was going strong. Peter was back outside. He was chatting with people, but his eyes were roaming the room. This time, he spotted her. She didn’t run. Just took a deep breath. He’s my boss. I have nothing to be afraid of. He’s just my boss.
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